by Cross, Amy
"It might not be up to us anyway," she continues. "The others have got wind of Toad's condition, and they're starting to worry that..." She pauses. "There's been some talk about his condition, about what might really be causing it. Some of the others are starting to worry that maybe he's infected by the same thing that's causing those creatures to keep showing up."
"He's not," I say firmly. "It's the wound in his shoulder. That's what's making him sick."
"I know that," she replies, "and you know that, but... we're only two people. Bridger, Thor and Eriksen are three people. If it came down to a vote -"
"No-one's voting," I reply, starting to feel as if things are spiraling out of control. In my arms, the baby wriggles a little and lets out a gurgle, as if she's picking up on my sense of panic. "This is about someone's life," I continue. "You're a doctor. Your decision should be the one that stands."
"We try to do things democratically around here," she replies. "One person, one vote. Sure, I'd expect the others to listen to me, but that doesn't mean they'll blindly do what I say. Anyway..." She pauses again. "There are other politics involved, Elizabeth. One less mouth to feed means more for the rest of us, and that's certainly one viable way of looking at things."
"This is Toad's farm!" I point out.
"So what?" she replies. "It's survival of the fittest, Elizabeth. The strong survive and the weak die. No pack prospers by spending precious resources on the needs of the weaker members. Sure, it'd be nice if we could look after Toad and do everything in our power to keep him alive, but in case you haven't noticed, we're hardly living in an ideal world. Toad was one of the strong ones, but he got unlucky and now he can't really look after himself. The weaker members of a pack always have to die, otherwise they slow the group down."
"But Toad's going to get better!"
"I'm just saying that people are worried," she continues. "There's a plan to discuss it later. You can say what you need to say, and I'll certainly give my opinion, but if the others insist on a vote, I can see things going against Toad. I'm not saying that's what I want, but..." She pauses, before getting to her feet and walking over to the door. "It's democracy," she says, glancing back at me. "The vote carries the day, Elizabeth, and if the others ask me whether Toad might be infected with something dangerous, I'm going to have to give them an honest answer."
"And what would that be?" I ask, even though I'm pretty sure I already know what she's going to say.
"That I don't know," she replies, before leaving the room.
In my arms, the baby starts to wriggle again. I look down and see that her eyes are open, and she's staring up at me with a look of wonder. I want to tell her that everything's okay, but I know that'd be a lie. Instead, I force a smile and wipe away a tear from the corner of my eye. This is no world for a child. I want to believe that things are going to get better, but the truth is, everything seems to be going to hell. I can't even begin to imagine the world that this child will inherit, even if she somehow manages to survive until adulthood.
"It's okay," I lie, leaning down and kissing her forehead. "Everything's okay." And that's when, for a fraction of a second, a name flickers into my mind. I force it out. I'm not naming this child. If I name her, that means I'm taking responsibility for her, and that's not what I want. Someone else can give her a name. Someone who's actually going to be around while she grows up.
Thomas
Missouri
"This place is creepy," I say, standing in the hallway and staring up the stairs. "Seriously, Joe. It's like something out of a horror movie." I wait for a reply, but after a moment I turn and look back through to the kitchen, where Joe is still sitting at the table. "You okay?" I ask.
After a few seconds, he nods.
"What's wrong?" I ask. "Is it happening?"
"I'm..." He pauses. "I'm checking something," he continues after a moment. "It's okay, I'm just... Following him."
I wait for him to continue, but he seems lost in thought. "Following who?" I ask.
"The guy who's been inside my head," he replies. "It's like, he can move from body to body, seeing out of different eyes all over the world, and I think I can..." His voice trails off again. "I think I can follow him," he adds. "He's searching for something. He's getting pretty frantic about it, too. Whatever it is, it's bugging the shit out of him. It's kind of a mind-fuck, but I can see people in all these different cities."
"What's it like out there?" I ask, even though I'm worried about the answer. "Is the rest of the world like this?"
He pauses. "Yeah," he says after a moment. "There's not many people. They're scared of the creatures, but the creatures are just focusing on..." He pauses again, as if his mind is far away. "They're definitely looking for something," he continues eventually. "It's not like they're rampaging through the streets or nothing like that. They're trying to find a..." He pauses yet again. "I think it's a person," he adds after a moment. "I think they're looking for a guy."
I open my mouth to ask another question, but finally I realize that there doesn't seem to be much point. It's hard to understand what Joe's going through; he seems to be in another world entirely, and every time I try to talk to him, the conversation is punctuated by these long periods where his mind wanders.
"I'm trying to find out what's causing those booms," he says after a moment. "You know the ones in the distance? I can't work out what's happening."
"It's nuclear power stations," I reply. "Isn't it? Each boom is another one blowing up."
"You've been watching too many shitty films," he mutters. "It's not nuclear fucking power stations. Whatever it is, it's something bigger. Something deeper in the ground."
"I'll be upstairs," I say after a moment, turning and starting to make my way up the narrow, rickety wooden stairs that lead to the upper floor of the building. To be honest, exploring some kind of messed-up, remote old house isn't exactly my idea of fun, but I have to do something while I wait for Joe to... get to where he's going. I can't kill him, and I can't leave him, so I just have to stick around for a day or two longer, and try to distract myself from the inevitability of what's happening to him.
When I get to the next floor, I realize that there's a pretty foul stench in the air, like rotten eggs mixed with vinegar and ham. Seeing as that old guy was a goddamn psycho, I wouldn't be surprised by just about anything I might find in this place, and there's a part of me that just wants to turn around, go back downstairs and not go poking my nose around. Then again, I feel like I want to know more about what happened here. Hell, in all this time, I never even learned the guy's name. The sick asshole tortured me, almost killed me, and then tried to get me to kill my brother; I figure I should at least know his goddamn name.
Taking a step forward, I -
"Sara?"
I freeze.
From one of the nearby rooms, there's a creaking sound, as if something's pressing on the floorboards. I take a deep breath, but my heart is racing. It never occurred to me, after the old man died in the basement, that there might be anyone else here. I never heard him talking to another soul, but I swear to God, I just heard a woman's voice coming from one of the rooms. I wait, terrified in case she speaks again. I want to believe that I imagined it, that it was just some crazy sound that popped into my head for a moment; to be honest, I'd rather believe that I'm losing my mind than that there's someone else up here.
"Sara?" the voice says again, sounding old and frail. "Help me. I need something to eat. This food is moldy and your father won't bring me anything fresh."
I stare at the doorway, with the door hanging halfway open. Whoever's in there, it seems they're trapped somehow. Did the old guy keep someone else prisoner up here? I'm starting to think that he was more than just some old Nazi; it's as if he was a complete psychopath, and I just happened to stumble upon him at the worst possible moment.
"If your father around?" she asks suddenly. "Sara, answer me. I know you're out there, girl. I need food!"
Turning, I
run down the stairs and head through to the kitchen, where I find Joe still sitting at the table. I open my mouth, trying to tell him what just happened, but no words come out; it's as if my brain has seized up and I can't even believe it myself. As I wait for him to acknowledge me, I hear another creaking sound from upstairs, almost as if something or someone is trying to move. Whatever this thing is, I don't think it's a ghost; I think it's a real, live human being.
"What's up with you?" Joe asks after a moment, turning to me. "Jesus fucking Christ, Tommy. You look pale as shit. You crapped yourself or something?"
Elizabeth
Pennsylvania
"Aren't you going to ask how your daughter is doing?" Patricia asks, sitting at the kitchen table and watching as Eriksen takes a swig of water.
"She doing okay?" he asks, wiping his mouth.
"Why don't you hold her?" Patricia continues. "Find out for yourself."
He pauses, before letting out a burp. "Later," he mutters.
"What's wrong with now?" she asks.
"Later," he says again, more firmly this time.
Sitting over by the window, with the baby in my arms, I instinctively bristle at the mere suggestion that Eriksen might hold the child. For one thing, the guy's clearly either hungover or still drunk, probably a little of both, and he'd probably just drop her; for another, I can't deny that there's a part of me that just wants him to go away and never come back. I know I should probably be trying to get him to grow more attached to his daughter, but I'm convinced he'll be a terrible parent, so what I really want is for him to turn around, walk out of here and leave the farm forever.
"She'd just cry," he says after a moment. "No point setting her off again. If there's one thing I can't fucking stand, it's the sound of a baby screaming its lungs out."
"Have you come up with a name for her yet?" Patricia asks.
"I figured I'd let her grow up first," he replies with a grin, "and then she can pick her own. I want her to be free, not saddled with some random name I pick out of my ass for her."
"In other words," she replies, "you don't give a damn."
"If that's your interpretation of my response," he mutters, "go ahead. I really don't give a shit what you think."
Taking a deep breath, I force myself not to respond. It's hard to believe that Eriksen could be so uninterested in his own daughter, and there's a part of me that wonders whether he's scared of getting close to her. If that's the case, then it's fine by me, although I'm still worried that I've started to be seen by the others as the natural choice when it comes to caring for the baby.
"Hold her," Patricia says after a moment. "Elizabeth, come and -"
"No," I say quickly, although I immediately realize that I probably sound a little too defensive.
"Maybe if Eriksen holds his -"
"She's settled," I reply, hoping that she'll shut up and stop pushing. "She's asleep."
Patricia stares at me with a cautious, amused expression. It's as if she's started to suspect that I'm getting attached to the baby, which I guess might be true.
"See?" Eriksen says with a sniff. "She's fine." He pauses for a moment, before a leering smile crosses his lips. "So have you two ladies discussed which of you might try to breast-feed the kid?"
"She's making do with the last of our milk," Patricia replies, clearly not amused.
"Yeah, but -"
"Don't," she says firmly. "Carl, just... don't. Leave a little dignity to the whole thing, okay?"
"Stop giving me a hard time," he replies. "In case no-one's bothered to think about it, I lost the love of my life the other day. Fuck, Shauna might not have been perfect, but we were gonna head out west together and start a new life together. I had all my plans and dreams built up on her, and now everything's been rudely snatched away." He pauses. "It might do you good to remember that I'm in mourning. It's only natural that I should get a little funny. Since Toad's got his feet up, I'm commandeering his share of the beer supply. I need to think and mourn, and beer helps with both those things."
"You've been wasted since you got here," Patricia replies darkly. "How's the thinking been going so far? Come up with any great ideas yet?"
"How's the patient?" he snaps back at her. "Unless Toad comes wandering down the stairs in the next few hours, I think we've got a much bigger problem than whether or not I hold that fucking kid, okay?" He pauses for a moment, and it's clear that this is a subject that has been bothering him. "Toad's a fucking liability. Someone needs to just go up there and finish him off. Humanely, of course. I mean, I like the guy and I don't wanna torture him or nothing, but something's gotta be done. What if he's got it? What if he spreads it to the rest of us? We can't take that risk." He turns and looks at the baby. "My newborn daughter can't be exposed to no disease. She's the future of the human race. We've gotta prioritize her needs."
"Don't you think you're jumping the gun?" Patricia asks, as Bridger enters the room carrying a tray of what appears to be some kind of leafy crop from the garden.
"What do you think?" Eriksen asks, turning to me. "No, wait, you'd never agree to hurt your boyfriend, would you?"
"He's not my boyfriend," I say firmly.
"What about you?" he continues, turning to Bridger, and then to Thor as the latter comes through to the kitchen. "What do you two think? Come on, the pair of you usually keep your mouths shut, but there's gotta be some kind of activity in your brains. You've gotta have opinions, haven't you?" He waits for an answer. "Well? Don't wait for someone else to tell you what to think. Speak your fucking minds!"
"It's hard to say," Bridger mutters, although it sounds as if he's carefully trying to avoid giving an opinion.
"Hard to say?" Eriksen replies with a laugh. "Bullshit. Why don't you fucking say what you're thinking, man?" He waits for a reply, but Bridger seems to be completely focused on arranging the food on the tray. "I know why," Eriksen continues after a moment. "You don't want to rock the boat, do you?" He turns to Thor. "What about you, man? Come on, I know you're more of an individual. What do you think we should do about the weaker members of our little group? Should we continue to divert valuable resources to their possible survival, or should we just accept that there's nothing more that can be done?"
"It's not quite as bad as that," Patricia replies. "He's suffering complications from the wound, and there's an infection that -"
"Don't bullshit me," he snaps. "I overheard your little chat with Elizabeth. You can't guarantee that Toad isn't infected, and even if he wasn't, you still don't think you can do much to save him. You said it just an hour ago. You can't say one thing in private and then come in here and say something completely different. You have to be honest with us all."
"Is that true?" Thor asks.
Patricia opens her mouth to reply, but it's quickly clear from the look on her face that she can't lie. "If we had proper facilities," she starts to say, "we could focus on dealing with Toad's problems -"
"We don't have proper facilities," Eriksen says, interrupting her. "We've got, what, a little medical kit bag and a few old cloths?" He smiles. "That's fuck all, really, isn't it? Face it, if any one of us gets more than a scratch, it's curtains. We're not exactly living in an age of medical miracles. Not anymore."
"Can you keep your voice down?" I say firmly, as the baby starts to grumble. She looks upset, as if she's about to cry, and although I'm trying to calm her down by rocking her gently, it's clear that she's picking up on the bad vibes in the room. It's been less than forty-eight hours since she was born, but I can't help worrying that she's already been exposed to enough shouting and arguing to last a lifetime.
"You don't agree with me, do you?" Eriksen asks, stepping over to me.
"I think -"
"It's fine," he continues, "I heard what you said earlier." Reaching down, he clumsily takes hold of the baby and pulls her from my arms. "It's nice of you to wanna look after her and all," he adds, "but if you're not on my side, then you're not on my side, and that's all th
ere is to it." He rocks the baby back and forth for a moment. "She's fine with her Daddy, right?"
"Maybe you should let Elizabeth hold her," Patricia says calmly.
"Maybe we should take a vote on Toad," Eriksen replies. "We're all here, so let's get on with it. Who here thinks we should give Toad the benefit of the doubt and continue to let him fester in bed, potentially spreading his disease to the rest of us?"
There's silence in the room for a moment. It's clear that no-one wants to be the first to show their hand.
"Who thinks," Eriksen continues, picking his words carefully and with an amused expression, "that for the good of the group, and especially the children, who need to be protected the most, we should bite the bullet and find a way to humanely and quickly put poor old Toad out of his misery?" After a moment, he balances the baby in one arm while raising a hand in support of his own motion.
I look over at Bridger and Thor, and it's painfully obvious that they're on the verge of agree with Eriksen. If that happens, there'll be three of them, which makes a majority.
"Come on," Eriksen continues. "If everyone just votes the way they truly think, we've got a functioning democracy. I'll ask again. Who here thinks we should humanely put Toad out of his misery and protect the group from the possibility of an outbreak of whatever fucking disease is causing all of this bullshit?"
Slowly, Thor raises his hand.
"What about you?" Eriksen asks Bridger. "What do you think? Don't be scared. There'll be no recriminations. Just vote with your head and your heart."
Slowly, Bridger starts to lift his hand up.
"Twenty-four hours," Patricia says suddenly, turning to him. "A compromise. We'll wait twenty-four hours, and if there's no improvement in Toad's condition..." She pauses. "If there's no improvement, I'll vote for a humane end to his suffering. There are a few drugs in the cabinet, I can put something together that'll knock him out completely and then we can finish the job. He won't even have to know. As far as he knows, he'll just go to sleep."
