Though Jason looked at me like I was some enigma, he smiled. “No problem, I’ll pay for the rest of the ladies, including you, Zander.”
Ok … that was funny. A small laugh escaped from me.
Zander raised his eyebrow at me. “You know what.” Zander smacked Jason’s back. “I have no problem with a man paying for me.”
I rolled my eyes at my idiot best friend, turned, and paid for myself.
Jason stood close to me and threw down some cash for everyone else. “Maybe next time.” He turned and walked away.
I was left to watch him walk out the door.
Chapter Four
I lay on my back in bed, clinging to my body pillow, and running through Momma’s words in my head. She had read me the riot act as I drove her home after Shasta’s.
“Kenadie Anne, you better start acting like a lady. I’m worried about you. I thought you would get over this and move on, but honey, this has gone on way too long. Maybe you should seek professional help.”
I couldn’t believe she would suggest that I see a psychologist. Not that I had anything against that sort of thing. I had a psychologist on my staff. They played an important role in society, but I didn’t need one. I knew what my problem was and I dealt with it. Seeing a psychologist was not going to change my mind about men.
I sighed and leaned over to turn off my light, but stopped short as my phone rang. I knew who it was. “Hey, Zander.”
“Hey, weirdo.”
“I’m not weird.”
“Oh, darlin’, you know that’s not true.”
I flung myself back on my bed and sighed some more. “I know. Did Jason say something?”
“What do you think?”
I stayed silent.
“Don’t worry, I told him why.”
I sat straight up and threw my pillow. “You did what?”
“You left me no choice.”
“You had a choice. Just like I’m choosing to no longer be friends with you. Goodbye.”
“Kenadie!” he yelled before I could hang up on him. “You will not cut me out of your life. You don’t get to run away from me.”
I felt my eyes burning out of anger, and admittedly, love. The love of a friend.
“You’re not the first person to be left at the altar by some moron. A moron who was completely undeserving of you in the first place, might I add? You need to quit pushing people away. Not everyone is out to hurt you.”
“You sound like Momma.”
“Well, your momma is a smart lady.”
“What if I’m broken and I can’t be fixed?” I worried that was a possibility. After all this time, my toxic relationship with Brian and his public rejection still haunted me. It shaped who I had become and how I felt about myself. It had left lingering insecurities.
“Kenz, you have your act together in so many other ways. I have no doubt, if you tried, you could fix what you think is broken inside of you.”
“I’m not ready to date. I’m not sure if I ever will be.”
“I’m not talking about dating. I’m talking about opening yourself up again.”
“I don’t know how to anymore.”
“Sure you do. Just pretend everyone’s Lana or me.”
“Let’s go with Lana,” I teased.
“That hurts, Kenz.”
“You know I love you more than my luggage, right?”
“The set you bought from Neiman Marcus or the crap set you bought at the outlet mall?”
“Definitely Neiman Marcus.”
“Darlin’, you’re going to be okay.”
“I hope so. Do you think you could get Jason not to come on Sunday? I have to say I’m a little embarrassed.”
“Don’t be. He thinks your quirkiness is cute.”
“Great.”
He laughed at me. “Really, don’t sweat it. Jason is a pretty easy going guy and you’re a hot babe, so men don’t mind when you’re quirky.”
“Goodnight, Zander.”
“I adore you, Kenz.”
“I know.”
I hung up and reluctantly got out of bed to retrieve my pillow that acted as a security blanket. I crawled back into bed with it, hugged it tight, and thought about the changes I needed to start making in my life. Romantic relationships were still off the table, but I could try and be friendlier, even to people of the opposite sex. If only I were as good in my personal life as I was in my professional life.
In my head I knew all men weren’t like Brian, but I worried that I had really poor judgment. There were so many warning signs I had ignored, plowing ahead and crashing through every caution sign there was. And for what? Love? Security? Status? I wasn’t sure other than I was flattered that an older guy, who was a recent graduate of law school, had set his sights on me. I had been caught up in the moment and in this make-believe world where Prince Charming existed.
Oh, was Brian charming at first. He said all the right things and took me to all the right places. His dad was a partner in a huge law firm, his parents belonged to all the right organizations, and to the most exclusive country club. It was intoxicating, and I got sucked in. Momma didn’t help, either; all she could see was a man who could take care of me and who seemed virile. It wasn’t her fault. I didn’t tell her how controlling he had become or how my opinions, my time, and even my goals meant nothing to him. Or worse, how he had a way of destroying my self-esteem. He was more in love with himself than he ever was with me.
I’m not even sure he was ever in love with me at all. I just fit his criteria for marriage. Respectable family and educated. He thought he could mold me, and I let him, because I did everything he wanted, even at my own expense. If he needed help studying for his bar exam, even if I had an exam the next morning, it was him that I helped, even if it meant staying up all night to get any of my own studying in.
Then the wedding preparations came. He was more particular than I ever was. He even fought me about having it at my church. Looking back, I wished I hadn’t fought to have it there. Afterwards, every time I attended, which wasn’t often, all I could hear were the words, “I don’t think I can wake up to you every morning.” It wasn’t waking up with “the same woman.” No, it was me. He couldn’t stand the thought of waking up to me every day. I had already said I do, and that was his answer to the pastor’s “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” I wished I would have hauled off and slapped him, but I was too stunned to even speak. And then he left me there.
He had married some trophy wife, a former Miss Peach or something or other. Believe me, I hadn’t kept tabs on him, but that announcement had made the news. I was more than thankful I’d never run into him. We ran in very different circles. My circle consisted of the Nanettes, Zander, Rick, Lana, and Dylan whenever he came to town for a visit. I’m sure Brian had been attending posh parties and exclusive premiers. Looking back, I’m not even sure why I had been so taken in by that life. It wasn’t me at all. I was happy to catch a Braves game with Zander, or to hang out on the beach when I could. A movie was about as fancy as I ever got and that was only when Zander begged me to go with him. I chalked it up to being young and stupid. I didn’t know how much wiser I was now, but at least I knew I’d never be taken in by a pair of blue eyes, a chiseled jaw, and a fancy car.
I could no longer trust myself to make a wise choice when it came to men. For other people sure, but I could be objective with them.
I drifted off to sleep with my tear-soaked pillow, and I woke up with a purpose—find the most gorgeous prom dress ever, overhaul my wardrobe, and try to behave normally. Whatever that was.
Right before I left the house, Zander texted me.
Have fun shopping. Don’t buy anything black, unless it’s underwear.
If only Momma knew how he really talked to me sometimes. She wouldn’t have been so keen on him.
I was thinking more along the lines of zebra striped or leopard print. I texted back.
Jason says either would work for yo
u.
I fumbled my phone before I could text back, YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!
Within a second, my phone rang. I ignored it. He was such an idiot. My phone rang nonstop for five minutes before I picked it up on my way to pick up Lana.
The moron was laughing so hard he could barely speak. “You know you can’t stay mad at me,” he managed to get out between his guffawing.
“I can and I will. Why would you show him that text? He already thinks I’m weird.” Could I embarrass myself more around this guy?
“Now he thinks you’re weird and sexy.”
“Goodbye, Zander.”
“Holdup, Jason wants to know if he can bring anything for lunch tomorrow.”
I couldn’t believe I was going to have to see him tomorrow. “We have it covered.”
“Okay. Jason says hello and he’s looking forward to tomorrow. Love you, Kenz.”
I hung up without another word. I wasn’t sure why the two of them were together, but I could picture them laughing about me, or worse, Zander talking about what I looked like in my underwear. We’d had an unfortunate incident once at his parents’ beach house. Zander hadn’t knocked, and I had forgotten to lock the bedroom door. I had been grateful I still had my bra and panties on.
What a way to start my day. I was trying to be normal. Maybe I should get some new friends. Ones that are normal, or at least not Zander.
I was more than grateful to pull up to my brother’s place. He lived not too far from our momma. He was a good son and liked to keep tabs on her. I don’t think there was a day that went by that he didn’t go and check on her, though I was pretty sure she would outlive us all. Rick and Lana lived in a beautiful neighborhood with cottage-style homes that looked straight out of Better Homes and Gardens. The homeowners’ association maintained all the lawns and they were pristine. The homes had wood siding painted in earth tones and the cutest front porches. Rick’s house was a rich brown. My favorite was the crawling ivy that covered the porch.
I barely knocked on the heavy wooden door before Lana opened it and greeted me enthusiastically. She wrapped her arms around my midsection. “Aunt Kenadie!”
“Well, good morning to you, too. Are you ready to do some shopping?”
She stepped away and pulled out her dad’s platinum card from the front pocket of her jeans. “Yep. Let’s set this baby on fire.”
“Hold on there. There will be no flames today, maybe some embers.” I winked.
“Okay, let me grab my shoes.”
“Is your dad at the clinic?” My voice echoed across the vaulted beam ceiling.
“Where else?”
He worked too hard. He really needed to hire another veterinarian or two. At least he would be off tomorrow … hopefully. It was always a shame when he got an emergency call and we had family plans. Besides, Momma would have likely killed him if he had missed Easter lunch. It ranked right up there with Christmas for her. She still got us baskets. I was sure mine would be filled with more red lipstick and Cosmo magazines with articles on how to snag a man. And let’s not forget the sultry perfume, Seduction. I had to admit, it did smell heavenly, but I wasn’t planning on seducing anyone.
Lana came walking down the stairs in all of her glory. She was such a gorgeous girl. Bouncing brunette curls and blue eyes, like her mother’s. She was Valerie’s mini me. Too bad her mother was missing out on all of this. As much as I loved playing the part, I always wished I was tagging along with the mother-daughter pair, or just playing aunt. It was my favorite role, after all.
I wrapped my arm around her and we walked out to my Prius.
“Lenox Square?” I turned to her for direction while I buckled in my seatbelt.
“Uh, yeah. Where else?”
“Forgive me. I’m not that hip anymore.”
“You’re still pretty cool.”
“Thanks … I think.”
She laughed at me. “So I want to get something short and flirty, that I can easily dance in.”
“Not too short. Your dad would kill me.”
I could feel her roll her eyes. “My dad is so not cool.”
“Your dad is a dad and a guy, which means he knows guys.”
“Max is a total gentleman.”
I tried not to roll my eyes.
“I know you don’t like him.”
“It’s not that I don’t like him, I just think you should be cautious.”
“Aunt Kenadie, it’s not like we’re getting married.”
“According to your nana, you should be considering it.”
She giggled again. “Nana likes Max and she said the only reason you don’t is because his dad’s a lawyer and he wants to be one when he grows up.”
“Have you ever read the Bible? Lawyers are horrible, awful people.”
“I’m sorry, Aunt Kenadie.”
“For what, sugar?”
“That you picked a jerk.”
I reached over and stroked her hair. “How about we don’t talk about anyone in the male species, unless we’re related to him?”
“What about Zander?”
“Hmmm … I guess he’s okay.”
“How come you and Zander aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend? You act like it.”
“No, we act like brother and sister.”
“He touches you a lot.”
“Okay, so maybe not brother and sister. You know how you feel when you’re around that special someone?”
“Uh-huh,” she said dreamily.
“Well, if I thought that way about Zander, I would throw up in my mouth.”
I loved her laughter and that really had her going. She was one of the best things in my life.
The shopping complex was bustling with people, it was Saturday, after all.
“Lead the way,” I instructed her.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me along. I had never seen her so excited. I guess I could remember how excited I was to go shopping for my first prom dress. Of course, my momma was all over it. She actually hired Cissy to make my dress. It was a Cinderella blue, and tight around the bodice with a flowing skirt. I had never felt so pretty. Zander made fun of me, at least in front of everyone else. We ended up dancing once to my date Gavin’s displeasure. Most people didn’t believe we were only friends. In one of his rare sincere moments, he had told me how beautiful he thought I looked. Then, in the next breath, he had made some crude remark about how the girl next to us should have invested in spandex. He was such a charmer sometimes.
I almost had to wonder why he and Jason were friends. Jason seemed … well … not like Zander. He had manners. He, unfortunately, would probably be using those manners in front of Momma tomorrow. That was going to be a problem.
I tried my best not to break out into a cold sweat when we walked into the first formal shop. I knew I would be faced with wedding dresses when I agreed to take Lana prom dress shopping, but it was like a slap in the face when we walked in. I tried to avert my eyes from the right side of the shop. I swear there were a dozen brides-to-be scouring the racks for the perfect dress for their big day. I told myself to breathe and not think back to those days I spent with Momma as we searched high and low for the perfect dress, and the hours we spent with Cissy altering it to beyond perfection. I didn’t need to be reminded of my gorgeous three-quarters sleeve, off the shoulder, trumpet gown that made me feel feminine and beautiful. At least it had until I saw the look of displeasure on Brian’s face as I walked down the aisle toward him.
I almost panicked and made a beeline for the shop door, but then I looked at Lana and the excitement that radiated from her eyes. I let out a large breath and told my past to take a hike. “All right, sugar, let’s start trying on dresses.”
Lana smiled wide, grabbed my arm, and dragged me to the rack closest to us. She was so excited she was grabbing dresses off the rack without really looking at them, or making sure she had the right size.
I swore she tried on at least twenty dresses at the first store. And that didn’t co
unt all of my trips back to get a different size of the same dress.
Lana didn’t find anything to her liking at the first store, but all it took was one look at the display in the window of the second shop and she was in love. She rushed in to see if they had the rhinestone, spaghetti-strap, blouson jersey dress in turquoise in her size.
“Oh, please, oh, please.” She frantically searched for her size. I thought she might cry when she couldn’t find it.
I took her hand. “Don’t get discouraged yet. We’ll order one if we have to. Or take a picture and have one made.”
She instantly relaxed. “You’re the best, Aunt Kenadie.”
Now I had to come through. “Excuse me,” I asked the manager of the boutique, “can we order this dress in a size four?”
“You know, I think the one on display may be a four.”
Lana squeezed my hand tightly in anticipation.
“Perfect, would you mind letting my niece try that on?”
“Not at all. Give me a few minutes and I’ll bring it back to the dressing room for you.”
Lana squealed and jumped up and down a little.
I loved that girl.
Lana waited not so patiently in the dressing room. “Do you think I should do my hair up or down?” She played with her hair in front of the changing room mirror.
“Let’s see how the dress looks first, and then we can decide.”
“Max likes my hair down, so maybe I should do that.”
That hit the wrong nerve in me. I had to bite my tongue, or at least keep the venom out of my voice. “You should do what makes you feel best.”
“I like my hair both ways.”
“Again, let’s see how the dress looks first.”
“Okay.” She smiled and let her hair fall down.
I hoped that meant that I had successfully covered up my real feelings. Though I agreed Lana looked beautiful either way, I didn’t want her to feel like she had to change her preferences for a boy, and an egotistical one at that. I remembered Brian constantly telling me how I should do my hair or what clothes I should wear, and all the times he had seemed disappointed in my appearance, like on our wedding day. I never wanted that for Lana. It is a terrible feeling when you feel good about yourself and then suddenly one ill comment from the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally sends you spiraling into a pit of loathing. It took years for me to regain some of my self-esteem and sense of worth after he left me. I refused to ever let another man affect me in such a way. So far, my plan had worked perfectly. No men, no problems.
Dating by Design Series Box Set Page 5
