Julia felt her eyes grow teary, and she swiped at them blindly. “I wish you could have told me.”
“So do I, but I promised Jeremy that I’d stay away. Before he
entered the hallway, I tried to speak to you, but John and Soraya
kept interrupting.”
“I know, but — ”
He interrupted her. “If I’d told you it was only temporary, they
would have realized from your expression. They would have known
I had no intention of following through on my promise. I’d given
my word.”
“But you planned to break it.”
“Yes. Yes, I did.” He was quiet again for a moment, looking off
into the distance.
“That doesn’t make sense, Gabriel. You made all kinds of promises
to them, but you broke them. You put the textbook in my box, you
wrote me a message…”
“I planned to do more. I was going to email you, saying that it
was only until the end of the semester. Once you’d graduated and
I’d resigned, we would renew our relationship. That is, if you stil wanted me.”
Gabriel’s voice dropped. “I knew you would be watched. And
that the Dean would interview you to find out if I’d kept my promise.
I worried about your ability to lie.”
“That’s bullshit,” said Julia fiercely. “You could have sent me an email and explained that I needed to pretend to be heartbroken. I’m not a great actress, but I can act a little.”
“There were other — factors.”
She closed her eyes. “When I fell, you looked at me as if you
hated me. You looked disgusted.”
336
Gabriel’s Rapture
“Julia, please.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his chest.
“That look was not meant for you. Any disgust I felt was directed at the hearing and myself. That look was not meant for you, I swear.”
Julia shed more than a few tears at that moment, the consequence
of shock and anxiety and a measure of relief at having her questions answered. But some of the most important questions remained.
“I hate that I’ve made you cry again,” Gabriel said ruefully, run-
ning a hand up and down her back to comfort her.
Julia wiped her eyes. “I need to go home.”
“You can stay with me tonight.” He glanced down at her cautiously.
She was conflicted. Staying with him could possibly undercut
all the things she had yet to say, but running back to her cold, dark apartment seemed cowardly. As always, she knew that once she allowed herself to curl into his side, her body and heart would drag her mind along with them.
“I should go.” She sighed in defeat. “But I can’t bring myself to
leave right now.”
“Then stay — in my arms.” He kissed her forehead, murmuring
his love against her skin.
Slowly, he extricated himself from her embrace and retrieved
a couple of blankets, pausing to blow out the candles as he did so.
He left the tea lights lit in the Moroccan lamps overhead, admiring the play of light and color against the walls of the tent. The very air shimmered.
They made a nest together in the center of the futon. Gabriel
lay on his back with his beloved at his side. He did nothing to stifle the deep sigh of contentment that escaped his lips as he wrapped his arm about her shoulders.
“Gabriel?”
“Yes?” He stroked her hair slowly, reveling in the feel of the
silkiness of the strands as they slipped through his fingers. He tried to savor her new, unfamiliar scent but found himself mourning the
loss of the old one.
“I — missed you.”
“Thank you.” He squeezed her tightly as a feeling of cautious
relief coursed through him.
“I used to lie awake at night, wishing you were with me.”
337
Sylvain Reynard
Gabriel’s eyes watered at the sound of her vulnerability and her
courage. If he ever had a moment’s doubt that he would love and
admire her forever, no matter whether she chose him or not, that
doubt faded away like a wisp of smoke.
“Me too.”
She hummed to herself and within minutes, the two weary, for-
mer lovers were sound asleep.
338
Chapter 46
Julia opened her eyes and saw bright July sunlight streaming in
through the open door of the tent. She was curled up under two
cashmere blankets that had been lovingly tucked around her. She was alone. Were it not for the fact that she knew that the tent belonged to Gabriel, she would have thought that she’d dreamed the previous evening. Or that she’d woken up to a new dream.
As she got out of bed, she found a note next to her pillow.
Darling,
You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’ t want to disturb you. I’ll ask Rebecca to make waffles for breakfast because
I know you like them. Falling asleep in your arms again
reminded me that I was only half a person in your absence.
You make me whole.
With love,
Gabriel.
Julia couldn’t deny the fact that a variety of emotions came upon
her as she read the note, like a symphony of different instruments.
Perhaps the most dominant feeling was that of relief.
Gabriel loved her. Gabriel had returned.
But forgiveness and reconciliation were two different things, and
she knew that although other forces had been at work to effect their separation, she and Gabriel each bore responsibility for the situation in which they currently found themselves. Julia didn’t want to run back into his arms only to escape the pain of their separation; Sylvain Reynard
that would be like taking a pill to kill a pain without investigating its root causes.
She found her shoes and slowly walked across the garden, retriev-
ing her purse before entering the back door. Rebecca was already at work in the small kitchen, preparing breakfast.
“Good morning.” She greeted Julia with a smile.
“Good morning.” Julia motioned toward the staircase that led to
the second floor. “I was just going to use the bathroom.”
Rebecca wiped her hands on her apron.
“I’m afraid Gabriel is in it.”
“Oh.”
“Why don’t you knock on the door? He might be finished.”
The thought of running into Gabriel, damp from the shower,
wrapped in a towel, made Julia’s skin grow pink.
“Um, I’ll wait. May I?” She gestured to the kitchen sink and, with Rebecca’s permission, proceeded to wash her hands. When they were
dried, she removed a hair elastic from her purse and pulled her hair into a ponytail.
Rebecca invited her to sit down at the small, round kitchen table.
“This house isn’t very convenient with only one bathroom. I end up having to climb those stairs several times a day. Even my little house has two bathrooms.”
Julia was surprised. “I thought that you lived here.”
Rebecca laughed as she retrieved a pitcher of freshly squeezed
orange juice from the refrigerator. “I live in Norwood. I used to live with my mother, but she passed away a few months ago.”
“I’m sorry.” Julia gave Rebecca a sympathetic look as she poured
orange juice into two wine glasses.
“She had Alzheimer’s,” said Rebecca simply before returning to
her cooking.
Julia watched as she plugged in an electric waffle maker and
proceeded to wash and hull a basket of fresh strawberries a
nd whip some cream. Gabriel had planned the breakfast well.
“It’s going to be an adjustment to keep house for a professor after looking after my mother. He’s a bit particular, but I like that. Did you know that he’s lending me books? I’ve just started reading Jane 340
Gabriel’s Rapture
Eyre. I’ve never read it before. He says that as long as I keep cooking I can keep borrowing books. Finally, I have a chance to further my education and use everything I learned from years of watching the Food Network.”
“He’s lending you books from his personal library?” Julia sounded
incredulous.
“Yes. Isn’t that nice? I don’t know the professor very well, but I’m already fond of him. He reminds me of my son.”
Julia sipped her orange juice and began to eat her breakfast, urged as she was not to wait for Gabriel’s arrival.
“I don’t know why he bought this house when the kitchen is so
small and there’s only one bathroom.” She spoke between bites of a cinnamon flavored waffle.
Rebecca wore a knowing smile. “He wanted to live in Harvard
Square, and he liked the garden. He said that it reminded him of his parents’ place back home. He plans to renovate the house to make it more comfortable, but he refused to book a single contractor until you gave your approval.”
“My approval?” Julia’s fork clattered to the floor.
Rebecca efficiently handed her another one. “He might have
said something about selling it if you didn’t like it. Although given the language I heard coming from upstairs this morning, I think he has decided to begin his renovations immediately.”
She passed a plate of crispy bacon to Julia. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but the professor can be a little intense.”
Julia laughed loudly. “You have no idea.”
She was able to enjoy not one but two waffles before the sound
of Gabriel and his Italian shoes came thumping down the stairs.
“Good morning,” he greeted her, kissing the top of her head.
“Good morning.” Acutely aware of Rebecca’s presence, Gabriel
and Julia made polite small talk for a moment or two before Julia
excused herself to visit the bathroom.
With one look at her face and hair in the mirror, she realized that she needed to have a shower. And that’s when she noticed a shopping bag placed neatly on the corner of the vanity.
Inside the bag she found bottles of her old brand of vanilla
shampoo and shower gel, along with a new lavender-colored poof.
341
Sylvain Reynard
Even more surprisingly, she found a pale yellow summer dress with
a matching cardigan. It took a moment or two for her to overcome
the sudden, almost overwhelming feeling that passed over her. But
she swallowed it back and showered and dressed, making herself
presentable.
She was grateful to have clean clothes to wear but slightly irritated at Gabriel’s presumption. She wondered if she’d find lingerie in her size hanging in his closet. She wondered if, when he moved the contents of his condo, he kept all the clothes and items she’d left behind.
She swept her hair behind her ears. Grace’s earrings were hidden
in the back of her underwear drawer with a few other precious things, in her apartment. She knew that putting them away, although it
seemed necessary when he left, had injured Gabriel deeply.
They’d wounded each other, and both were in need of forgive-
ness and healing. But Julia couldn’t decide what path would be the best one to take in order for her to mend. The obvious choices in
life aren’t always the correct ones.
When she finally came downstairs, Rebecca was cleaning up the
kitchen and Gabriel was in the garden. She found him sitting in a
chair under the shade of a large umbrella.
“Are you all right?” she asked, for his eyes were closed.
He opened his eyes and smiled. “I am now. Join me?” He ex-
tended his hand, and she took it, settling herself in the chair adjacent to him.
“That color suits you,” he said, appraising her yellow dress with
unconcealed delight.
“Thank you for going shopping.”
“What would you like to do today?”
Julia tugged the hem of her dress to cover her knees. “I think we
should finish our conversation.”
He nodded, silently renewing his prayer. He didn’t want to lose
her. And he knew that her reaction to the next part of his story might bring about just that.
“I know you remember our conversation in the hallway, after
the hearing. When John was rude to you, I wanted to break off his
finger and feed it to him.”
“Why?”
342
Gabriel’s Rapture
“I don’t think you comprehend the depth of my feeling for you.
It goes beyond wanting to be near you, or to protect you. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be treated you with respect.”
“You can’t break off people’s fingers when they’re rude to me.”
He made a show of stroking his chin thoughtfully. “I suppose not.
What can I do? Strike them with the collected works of Shakespeare?”
“In one sturdy volume? Of course.”
They shared a laugh before falling silent for a moment.
“I wanted to communicate what had happened behind closed
doors, but I was ordered not to talk to you. That’s why I spoke in code. Except I stupidly quoted Abelard, forgetting that you and I had different interpretations of his relationship with Héloise. I should have quoted Dante, Shakespeare, Milton, anyone.” He shook his head.
“You were so angry. You accused me of fucking you. Julianne…”
Gabriel’s voice broke as he pronounced her name. “Did you really
think so lowly of me? To think that was how I would choose to say
good-bye?”
Julia looked away, avoiding the intensity of his gaze. “What
was I supposed to think? You wouldn’t talk to me. You left the next morning without leaving a note. And then at the hearing, suddenly
it was over.”
“I didn’t trust myself to speak with words. When I made love to
you, I thought you understood what I was trying to say — that we’re one. That we’ve always been one.”
“You were talking about our conversation in the hallway after
the hearing,” she prompted, eager to change the subject. “I don’t
understand how they could have forced you to leave the city.”
“They couldn’t, really. Jeremy simply wanted my word that I’d
stop seeing you.”
She folded her arms in front of her. “Then why did you leave?”
“Jeremy discovered I broke my promise before we exited the
building. He demanded I break things off with you and swear on
my honor that I would stay away from you. I’d already told him I’d do anything if he helped us. I had no choice.”
Julia thought back to her exit interview with the Dean and Pro-
fessor Martin, just before graduation. “Why did Jeremy think you
343
Sylvain Reynard
broke your promise? You wouldn’t talk to me or answer my messages.
You sent me an email telling me it was over.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’d hoped you’d read between the lines and
realize it was just for the administration. I’d sent you another email before that from my Gmail account, saying it was only temporary.”
“No, you didn’t.”
He retrieved his phone. Scrolling through a few screens, he settled on so
mething. Then he fixed distressed and haunted eyes on hers.
“After the hearing, I ducked into the men’s room and quickly
sent you an email.” He gently took her hand. “Here,” he said, giving her the phone.
Julia quickly glanced at the screen.
Beatrice, I love you. Never doubt that. Trust me, please. G.
She blinked several times, trying to assimilate what she saw typed in black and white with what she’d experienced. “I don’t understand.
I didn’t receive this.”
Gabriel gave her a tortured expression. “I know.”
She looked at the screen again and saw that the date and time
of the email corresponded with Gabriel’s story. But the addressee
of the email was not her. In fact, the actual recipient was someone entirely different.
J.H. Martin.
Julia’s eyes widened as the magnitude of Gabriel’s error suddenly
became very, very clear. Instead of sending the email to Julianne H.
Mitchell, he’d sent it to Jeremy H. Martin, the Chair of the Department of Italian Studies.
“Oh my God,” she breathed.
He plucked the phone from her hand, muttering curses. “Every
time I tried to do something for you, it backfired. I tried to save you, and the hearing officers were suspicious. I tried to give you a clue in conversation, and I made you feel like I’d abandoned you. I tried to email you, and I sent the email to the very person who’d forbidden me to contact you. Honestly, Julia, were it not for the fact that I hoped that someday we would be having this conversation, I would
have stepped out into rush hour traffic on Bloor Street and ended it.”
344
Gabriel’s Rapture
“Don’t say things like that. Don’t even think it.”
Julia’s sudden show of fierceness pleased him, but he found him-
self back-pedaling quickly. “Losing you was a low point for me. But suicide isn’t an option I’d entertain again.” He gave her a look that seemed to signify much more than he could say at that moment.
“Jeremy was furious. He’d put his career and his department on
the line to help me and I’d gone behind his back two minutes later.
Now he had proof, in writing, that I was breaking my agreement
with the committee. I had no choice but to do whatever he said. If he sent my email to the Dean, the repercussions would have been
devastating for both of us.”
At that moment, Gabriel and Julia were interrupted by Rebecca,
Gabriel's Rapture gi-2 Page 39
