by K. D. Worth
“I love magic,” Kody whispered to me.
I rose on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek and he blushed.
The view was better, but it still wasn’t the top. An elevator was the only way to get to the upper deck, but it too had a line. We grinned at each other.
“After you,” Kody said, and we carefully teleported once more.
It was much colder up there and sort of difficult to keep my eyes open because of the wind. We made our way to the edge—after waiting for some people to move. A metal cage kept anyone from leaning over and falling, but it didn’t take away from the spectacular view of the city below.
“Whoa,” he breathed, his face flushed and dark hair fluttering in the strong breeze.
I gasped but not from the breathtaking view of the famous city. Kody’s blue eyes were alight with happiness, stealing the very breath from my chest.
So often I could still see the pain he carried, but right now Kody was nothing but innocence and joy.
He leaned over the edge and looked down, still in awe. Then he glanced up at the rest of the tower we couldn’t get to. Eyes sparkling, he smiled at me. “This is so awesome.”
My heart did that little fluttering thing I’d come to associate only with Kody. “No,” I said with complete seriousness. “You’re awesome. I love you.”
He’d said it first, but I wanted him to know I hadn’t repeated it just because. I really meant it. I loved Kody Michaels with my whole being, body and soul.
His grin widened so much his eyes scrunched and his face wrinkled. I’d never seen anything more adorable.
Needing to feel him, I took him in my arms. “I really do love you, Kody,” I murmured against his chest.
He hugged me back, almost strangling me as he wrapped his arms around my neck while I held on to his waist. But I didn’t need air as he whispered back, “I love you too, Max.”
My heart swelled with happiness, peace, and warmth.
“That’s it, Max,” Slade’s hypnotic voice interrupted my fantasy and for a moment I’d forgotten where I was. “Don’t lose that feeling. Focus on it. Close your eyes and feel nothing but your love for each other.”
In such a brief time, Kody had come to mean absolutely everything to me. Occasionally, my mind revisited the agony, the grief from when I’d believed he was gone forever. But the icy pain of separation was the past. Now that I had him, I couldn’t imagine a life without him. He was my heart and my future. My other half.
My entire world.
“What if I told you that you’ll lose him one day?” Slade asked.
Like the burst of an inferno, an exploding bonfire swelled inside me. My eyes flew open and I stared at Slade, panic rising.
Was he being serious? Had he just told me the future? Were the wraiths going to kill him?
“Wh-what do you mean?” My hands began to burn and shake. Sweat itched my back and I fought a gauntlet of emotions, fear to panic, rage to terror. No… I could not lose Kody, not again!
“Max,” he said calmly but loud enough I could hear him over my throbbing pulse. “Look at your hands.”
Out of breath, I did as he asked.
White light crackled between my fingertips.
Shocked, I looked back at Slade. He was smiling.
“That is your trigger,” he said, those gray eyes wise and all-knowing. “Your willingness to do anything to keep him safe. Even your fear of losing him. All of it comes down to one thing. Love. That is the strongest emotion that you have. Not jealousy and fear. Not even anger. Love is what you need to protect Kody. Not lightning powers or crossbows.”
My hands snapped with power and his words registered deep within me. “But how?”
“We’re going to try a few exercises to find out how. Now close your eyes again and think about Kody and all that you’ve built together.”
I shut my eyes and tried to bring back Paris, but I couldn’t.
I was still hung up on Slade’s words. “You’ll lose him one day.”
What did he mean? Yes, we loved each other, but even people who loved each other broke up sometimes. What if this fight was the beginning of the end? What if I lost him for real?
Worse—what if wraiths killed him?
Unbidden, those eight months of misery hit me like a locomotive—or a delivery van driven by a distracted driver. I could see his earthly death playing out in my mind on a never-ending loop. His face as bright with happiness as it had been in Paris. Then the squealing tires, the impact, his coffee arching in the air….
I couldn’t lose him again. My hands went hot and cold at the same time. As if I’d immersed them in snow until they hurt, then plunged them into a hot tub, they crackled and burned. Those months when he’d been taken from me, so lonely and cold, had left a gaping hole in my heart.
A wound that had yet to heal.
Every day I woke up and hurried to his room to make sure it all hadn’t been a dream. I enlisted Meegan’s help to get him a mocha cappuccino from his old favorite coffee shop, Cup o’ Moe’s, just so I could bring it to him under the guise of being an awesome boyfriend.
Truth was: I was scared.
Some days I didn’t let myself sleep, fearing he would be gone if I did. Slade’s words stabbed at those fears, playing in my head like a skipping CD. “You’ll lose him one day… you’ll lose him one day… you’ll lose him….”
Without warning, a hard rush of pain hit me. I gasped as a sob tore from my throat. Tears streaked by cheeks, and I began to weep. “No, I can’t lose him….”
“Max,” Slade whispered. “Stay with me. I’m right here.”
But the emotions were so real, so painful, and I couldn’t stop myself from being swallowed up by them. Usually when the memory of losing him came to me, I quickly brushed it aside, unable to think about it or deal with it. Now the grief consumed me, so real that my fingers burned and tears fell.
The agony grew like an inferno, taking control.
Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Slade talking, “Max, you need to concentrate. Focus on how much you love him, not your fear of losing him.”
“I can’t….”
“Max, listen to me,” Slade ordered. “Don’t let the fear control you.”
Heat rose, the fire of protection, and it hurt like hell as it stormed through my body unchecked. I didn’t know how much more I could bear. Slade’s hypnotic voice had unlocked a door and exposed the place I tried to hide my deepest fears and emotions. I had to stop remembering losing Kody. I had to shut the door….
Without thinking, I threw out my hands and slammed the door shut.
A huge blast of heat left my body with the pain.
I screamed out in shock.
Gasping, I tried to calm myself, but my entire body vibrated. Drained of some of the energy that had been building up, I still felt the heat, but far less intense.
Reality began to shrink back in.
I opened my eyes, blinking to focus.
Across the room Slade was on his back. His head busted through one of the paper screens. When he sat up, his eyes were wide and his hair askew.
“I’m so sorry! Did I shoot you?”
Shaking his head, he laughed. “Not exactly what I wanted to happen. But good work, kid.”
Brushing at the wetness on my face, I scurried over to him on my hands and knees. “Seriously, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
He tossed his blond hair out of his eyes and smiled. “Kid, you can’t hurt me. But you did see and feel what needs to become instinctual. But all those emotions you felt? All of the anger and hurt? They’re a distraction. If you let them take over, you won’t be able to control this power and you won’t be able to protect him.”
I studied him, trying to reassure myself that if he was hurt, he would tell me. “I don’t know how to stop being afraid,” I admitted.
“I know, kid. I’m going to teach you.”
MAX—Chapter 10
“KODY?” I knocked tentatively on his door.
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“Who is it?”
Pursing my lips, I bit back the sarcasm wanting to surface. “It’s me. Can I come in?”
“I don’t care.”
I hesitated for a moment, deciding indifference was better than the no I’d gotten yesterday.
Carefully I opened the door to a room shrouded in darkness. I had to use my reaper vision to see Kody curled up on the bed, fully dressed and on top of the covers. Struck by how much he reminded me of the broken boy I’d cuddled on that fateful October night, my heart sank.
As I started to shut the door, Kody mumbled, “Better leave it open. Don’t wanna get in trouble.”
Frowning, I closed the door but didn’t latch it, leaving it barely cracked. We deserved some privacy.
“You okay?”
He shrugged but didn’t look at me. Rather, he kept staring straight ahead.
“Can I lie down with you?” Desperate to make this ache in my stomach and the distance between us go away, I took a step forward, hoping beyond hope he would let me.
Wordlessly, he shifted to the edge of the mattress, creating a space behind him on the twin bed.
Biting back a sob of relief, I kicked off my shoes and crawled toward him. The warmth that filled me the moment I touched him had me barely suppressing tears. He lifted his arm and I slipped mine underneath to embrace him.
Burying my face in his neck, I took the first easy breath since he’d asked me to leave.
Eager to be forgiven, I draped my leg over his, scooting as close as I could. As if by instinct, Kody slid his leg back and in between mine, until every inch of my front touched his back.
“Were you sleeping?” I asked quietly. Not that reapers needed to sleep, but I knew Kody enjoyed napping.
“No, just thinking.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No, but I suppose you’re gonna make me.” His bitterness made me tighten my grip on him.
“I won’t,” I promised, remembering Meegan’s sage advice. “We can just lie here.”
To my surprise and delight, Kody took my hand and brought it to his lips. “Thank you.”
Fighting tears of gratitude, I clung to him, and the hand holding mine trembled a little. We lay in the darkness, our breaths and heartbeats the only sounds. After the draining lesson with Slade, Kody’s presence stimulated more heat inside me, and rather than weaken me, it revived me. He could feel it too, I imagined. That unique connection meant something, and though we’d argued, I knew in my heart things would be okay.
They had to be.
“How was your lesson?” he asked after a while.
“A lot harder than the last one. I’m dead tired.”
Kody sniffed at my bad pun then rolled over to face me. I scooted back to give him room, my butt against the wall. “Were you able to make the lightning power, or shoot light, or blast, or whatever?” He made a face. “I’m not sure what to call it.”
“Let’s go with lightning blast,” I decided. “It sounds kinda cool. And yeah, I did it.”
His blue eyes got huge. “That’s great, Max! I’m so proud of you.”
I beamed under his praise but fiddled with my ring to hide my pleasure, the heat of it exactly like touching Kody. Though we had serious things to sort out, just then I was thrilled to have him talking to me. “Thanks, but it was a lot harder than I thought. I had to go to some dark places to be able to draw on it.”
“Dark places?”
I gazed into those kind, trusting eyes. “I had to remember losing you. You know I don’t like to think about that,” I added quickly, glancing away.
Kody said nothing and stroked my cheek. I melted into that tender caress, loving it when he touched my face or coiled his hands in my hair.
I smiled at him. “But it worked. We’re gonna practice blasting things without having to think so hard about it. So it’s instinctual, ya know?”
His fingers combed over my scalp, his voice gentle. “That’s good.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” I grinned. “I hit Slade with my first blast. Sent him flying clear across the room and right through the wall.”
“Shut up!” he cried, laughing. “You didn’t!”
“I did. I felt bad at first, but he’s okay, he’s an—” I paused, knowing I couldn’t reveal what Slade confided in me. “—tough and whatever. I mean, it’s Slade. He can take it.”
Though I didn’t like keeping secrets from Kody, Slade had made me promise not to tell anyone his real identity. Lord knew, I did plenty to disobey the guy, might as well obey one of the easier orders, right?
“Yeah,” he agreed. “He’s one tough cookie, I’d bet.”
“Kody?”
“Yeah?”
“What did you mean yesterday when you said you were over this?” I asked in a tiny whisper, my vision clouding. “Did you mean me? Do you wanna break up?”
He kissed the tip of my nose. “No, ya dummy,” he said, sounding annoyed. “I’m over that stupid conversation about Slade.”
As if a huge iron band had been removed from my chest, I let out a rush of air. He was mad, but at least he wasn’t dumping me. “I just worry that he might replace me one day,” I admitted, hating myself for it, but wanting Kody to understand.
His body shook with laughter. “Max, no one could replace you, especially Slade. He doesn’t even like guys. And frankly, I’m not sure he likes girls either. Sometimes I wonder if he’s asexual.”
Kody’s intuition never ceased to amaze me.
“Yeah, but….”
He put a finger to my lips. “No, Max. You gotta let it go.”
I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand and quickly hugged him tight, burying my face in his chest. His arms tightened around me and for a moment, I believed we were okay, that we would get through this.
This constituted our first real fight, and I didn’t like it one bit.
“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole,” I said.
“You’re a major asshole,” he corrected.
“And you’ve developed quite the potty mouth.”
“Well, you should see the people I hang out with,” he countered, humor coloring his voice.
“I’m sorry I brought it up again,” I whispered, though it still bothered me that Kody didn’t tell me all the things he told Slade. “Especially after what happened with your family. I guess I’m a jealous person and I didn’t know it. But I’ve never cared about anyone enough to worry about someone stealing them away from me.”
He sighed heavily. “No one is stealing me away, Max.”
“I know,” I insisted, coiling my legs with his, wanting to be connected.
Slade’s words ghosted through my mind: “What if I told you that you’ll lose him”—No! I couldn’t go there.
But the reality that I could lose him still lingered.
He’d been taking secret trips to his mother’s because he needed a break. Meegan said everybody needed to escape and yet… Kody hadn’t wanted to tell me about his parents’ divorce because he said I wouldn’t understand… he didn’t want to dump me, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t losing him already… maybe I couldn’t handle a real relationship and I would ruin it all….
Pain stabbed me in the heart, and the fire swelled. Before I realized what happened, my hands on Kody’s chest sparked.
“Ow!” He flinched and jerked back. “You shocked me!”
“I’m sorry,” I cried, forcing myself to take calming breaths, to get my emotions under control. Slade had helped me unlock my powers and now they hovered near the surface, fear and jealousy leaving them unchecked. I had to learn how keep my emotions from getting the best of me, or I could lose control and hurt somebody.
Not everybody could take a lightning blast like an archangel.
“Why are your hands lighting up?”
I tried to hide them behind me, quell the hurt that roused it in the first place. “Forget about it.”
“No.” He took a hold of my wrist, and I only fought him f
or a second. He held my hands between us, and we watched the fiery white light bounce between my fingers. “That is so cool.” Tentatively, he touched one finger to the light. The spark flared and he pulled away, laughing. “It’s hot.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, rolling my hands together, steadying my breathing until it faded.
“Is that how you make me feel warm when you touch me?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”
I didn’t understand how this power originated in me, not really. Slade said he sensed it before he reaped me, though I knew nothing of it. One thing I did know was that Kody had been the one to light the flame.
“So, um,” he hesitated. “You told me that you had to go to a dark place to draw out that power. What dark place did you just go to now?”
“Well, um,” I began, feeling like an ass but needing to open up to him so he would do the same. God, please make me say the right thing, I prayed before I spoke. I’m always messing this up, he deserves so much better…. “You didn’t tell me about going to your mom’s because you went there to escape. Is that because you wanted to get away from me?”
“Max.” He touched my chin until I met his gaze. “None of this is about you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I just didn’t know how to explain it. I go there to….” He paused to find the right words. “Because it helps me feel better about being me. Like if my mom’s okay with it, then it’s okay for me to be me. Do you understand?”
The mere notion Kody still had trouble accepting who he was made me want to cry. I barely managed to ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you were still having a problem with that?”
He heaved a tired sigh. “Because I’m sick of whining. I’m sick of being a burden to everyone.”
“You’re never a burden to me,” I declared, grabbing his face in my hands. “I love you!”
He gave me a wobbly smile. “I love you too.”
“This is all just so confusing for me,” I admitted. “I’m jealous of every moment you aren’t with me. And I know it’s ridiculous and it’s unreasonable. But I can’t help feeling this way. I love you so much that it makes me stupid.”
