by K. D. Worth
“Are you doing drugs?” Mom demanded.
Britany jerked free and shoved her pashmina back into place. With the composed arrogance I’d only seen from our mother, she smoothed her hair. “I’m going home. To Dad’s. Good-bye, Linda.”
With that Britany snatched up her yearbook and keys. The slamming of the door punctuated the horrific silence that followed.
My chest tightened painfully and my breathing became shallow.
“Babe,” Max whispered. “We should go.”
But like watching a car accident, I couldn’t look away or even move. Mom stared at the door and her face crumpled.
To my utter shock she began to sob.
I’d never seen my mother cry before, not even when Grandma died.
Heart stopping agony ripped at my chest, and I covered my face with my hands as she slipped to the ground. Deep, choking sobs wracked her body, and her mournful wails echoed throughout the kitchen, amplified by all the hard surfaces.
“I’m sorry,” she moaned, clutching her knees like a little child. “I am sorry!”
Max put an arm around my shoulder as I began to weep too.
“Please, God,” she prayed, begging through spit and tears. “Help me. I don’t know how to fix this…. Please!”
Pain stabbed my heart and I jumped from the table. “Mom—”
She glanced up at the same time Max grabbed my hand.
“No!” His arms wrapped around me, and the environment began to shift. “Time to go.”
MAX—Chapter 7
“TAKE ME back!” Kody shouted, struggling to get away from me.
We were both reapers, equally matched in physical strength, and I had to use all my power to keep hold of him.
“Max, let me go,” he begged, still fighting. “Please, let me go back.”
“No way! You were just about to take human form.”
“No, I wasn’t!”
“Kody, don’t you lie to me again. She heard you say, ‘Mom,’ and I felt the magical shift in the air. You were going to do it whether you realize it or not. Do you have any idea what could’ve happened?” Spinning him, I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a hard shake, forcing him to look at me. “Do you realize what kinda trauma you would’ve caused her if she saw her dead son standing in her kitchen?”
Thank God Slade had told me to go find Kody! If I hadn’t been there…. I shuddered, not wanting to think about the repercussions of him appearing to one of his family members.
The panicked expression on Kody’s face made my eyes sting. He seized the front of my jacket, squeezing the leather. “This is all my fault!”
“No,” I said, quick to cup his face in my hands, wishing I really could protect him. “That’s not true. How can you say that?”
He pushed me away. “Did you know they’re getting divorced?”
“Who?”
“My parents! They’re getting divorced.”
“When did that happen?”
He threw out a hand. “Last month.”
“Wh-what? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What for?” he demanded. “What good would it have done? All you would’ve done is try to make me believe that I wasn’t to blame for it, not even partially. You wouldn’t understand anyways. No one does.”
The venom in his voice was like ice water in the face. “Kody, it’s not your fault—”
He waved his arms to cut me off, his face twisted in hurt and anger. “I know it’s not my fault,” he snapped. “But you can’t deny all the stress I put on the family didn’t help. And Mom and Britany were fighting because of me. Maybe it isn’t my fault, but then again, maybe it is.”
“They were fighting because anger is part of the grieving process,” I said, trying to be logical, though his every word felt like an accusation against me. I’d been so busy worrying about my research, had I been neglecting him? Was that why he’d lied about visiting his mother? The fact that he didn’t tell me—couldn’t tell me broke my heart. Dammit, why couldn’t I be a better boyfriend?
“Did you see the needle marks on her arms?” he went on as if he hadn’t even heard me. “Did you hear her say she doesn’t believe in God?”
“I heard.”
“And my mom? She’s a mess too. I have to help her, Max. I don’t care about the rules. You broke the rules to save me, and I need to break them to help her.”
“You have to help who?” I asked very slowly. “Your mom or Britany?”
I didn’t know which answer I would like the least.
“Britany, who else? No one can help my mom,” he said, surprising me when anger replaced his panic. “She’s beyond help.”
Though unsure how to take Kody’s shift in attitude, at least it meant the emotional intensity of the incident in the kitchen was starting to fade, reality returning. But I didn’t know if I liked his reality being anger at his mother. Being a reaper, I could feel Linda’s guilt as if it were my own. I knew how she really felt, regardless of whatever masks she chose to wear. She carried the burden of her son’s death heavier than anyone could fathom, including her children. Yet, on the other hand, it angered me how she’d sent Kody to that camp to fix what wasn’t broken. She was the source of the painful insecurities he struggled with daily. Just thinking about how she damaged my boyfriend before I ever met him, leaving me to pick up the pieces, pissed me off.
“Kody,” I tried. “You don’t mean that.”
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” He put his back to me. “But Britany’s right. Mom brought all of this on herself. She’s always been this way. Setting standards that none of us could live up to, and then being a martyr afterward, blaming us when we disappointed her. I still love you Kody, you just have to try harder,” he said in a sing-song woman’s voice. “Nothing would’ve ever been good enough for her. Britany’s straight, but she was just as big of a disappointment to Mom as I was. There was nothing either of us could’ve ever done to make her happy. I just didn’t realize it until now.” His voice cracked, and the blue eyes that met mine welled with tears. “And it really sucks!”
My heart wailed watching the reality of Kody’s past hit him. And to know he’d been carrying all of this alone? No wonder he told Slade stuff he didn’t tell me….
I moved forward to hug him, but he stepped away. “Max—” His voice broke off. “What am I gonna do?”
“I’m sorry, but you’re not going to do anything. You know you can’t. You’re a reaper, not a living person anymore. They think you’re dead, and they have to work through that grief on their own. I know it hurt hearing them fight, but you can’t help them. Hell, you almost revealed yourself to her.” I scoffed. “Slade was right.”
“Right about what?” He looked like I’d slapped him. “Were the two of you talking about me behind my back?”
“Hey,” I said, raising my hands at his offended expression. “Don’t even go there. The two of you are always talking about me. You even tell him stuff that you don’t tell me, don’t deny it.”
Though not the time or the place, my jealousy of Kody’s relationship with Slade reared its ugly head again. I’d seen them sitting together in Paris, holding hands. No matter what Slade told me about his natural form, Kody was still human, and he could fall in love with Slade even if it was unrequited.
And I could do nothing to stop it.
Terrified of what I would see in Kody’s face if I asked, I had to know. “Do you have feelings for Slade?”
Kody closed his eyes and shook his head. “I cannot fucking believe you just asked me that,” he said, his profanity shocking me. “After everything that just happened, you’re worried about something so stupid.” He waved at the door. “Just get out!”
“I am not gonna get out,” I declared, putting my hands on my hips. “I want you to answer the question.”
“I am not having this conversation with you,” he growled.
His aggressive tone pushed me a step back. “Why are you getting so defensive? Why can’t you just answer me?”
Kody stared at me with an expression I’d never seen from him before. Disgust? Contempt?
I couldn’t identify it and that scared me to death.
“At first I thought it was cute that you were jealous of Slade, but now you’re taking it to a whole nother level of crazy,” he told me, shaking his head with the same revulsion I’d seen on his sister’s face a few moment’s ago. “You’re acting like we’re still in high school.”
“Not to split hairs, but I could still be in high school,” I said, glaring back at him.
“I’m over this,” he declared, raising his hands as if he’d washed them of everything—including me. “If you can’t trust me, then maybe you don’t love me as much as you say.”
My mouth opened, and I made a squeaking sound before finally managing, “That’s not true. I love you.”
Kody threw up his arms in exasperation. “I don’t wanna hear it. I’m over it. Just get out!”
When he walked across the room and threw open his bedroom door, suddenly I thought I might get sick. “What do you mean you’re over it?” I whispered, unable to bear looking at the open door because I was terrified of where it might lead us.
“I’m sick of all of this drama. I can’t deal with how childish you are. Just leave me alone.”
“But—”
Stubborn, he would not budge as he pointed toward the hallway. “Go.”
My feet were rooted to the floor. How did this happen? How did this go sideways all of a sudden? “Are you breaking up with me?”
Kody rolled his eyes, and I’d never seen anyone so disgusted—nor had I ever hurt as badly as I did. Cold dread filled me, like I was losing him all over again. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him, or yell at him and shake him until he saw reason.
What’s happening?
“Kody…,” I began, lips trembling.
He let out a disgusted sigh, opening the door farther. “Please, Max, just go away.”
Somehow my feet moved, and I stood in front of him, scalp hot, stomach a knot, and eyes blurring. Two steps away from the hallway and a future that terrified me, I hesitated. “Are you going to go back to your mom’s?”
Now his face went dark with anger. “Of course not,” he snapped. “You were right. You guys are always right!”
Then to my utter shock, Kody pushed me the rest of the way out of his room and slammed the door.
MAX—Chapter 8
I STOOD there, too numb to move and chest too tight to breathe.
What just happened?
Had Kody broken up with me?
Yeah, it was stupid to be jealous of Slade, but that wasn’t a reason to break up… was it?
My lip trembled and I brushed my face, not surprised to find tears. I had no idea how any of this dating stuff was supposed to work. Had I crossed some line we couldn’t get back from? But I had a right to know if Kody had a thing for Slade, didn’t I?
Wanting answers, I raised my hand to open the door and paused.
If he didn’t want me around, what was the use of arguing? Wouldn’t that just make it worse? What if I opened the door and he said that he really did want to break up? Right now he was mad, but he hadn’t said it was over. If I went back in the room and he said it was….
I lowered my hand to my side.
Maybe he just needed to calm down.
I rubbed my face, then nodded and took a deep breath, trying not to get ahead of myself. Yeah, he was overwhelmed, that had to be it. He’d had one helluva day. First to learn shades wanted him, leaving him in danger of being attacked by wraiths. And then to witness that awful fight with his mom and sister?
He wasn’t angry at me… he was just upset about everything, right?
Then why had he pushed me away? First he lied about not seeing his mom, then he’d kept their divorce a secret, and now this? And God only knew what else he told Slade and kept from me.
Something had broken between us, and I had no idea how to fix it.
Feet leaden, I turned, and with every step away from Kody a bigger weight dragged me down. Coldness burned inside me. I headed to my bedroom, and then my body realized something my mind didn’t—I needed Meegan.
She would know what to do.
The common room where we hung out in our downtime was a cozy space with big TVs, all the latest video game systems and games, bookshelves, and a killer sound system. There were even a few guitars and a drum set in one corner because Tristen still thought he’d be the next Kurt Cobain. Like, who would he play for? Reapers and angels? Or maybe his charges? Yeah, that would go over real well with Slade.
Sprawled on a comfy recliner, Meegan had one leg draped up over the arm and the other stretched out in front of her. She snapped her gum, blowing bubbles in between filing her nails. A cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll sat on the end table beside her, and the house cat Herman, a big fat orange tabby, snoozed in her lap. He loved Meegan but always took swipes at me.
Careful to choose the side of the chair farthest from teeth and claws, I plopped on the floor in front of her, rocking the chair with the motion.
“What’s up, dweeb?”
Trying to collect myself, I pointed at the pastry. “Are those the ones Kody made—”
A sharp pain snapped against my ear.
“Hey! That hurt,” I cried, covering my ear from being flicked a second time.
“Out with it,” she said. “Something’s wrong.”
“Yeah, something is wrong,” I grumbled, shooting her a dirty look. “My best friend is causing me mortal injury.”
“You’re dead. You can’t suffer from mortal anything,” she countered, leaning forward to be face-to-face with me. “Max, what’s wrong?” After a glance around the room, she lowered her voice. “I can tell you’ve been crying.”
Angrily, I brushed at my face, wishing I’d had the smarts to fix myself up before I came down here. Across the room nosy Kelli pulled her nose out of her phone long enough to point at me, then whisper something to Jake and Sarah. I turned away so only Meegan could see me. “It’s just….”
“Just what?” she prompted in a softer voice. When I remained quiet, she offered me the cinnamon roll, keeping the plate out of Herman’s curious reach. “Here. Eat something.”
Though not really in the mood, I took a bite of the gooey delight, but my tension didn’t melt like the icing on my tongue.
Fighting an overwhelming urge to cry, I chewed a bit of roll, knowing the hands of the boy I loved had made the dessert with care. He’d taken to baking for the team every Saturday morning. I didn’t know how or why he bothered to keep track of the dates. Sometimes I forgot if I’d been dead three years, four or five? I’m pretty sure it’s been over four. But it seemed to make Kody happy, having a schedule and cooking for all of us. Probably that normalcy we all longed for. I’d helped him in the kitchen a few times, but I was mostly in the way. Now when he baked, I sat at the counter and watched. The domesticity of it was nice, and he always let me lick the bowl…. I rubbed my eyes, refusing to cry in the common room.
Would those sweet moments be relegated to memories of times when we tried to steal a kiss before another reaper came into the kitchen? The time Kody smeared icing on my lips so he could lick it off?
Was all of it really over?
Meegan waited rather impatiently for me to answer her question. I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn’t even know what had happened let alone how to explain it.
I sighed and decided I better say something before she flicked my ear again. “Kody’s been visiting his mother.”
She narrowed her eyes and prompted, “And…?”
I swallowed back tears and studied the cinnamon roll. “Kody told me that he’s known for a month his parents are getting divorced. He’s been going there, then lying to me about it.”
“Just like you lied to me when you said you stopped visiting your parents.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it?” sh
e countered, stroking Herman’s back. “He’s only been dead three months, cut him some slack. You went back for over a year.”
“Yeah, but… Kody says he goes there to relax. To feel normal. But why can’t he do that with me?” My voice cracked, and I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes hard. “Do you think he goes there to get away from me?”
“Of course he does.”
Shocked, I dropped my hands and gaped at her. “Why would you say that?”
She placed a hand on my shoulder. “Everybody needs to escape everybody and everything once in a while. It’s normal. Don’t take it so personal, dweeb.”
“It’s not once in a while,” I argued. “It’s every day.”
“Well, he’s got a lot of shit on his plate.”
Meegan didn’t know the half of it.
“Seriously, honey,” she said. “What’s really the problem? You can’t just be upset that Kody’s doing what every single reaper in the history of reapers has done. What’s really wrong?”
I finished the last bite of cinnamon roll and set the plate on the end table. Herman padded onto the arm of the chair and began licking the plate. “We just had our first fight.”
“What was it about?”
My shoulders slumped and I leaned back against the chair. “It doesn’t matter.”
She pursed her lips and studied me. “It’ll be okay. Every couple fights. You’ll make up. You love each other.”
“He’s really mad at me.”
“What did you do?”
Though there was no judgment in her tone, I couldn’t help feeling defensive. “Nothing, I swear.”
She flicked my ear again before I could protect myself.
“Ouch, dammit quit!”
“What did you do?” she repeated.
Rubbing my ear, I answered truthfully. “I don’t know. We were talking, and then everything just got out of hand, I….” No, I wouldn’t tell her I was jealous of Slade, because I was ashamed of myself. And I certainly couldn’t tell her about Kody’s family problems. That was his secret to share, not mine. I may not be the best boyfriend in the world, but Kody was very private, and he wouldn’t want anyone to know about his sister’s drug problem or how his mother had fucked all of them up.
