After they’d both had a chance to refresh themselves, they curled up on his bed. Asher’s fingers ran absently through her thick auburn curls as she lay with her head in his lap.
“She still needs time to truly be ready to fight, don’t you think, Ash?” Fi said. “I mean, obviously Sara’s progress is amazing, but I worry about how she’d fare in a real fight.”
“Unfortunately, Fi, there’s no way to know until the first time she’s in a real fight. The difference between training and fighting…”
Yes, Fi winced. She knew that he was right. No amount of training would actually prepare someone for fighting. Only fighting prepared you for fighting. There was no way to prepare for that explosion of pain, the shock of knuckles finding cheekbones and your brain slamming into your skull from the inside. The first time she’d been hit by a man, her brain panicked, begging her to run, to hide…to do anything to avoid meeting those knuckles again. It had only been the knowledge that her sister would die if she didn’t survive that had kept her in it. No, she thought, it wasn’t until you took that kind of blow and stayed in the fight, that you knew you had it in you. Sparring didn’t count.
“So you really think she’s ready to go out on a Seek?”
“You tell me, Fi. How skilled were you when you went on your first raid…alone?”
She made a face. He was right. Sara was doing so well that she was already beyond where Fi was at the same point in her training. If Fi could get out there in the world by herself at fourteen, Sara was certainly ready. “I see your point. You’re saying that if she continues to learn this fast then she’ll be ‘up to speed’ pretty quickly.”
Asher nodded. “I know I compared her to you, Fi, but Sara’s actually a fundamentally different fighter.” Fi frowned. “I don’t mean that in in a bad way,” he laughed, reassuring her. “It’s hard to describe.”
Fi interrupted him. “I think I know what you mean. You said earlier that she relished the fight. Even though I do too, in theory, I don’t really. Avoiding the fight is more my style when possible.” Fi paused. “Oh!” She looked up at Asher and smiled. “Sara is offense, is what you mean, right?”
“Yes, that’s it. You’re defense, albeit amazing defense,” his smile was indulgent. “Heck, I’m defense in a lot of ways. But that girl. She’s definitely all offense.” Asher put his head back against the wall and exhaled.
“What?”
“I was wondering if you’d be offended that I intend to start her on weapons training.”
Fi gasped. He’d never even offered to train her in the use of weaponry. Of course, she’d gotten pretty good with her buck knife anyway, but still. And the staff training that all the Seekers were practicing didn’t count.
Asher grimaced. “I thought so.”
“No, Ash, don’t be like that. I’m ok with it.” At least, she thought she was ok with it. If she were still the Leader, she would have been honest with herself. Sara was a better fighter, period. Her fighting style was an interesting recipe: one part anger, one part boldness, and a liberal coating of ruthlessness. She wanted to cause harm, whereas Fi just wanted to win. “What kind of weapon?”
“I’ve been thinking about daggers,” he said.
Fi swallowed. Wow. He wanted to start her with daggers. The only way he would do that was if he believed that Sara could do that…could kill someone at close range with a dagger.
Fi closed her eyes, playing back Sara’s recent training sessions in her mind. Though today was the first time she’d bested Asher, it was not the first time she’d bested Fi. Since it had happened several times now, Fi had sort of gotten over it, but the first time, it had hurt in more ways than one.
“Wow, Fi,” Sara had remarked, as they sparred during her third week of training. “Asher wasn’t joking. You are lightning fast.”
It was the unexpected ferocity of Sara’s attack that had gotten Fi in the end. She never gave you a freaking second. There was no room to breathe or to think…she was just all over you from the word, “Go.” Fighting her was like fighting a Hindu statue, with strong arms and legs everywhere you turned. The first time that Sara caught her face with a hard punch, Fi had been incensed and shocked at the same time. Emotional, she’d lunged to kick Sara’s ribcage, and then found her own face hitting the mat as Sara ducked and swept her leg. She remembered that she’d cursed and then popped back up and shouted, “Again!” at the exact same time as Sara, and Asher had howled with laughter.
That day, Sara had left her with a serious shiner. She’d put her whole body weight behind that punch and Fi had to admit, Sara hit like a ton of bricks. Fi had fought grown men who didn’t hit that hard. Though Asher mostly managed to outfox her, even he admitted that it was rough when she connected. It really was in Sara’s nature to strike, to advance, to dominate. Whether she could actually kill another person remained to be seen, but Sara definitely had the style to use daggers.
“When are you going to start her?” Fi twined her fingers through Asher’s.
“In the next couple of weeks.”
“Phew, that soon, huh?” She shook her head and smiled up at him. “Have you told Sara this news yet?”
“No.”
Sitting up, Fi looked him in the eye. “Have you told Sean this news yet?” Asher looked pained, and Fi smirked. “I don’t envy you that conversation.”
Asher sighed. Sean was the difficult point in the equation. Even though Sean adored Sara, her newly emerging persona was clearly affecting him. Fi was convinced that he’d thought Sara would back out once she had to start really training. Of course, Fi had known better. The light in Sara’s eyes had been unmistakable.
As much as meeting Sean had been the original draw of Seeking for Sara, Fi knew that now she was hungry for it herself. Her transformation was fascinating to watch, but Fi and Asher both knew that Sean was still adjusting to the idea of his quiet, soft-spoken Sara as a warrior. Nowadays, you barely saw her when she wasn’t running, strength training, or sparring. The upcoming Seek was on the horizon, and Sara was determined to go with them. At this point Sean just seemed committed to supporting her, however ferocious she may have become.
“Asher,” Fi had a sudden thought. “Let’s wait to bring up the weapons until after her first Seek. If she gets out there and hates it, then there’s no reason to increase her training.”
“Yes, that makes sense,” he agreed. “It’s not like you can overdo hand-to-hand training. And she’s getting better at that every day.”
“So it’s settled. If she makes it through her first Seek, you can start her on weapons training.” She settled back onto his lap. “Daggers,” she snickered. “Sean is going to absolutely flip.”
It Ain’t Like It Used to Be
------------ Fi ------------
Fi’s heart felt like it would burst as the Jeeps pulled out of the Eden garage for their first Seek of the year. On the bench seat opposite her, Sara seemed to be the only person as excited as Fi. As the Jeeps bounced and trounced through the forest, Sara’s eyes darted everywhere. Fi realized that, as much as she’d felt cooped up after six months, Sara was leaving Eden for the first time in almost four years. It had to feel a little like getting out of prison or something, Fi thought.
“Hey Sean, do you remember your first raid?” Fi reached across to where he sat beside Sara, and smacked his knee. He smiled and Fi could see Sara’s eyes light up. She’d been hanging on every word of their stories lately.
“I was so incredibly nervous, Sar,” Sean began. “For the first few hours of hiking Fi told me stories, and it should have made me less nervous, but it actually made me more nervous.”
Fi saw Sean stroking Sara’s hand as he talked, and she suppressed a smile.
“Anyway,” he continued, “for the two hours before we got to our target we didn’t speak, and I remember that in the silence I just imagined all the ways things could go wrong. I remember how worried I was about seeing something awful happen to Fi. When I sat at home with the
Family worrying about her, I thought that was awful. But then when I went into the danger with her…”
“I hear you there, man,” Asher grunted.
This is good, Fi thought. Sara needs to realize that you don’t worry less when someone you love is right there in the danger with you. You worry more.
“We ended up finding one of those big wholesale stores where people buy jars of peanut butter that will last them for months,” Sean continued. “Even though it was heavily looted, we still ended up with a pretty good take, a lot of things we needed for the Family. It was a good raid, and in the end, it was uneventful.”
“But tell Sara how high in the air you jumped when I accidentally knocked over that stack of Christmas ornaments,” Fi teased. Before Sean could say anything, Fi turned to Sara. “It was hilarious Sara, I have to tell you.” Sean started to protest, but Fi held up her hand. “I’ve done the same thing, and so has Asher. There’s no way to keep from jumping out of your skin when you’re all pumped up on adrenaline and you hear a loud noise.”
At this, Sean sat back and folded his arms, no doubt feeling a little vindicated. The Jeep slowed as they made their way over a tumble of small rocks and boulders. It tilted crazily to the side, and Sara gasped and grabbed at Sean.
“Don’t worry, Sara,” Fi said. “These things can go just about straight up with no problem. Just hang on.” Sara tightened her seat belt and they picked up speed, the dappled forest bouncing past once more.
Fi continued her story. “You know how those superstores have shelves that go way up, like two stories high, right?” Sara nodded. “We decided the store was safe and we separated a bit to explore. I was climbing up to investigate some dried food stores and I ended up knocking over a whole stack of glass Christmas balls. The boxes flew open when they hit the floor, and glass balls sprayed everywhere. They popped and shattered and rolled, and from my position up above, I could see,” she stopped as giggles rose in her throat. “I could see Sean…and I saw him just about jump out of the building.”
She started laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes, and was relieved to see that Sean was laughing too. “To be fair, Sara,” Fi gasped. “Sean drew his weapon so fast that it was aimed before he actually hit the ground.”
All four of them cracked up again, and Fi felt the nervousness of the first Seek of the season beginning to drain away. As she relaxed, she wiped her eyes. “Oh God, Sean. You’ve gotta admit that it was funny,” she chuckled, reminiscing. “You see, Sara, everyone’s afraid. That’s why we train. So that even if something makes us jump six feet in the air, we’ll be ready for the fight before our feet even hit the ground.” She sat back, her mood turning back to the seriousness of the day.
“Thank you guys,” Sara finally said, her relief palpable. “You could tell me that my fear means I shouldn’t be out here, and you don’t. You could lie and say you aren’t afraid, and you don’t. I appreciate that.”
“You’d be a fool if you weren’t afraid, Sara,” Asher warned. “Sean’s first raid went smoothly, but I’m sure he’s shared stories of times when they didn’t.”
“He told me a lot of it. I know that you can be killed out there.”
“Or horribly injured,” Sean added.
“Or worse,” Fi’s voice deepened into a growl. She nodded at Sara. “There’s always the other worry for us, for the women. You realize that, right?” Sara nodded in return, but for a second Fi thought that she detected an odd flicker in her friend’s eyes. “Good. For now, enjoy being Topside, but remember that it’s not the place it used to be.”
--------- Sean -----------
The Jeeps finally bumped to a stop at the rendezvous point just inside the tree line beside a large Dead Zone, the term they’d given the dusty wastelands left after all the grasses died. Sean offered Sara a hand as people piled out, but she waved him away absently, her gaze fixed on the Dead Zone. The others began readying their gear, but Sara walked as if drawn, toward the barren plain. Sean started to follow her and then decided against it.
He had to keep reminding himself that Sara hadn’t been Topside since the Famine. This was her first glimpse of the devastation. One thing he’d learned by now is that when people take that kind of punch in the gut, they sometimes need to be alone. Sara hovered within the border of the trees. He watched for a moment and when she didn’t head into the Dead Zone, he turned his attention back to his pack.
Fi and Asher approached. “Is she ok?” Fi asked.
“The first time you see it…what qualifies as ok?”
Fi nodded and bit her lip. “My group is heading out,” she said, and held out her arm to Sean. He clasped her wrist, and she his. “Safe Seek to you, Sean Skillman.”
“Safe Seek to you, Fi Kelly,” Sean replied, and then reached to repeat the ritual with Asher. He saw Sara turn toward them and shake herself, as if the tension could be thrown off of her like water. He frowned. Lately she was wound up tighter than a drum, and that was inside the safety of Eden. How would that play out today on her first Seek, he wondered, and her first visit Topside? It was going to be interesting.
Sara’s eyes brightened as she approached and saw the group finishing the blessing. “Did I miss it?” she called, her brow furrowing in concern.
Sean knew that Fi had told Sara how superstitious the Seekers were about their rituals. “Just in time,” he reassured her.
Asher and Fi repeated the safety blessing with Sara. Sean’s chest tightened at the mixture of nerves and excitement on her face. When it was time to head out, Sean, Sara, and their two security guards, Alessandro and Justin, turned south. The guards walked ahead of them and chatted quietly, their eyes scanning at all times. It was standard procedure for all Seekers to be joined by members of the Eden security force, despite the fact that all of Seekers had to be trained fighters as well. The arrangement allowed the Seekers to focus on their missions.
To Sean, the difference between the raids he’d done with Fi and a Seek was like night and day. Even though he realized that they still could be attacked, it felt a million times better having several armed friends than it had felt with just one. It was almost relaxing. Almost.
Sean had shared most of the mission with Sara on the way, but she still peppered him with questions. At least, she did when she wasn’t deadly silent. She seemed to swing between the two wildly. Sean recognized the sign of nerves. He might feel more relaxed than on past missions, but this was her first. He focused on keeping his voice and demeanor calm, and tried to engage her mind. It always helped him to think about something else besides the constant danger. At that thought, images of Sara fighting flooded his mind and he sucked in and shifted his focus. More relaxed didn’t actually mean relaxed, he reminded himself.
“So I didn’t tell you about our first stop of the day,” he said. He kept his tone light.
“Oh?” Sara smiled, temporarily distracted from her brooding.
“We’re going to a big outdoor supply store down by the highway,” he explained. “Only it’s really a prepper store. Should be some great stuff there for us, including radio equipment.”
“What’s a prepper store?”
The sun broke through the clouds and reflected off Sara’s raven hair. They were crossing a wide valley and the sun had risen high, the air turned golden by the growing warmth. Sean drew in a deep breath and blinked in the now bright sunlight. Sometimes the beauty of the forest was sort of healing, he mused. It was a reminder that not everything had turned to crap. He turned his focus back to keeping Sara’s mind occupied and answered her question.
“During the Great Recession, when our parents were young, people got nervous about their dependency on the government. My mom said a lot of people lost their jobs and their homes. Some lost everything practically overnight.” He felt a drop of sweat trickle down his back and he stopped. He took off his light jacket and stuffed it into his empty pack while Sara did the same.
When she took off her jacket, the dri-fit shirt beneath clun
g to her and he gritted his teeth to avoid making a sound. It was ridiculous that he had a hard time keeping it together just watching her take off a jacket. Now, he understood why Asher didn’t want Fi to Seek with him. It could make you forget yourself…forget where you were and what you were doing. Lost in his thoughts, he finally noticed Sara smirking at him.
“What?”
“Earth to Sean, come in Sean.” She pulled her pack back onto her shoulders. “Where did you go?”
Sean blushed when he realized where his mind had gone, but he shook his head. “Sorry, just…a side thought,” he said. “Anyway, as I was saying, some people got nervous about their dependency on the government and society. They started changing their lives and making plans to prepare…” Sean’s voice trailed off as he realized what he was going to say. Sara frowned, but waited patiently. Sean gathered himself. “They were preparing for the apocalypse.”
Sara choked and he pressed his lips together. For a time they both walked in silence. Sean hadn’t really given it thought like this before. Who would have thought that the preppers would turn out to be right?
“I bet people thought they were crazy,” Sara finally murmured.
“Yeah,” Sean’s voice grew soft. “I bet they did.” They hiked up a steep bank and found themselves on the edge of a large roadway. Sean trotted ahead to peer at a nearby sign.
“Yup,” he nodded to Alessandro and Justin. “This is it. We just follow this highway down about a mile or so, and the store is going to be on a hill on the right.” As they turned onto the road, Sean realized that he was relieved. Things seemed to be going well, at least, so far. No one was on the road, and he was managing to keep Sara distracted.
“So this store has the kind of things these preppers needed?” she prodded, and then paused. “How did we find this place?”
“Asher,” Sean replied, huffing. The road was really rising now, and his breath grew short as they marched upward. “His Seek group found out about it two trips back. We’ve been meaning to get out here to see if it really existed.”
Seeds of War Page 4
