She was sure that her obsession with listening to Lawson was as disturbing to Asher as his obsession with listening to the lists was to her. It wasn’t that she necessarily agreed with him, it was more like she was fascinated. Well, and depressed, really. What would their upcoming Seeding season be like with this guy hounding their every move? Certainly it would be even less safe than last summer, not only because they would head into unknown territory this time, but because the Truther movement seemed to be growing. Sometimes Fi felt like she listened to Lawson because it was the closest thing she could do to keeping an eye on him. At least, she told herself that was why.
She scratched at her neck as she felt her skin crawl. If she could find a way to be honest with herself, she knew that it was more than that. It was more than Lawson’s voice, or his message. It was the guilt. What if he was right, even a little bit right? It seemed like every time humans tried to improve their world, they also harmed it in some way. What if everything that Eden was trying to do was somehow…wrong?
A burning in her neck roused her as she realized that she’d nearly scratched herself raw in her reverie. Her hand fluttered into her lap. Regardless of her reasons, she chided herself, Asher had a point that she didn’t need to listen as often as she did. The morbid curiosity was starting to wear on them both.
Asher sat on the bed beside her, and she put her head on his shoulder. “Sorry,” she said. “I know it’s annoying and I promise, I’m going to just stop.” Though she meant this promise every time, she still found it hard to keep.
“Fi, you don’t have to worry so much,” he said, stroking her hair. “Eden is well defended, and the Truthers are a bunch of wussies anyway. Plus, think about all that we’ve accomplished. If you think we’re worried about Lawson, don’t you think he’s also worried about us?”
He made a valid point. She’d never thought about what it must be like to be Lawson right now. Probably he was huddled over his radio listening to the Nets babble, and Eden and Diaspora proclaim their victories, just like she was listening to him.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “Of course you’re right. I’m sure he’s as nervous about all the progress we’ve made, as we are about him.” Leaning into Asher, she sighed. “It’s just the winter blues, Ash. You know I’m just dying to go Topside again.”
He chuckled, seeming somewhat relieved by her reassurances. “Yes, well, could that be extra important this time?”
She grinned. The first outing this year was going to be for their wedding. Her heart warmed just thinking about it, driving away any thoughts of the Truthers. “Can’t you just give me one little hint?”
“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”
As soon as they’d begun discussing the wedding, Fi had insisted that she wanted to be married outside. Though she loved the safety and camaraderie of the colony, she was a wild creature at heart. In the most important moment of her life, she wanted to be Topside.
“I’m ok with that, Fi,” Asher had agreed. “But it does mean that we’ll have to wait until the last frost.”
Fi acknowledged that her request put off their desires for a few extra months, but it was worth it to her. Other than that request, Asher had been the one to plan everything. It may have been untraditional, but Fi was overwhelmed by the thought of planning a party, and Asher simply stepped in.
“Don’t worry about a thing Fi,” he’d insisted. “I will take care of the details. You just show up.”
“Are you sure? Don’t men hate wedding details and frou-frou stuff?” She had worried that he was just trying to reduce her anxiety.
“I want to do it, Fi. I want to surprise you.”
In the end, Fi had agreed. She took responsibility for her dress, and the rest of the wedding party’s attire, but Asher took responsibility for everything else. That had been three months ago, and by now Fi was dying for some details, but Asher was like a vault. What was worse was that everyone else in the Family knew details, but they wouldn’t tell either. Even Kiara wouldn’t give, Fi thought, annoyed at her sister’s switch in allegiance. Getting up from the bed, she sighed and grabbed her things to go take her shower.
“This waiting is killing me, Ash.”
“A deal’s a deal, Fi,” he laughed. “You promised to let me plan a surprise for you. Now you have to wait. That’s what makes it…a surprise.”
She stuck her tongue out and whirled. The door slid shut behind her, muffling the sound of Asher’s laughter.
As she headed to the shower, Fi’s amusement faded, squeezed out by the return of her nerves. Maybe a better word would be “trepidation.” Though she told herself there were no serious repercussions to pushing Diaspora, the truth was that tomorrow’s call with Diaspora would be unlike any they’d ever had in the past. Tomorrow, they would ask the difficult questions, the kind of questions that can tear allies apart.
When she reached the showers, Fi picked a stall and hung her towel and clothes on the hook and unwound her braid. At least the shower would help her relax. As she absorbed her precious five minutes of hot water, Fi’s mind drifted to tomorrow’s discussion. She knew what she would ask, if she had the chance. It was pretty simple, actually. She’d ask them what the hell really happened.
The government had spent years planning Diaspora. They’d known that something was wrong so far in advance, she thought. They must know what caused this whole thing. She scrubbed at herself angrily as she imagined herself yelling into the speaker. Who cared if they upset the Vice President or the General? I mean, yes we need allies and yes, we need Diaspora most of all, but we also need the truth.
The water clicked off and Fi sighed. She started to wrap her body in a towel, when she was startled by the appearance of her own skin. Her arms and torso were bright red, with scratch marks in places where she’d scrubbed so hard that she’d raked the skin. Jesus, she thought, did I do that? She quickly examined her legs and back and was relieved to see that she’d only scratched herself in a few places. She shook her head in relief, shocked at how lost she’d been in her thoughts...and her anger. At least her clothing would cover the few marks she’d left. There would be no way to explain to Asher why she’d nearly stripped off her own skin. She dressed quickly and hurried back to his pod.
Jacob’s Ladder
------------- Fi -------------
The next morning, Fi awoke and felt her nerves jangling once again. When Asher was ready, they headed to the radio room in silence. All the members of Eden’s Council were in attendance, as well as Louis, Sean, and Sara. The gathered nodded as Fi and Asher slipped into the room and took up their usual spot in the corner. At least now the opening to the other radio room made for more cool air, Fi thought with gratitude.
Tom had already begun the connection with Diaspora and Jonathon. Fi felt her heart flutter as Tom informed Jonathon that Eden felt the need to have a different sort of conversation.
Larry explained their concerns regarding the Truthers, and the plan to release Asher’s book. “So you see, we believe that winning the battle of hearts and minds is essential…and that it starts with having the truth on our side.” He paused and swallowed. “But we need the whole truth.”
Asher squeezed her hand, and she leaned her head back against his chest in an effort to relax. She chided herself. The conversation hasn’t even begun. It was silly to be so nervous.
“Just tell us what you have in mind,” Jonathon suggested.
“Well, here’s the thing,” Larry said. “We’ve never really asked those highest up at Diaspora what they knew about the cause of the Famine. Our scientists believe that the GM strains spread around the world too quickly to be explained by natural causes. We know for a fact that the DoD was somehow involved with Diaspora. And we know that Diaspora was started many years before the actual Famine peaked.”
Larry paused and took a deep breath. “What we want to know,” he said firmly, “is who knew what, what they knew, and when they knew it. Remember, our intention is to make this
information public, so that all the survivors can continue to heal and recover. It’s not about placing blame; it’s about getting to the bottom of things and being willing to examine our actions truthfully. That’s all.”
As Fi expected, there was another long pause from Diaspora. In the meantime, several members of the Council patted Larry on the back and reassured him that he’d done a good job. Fi waited nervously. If Diaspora turned its back on Eden, they would be on their own, and it would be less safe to do the Seeding. It would slow reconnection down, and muddy the message of truth that they were trying to spread. She shook her head unconsciously and felt Asher stir.
He leaned down and pressed his face into her neck. “It’s going to be ok, Fi.”
“Thanks,” she whispered back, just as a voice came through the speaker. The nasal drone was unmistakable. It was Stan.
“Hello, Eden and Larry,” he began, his voice weary. “Sorry for the delay. As you can imagine, this isn’t the first time we’ve had this discussion ourselves. The truth is that I’m the only one here with any knowledge of the true cause of the Famine.”
Fi gasped. How could that be? The Vice President doesn’t know anything? General Zelinski doesn’t know anything? Impossible.
“For me,” Stan said, “it began about fifteen years ago, when I was contacted by DoD. Well, Homeland Security really. They were interested in my work using genetics to tweak plant venom production.”
Fi frowned. Plant venom? What the hell was he talking about?
“They claimed that they were interested in genetic methods to weaponize plants in their natural state,” Stan explained. “Specifically, they wanted to study the vulnerabilities of food crops.”
Fi could hear the anger and derision in his voice. Stan sounded the exact same way that Louis had sounded when he’d first spoken to Stan. She sighed. So once again, there were other higher ups that must have lied to Stan. Where did the chain of lies stop?
“The project they had in mind was highly classified,” Stan said. “Almost no one, including me, had knowledge of the entire thing. My part in it was to plan testing protocols for a genetic sequence that they’d isolated from food crops, particularly the grasses. Obviously, you all know that the genetic sequence made the plants essentially ‘suicidal’ by forcing them to age before flowering. The department was pleased with the initial laboratory tests they’d conducted, but they wanted to test the sequence in the field.”
Stan stopped. Probably to take a breath or a drink of water, she thought. She shifted impatiently.
“Sorry,” Stan apologized for the pause. “Anyway, at the time I didn’t question the opportunity, or the origins of the genetic research. I thought they had the right to use it. I couldn’t have known the truth…that they’d bribed an executive at Prolifix to steal it from one of the company’s researchers.”
A strange noise erupted from a shadow in the corner and Fi saw Dr. Darryl Heil cover his mouth with his hand before catching her eye. His hand fluttered back to his side, but his eyes remained wide. Stan was talking about Darryl’s research. But…it was stolen from him? What? How come she didn’t know that? Did Louis know that? She dragged her attention away from Darryl’s shocked face as Stan continued his story.
“It wasn’t long before I clashed with my DoD contact over safety protocols. I was worried about rolling out the seeds for actual testing in the number and variety of locations that they wanted to use. They wanted testing in South America, Southeast Asia, Eastern Europe, and Africa. I told them that we still couldn’t be sure of the safety of such widespread testing…and they fired me. To be honest, I will never know exactly who authorized the tests after I left, but it’s obvious that someone did.”
Fi heard him sigh into the microphone and she felt herself exhale. So Stan wasn’t all bad, she thought with resignation. He tried to stop them from doing the testing, and they fired him.
“Stan,” Larry responded. “Thank you for this information, I know we all appreciate it. But could you tell us…if you were fired by the DoD, how did you end up working on Diaspora?”
Fi nodded. That was a good question.
“Several years after I was fired,” Stan replied, “I was approached by my same contact at DoD and told that some things had gone wrong with the testing.”
He stopped and Fi felt the weight of his words settle into her bones. Of course, she thought. They went ahead and did the testing anyway, and then everything went to hell and they realized that Stan had been right.
“They informed me that the reason they’d come back to me to run Diaspora was because I was already in on the secret testing. In other words, I was already under their classified thumbs. And to be truthful, I did have many years of experience running major scientific projects. They knew that I could herd all the cats,” he coughed, his attempt at humor discomfiting. There was a ripple in the room. The riff had not gone over well.
“They stood me in front of a giant screen and showed me the computer models. I can’t tell you what it felt like to stand there and watch the spread of the die-offs…” his voice trailed off.
Fi’s stomach twisted as she recalled the emptiness she’d felt when her father had revealed that billions were destined to die. It softened her heart somewhat to think that Stan felt the same despair standing in front of those screens. What do you do when you’re faced with the inevitable? Do you panic? Do you break down and beg God for mercy? Or do you put your head down and do what you have to do to save what you can? In the end, had Stan’s actions been any different than her own?
“They told me that Diaspora was humanity’s only hope,” Stan said. “They begged me to help. But I can tell you that all the people I worked with, all those who handled the testing and the initial phases of Diaspora…as far as I know, they’re all dead. Not even Holland seems to have survived,” he said, referring to the former Secretary of Homeland Security. “He was supposed to go to Diaspora I, but he never showed up for the rendezvous, and they had to get the President out of there. No one ever heard from him again.”
Fi felt torn between laughter and screaming. So the ones who knew for sure what happened, and why, were gone. There’s no more truth, no lesson to learn. It was a dead end. Her eyes flicked to the others and she saw the horror mirrored in their faces. No matter what the cliché said, ignorance was not bliss. They had avoided this conversation for fear of starting a terrible fight with their only ally. They hadn’t expected that no one at Diaspora would be able to tell them the whole story.
Frustrated, Fi chewed at a ragged fingernail. It wasn’t good enough! How were they supposed to battle the Truthers with, “Oopsie” and “I dunno” as answers? How was she supposed to keep risking her own life Seeding if she couldn’t even deny the Truthers’ claims?
Her eyes scanned the room while Tom thanked Stan and signed off. Louis and Miles seemed deep in conversation, while Darryl sniveled in the corner alone, as usual. Look at him, she thought angrily. He always looks like he’s leaving the scene of a crime or something. No wonder the Truthers don’t trust any scientists. Could Eden really trust this guy? Could she be certain the seeds she was handing out were truly heirloom…that they were Truefood?
Her gaze left Darryl for an instant and when she looked back, he’d melted away. The frustration and energy of the day thumped in her chest with nowhere to go. There was no way that Darryl had told everyone his whole story. In fact, she thought, Asher had specifically said that he’d been unable to get more than two words out of the guy for the book. He’d mostly written Darryl’s piece based on what Louis knew about him. She shook her head. It was time for everyone to answer as many questions as possible.
The disappointed listeners began to trickle from the room. Fi was quiet as she and Asher followed the others back toward the living areas of Eden. All she could think about was the look on Darryl’s face before he disappeared from the room. He looked…well…he looked guiltier than he usually did. And he bolted from the room for a reason, she thought. Th
ere had to be a reason.
That evening, as the colonists streamed into the cafeteria pod for dinner, Fi waited anxiously. She’d hoped that she could catch Darryl at dinner, but he hadn’t shown up. Now she’d have to track him down. Fortunately, she knew exactly where to find him.
“Ash,” she said, as she returned her food tray to the window. “I have to go down to the labs for a bit.” She tried to keep her tone casual, but it came out sounding anxious anyway.
He frowned as he handed his tray to a reaching hand. “Tonight? What’s up?”
“Nothing really. I have a few questions.” There, that wasn’t really a lie. She stood on tiptoe and gave him a quick kiss. “I won’t be long, I promise.”
As she scurried along, Fi realized that the closer she got to Dr. Heil’s lab, the more that the fire in her belly fizzled. She hadn’t realized how intimidated she would feel about actually confronting him. By the time she reached his door, she found herself tiptoeing like an idiot. At least she realized it about three feet before she reached the door and she managed to compose herself, even if her heart was beating a mile a minute, for no reason. Why did everyone treat this guy like he was the troll under the bridge? Resolved, she stepped into his room.
“Dr. Heil?”
He whirled to face her, ensconced in his lab coat, goggles at his throat. He frowned, but then she saw him make an effort to rearrange his face into something sort of like a smile. Her nerves almost erupted into a giggle at his awkward effort at sociability.
“Fi.” His surprise was obvious. “To what do I owe the honor?”
You mean the annoyance, Fi thought. “I still have some questions for you,” she said, trying to sound firm.
This time Darryl’s face frowned and stayed that way. “I’m sorry, but why do I have to answer questions from you, Ms. Kelly?”
She shrugged. “You don’t I guess.” She took a step forward and dragged a lab stool over to herself slowly. It made a loud scraping sound on the concrete and she smiled. As she settled onto it she added, “But I can be pretty persistent. And it will be hard to avoid me forever, seeing as we’re trapped underground together.”
Seeds of War Page 14
