by Tara Brown
Not to mention, the entirety of the past experiences with Murphy had left a bad taste in my dad’s mouth. He had repeatedly asked me not to encourage his affections and to avoid Murphy, which wasn't easy in a small town. My only saving grace with it was that Murphy was training the guards and my dad was working with the king on running the kingdom more efficiently. It left my father little time to worry or notice what I did in my own limited free time.
“What are you thinking about?” Nan asked.
I tossed her back the waterskin and shrugged. “Just the dynamics of everyday life here.”
“Dynamics is the word for it.” She snorted and waved out into the field as we both noticed Angelina bringing us a new waterskin. “You are an amazing kid. You know that, right? I think you know just when we are out of water. It’s a very admirable trait in a water fetcher.”
The young girl beamed at her sister. She still didn't talk but Anna and Clary had been trying to help her with it.
She picked up something from below me and lifted it as high as her little arms would reach. I scowled, realizing it was the bundle of notes I had been given by Amber. I had thought to bring them on the wall so I could read while I waited for the concrete to dry. “Thanks, Angelina.”
She nodded her head and wandered off.
“What’s that?”
Nan got up and walked to where I was sitting, stepping over the wet part carefully. “Ladders need to be on the list next. This is insanity.” She sat and snatched the papers from my hands. I knew she wouldn't be able to read them. She couldn't read handwriting the way I could so I sat back and waited for her to hand them back. “Scribblings!” she declared and passed them back.
I lifted them and smiled. “It’s everything that happened to Amber, the things she wanted to remember.” I was certain she hadn’t recorded the bad things. I opened the last page and read it aloud.
Today the only thing I want to remember is when Lyle rescued me. He was with a man named Murphy, a man I didn't know. In fact, to me it seemed like Lyle might not have known him well, or even liked him much. Lyle’s arm was burned and Murphy’s hands were bleeding but they came to the whorehouse and saved us. Lyle killed in a way I had never seen a man kill, even after living in the slave city for so long I remembered it as if it were a taught memory. Every morning I told myself the same thing, I told me and Brooke and Beth that Lyle and Gwyn were coming. And today they did.
Nan wrinkled her nose. “Sounds about right.”
“You want me to keep going or no?” I asked. She nodded so I continued.
And today they did. He said Gwyn was freeing the people and he was the distraction. We fled from the city, running into the woods and hiding amongst the trees. Murphy wanted to keep going but Lyle wanted to stay and wait for Gwyn. He knew she would be coming. Men came—
I paused and gave the papers a look as my eyes naturally scanned ahead as I read.
“What?”
“This is the part where Lyle dies I think but it doesn't look right.”
“What do you mean?”
“Murphy told me that the slavers attacked and he saved the girls and Lyle got pushed off a cliff. But if the slavers came when they entered the forest, there are no cliffs there. None I remember clearly.”
She shook her head. “The cliffs are a day’s walk. If not two.”
I continued reading, almost eager to find the answers.
Lyle killed the men and Murphy shouted at him that they had to leave Gwyn behind. I cried and told them we had to wait for her. Murphy hit Lyle and Lyle fought back. Brooke jumped in between them and stopped the fighting. It was a terrible way to end such an amazing day. We hiked for a while and then camped for the night. Today when we woke up Murphy told us that men had come in the night and killed Lyle when he tried to protect us. I have cried the whole day and never want to remember this day again but I know one day I will see Gwyn, and she will need to know he died trying to save us. We have hiked for a long time today. Just as the sun went down, we passed by cliffs that Murphy said were similar to the ones Lyle fell from. My heart is broken.
I stopped reading and scowled. “Are there other cliffs along that area?”
She shook her head. “No way. The way that reads is Murphy got angry and killed Lyle and then lied to the droids because they wouldn't ever know the difference.”
My insides twisted up in knots. I replayed many scenes in my mind, seeing them all in a new light. A light that made Murphy look like he hadn’t had my best intentions in mind, only his own. Was my father right about him?
“Lyle accused Murphy of keeping me trapped for too long with the memory-makers mind eraser. He said that he did it because Murphy wanted to keep me to himself.”
She nodded. “I always found it weird that he had fallen for you while you were a droid. He remembered and acted on his feelings and you were a droid. Same with that Bran guy.”
I opened my mouth but she held a hand up. “No man in our city thinks it’s hot that a girl won’t remember him. The good guys don't date the droids until they remember them. It takes months but it's the respectable way of doing things. The fact Bran and Murphy have always been sort of into you while you had no clue who they were is gross, and if you can’t see that it’s because you spent too many years as a droid.”
I closed my mouth.
“Lyle is the only guy you have ever known, liked, loved, swooned over, or contemplated about that hasn't been a complete ass in my opinion. He never tried a single thing with you until you had memories. Then he was all over that but he waited. He wouldn't even be with you when you had your forced love. Remember? Is any of this ringing bells or sounding alarms?”
I slumped, hating just how right she was. “Yes. Of course it makes sense. It’s just not how things are done in our city.”
“That's because you run the city with one rule that is absolutely not broken as far as you know—everyone has no memories. You don't leave room for the possibility that there are some freaks who aren’t droids in a droid city. No room for error with you people.”
She was completely right. I pursed my lips and nodded slowly, not even certain where to go with it all.
“My money has always been on Lyle. It always will be. He’s a gentleman. Murphy is a Black Brother. They’re not to be trusted. I told you this a long time ago. Your dad hates him. It’s too much.” She jumped down and lifted her hands for me to pass her our stuff. The sun was setting and the sky was darkening. Winter was upon us.
I hopped down and we walked back in silence. She didn't apologize for the way she told the truth. She didn't seem to understand her words hurt sometimes.
When I got to my room in our house my insides knotted up, but I could swear I felt my brother in the room with us. I sat down and looked at Amber. “Have you sensed my brother since we got here?”
She stopped smiling at the baby and gave me a confused look. “Like how?”
“Like a ghost.”
She laughed and made Gregory laugh too. “Is Aunt Gwynie funny?” she asked him. He giggled again, but I watched as his eyes darted to the side of the room where the window was. He stared so intently into the corner I knew my brother was there.
I smiled and brushed it off though. She clearly had not sensed him and there was no point in pursuing it. She sighed and looked at me. “Did you talk to Lyle today?”
I shook my head. “No. He’s been working on the roofs of the houses we have built for weeks and I have been on the wall, building it again.”
She lifted her callused hands. “I was mending fences with the farmers so the sheep, cows, and goats don't escape or get eaten. They have the barns built again.”
“This town is nothing if not efficient.”
She grinned. “Your dad is making it better all the time. There are full washhouses now with constant warm water. It’s bliss, let me tell you. They are rebuilding the plumbing in some places before the snow comes.”
I looked at my grubby hands and nodded. “I
could use a little bliss.”
She winked at me. “We all could.” Her cheeks reddened when she realized she had made a dirty joke, something the city people did frequently. “I didn't mean—”
“Yes, you did and it’s okay to wish for love again, Amber. Greg would never have expected that of you and neither do we. You are my friend. Just be the disgusting girl I know you to be.”
She smiled wide again. “I just want you to know I loved him.”
“I know that. So did he.”
She buried her face in the baby’s belly and kissed a dozen times. “I am so grateful for this little monster because it’s like he never left me. My love for him just changed.”
I smiled and waved at the baby who just stared off into the corner again.
When I got outside I realized how much everything was starting to resemble the previous town. The kingdom was on its way to becoming a kingdom again and I was exhausted enough to prove the work had been put in. I stumbled down to the washhouse that was in the exact spot the previous washhouse was.
Inside an older woman was hanging laundry near a large fire. She smiled at me. “Evening.”
I smiled back. “Good evening.” Walking to the back was like reliving something. The house looked the same but the rooms were larger and each had a showerhead of sorts with a chain to pull. I pulled the curtain and stepped in, dragging my clothes off and hanging them on the wooden peg for clothes. When I stood under the showerhead I prepared for cold water. It had gotten me the last time I had used a washhouse in this very kingdom. But instead, a mixture of hot and cold hit, blending sort of perfectly on my skin. It would burn and cool at exactly the right pace.
I let my head tilt back and pulled the cord again. Water sprayed, heating and rinsing me clean. Amber had been right, this was bliss.
Until the curtain dragged back.
I jumped as Lyle stepped into my shower room. He pulled back the curtain and stood there, staring down on me. I panicked and covered myself, not sure what to do.
I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. He stepped into me, pushing my back against the cool brick wall and landed his lips on mine with such force I could barely respond with a kiss to match.
The water stopped coming down, but I didn't get cold, even pressed against the bricks. He scooped me up, pressing my bare chest against his shirt and holding me by my lower back. Our lips slipped against each other, sliding on the water and my tears.
After a moment he placed me back down on the floor. He leaned his head into mine, forehead-to-forehead, and whispered, “You forget several important parts in that story of yours. You forget the part where I left the city in search of you and nearly died trying to find you. You forgot the part where we lived in the Dustlands with the river folk and I finally won your heart, all of it. You forgot the part where we ended up here and you agreed to marry me in the old ways.”
I smiled, even through the tears were rushing my face. “But I told you that we had to wait until I as older.”
“Are you older yet, Gwyn? Because I feel about as old as one person can get. And I have waited as long as I am willing to wait without forcing you to marry me.”
I was not able to speak. The tears had my entire throat seized.
He cupped my face, lifting my chin and kissed the tip of my nose. “You have to forgive me. Please. I didn't forget you, I remembered being so in love and desperate for you, but I just couldn't put a face to the ache in my heart. Until tonight. I walked to the washhouse to have a shower and it came back, slowly at first and then all at once. As if the curtain had been lifted.”
I lifted my hands, touching his cheeks and caressing them. There were small scars that had come in the time we had been apart, both here and on the road.
“You must know that I would die for you, I did die for you. I love—love you with all my heart.” He kissed me again but this time it was soft and delicate. It was the type of kiss you dreamt about. He pulled back and dragged his shirt off, pressing our bare skin against one another.
And there in between the intervals of warm water and cold air, we finally cavorted.
Cavorting about
The ceiling in his room looked finer than mine. The planer had gotten to a much better place with practice and skill by the time this room had been built. We lay there, wrapped in each other, staring at it.
“He tried to kill you, didn't he?”
He leaned over, pressing his lips against my cheek. “It isn’t something to worry about.”
I turned and looked into his blue eyes, lost in them. “But he did and he will again. Greg came to me, he told me we were in trouble. I thought he meant the well, when I was stuck. But I think he meant Murphy.”
He shook his head, kissing me again but on the lips. “It was a bad dream, Gwyn. Greg didn't come back from the dead to warn you about Murphy. I will deal with him.” The tone told me we were done talking about it. But I wasn't done thinking about it. Not even if he was quite good at distracting me.
“So explain how you got to The Lost City.” He twirled a lock of my hair around his callused finger.
I smiled. “Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a girl.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Just tell me the facts. None of this crazy half-story nonsense.” He pointed a finger at me. “You always forget to add the best parts.”
“I was saving those parts for when you knew me better. But then you started making love to Brooke and I gave up hope.”
He scowled. “I certain—well, it wasn't like that.” His cheeks flushed and he covered his eyes. “I swear to you, on everything my uncle considers holy, I never made any love with anyone but you.” He didn't admit to cavorting either. He just dropped the subject of anyone else altogether when he turned and stared right into my soul, convincing me I had one. “I love you. I cannot make up for the time we have lost and neither can you. We have spent the last few years living for everyone else. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to save the people in The Last Cities. I don't want to endure the people in The Lost City. I don't want to focus on anyone else. We are here, now. It’s winter. We’ve spent the entirety of the fall and early winter building like mad people so that we can be protected this winter. All I want to do for the rest of this cold season is make love to you and make you love me more than you thought possible.”
I kissed his nose. “What about me making you love me more than you thought was possible?”
“I already do.”
I smiled and closed my eyes and let sleep take me away where I could dream about him and our future.
But I didn't dream about that. I dreamt about my brother. His icy breath was upon me, warning me of the danger. I wasn't certain I had climbed from the bed and been in his company on the front step again, or if I had truly dreamt of him every time, but either way I was frozen when I woke. I blinked and looked at the dirt on my hands and the water stains on the blankets. I was shivering and cold and looked up to see the window wide open. I jumped up and closed it, looking back to see Lyle still asleep.
He too was shivering. So I climbed back in and wrapped around him, waking him instantly with a touch. “Why in the gods are you so cold?”
“Sorry. I woke and the window was open.”
He blinked and glanced about the room. It took him a second to relax before he sighed and wrapped around me too.
I suspected Greg had opened it but my brain suggested it was Murphy. I hadn’t ever really feared him, not even when he was my pairing in the cottage. But I feared him now. I feared the unhinged man he might be, the type of man who would try to kill a friend.
When I heard Lyle was asleep again, I opened my eyes and listened to the changing sounds in the house. The way the floorboards cracked with the cold air everywhere. The way the roof snapped and creaked. I listened to it all, searching for a pattern I could label a person.
But I didn't hear anything like that. The noises all seemed random. But I couldn't sleep. S
o I lay there, awake and listening until it was morning.
Lyle woke and instantly I closed my eyes, letting myself fall asleep.
I didn't dream but I woke to a kiss. I smiled and opened my eyes to see Gregory’s face against mine. I jumped as the baby spit all over me and moaned in a joyous sort of way.
Amber looked over and smiled. “I was worried. Are you all right?”
I nodded, glancing about. “Where’s Lyle?”
“Helping with firewood deliveries and making sure the animals are all safe. There is a snowstorm coming this way. Some of the traders have taken shelter here for the night.”
I instantly became leery. “Traders?” I didn't know why but my stomach didn't like that.
“Yes. They said they were en route from another town like this with goods in tow and had watched the storm come over the mountains. Now we can see the clouds coming. Should be a decent amount of snow.” I bit my lip and stared at the window. I climbed from the bed, wrapping myself in the blankets. “I see you’ve been cavorting about as you like to put it when everyone else does it.”
“I can’t imagine whatever you mean by that?” I smiled and walked to the window, sitting on the ledge and staring out. I didn't see anything but knew there had to be a reason he had opened the window. My stomach told me it wasn't Murphy who had opened it. It was Greg and he was trying to tell me something.
I glanced down seeing footprints in the dirt, frosty footprints.
I quickly threw some of Lyle’s clothes on since mine had been dirty when I arrived and I had not cleaned them yet. I pulled on the boots one of the women had made me out of buckskin since my others had been ruined, and ran down the hall to the kitchen.
I grabbed his bow and quiver and hurried out the front door, calling back at her, “Be right back.” I closed the door and hurried to the back of the house and followed the frosty footsteps. They led to the field where the cows, sheep, and goats lived.
