I immediately reach for her, grabbing her arm. “Cami, stop,” I plead.
She pulls her arm free, then turns and walks away before I can even try to explain myself.
Screaming “FUCK!” in the hallway draws a few curious eyes. What the hell did I just do?
I walk up to the bar and grab another beer then head back to the table, since the one Lincoln got me before I went to the dance floor is probably piss warm by now. When I grab a stool, Morgan glares at me from across the table. Camryn must have told her what just happened in the hallway by the bathroom. Not being able to keep eye contact with Morgan, I look at Lincoln and he has the same sour look on his face. What the fuck? Does everyone at the table know what just happened?
Taking a long swig of my beer, Parker nudges me. “Don’t sweat it, dude. Camryn told Morgan and Lincoln but no one else was paying attention. They were all wrapped up in their own conversation talking about heading to Redemption tomorrow night. There’s a band playing that Morgan said was pretty good.”
I stand from the table, walk over to stand behind Camryn and place my hands on her shoulders. Immediately, her body stiffens from my touch. Leaning down, I speak in her ear, so only she can hear me. “Can I talk to you? Away from all these prying eyes.”
She pushes my hands from her shoulders. When she turns to look at me, her eyes speak a thousand different emotions. Hurt, anger, rejection, embarrassment. I hate that I made her feel that way.
“No.” She sneers at me through gritted teeth. “There is nothing that needs to be said.”
I lean in closer, placing my finger under her chin, so she looks at me. Knowing that I have her full attention, I plead, “Don’t do this. Please. Hear me out.”
Her eyes are sad and it’s all because of me. I feel like shit that I put it there.
“There is nothing to explain. I got the message. Just . . . go away. Please . . .”
I turn away, knowing that my absolute shock and lack of response to Camryn is the cause of this. I thought I was finally crossing the line with her and now I feel like I’ve jumped backwards twenty feet. I’ve got to figure out how to fix this and fix it fast before some asshole has the chance to steal her away from me while she’s in New York.
After a few more beers I’m ready to head out. Christian said he and Camryn were heading to the diner down the street to get something to eat. Rather than sit through an awkward meal, I opt to catch my own cab home. I’ll text Camryn in the morning and tell her we need to talk. I can only pray that she will listen to me and not brush me off again. She can be a little stubborn—hell, a lot stubborn—when she wants to be.
CAMRYN
I WAKE UP to the sunlight shining in through the blinds. You would think after living here for three years, my brother would have curtains up in his room rather than just blinds. My head is throbbing with pain. It feels like someone is beating drumsticks against my temples. I attempt to open my eyes, squinting to look at the clock. It only reads a little after nine and I let out a groan. The lack of sleep, the effects of the alcohol and the light are only making my headache worse.
Christian and I got back to his place sometime after three a.m. My brother, being the gentlemen that he is, told me to take his room, he would sleep on the couch. Even after me arguing that I’d take the couch, Christian wouldn’t allow it. When Jamie was single, I used to stay there sometimes. We even slept in the same bed, but nothing happened besides a little cuddling. We usually spend hours talking, catching up on things. Jamie makes me feel safe, and at home when I am with him. Especially when I am wrapped in his strong arms.
Something has changed between us over the last year. Our flirting has surely picked up a notch. The two of us are a little more open with touching each other. There are things that Jamie knows about me that my brother or even Morgan don’t know. I have always felt comfortable telling Jamie anything.
Jamie was dating a girl named Tabitha for the past year. She was a really nice girl, they met their senior year at NYU. We all hung out a few times when I was home, but Jamie never brought her with him when he came to visit me in California. They broke up sometime in the winter, and from what Jamie says, it was mutual. He really never went into details about the break-up, he just said things weren’t working out between the two of them. They wanted different things in life, and when the relationship ended, they remained friendly.
I liked Tabitha. I really did. She was funny, energetic, and easy going. She was perfect for Jamie, if only I didn’t have feelings for him. I’ve always wanted Jamie to be happy, but seeing them together made my heart ache. Being in their presence sometimes made me feel uncomfortable, especially when she showed him affection in front of me. My stomach would clench when I would see her kiss him and that’s when I realized I wanted him to be kissing me.
I keep replaying last night over and over, trying to see if I misread the signals that Jamie was giving me. After the way we were dancing and the way I felt with his body molded into mine, I don’t know how I could have misconstrued what was happening. In all the times we’ve danced together, I’ve never felt him aroused before. To know that I had that effect on him brings a smile to my lips. This is why I’m still shocked by his reaction when I asked if he was attracted to me.
I know he thinks I’m beautiful. He tells me all the time, but I wanted to know if he saw me differently. If he was attracted to me enough that he would want to pursue something more physical. If he was attracted to me where he may want to see if we could have a relationship together. When Jamie didn’t respond, my heart stopped beating right then. I felt as if he took a sledgehammer and shattered my heart into pieces. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I’m not sure if I was upset with him for not answering my questions or mad at myself for being foolish enough to think that he wanted me.
The previous evening, when I left Jamie standing there in the hallway, I made my way back to the table where everyone was sitting. Morgan and Lincoln seemingly picked up on the change in my demeanor. My body language must have clearly shown it. My gaze bounced around from place to place as I prayed that the tears would not come. I pulled deep breaths in to help calm myself down. I couldn’t even look at Morgan when I got back to the table.
I grabbed the shot glass in front of me and tossed it back. I wasn’t even sure whose it was, but it didn’t ease the pain that I felt. There was another shot in front of Lincoln, so I grabbed that one as well. That shot burned like hell as it went down my throat. I took a deep breath trying to ease the burn, but that only made it worse. Wincing from the shot, Morgan handed me her drink. I took a large mouthful of it before sliding it back to her.
Lincoln pulled me close to him by putting his arm around my shoulder, where he gently squeezed it. I ignored him. I tried to look anywhere but at him. I couldn’t look at him. I knew I was going to lose it if I did. He didn’t give up though. He pulled my stool closer and turned it so I faced him. I had no option but to look at him.
“What’s up, baby girl? Spill it.” Morgan got up from her stool and moved it next to mine, so we both faced Lincoln. After filling Morgan and Lincoln in, they both just shook their heads back and forth. I sat there and watched Lincoln’s jaw clench with his frustration. He just told me, “Don’t dwell on this, Cami, everything will work itself out. Trust me.”
Could I trust Lincoln? Would everything work itself out? Was coming home a mistake? When Shelby offered me the opportunity to head home for a few months, I jumped at the chance to be closer to my favorite people on the planet, now I was beginning to think I made a huge mistake.
When I walked down the hall last night and met Christian and Jamie in the kitchen before we left for Aces, there was something different in Jamie’s eyes when he looked at me. It was as if we had a conversation with our eyes as we stared at each other. So many unspoken words were being conveyed. I could have sworn that he wanted me the way I wanted him. Rejection sucks.
Ugh, I am exhausted. It’s only nine o’clock, I should still be sleep
ing. My mind refused to shut off last night when I laid in bed. Now here I am, with only a few hours of sleep and a raging hangover.
Stretching, I reach over and grab my phone off of the nightstand. There are several texts from Morgan, Lindsey, and Karsen checking to see how I feel this morning. When Christian and I left them at the diner last night, they knew I was going to have one hell of a hangover this morning. They watched me consume a decent amount of alcohol last night. More than I normally do. I figured if I drank enough, it could numb the pain that I felt in my chest. Maybe the alcohol would have masked the embarrassment that I felt every time I looked at Jamie as he sat across from me at the table.
Morgan: Hey, drunk bitch, we’re heading to Redemption tonight. I have a private room set up for us. Bar bill is on Lincoln and me. Be ready at 10, we’ll swing by and grab you guys.
Me: After the amount of alcohol I consumed last night, I really DO NOT want to go out tonight. Was I that bad last night?
Morgan: WHATEVER, you’re going out. Wear that tight strapless black dress you have and your red Manolo Blahnik heels. NO ARGUING. Yes, you were drunk, but not too much to handle
Me: Ugh . . . Can’t we just have a movie night?
Morgan: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Don’t make me have to come there and dress you myself. You had a shitty night last night. That is not the welcome home party I wanted for you. We will dance and drink all night. Tonight will be awesome!!
Me: Okay . . . Okay . . . I’m gonna jump in the shower and head out for a run. I slept like shit last night, so I need to try and burn some energy off.
Morgan: I can think of a few ways you can burn some energy off. It begins with a J and ends with an E, with AMI in between (lol) That boy has it hard for you. No pun intended.
Me: WHATEVER . . . His silence spoke volumes last night.
Morgan: Maybe you just caught him off guard. Cut him some slack, Cam.
Me: I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.
Morgan: Don’t ignore my text about you catching him off guard. This conversation is NO WHERE NEAR OVER!!
Me: Love ya too . . . talk to you later. Putting phone on charger. MUAH
I finally get up, grab my toiletry bag and head down the hall to the bathroom. The apartment is quiet, so Christian must still be sleeping. I turn on the shower and wait for the water to get hot. Looking at myself in the mirror, I’m a little scared at the reflection staring back at me. My eyeliner is smeared and my hair looks like rats ran through it while I slept. Oh God, last night was rough. I step into the shower and when the hot water hits my body, my muscles immediately begin to relax.
By the time I am done with my shower and wrapped in a comfy towel, I decide to scratch the idea of going for a run.
I need to get this nasty taste out of my mouth. Quickly I brush my teeth and gargle some mouthwash, hoping it will help.
When I open the bathroom door, I hear his voice. Shit . . . Jamie is here, what the hell? It’s only ten o’clock, why is he here already? This day cannot get any worse. I grip the towel tighter and try to sneak out of the bathroom without being noticed. I fail miserably, because Jamie spots me immediately.
“Don’t think I don’t see you. You and I need to talk. Like now,” Jamie says, his eyes scowling and pleading at the same time.
“There isn’t anything to talk about, Jamie.” He and I stare at each other and I pull my towel tighter around my chest, suddenly feeling self-conscious and exposed.
I can tell he is pissed. “Like hell there isn’t.” He looks back at my brother sitting on the couch, “Give me a few minutes, I need to talk to your sister.”
I ignore him and continue to walk into Christian’s bedroom and slam the door.
I hear my brother say, “Go for it, Bro. I think you are going to need more than a few minutes. I’ll get the coffee brewing and start breakfast. Breakfast should be done by the time you finish getting through that thick head of hers.”
Jamie barges in the room, shuts the door behind him.
I am beyond pissed now. My head feels like it is going to explode and I do not want to have this conversation with him. I take a deep breath and when I turn around, Jamie is chest to chest with me.
“You need to hear me out. What happened last night was a mistake.” His voice is firm and final.
A gasp leaves my throat involuntarily. I push against his chest and he takes a step back. I need space to breathe. I can’t have him this close to me. Not today, not after last night, not after he just said last night was a mistake.
“You’re goddamn right it was.” I turn around and walk over to my duffle bag on the bed. I need to get dressed and get the hell away from him. I am trying to find a pair of yoga pants and a tank top when Jamie comes up behind me. He puts his arms around my waist, pulling my body against his chest. I struggle to pull away, but he just holds me tighter.
“Calm down, Cami. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re only hearing what you want to hear.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. I repeat this action several times, trying to calm myself down before I lose my shit. My head is throbbing, my heart is racing. His tight hold only pisses me off even more.
“LET. ME. GO. NOW!” I demand through gritted teeth. Trying to get out of his hold, I twist and turn, attempting to loosen the death grip that he has on me. This just infuriates him more, causing him to pull me against his chest again.
“Are you done acting like an ass?”
I close my eyes and continue to take deep breaths to calm down. I mutter to myself, “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.”
Maybe I should try a different route. I am still naked and this should buy me some time.
“Can you please get out? I need to get dressed. I’m naked under this towel, in case you haven’t noticed.” I grab my towel by my left breast to keep it secure around my body.
“Oh, trust me, I’ve noticed you’re only in a towel. It’s driving me fucking crazy. But I’m not leaving until you hear me out,” Jamie says firmly.
“I heard exactly what you said, Jamie. You said that last night was a mistake. I heard you loud and clear just like last night. I’m not an idiot, although you made me look and feel like one.”
I don’t have it in me to fight with Jamie. He must sense that I feel defeated and he turns me around to face him. He places his finger under my chin, “Camryn, please look at me.”
When I don’t look up, he applies a little pressure against his finger, forcing me to stare in his eyes.
“Last night wasn’t a mistake. Me not answering your question was a mistake. You caught me completely off guard. I wanted to answer you, I just couldn’t find the words. They were on the tip of my tongue, the words have just been kept under wraps for so many years that I didn’t know how to voice my feelings for you.”
My heart is speeding up even more because of what he is saying.
He takes a deep breath. “When I tell you how I feel, I want the words to be perfect. Ones you’ll remember for all your life.”
Tears build in my eyes. I am trying my hardest not to let them fall. But one by one they begin to stream down my cheeks. I quickly try to bat them away. “Jamie, I don’t know why I asked you that. I should have never put you on the spot.”
Jamie lets out a deep sigh. “There you go again, you’re not listening to me. You didn’t put me on the spot. You had a question that you wanted an answer to. Yes, I am attracted to you, Cami. You know that I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.”
He cups my face tenderly in his warm hands. Slowly and seductively, his gaze drops from my eyes, to my bare shoulders to the swell of my breasts. He leans in, his lips brush against mine. His tongue traces the softness of my lips. My knees weaken as his mouth descends down my jaw, burying his face in my neck. From just his kiss, my body aches for his touch.
The sound of the smoke alarms and the banging on the door makes me pull away from him.
We both turn and stare at the door, wh
ich then flies open. Christian looks between Jamie and me with wide eyes. His eyes going back and forth between the two of us, taking in the scene before him. Jamie still has his arms around my waist. Christian has a bewildered look on his face, then smirks at us.
“Sorry for all the noise. I sort of burned breakfast. But I managed to not fuck up the coffee. There are bagels in the cabinet, the bacon isn’t edible.” Christian turns to leave but stops and looks at us. “I don’t even want to know what was happening in here.” Then continues to walk out leaving the bedroom door open.
Jamie looks down at me. “This conversation isn’t over. We’ll talk later when he isn’t around, okay? That way there won’t be any interruptions.”
My voice is hoarse with frustration, I murmur, “Sure.” My lips are still warm and moist from his kiss. I raise my fingers to them, wishing the kiss would have lasted longer.
He sighs then lets me out of his embrace. Jamie leaves the room in pursuit of my pain-in-the-ass brother who has the worst timing in the world. I flop down on the bed, throwing my hands over my head, praying that this day doesn’t get any worse.
I hate fighting with Jamie. The only good thing that came out of our fight was he just confessed that he does see me as more than a best friend.
I can sense Jamie needing to tell me more. I saw it in his eyes . . . felt it when his fingers dug against my skin. I even felt it in the pulsing bulge between his legs as he held me tight against his chest. This is definitely not over between us and we just need time alone to figure this all out.
JAMIE
WALKING OUT OF Christian’s bedroom, the smell of burnt bacon turns my stomach. A cloud of smoke hangs in the air. Christian is rushing around, opening up the windows in the kitchen, so I help him out by opening the ones in the living room.
Unspoken Words (Unspoken #1) Page 5
