Asher tackled Sean and took him to the ground just below the ledge, pinning him. “Do you want to kill her, Sean?”
Sean struggled, his face a mask of agony. Fi crawled down to them. Keeping her eye on the scene, she saw that the Lobo had not noticed the scuffle, and had taken a few steps away. Still, Fi thought, she swore that Sara had moved her head slightly at the sound. “She’s ok, Sean,” she whispered, as Sean gave up and Asher let him go. “He’s just trying to scare her.”
“He’s succeeding,” Sean choked.
“No, he just pissed her off.” Even from this distance, Fi could see the look in Sara’s eyes and it was not fear. “Watch.” Doing her best to keep the sound soft and natural, Fi gave the owl call. As she expected, the Lobo didn’t even turn, but as they watched, Sara very slowly lowered and then raised her head. Sean gasped.
“Told you,” Fi said, drawing her buck knife. “She knows we’re here.”
“Hey you!” Sara yelled, and the Lobo whirled.
“Now!” Sean whispered and they split.
Fi felt a hand grab her and spin her around. It was Asher, his face stony. “Free her and then stay out of it!”
She nodded and he flew after Sean. Fi picked her way carefully down the ledge in the shadows, working her way toward Sara from behind. Through the trees she could see the Lobo glowering at Sara and muttering.
Blood flowed from Sara’s wound as she smiled at her attacker, keeping his attention squarely on her. “Fuck you,” she said, and spat.
Enraged, he raised his machete above her head and then was hit by a hurtling body. Sean.
The Lobo hit the ground and popped back up, giving a warning shout. Fi froze when she heard the answering shouts from the forest. There were others, many others. They had to hurry. In another moment, Fi reached Sara and began sawing at her bonds, while Sean and Asher surrounded the lone Lobo.
Once her hands were free, Sara reached up to touch the blood on her cheek. She stared at her bloody fingers in fascination. Her eyes grew distant and she drew her fingers across her forehead and other cheek, leaving bloody trails. “He’s going to be sorry.”
Fi shivered as Sara’s icy rage washed over her. Though they’d taken Sara’s daggers, she knew that it wouldn’t matter once Sara was free. She would definitely make them sorry. The ropes finally parted and Sara jumped to her feet, her fists ready. A thunder of phantom figures poured through the bushes, silhouettes of both Truther and Lobo alike. Fi hid behind the boulder where Sara had perched and peered over it. A screaming figure was shoved into the fire pit and it snuffed, plunging the battle into darkness. Grunts and gasps filled the clearing as the shadows continued to wrestle in obscurity. Shit! She wanted to use her gun, but she couldn’t risk hitting her own friends.
“Don’t let the Seeders get away!”
Fi’s stomach burned. Fucking Truthers. If they won’t let us go, then they have to die, just like the Lobos. At least she knew that the Seeders were skilled at fighting in darkness, and the Truthers would be no match for them.
But the Lobos... Now that her eyes had adjusted she counted four or five and all were armed. Lobos were always armed. She cursed to herself as the air filled with howls of pain as flesh and bone met steel. She huddled in terror, her chest ripping apart with every groan and scream until she covered her ears. Who was hurt? Who was winning? She hadn’t felt this helpless since she’d huddled in that garage with her defenseless Family and watched marauders murder the townspeople.
A shadow fell beside her and she swallowed a scream, but it didn’t move. She pushed the body with her foot and it lolled onto its side without sound. Crawling, Fi grabbed the body and could immediately tell it was a Truther by the scratchy tunic. One hand felt something soft and slick on its chest and she yanked away. Her hand was warm and wet, and she shuddered. Even in the darkness, the feel of fresh blood was unmistakable.
Two shadows ran her way and she gasped and ducked behind the boulder as they passed. One tripped over the dead Truther and cursed loudly, kicking the body. Lobo, she thought as she gripped her knees to her chest and tried to stay invisible. The Lobo took off after the other shadow and she heard his footfalls disappear into silence.
Silence. It’s silent! She whirled and peered over the boulder, but she didn’t see or hear any movement besides a few people gasping to breathe. Her heart pounded. Who was left? What if someone was hurt, or…NO! She shook it off.
“Everyone ok?” she called. When Sara and Asher answered in the affirmative, she sighed in relief.
“I’m fine,” Sean’s voice was almost a singsong. The hair on the back of her neck stood up.
“What?” she called, and moved toward him. Was he hurt? Her heart jumped into her throat again. As she approached, what she saw in the dim moonlight made her breath stop. Sean stood over a man who knelt on the ground, cowering. In Sean’s hand was a machete. Her heart sank when she saw whom Sean had cornered. It was the Lobo who cut Sara. Beside him, Sara begged Sean to give her the machete.
“Please, Sean,” Sara reached out to stay Sean’s hand. “Let me do it. It’s not you, Sean.” Sean’s eyes were distant. It was like he couldn’t even hear her.
“Sean, don’t.” The words choked from Fi’s throat. Now she knew exactly how he’d felt when he’d watched her kill. His eyes didn’t flinch. He didn’t react to her at all. Her mind was begging her to draw breath, but she couldn’t.
Sean’s eyes glittered in the moonlight as he turned to Sara and shook his head. “It is me, Sara. It became me the moment he touched you.”
Fi closed her eyes as Sean swung the machete. It didn’t matter. Her ears heard the stroke, the dull thunk as metal carved flesh. The groan and gurgle of the victim. Her eyes fluttered open as the man dropped, bleeding out from his throat.
No! Fi’s heart crumpled in her chest. Her breath finally came, but in ragged jerks, like internal sobs. Of the four of them, Sean was the only one who had never killed, had never felt the hatred in his heart. But Fi could see it in his face. She knew that look, the joy of revenge. My Sean is gone, she thought. Now, there’s another man. A man who defended his partner from a rapist and murderer, but a man who relished the deathblow nonetheless.
When everything had first fallen apart, Fi had thought that killing someone else would feel like crossing a divide. She soon learned that in this world the tragedy was not if you killed, it was why you did. Sean had crossed the divide, killing to satisfy his own anger, and he would never be the same. She sighed and touched her belly. At least now Sara knew now that Sean would kill for her, or their children.
Stepping over the body to Sean, Sara held out her arm in the Seeker’s greeting. “Thank you,” she said, bowing her head. “For your bravery.”
Fi could hear the sadness mixed with respect in Sara’s voice. The gesture appeared to startle Sean. He reached for her bloodied face, then stopped and looked down at her outstretched hand. Clasping her wrist, they locked arms and he gazed at her with fire in his eyes. “Don’t thank me. I learned to be brave from you.” He pulled her to him and buried his head in her dark hair.
“Let’s get out of here,” Asher urged, and the others agreed. Turning west, they jogged back to the location where they’d left their packs. Sara had been delighted when one of the Truthers had been stupid enough to bring her weapons to the fight. Not only had she recovered her daggers, she’d dispatched the man who brought them.
“I wonder what this means,” Fi murmured as they jogged.
“I know,” Sean grunted. “So, they’re working together now?” The question hung in the air. Why would Lobos and Truthers be working together?
It was Asher who spoke next. “It’s pretty obvious to me, actually. It’s just like in the city. I had to have some scary people in my gang or we wouldn’t have survived. Seems like the Truthers need violence to accomplish their goals, but they’re not willing to do it themselves.”
“So the Lobos are mercenaries?” I wonder what the Truthers could possibly give
them,” Sean mused. They reached camp and stopped.
It was Sara who answered his question. “They give them someone to kill.”
Fi shuddered. On some level, Sara had to be right. Lobos took what they wanted and had no alliances. What they really wanted was a reason to kill. If someone fed you and asked you to hunt people for them, to kidnap, to kill…that would be a perfect job description for a Lobo. She remembered that she hadn’t explained the revelation from her recurring dream…well, nightmare.
“It’s actually worse than that,” she said. “The Truthers sent the Lobos to get us specifically. This was their second try, and they almost succeeded.”
“What?” Sean gasped and the other’s heads swung toward her, their expressions quizzical. “How do you know that?”
“I kept having this same dream over and over,” she said. “After we were attacked in Lakeland. I remember that the thing about that attack that bothered me was how many of them there were, and how coordinated the attack was…it wasn’t like the Lobos we’d met before.”
Sean grunted. “Yes, well that’s true.”
“Everything about it was strange actually,” she murmured, replaying it in her mind. “Several of them even wore tunics, like the Truthers, only they were black. It was almost like…like a uniform!” She gasped as she realized it herself.
“A uniform? For what?” Sara asked.
Fi’s mind was working, but she knew she’d figured it out. The Truthers weren’t just working with the Lobos, they hadn’t just hired them to get the Seeders…they were their entire security force! Just like in Eden.
“For a team, like a security or a tactical team,” she said. “I think that the Truthers are using Lobos the way we use our security team in Eden. Well, except that we help people instead of hurt them,” her voice grew bitter.
“Fi, I agree that they seemed coordinated, and that the Truthers seem to be working with them, but you’re sure they were sent specifically to get us?” Sean’s voice was incredulous.
“Do you remember what they shouted when they attacked?” Her mouth twisted into a wry smile. “They yelled, ‘It’s them!’” The others’ eyes widened in understanding. “They might has well have said, ‘The Seeders.’ We knew that the Truthers knew of us, and that they wanted to stop us. But I never imagined that they’d send Lobos to hunt us down.” Fi shook her head. It was unbelievable how far the Truthers were willing to go to push their agenda.
“So, if they’ve tried twice and almost succeeded, then…” Asher’s voice trailed off.
“Yes,” Fi said grimly. “I think we have to assume that they’ll try again. It means that we’ll have to be very, very careful.
Over the Edge
------------ Sean -----------
As they turned back east, toward Eden, the group grew quiet, which only made things worse for Sean. The last thing he needed was to be lost in his thoughts. It was bad enough that Sara had been taken and nearly… No, he stopped himself, he wasn’t going to think about that. He forced his mind back to its prior focus, which wasn’t much better. His heart was enraged, knowing that these people had sent those Lobos to hurt them, to hurt her. But on top of that they’d forced him to not only kill, but to take pleasure in it as he did. He felt the bile rise in his throat and he swallowed, the burn lodging painfully into the back of his throat.
The group reached a stream and stopped to wash up. Sean plunged his hands into the biting cold of the water and scrubbed at his skin. He thought the scrubbing would make him feel better, but no matter how many times he washed his hands, he couldn’t wash the nausea away. And no matter how little feeling was left in his fingertips from the cold, he still burned with fire from head to toe. He’d thought he’d hated himself when he’d forced Fi to tell the story of her first kill in front of her mother…but he was wrong. Now he hated himself more than he’d ever thought humanly possible.
But he’d had to do it. If he hadn’t done it, then Sara would have. And he couldn’t have borne the satisfaction on her face if she had. No, he shook his head. It was better this way. Better that the blood finally be on his hands. And somewhere, deep beneath the guilt and sickness was another feeling. When he let his mind explore this feeling the only thing he could call it was…pride. Ugh, he thought with revulsion. When would this roller coaster stop? How could he be proud of what he’d done?
“Are you ok?” Asher kept his head down as he tended his wounds.
With a quick glance, Sean saw that they were far enough downstream of the girls to have privacy. “What would that feel like?”
Asher grunted and turned away. “It’s ok, Sean,” he murmured. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
Sean sighed. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. “No,” he finally admitted. “I’m not.” There. He’d said it. Now maybe he would never have to say anything about it again.
“Listen Sean,” Asher’s voice was firm. Sean looked up and then was startled. He’d never seen Asher look so old. There was a deep weariness in his eyes. “I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t feel bad, because you’re gonna feel how you feel. But,” he paused, “she has to know that you can protect her. That you’re willing, even when it’s the worst thing imaginable.”
Sean was shocked. It felt like he’d been punched in the gut and let off the hook all at the same time. Asher knew, he thought. He must feel the same way. Proud that he can protect Fi, even if it means doing something that makes him sick. Maybe that was why he was feeling pride, Sean thought. Maybe it was because the worst thing he could imagine was killing someone, but he would do it to protect Sara.
Asher spoke up again, though he lowered his eyes. “My first time was in the city. Some guy had a girl and her grandmother cornered and was threatening them.” He paused and shook his head. “Let’s just say that what he had in mind wasn’t very nice. When I drew my sword, it felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe that this thing I’d prepared to do my whole life was actually going to happen, that I was going to take a life to save a life.” His gaze grew distant and he was silent for a minute before he added, “When he fought me, I fought back. And in the end I slit his throat so deep that I nearly took his head off.”
He looked up and leveled his gaze at Sean, who suddenly felt small again, like a child who thinks that everything he experiences is the worst of things. Sean felt his stomach turn anew and dropped his head, ashamed of his own weakness.
“It took me two weeks afterward to feel normal with that sword in my hand, Sean, but I saved their lives.” Asher’s raised his chin, making his point. “And I would do it again.”
Sean took a deep breath and nodded, splashing cold water on his face. The shock of it revived him and his stomach stopped its rolling.
He stood and Asher straightened up beside him and put his hand on his shoulder. “There’s only you and Sara now, Sean. The rest of the world is a question mark.” He smiled wearily and gestured toward the girls. “So, are you ready?”
“Ready?” Sean frowned.
“Ready to push past it like it never happened.” Asher’s voice grew firm.
“Is that how it’s done?” Though it felt petulant, Sean couldn’t contain his frustration.
Asher turned and walked toward the girls. “It is for me,” he called over his shoulder and Sean stood, shocked, and then hustled after him. If there was anyone who could give him advice it was Asher, and that was all that he had to say? Just push past it? Pretend it didn’t happen? Frustration and disgust struggled equally in his chest. Still, he had to admit that Asher had been honest with him. That was how he saw it. For better or worse, there was only one option in this world. Just push past things.
Determined to win the struggle within himself, Sean focused on the positives. Sara was safe and he’d been part of making sure that happened. If his pride could help him to live with his guilt, then so be it. Ignoring the tug of war in his brain and his gut, he pasted a smile on his face as they headed to join the girls.
--
---------- Fi -----------
Sara splashed her face, washing away the crusted blood. She’d been silent for over an hour now. As the brownish water poured down her neck, Fi noticed her fingering two small red pinpricks.
“What are those?” Fi broke the silence.
Sara snorted and splashed her face again before answering. “Taser.”
Fi gasped. “Is that how they got you? I wondered because we didn’t even hear you scream.”
“Yeah,” Sara’s tone was wry, but Fi was glad that she was talking again. “And believe me, I know now that there’s nothing you can do when someone Tasers you. If you could scream, you would definitely scream.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s not really much to say, Fi. They snuck up and shot me before I even knew what was happening. When it hit me, I just…dropped. It was like all my muscles had turned to concrete. And the pain,” she bit her lip. “It’s worse than being punched or kicked, you know. Different. It’s feels just like when you hit your elbow, except all over your body. Like lightning.”
Jesus, Fi thought. She could see not wanting to dwell on that too much. “I’m sorry, Sara. I guess we should just be glad that we all ended up ok.” She reached for the cut on Sara’s cheek, now visible with the rest of the dried blood washed away. “Can I help you with this?”
The question was simple, but Fi knew how much weight it held. Sara nodded. In silence, Fi cleaned and closed Sara’s wound with butterfly bandages. It was not deep, but it would probably scar. Sara stared at her wavering reflection and drew her finger along the wound. Fi’s heart ached. Now, just like Layla, Sara felt marked.
“Does it look horrible?” Sara finally asked.
“Just a scratch, Sara. Believe me, I know someone who couldn’t care less about anything, except that you’re here and still breathing.” She nodded to Sean’s figure crouching downstream, where he was washing up with Asher.
Seeds of War Page 32
