by Misti Murphy
He stares into my eyes for a beat. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“I know.” I want to tell him it’s okay. That I’ll be waiting for him to come back. That I’ll wait as long as he needs. “I’ll miss you.”
Shoving his hand in his pocket he pulls out this thin strip of leather with a metal heart twined into it and takes my hand, slowly winding it around my wrist before doing up the clasp. “I’ll miss you too, Claire.”
He brushes a few strands of my hair from the side of my face, cupping my cheek, his gaze lingering over my lips. Butterflies flap their enormous wings in my chest, and my heart is pounding as I stretch up, leaning into his hand. His head dips, barely a fraction, his fingers tightening around my wrist, those gray eyes staring so seriously into mine. “Write me?”
“Always.” I curl my fingers in his T-shirt and press up on tiptoe to brush my lips over his.
He groans my name under his breath as I cling to him, carried away in this moment I want to last forever.
“Razer, when are we going to go? I told the others we’d meet them at the club.” Ellen, his on again off again girlfriend before he left, croons from the top of the steps. His eyes widen, there’s such heat in them that for a moment I think I might combust. Is it possible he might actually feel the way I do?
Instead he scrambles back, dropping my wrist like it’s a hot poker. “Shit, Little Bit. What are you doing?”
I’m pretty sure the swarm of butterflies in my chest die at that moment. Each of them plummeting to my stomach. The pain burns a path behind my eyes as confusion sets in. I spin around in time to see Razer jog up the steps, haul Ellen up over his shoulder and slap her ass. “Let’s blow this kids party and have some real fun.”
Even now that memory hurts. I slam the bedroom door and slide against the wood until my butt hits the floor. My pulse is still beating so hard from when Razer’s fingers had taken the same path. He didn’t mean anything by it. We were reminiscing, that’s all. He’s making it clear by his roughhousing that he doesn’t want me anymore than he did back then. Just because I thought I got a rise out of him in the bathroom doesn’t mean anything.
But oh, I want it to. I press my fingers to my lips, imagining what it would be like if he hadn’t simply been brushing my hair from my throat and laughing about the silly cheap necklace he and my brothers got me the last Christmas we all spent together. I finger the smooth circular disks, rubbing my finger over the one his name is engraved on. Imagining the rough, blunt tips of his fingers are scraping across my skin because he can’t keep his hands off me. His face so close to mine because he wants nothing more than to kiss me.
***
“Claire, it’s so good to see you.” Chelsea pops her earbuds out and bounces out of her seat to hug me. “What are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d come visit. Are you free for lunch?”
“For you? Always.” She grabs her handbag from under the desk. “Do you need me to get anything, Mellie?”
The woman at the other desk looks up with a wan smile. Her pale skin is tinged a slight shade of green. “No. I think I’ll go home when you get back. This morning sickness is kicking my ass.”
“Can I get you some water or anything before I leave?” Chelsea asks.
“Not an invalid, Chelsea.”
“I know, but Mike…”
With a snap of her wrist, Mellie waves her away. “Go and spend some time with your friend. I’ll deal with the boss.”
“Okay.” Chelsea grins, taking my hand and dragging me out of the office. “So what are you really doing back here?”
Chelsea and I have been friends for years. She’s a couple years older than me. The same age as Tom, but we’d spent a lot of time together when she’d been dating my oldest brother Rush.
Even then he’d been the center of attention, Mister Popular. Always trying to make people laugh or showing them tricks that blew their minds. It was sort of odd that the two of them got together, because although he’d loved her and sometimes got jealous of how much we hung out, she tended to disappear into the background when they were together. But after he up and left, Tom and I had adopted her as another Hadley. Apparently we did that a lot. Even now she can still tell when I’m lying, so I don’t even bother. “I dropped Henley.”
“From a great height, I hope.” She grins. “How about Sam Bucca’s for lunch? You remember their lamb wraps?”
“How could I forget?” My mouth waters as garlic yogurt infused memories wash over my palate.
“You didn’t like Henley?” I ask, trying to keep her pace. “You only met him once.”
“Once was enough.” She grimaces as if she’s just had blue cheese shoved in front of her nose.
“You didn’t say anything.”
“You seemed happy.” She squeezes my hand as we push through the door at the restaurant and get in line. “So what happened?”
“I found him doing the deed.”
She gapes. “Wait on. You never did it with him? I thought both of you agreed to stay virgins until you got married?”
“Damn. Could you say it any louder?” I cringe, as I glance around to see if anyone heard her. “I thought so. He was the one who made it seem like the right thing to do, going on about how important it is to lead by our actions.” We grab our food and make our way to one of the tables on the sidewalk, where we can people watch. “I mean he’s this huge spokesperson for purity, and doing the morally right thing. His family runs the Christian and Family Network for pity’s sake. I never expected to find him under some bimbo.” I take a sip of my drink to wash away the taste that comes when I visualize exactly what I saw. “Doing the deed.”
“Are you okay? I mean that’s pretty damn nasty.”
Taking a big bite of my wrap, I chew thoughtfully, savouring the intense flavors as they slide over my taste buds. “I’m probably supposed to be more cut up about it. I think I’m supposed to be sad. But really I’m just disappointed and kind of pissed off. I don’t know what this is going to mean for House to Haven. CFN has been backing me for so long. Guiding me through building House to what it is.”
“You’re worried about how it’s going to effect the kids?” Chelsea strips off her jacket and hangs it over the back of her chair while we soak up the early summer warmth. “He’s an asshole, and you’re not even upset for yourself.”
“Do you think there’s something wrong with me that I’m not?” I study a couple snapping photos on the other side of the road and fumble for my sunglasses. They don’t look like the kind of people who wreck people’s lives for dollars but it’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
“No. You’re smart enough to know that isn’t the kind of man for you.”
“True.” I dip my head and fiddle with the edge of the table. “I need your help with something.”
“Shoot.”
“It’s…uh…delicate.”
She leans forward, putting her wrap down to give me her undivided attention. “I’m all ears.”
I scratch at a mark on the table, my pulse speeding up and then drag my sunglasses just low enough that we’re staring eye to eye. “How do you seduce a man?”
She bursts out laughing, and I have to wait until she can get her giggling under control. “Oh, honey. Don’t be rash. You don’t want to go out and find some random. That’s not you.”
“Not someone random.” My cheeks flame. “Razer.”
“Razer? What?” She chokes on a mouthful of soda and has to clap a hand over her mouth so she doesn’t dribble. “Is he in town, too?”
“He’s staying with Tom.”
“You’re crushing on him again.” She chuckles. “I can see it all over your face.”
“I’m not. Crushes are for sixteen year olds.” I pick up my wrap and take another bite so I won’t make the smirk on her face any bigger by telling her just how much I’m panting after him.
“But you suddenly decide you want to sleep with him?” She props her elbows on the table, rest
ing her head on her hands, completely amused by my predicament.
“I don’t know. It’s stupid, isn’t it? But he has this effect on me.”
“You know I love you like a sister, right?”
“Yeah.” I huff. “So does everyone else.”
She waves a hand in dismissal. “How do you plan on getting him to agree to take your virginity? How do you think your brothers will react?”
I groan and slump in my chair. “I don’t know. I thought I might just get naked in front of him. As for my brothers, it isn’t any of their business.”
“I think they’ll disagree. You’re just lucky the only one in town is Tom. As for getting naked, that would probably work.” She tilts her head from side to side. “On most guys.”
“But not him,” I murmur. “He still thinks of me as that little kid who followed him and my brothers around, and generally got in the way.”
Her lips twitch, a smile slowly forming until it spreads across her face, lighting up her eyes. “Are you certain you want to do this?”
I nod. I want to lose my virginity and burn this stupid attraction to Razer right out of my system. I’m not sixteen anymore, and I don’t have time to entertain dreams and hopes of a forever that isn’t possible. Besides, I’m too busy. I need to be able to focus on fixing my Henley problem and managing House to Haven, not how tight Razer’s ass is, or whether the ridges of his abs could be used for grating cheese. Or whether his kisses would be as good as I believe, his rough hands as gentle as I imagine when he touches me…
This is exactly why I need to do this. So I’m not side tracked by daydreams and fantasies. “Definitely.”
She grabs my hand and drags me along the pavement until we reach a shop where the windows are filled with mannequins dressed in frothy bits of lace, satin, and silk.
She pushes me through the door even as I protest. I plant my feet wide to halt her forward momentum. “I don’t need to be in here.”
Paying no heed, she gives me another shove, sending me stumbling over my own feet into a rack of frilly pink underwear. “Of course you do.”
“Gah!” I extricate myself from the bras and matching thongs while she laughs behind me. “I don’t need any new underwear.”
She slides up beside me and picks up a couple bras, holding them in front of me and wiggling her eyebrows. “If you really want to do this, you’re going to have to give him a reason to stop thinking of you as a kid, right?”
“I’m twenty-two. An adult. That should be obvious.”
She purses her lips and shakes her head. “Men can be quite dense when they want to be, but they’re visual creatures. Give him a hint of something lacy and sexy and you’re going to move from his best friend’s little sister to spank bank material.”
I gasp, my cheeks instantly burning, but a secret thrill runs through me at the idea he might fantasize about me the way I do about him. “Do you think?”
“Hell, yeah. How are you with flirting? I can’t assume you’ve had much practice.” She drops a bra into my hands and then wanders around the store checking out the lingerie.
I’d dated briefly my senior year in high school. Mainly as an attempt to forget Razer Bennington once and for all. It hadn’t helped. Even when I’d stopped pining after him, when I’d stopped wishing the last time I saw him had ended differently, I’d been plagued with sex dreams that kept me from forgetting. During college, I hadn’t even tried. I’d been too busy anyway, between studying and starting up House to Haven. There hadn’t been time for boys.
Henley had been my first real boyfriend. I wrinkle my brow. Had I ever flirted with Henley, or had I just gone along for the ride, because it was time to start thinking about the future I wanted? There’s a checklist in my nightstand draw at home. Husband, home, four kids, and a dog. Love like my parents, a family like the one I’d been so lucky to be part of. So far I’m batting zero for zero. “Sure, I know how to flirt.”
“Uh-huh.” She holds a red lace camisole in front of me. “I want to see your moves.”
I glance around. There’s no one but us and the shop assistant. “There’s no one to flirt with.”
“Try it on me.”
I gulp. “I don’t think that’ll work. It’s too awkward.”
“And trying to seduce your brother’s best friend isn’t?”
“You have a point.” Fluttering my eyelashes, I lean slightly forward, and innocently brush my arm against hers. “You smell really good today. What is that?”
She bursts into laughter until tears trail down her cheeks. “Oh honey, you are so damn cute. He isn’t going to stand a chance.”
“Do you think?” My pulse picks up a little.
“Let’s just get you the underwear for now. We can worry about the flirting later. Maybe, if we’re lucky, we won’t even need to worry about it.”
My hope plummets. “He’s only in town for a couple days.”
She drops an armful of silk and lace on the counter and the saleswoman starts ringing it up. “Well if worse comes to worst you can always go with your original idea and just get naked.”
I grin. “It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”
With my bag full of goodies, we make our way out of the shop and back toward Lance Starr where Chelsea works. She’s dropped the grin, and taken to inspecting her nails. “Have you thought about what happens if you get him to have sex with you?”
“What do you mean?”
She stops abruptly, and jerks me around to face her. “I mean you’re a good girl, Claire. Always have been. This…” She points to the pink paper bag. “Sex can be bonding. For someone like you. You’re not the kind of girl who… What if you want it to be more, and he doesn’t? I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I think that part of it’s already happened. I’m not going into this blind. I don’t want a happy ever after with him. I’m just tired of being seen as somebody I’m not. By him, by Henley, and probably soon by the media. If he hadn’t shown up here, I probably would do it anyway. But it’ll be easier with him.”
“Because he still gets you all hot and bothered?”
“Right.”
“Okay,” Chelsea says. “Just be careful.”
“I will be.” I leave her on the steps to the office and head for my car.
“Call me when you’re no longer a virgin.” She laughs. “That boy always had some serious moves. I want to know if he lives up to your expectations.”
Razer
She walks past Tom and I with a pink paper bag emblazoned with the name of a lingerie shop. I wonder what she’s got in there. My dick twitches from the idea of her wearing something so sheer I can see all her soft skin through it, her nipples turning into tight little peaks under my gaze. I track her until she’s out of view, wanting to follow her and ask what she’s got in the bag, and if she’ll model it for me. When her door thuds shut, she closes me out in my fantasy, too. It’s better that way. She’s still my best friend’s little sister, still too young for me, still not a girl I should be thinking about the way I do.
Tom clears his throat, and for a second I wonder if he has any idea of how perverted my mind is. He’d use his years of training in the ring to try to beat the living shit out of me if he had a clue, and I’d let him. I sure as hell deserve it. “I have to go to work this afternoon. Then I’ve got a one on one session with a client this evening. I don’t know what time I’ll be back.”
“Lucy?”
“No. Why?”
“I thought I might see if she’d prefer my company over yours.” I have absolutely no interest in Lucy, but riling Tom up has always been a pleasure. And spending time alone with Claire is something I definitely want to avoid.
“Whatever, dickhead.” He grabs his keys and crosses to the door. “Spare key’s in the circuit box.”
Once he’s gone, I make my way down the hallway, pausing in front of her door before knocking. “Are you ready to head out?”
She opens the door, stealing all t
he oxygen from my lungs. This morning the curve of her ass in clingy denim had me twitchy. But now I’m as hard as a rock. Her long tanned legs are on full display under a sundress that barely makes it to mid-thigh. The light blue brings out how violet her eyes actually are, and clings to every curve. It has buttons down the front, a row of them itching to be plucked by my fingers. Except the top one. Already undone, the material folds forward into a little arrow that begs me to steal a glance at what lies beneath. Rose colored lace tempts to me step closer, to tug another button so I can get a real view of how the skimpy lace hugs her sweet curves. “Fuck me.”
“What?” Her brow creases a little just above her nose.
I jerk back, rigid. Too bad about the tent in my pants I can’t do anything about. “Are you ready to go have a look at the house?”
“I’ll just get my shoes.”
“Take your time.” Marching back down the hallway, I swear under my breath. I need a few minutes to get myself under control before I have to spend any more time alone with her.
Chapter Five
Claire
Razer doesn’t say anything on the way out to the block. He keeps his gaze on the road, and I’m pretty sure I can hear him grinding his teeth. Every time I try to get him to talk he answers in a monosyllable and goes back to glaring through the windshield.
“What’s wrong with you?” I cross my arms over my chest.
He darts a glance at me and growls. Actually growls, like some kind of Neanderthal, or pit bull. “Maybe I didn’t want to get stuck baby-sitting your ass.”
“It’s not a picnic for me, either, but you took me up on the offer to look at the house. When did you turn into such a grumpy old man?”
