by Charity B.
“God, fine.” I hear the door slam behind me, and I have the unfortunate luck of not getting away fast enough to miss her saying, “Looks like you get to put it in my ass. I need you to bust it A.S.A.P. all right?”
Gross.
I put the pie in the oven, setting the timer before I make sure we have milk. Zeb used to drink an insane amount of milk. Maybe that’s how he got so huge.
I hear her bedroom door open and their goodbye, which consists more of making out than actual words, as I fluff the pillows on the couch and straighten the coffee table for the fiftieth time. Since I don’t have my sweater on, I head back into the kitchen until I hear Brently leave through the front door.
Kaila is pulling her shirt over her head when I return to her room, and she has yet to get into her pants. Probably because Brently just did.
“There are three dresses I can’t choose between. I need you to tell me which one you think looks the best.”
“The pinkish-burgundy one.” How did she know that was one of my choices? “It’s my favorite thing you own. It looks incredible with your hair and eyes.” I feel my lips lift. Her compliments are so genuine, they always make me feel good. “Come on, let’s go pick out some jewelry.”
I follow her out of her room, keeping my thoughts to myself about her leaving the light on. Once in my bedroom, I take off my nightgown, and she holds up the cameo necklace I got from Now and Then Antiques.
“This one. I wish you would have let me pierce your ears. I have some ivory earrings that would look killer with this.”
I slide the dress over my head. “Altering the body for vain purposes is a sin.”
“Of course it is.” She attaches the necklace before smoothing my hair. “There. You look perfectly virginal.”
If only.
“Thank you for your help. I didn’t cause any problems with Brently, did I?”
She shrugs. “He got his rocks off.” Ugh. She covers her mouth and giggles. “Oh my God, I love your face when I talk about sex shit.”
I scoff, yet I still can’t help myself from smiling at her. The knock at the door is loud and hammers me to the carpet. I stand frozen, unable to move a muscle. It’s what I imagine paralysis to be like. I can feel my limbs, they are just useless.
“Are you gonna get that or am I?”
He’s expecting to predominately deal with me. The less interaction he has with Kaila, the better.
“I-I will.”
Her eyes look around the room, and she rocks back on her heels. “Today?”
“Shut up.”
The heaviness of my feet gives way, allowing me to run down the hall and stairs.
Either the door feels bigger than normal, or I feel much smaller as I wrap my fingers around the cold knob. I swing it open and am met with a very handsome-looking Zebadiah.
Black suspenders bow out from his chest, covered in a cream, thermal shirt that does nothing to hide his abs and pecs. His jacket is draped over his arm, and the eyes I know are blue are hidden beneath the shadow of his hat. My mouth suddenly feels dry, so I swallow.
“Hey, hi… erm, hello.”
His lips tweak into a subtle smirk. “Hey, hi, hello to you too.”
I don’t doubt my cheeks are pink as I hold out my arm to invite him in. He hesitates for the slightest of moments, which gives me a twist in my gut, reminding me that what we’re doing is wrong.
He removes his hat, allowing the light brown strands to fall into his eyes before he smooths them back. His skin is darker than it once was and has taken on a lovely golden glow. It’s odd to see him with a five o’ clock shadow, but I like it. The last time I saw him, he was barely shaving. Not to mention, cleanliness is extremely important in the Anointed Land. He’ll be required to shave soon, regardless of being the Prophet.
I hate how nervous I am. He should be the only other person in the world, besides Kaila, who I’m completely comfortable with.
I hold out my hand. “May I take your hat and jacket? Would you like a glass of milk? Oh, and I made you an apple pie. It should be done soon.”
My words tumble out on top of each other, and I feel the heat crawl up my neck. I’m relieved at his smile and flustered by the way it pulls out the shine in his eyes.
He hands me his things, and as I hang them in the closet, he says, “Milk would be wonderful. Thank you.”
I gesture to the living room, wishing I had something other than our thirty-year-old couch for him to sit on. “Take a seat, I’ll be right back.”
Turning toward the kitchen, I’m grateful for the escape from his gaze. I check on the pie and pour his milk before I return to find him frowning at the blank television.
“You have one of these in your home?”
I place the milk in front of him on the coffee table and sit next to him, though at a polite distance.
“It’s my friend Kaila’s. There are a lot of sinful things I’m forced to associate with, so I do my best to pay my penance for it.”
He arches a curious eyebrow. “And how exactly do you do that without the presence of holiness?” He picks up the milk, and as soon as it hits his lips, his face twists in repulsion. “Oh Laur... Please tell me I didn’t just drink milk that has been run through a machine.”
Oh, no. I forgot about the milk. It took some getting used to for me too, but since Kaila hates unpasteurized, I didn’t think to get some.
“I am so sorry! I-I wasn’t thinking.” The timer for the apple pie goes off, and I could almost cry with gratitude. While his face softens to neutral, he pushes the milk away. I stand to fetch the pie. “Excuse me.”
Stupid! If we were in the Anointed Land, this would be a serious offense. Though it may have not been intentional, I still caused him to ingest a sin-tainted substance. He won’t want this pie either. It’s been put in an electric oven. A pie baked with evil.
So far, this night is going terribly.
I toss the pie on the stovetop. No more food or drinks. I want to hear what he has to say and how he thinks my returning home is possible. Smoothing out my dress, I stand up straight, assuring myself the rest of the evening will go smoothly.
“Oh, hey! So, you’re the pious prince! I’m Kaila.”
Oh no, no, no.
“Excuse me?”
I run into the living room to see Zeb leaning away from her outstretched hand as she wiggles her fingers for him to take it. I hadn’t outright asked her to stay out of sight, though she knows it’s what I would have preferred.
I throw her a glare to which she responds by widening her smile. She drives me nuts sometimes. I am going to hide all of her tweezers. She will freak out if she can’t ‘maintain her brows’.
“She’s joking.” I frown at her. “She’s just not very funny.”
Dropping her hand, she shrugs before she rubs her palms together. “Do I smell pie? You want some, farmer Zeb?”
“If you must address me, I insist you do so as Zebadiah. And no, I do not break bread with Philistines.”
Her eyebrows jump up her forehead, and her open hands fly up by her shoulders. “Oh well, damn. It’s like that, huh? Okay then.” This isn’t good. She can be a bit of a scrapper, especially with men. She’s always been like that, but if she hits him, this visit will come to an unfortunate end. She leans forward enough that I know he can see down her shirt. He’s looking at her like she smells bad, and her posture is screaming fight mode. “Here’s how it is: I don’t give a fuck what you think of me, but I swear to any God besides yours that if this isn’t legit and you do anything that hurts Laurel Ann, I will destroy your precious ‘Anointed Land’. And this Philistine keeps her fucking promises, you dissembling dick.”
She spins toward the kitchen and looks at me to see if she crossed a line. While of course I wish she would have stayed in her room, she has a right to be offended. Zeb could have kept his thoughts to himself, even if she did come on strong. She did nothing besides enforce his opinion of her.
I close my mouth and nod her
on. Right now, I just need her out of here. Zeb scowls at me in silence, and Kaila stomps around in the kitchen. When did he get so grumpy? I know he’s outside of the compound, but he is with me. That should count for something. At least it used to.
The backdoor out of the kitchen slams. I’m not looking forward to how long I’m going to hear about this from her tonight.
He looks around my home as if we are standing in a cesspool. “How do you live like this?” If I were in his position I would feel the same way, yet his words physically sting my chest. I would rather him spit on my face than judge me the way he is. “With her?”
The fact that he’s speaking of Kaila more than the sins runs through my spine. I march over to him, and he stands to greet me. “She’s just trying to protect me, and you were very rude to her. She doesn’t like being looked down upon.”
He shakes his head like I’m speaking French. “She’s a loud, obnoxious Philistine. There is no reason to be kind to her.”
Oh, wow. She’s right. He is a dick. I fight the urge to poke him in his incredibly hard chest.
“How about because she is my friend? And I thought you were too? I have done my best here, but I never could have done it without her. She’s always supported me, and she has been my only source of love and affection in this evil place. You don’t have to like her, though I would appreciate you being cordial.”
Why is he smiling like that?
“You’re right. I apologize for my unfriendliness. I have no idea what you have gone through these past years. Though in part, that’s why I’m here.” He gestures to the couch. “Please sit with me.”
Were his moods always this extreme? I take his invitation to sit while he does the same. He’s just looking at me. Am I supposed to talk first? He lifts his hand, and my dress has become a furnace. He’s going to touch me.
His palm is much bigger than it used to be as he cups my face. “You were always beautiful, but now…you’re simply breathtaking,” he whispers. I can’t stop the smile from lifting my lips at his unexpected words. My stomach flies around inside me, and I hope my face isn’t red. He leans forward, and for a wonderful moment I think he is going to kiss me. “I want you to come home.”
I nod quickly to avoid appearing hesitant. “As do I, but how? Excommunication is permanent.”
“It is Zaaron’s will.”
I nearly jump up with a rush of excitement that explodes into every cell in my body. “He told you that?”
“I am the Prophet.”
I want to simultaneously laugh, scream, cry, and pray. Finally, I give in to what has been the constant desire to hug him. His body heat radiates into mine when I wrap my arms around his large frame and lay my head on his shoulder.
“This is everything I’ve dreamed of since I was cast out.”
He vacillates at first, then his body relaxes to embrace me. I hear him quietly inhale as he places a small kiss to my head.
“Tell me how you have kept yourself pure.”
I pull back from him, insecurity worming its way into my thoughts. What if he sees my methods as ridiculous or worse, ineffective?
“I need you to understand, there are evil things I have to do on a daily basis, almost constantly. All I knew to do was to try to atone for them all, periodically.”
“There are many sins, Laurel Ann, and most can be forgiven. However, there are a few which are impossible to come back from.” I nod because as far as I know, I have not committed any unforgivable sins. “Have you, in any way ingested the blood of a Philistine?”
“No.”
“Have you ever rebuked Zaaron as your God and Messiah?”
“No.”
“Have you ever had a Philistine man inside your body?”
My face flames although I’m glad I can say, “No.”
The thought of him touching another woman batters my mind, and I clench my dress in my fists. He’s very possibly bound to at least one wife by now. That is his purpose. I’ve always known that, so why is this feeling in my stomach making me want to scream into the lipstick pillow he keeps staring at?
He smiles and his eyes roam down my dress. “Please, continue. What is your source of cleansing?”
I unfasten the buttons on the cuff of my sleeve, pulling it up enough to show him the bracelet of scars.
“I pray to Zaaron to cleanse me while burning my wicked flesh.” I quickly cover myself. “I have many more.”
His eyes slightly widen as he appears to be fighting a smile. “This has saved your soul.”
The words sound so final, like the decision has been made. “I can come home?”
“It will be a bit of a process, but yes, I suggest you tie up your loose ends.”
Questions begin to overflow my mind, climbing over one another. “Where will I stay?”
“This is an unorthodox situation. While you paid penance with your flesh, you have been in a constant place of sin for years. It will take something much more extreme than a cleansing to purify you of its tainting. You will also need to apologize to all of the children of Zaaron. You will first stay in the holding room. Once you are again pure, you will live in the placing dorms until Zaaron’s will becomes clear.”
“Do you think they will accept me? I’m scared I’ll be shunned.”
He lifts his hand, hesitating for a moment before he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I can’t promise this will be taken with approval, at least not right away. However, the children will not defy their Prophet or the word of Zaaron.” He takes my hand. “I will undo what was done by my father.”
Feeling his touch closes a door in my throat, requiring considerable effort to speak. “What happened to him?”
“Zaaron desired him at the Paradise Star. How his physical body died though, we don’t know.”
“When?”
“Next week will be four months since we put him into the ground.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He shrugs with indifference. “It was meant to be.” I want to ask if I will be eventually placed again, but considering my history, I don’t want to come across as ungrateful. “I must take my leave. Either I or Ezekiel will call on you, informing you of when to be ready and where you will be picked up.”
I am going to guess, for now that Ezekiel is the Apostle, if Zeb is sending him on tasks. He stands, and I follow him to the door.
“This means everything to me, Zeb. Thank you.”
He spins back to me, pushing my chin up to meet his stare. “Prophet. I am your Prophet.” His harsh tone and hardened face forces me to gulp a big ball down my throat with my nod. His fingers trace up my cheek, pulling the air from my lungs. He leans down, and I can feel his lips barely touch my ear. “I want you to say it.”
My heart swooshes in my chest, and I lick my lips.
“Thank you, Prophet.”
I CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND Zeb and lean my head against it. What just happened? I agreed to come back without so much as a single thought. Now that he’s gone, and I know Kaila will be back any minute, guilt grows in my chest, overtaking my joy.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell her. It’s really happening, and the thought of never seeing her again is crushing. Doubt consumes me. The desire to go to my room to sleep overtakes me.
I don’t bother with a nightgown or covering up with my quilt. The sobs are muffled by my pillow, and I never would have imagined feeling this way after receiving the only thing I’ve wished for years. I can honestly say I love her. It’s similar to how I feel for Mia and my family, but since we chose each other, there is something more between us.
She’s never going to forgive me, and I won’t blame her. I have to go back. While I know that, this is going to tear my heart in two.
Tap. Tap.
Kaila’s head peeks into my room. “Hey. How’d it go with the divine dickhead?” I sniffle and roll over to face her. Once our eyes meet, her shoulders slump, and she climbs on the bed, lying next to me. “Are you okay?”
&nb
sp; My vision is obscured with tears when I squeeze my arms around her. I hold her as tight as I can. After she finds out, I may never get to again.
“I don’t want to leave you.” I bawl into her hair. The agony in my heart makes me question if I can do this. She’s been my entire world for almost half my life.
“You’re going back.” She doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t scream or get angry, she just holds me tighter. Her tears wet my neck as we cry with each other. She pulls her head up and clears the wet hair from my face. “What am I going to do without you?” Another floodgate bursts through my eyes at her words. “I’ll be right back.”
My body curls into a ball. I clutch at my pillow and thank Zaaron that she doesn’t hate me. Leaving her that way would have been unbearable. After returning with an envelope, she sits back down.
“Here’s what we’re doin’,” she says. When she opens the paper package, a stack of photographs falls out. “We are going to stay up all night reminiscing and saying a proper goodbye, okay?”
I force a smile as I take her hand. “Thank you for not being angry.”
“I’m not sure what I feel, but it’s not angry.” She straightens the photos, handing me the stack with a sigh. “I know how you feel about getting your picture taken, but I’ve still snuck in a few clicks here and there.”
The only photographs I’ve ever seen of myself are the ones I’ve been forced to take for identification purposes and class photos. I refused to smile in them, hating that they were proof of my sins. As I flip through these photos though, I’m laughing or smiling in all of them, unaware of the moment being stolen. Seeing these joyful memories in my hands makes me choke on a laugh. A lot of them are ‘selfie-style’ with Kaila in the corner of the photo wearing her beautiful smile. The last one is of both of us laughing about something, on our couch.
She points to it. “Brently took that one last month. I hope it’s okay I have these. I know you can’t take them with you. I just wanted to show you that you were happy here. With me.”
I wipe my face. I don’t want to get the photos wet, and I don’t want to let go of the one with us. It would be a horrible idea to bring it back with me. Not a good way to start off my return by bringing something as modern and soul damaging as a photograph into the Anointed Land. And yet, the idea of having this piece of her to hold and to look at when I miss her is one of the strongest desires I have ever felt.
