by Amy Brent
"Uh, thanks but I'll drive myself," I said hastily. The less time spent in that eyesore, the better.
“You promise? You’ll meet us at Lucky’s?” She demanded, before letting me go. I held my hand over my heart.
"I promise," I added a snarky grin at the end that had her shaking her head but finally, Lily and the rest of the crew were piling into her bug and I gratefully got into my own, normal colored car.
I started the engine, pulling out of the long driveway, refusing to think about where I was going until I parked in the lot to the side of the building. I hated that my hands were shaking as I turned the key, silencing the car. I sat there, frozen to the seat, staring at the worn, red brick of the building and fighting the panic that welled inside of me.
"I can do this. Of course, I can do this." I said, giving myself a pep talk, hoping it would get my limbs working again, "Stop being ridiculous. It's just a bar." It’s his bar.
Not anymore. But that reminder didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, the thought twisted the pain in my stomach a little tighter.
A sharp knock on the window had me gasping, and turning with a jump in the driver’s side seat.
“Are you going to just sit there all night talking to yourself, or are you coming in?” Lily asked, her nose pressed against the glass and I shot her a half-serious glare.
“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” she said, but ended it with a grin, “But not that sorry. Come on, Quinn. It’s time to go in.” Her grin was infectious and soon there was one of my own curling up the corner of my lips.
“Fine,” I huffed, drawing out the word as I pushed open the door, “Can’t wait to have a gin and tonic, without the gin. Sounds super fun.”
“Don’t worry, I brought some tea for you too.”
“Oh thank goodness. I was worried, I really was.” I said, my tone snarky but Lily paid me no mind as she pulled me inside. The rest of the group was already there, crowded around a table with extra chairs pulled up and I reluctantly sat down.
As Charlotte and Lily and the boys chatted around me, I could admit to myself that it was easier to relax than I would have imagined. I didn’t really join in the conversation, but it was enough, to listen to them joke and mess with each other. The easy friendship and camaraderie something that I hadn’t had much of in the past years. Despite my initial misgivings, I even found myself having fun.
Until I looked behind me.
My eyes landed on an empty bar stool at the bar and like it had been yesterday I could see it unfolding behind my eyes. Leo, running into me outside on the sidewalk, then inviting me in for a drink. We had sat at those stools, drinking in each other as much as the alcohol and he had intoxicated me ever since.
I didn't even realize I was moving until I was halfway to the bar. My heart was heavy as I sat in the same stool I'd sat in all those months ago. I had been such a different person then, but I was changed now. I'd had my heart broken, for one. My hands rested on the swell of my belly. And I had another life to think of now. A life that I already loved more than anything in the world.
"I know it's hard for you to be here," Lily said, suddenly taking the seat next to me. "I know it must remind you of Leo. But he left. Maybe it's time to move on?"
I turned to her with tears blurring my vision. There was nothing I could do to stop them, just as there was nothing to stop the torrent of words, “How can I move on, Lily? I still love him. I think I fell in love with him that first day and it just took me losing him to realize and now I’m having his baby and I don’t even know where he is! I can’t even get a hold of him to tell him what happened.”
I was shaking as I turned away again, trying to bite back the tears and the words, but I couldn’t contain either, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“You’re a fighter, Quinn. And a survivor.”
“What if I’m tired of fighting? Of just surviving? What if I finally want to live?”
Lily gave me a long sad look before shaking her head, “Quinn, you deserve to be happy. You’re going to make this business a success and be a wonderful mom to that little baby. You are all you need to be happy. You can make it happen. And you have all of us too,” Lily gestured to the table where everyone was talking and laughing, unaware of my heart shattering into a million pieces on the floor of the dingy bar. “And Jonah.”
“Right, Jonah,” I snorted. We hadn’t talked much since he’d found out about my pregnancy, both of us working long hours and when we did he’d always look away, guilty or ashamed of me, I couldn’t quite tell. But either way, it was too painful to bear much of.
"Believe me, Quinn. It's better to just forget about Leo. He broke your heart. He's not worth your happiness." Lily nodded once firmly before sliding off the stool and back to the table with the others. I stayed where I was, for a single moment feeling at least a little closer to him. It was probably all I'd ever get.
"Hey, honey, were Y'all talking about Leo? Leo Delaney?" Stella's gruff voice broke into my thoughts as she walked over, speaking low as if she had a secret to tell. Curious, I nodded, turning in the stool and propping my elbows on the top of the bar.
“Yeah? Why?”
“I probably shouldn’t even be saying anything, but…”
“But what, Stella? If you know how to get a hold of him–.”
“No, not that. But…Well, that morning you came here, tearing the place apart looking for him, I wasn’t completely honest. I thought it was for the best, but now I’m not so sure,” The bartender gave me a guilt-ridden look.
“What is it, Stella? Just tell me if you know something.” I leaned forward, taking a deep breath before letting the words out in a rush, “I’m pregnant. Leo is the baby’s father. He deserves to know.”
Stella nodded her head, leaning even closer over the bar, “Well, the night before Leo was sitting right there, getting pretty drunk. Your brother came storming in here mad as a bull with a fly in his ear and gave Leo a pretty good beating. I knew it was about you. There’s nothing else that gets Jonah Moore riled up like someone messing with his little sister.”
My eyes narrowed and rage ignited inside me as she continued to tell her story.
"Leo just took the hits. He didn't even fight back. Just stood there. Then I overheard your brother tell Leo to leave. He refused at first, but the Jonah said something about selling a property or some such and Leo went white as a sheet. He mumbled something about leaving, told me he was quitting, and moving out of the upstairs apartment, and he was gone that very night.
Stella gave me a sad shake of her head as I sat there in stunned silence. Had Jonah threatened to sell the bed and breakfast just to make Leo leave? Even knowing how much I cared about it, knowing how much I cared about him?
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away,” Stella said, looking away guiltily, “I thought it was for the best. A clean break and all that. I really don’t know how to reach him, but I figure your brother might.”
My pulse pounded loud and insistent in my ears until all I could hear was the white noise drowning out the cacophony of the bar. I rose to my feet like a zombie, moving on instinct but my mind was a haze of chaos and betrayal and most of all, a red-hot rage that fueled me forward.
I didn’t say another word to Stella, I didn’t stop to say goodbye to Lily or the others, I just kept moving one foot in front of the other until I was outside. I got into my car and started it by rote, my mind still buzzing like a hive of angry bees as I drove out of the parking lot. There was only one thought that I could grab hold of and focus on. I needed to find Jonah. Now.
Chapter 28
Quinn
I slammed on my brakes, coming to a haphazard stop in front of the apartment building, the wheels were crooked but I didn’t care. There was another need spurring me out of the car and onto my feet, practically sprinting towards the front door. The need for answers. I needed to know the truth. And damn it, I was going to get it, on
e way or the other.
I shoved the door open, not caring as it slammed against the wall behind it causing a cloud of plaster to crumble to the floor. I didn’t notice. My eyes scanned the apartment looking for one thing and one thing only.
“Jonah! Jonah, get your ass out here right now!” I had to fight not to scream the words, opening my mouth to shout again but a moment later Jonah was there, rushing from the bathroom with a confused look shining in his eyes.
“Quinn? Is everything okay? Is it the baby?”
“No, it’s not the baby. And no, everything is not god damned okay.” I spit out the words like bullets and his expression grew even more confused as he took a few slow steps towards me.
“Alright, just calm down and tell me what the hell is going on? And keep your voice down. I don’t want Lola shouting at me again for being too loud. That old lady is mean when she wants to be.”
“You shouldn’t worry about Lola tearing you a new one, Jonah. You should be worried about me.” I stomped forward, slamming the door shut behind me and it closed with a satisfying crash. Jonah flinched.
“Jesus, Quinn. Are you trying to draw the dragon lady’s wrath?” He looked at me then, really looked at me for the first time since I’d walked inside and his eyes widened. “Quinn? Tell me what the hell is going on.”
“No, Jonah. You tell me!” I lunged forward, planting the end of one finger against his chest so hard he flinched again, “For once, just tell me the truth. Did you blackmail Leo into leaving me?”
Jonah’s mouth gaped open and closed like a fish gasping in air as he struggled to find an answer. Well, his silence was answer enough to convince me. Stella had been telling me the truth about what happened that night.
“How could you?” My voice was soft but honed to razor sharpness as I threw the words at him. “How could you do that to me?”
“Not to you, Quinn.” Jonah pleaded, holding out his hands as if say see? I’m innocent here. I didn’t buy it for a second. “I did it for you.”
“For me.” I snorted on a bitter, humorless laugh, “For me?!”
“Everything I do is for you, you have to know that.”
“I thought I did, Jonah.” I shook my head, staring at him like a stranger, “I love him, Jonah. I love him, and you beat the shit out of him and threatened to sell the bed and breakfast if he didn’t leave.”
“Who told you about that?” Jonah demanded, his face flushing mottled and red. “That was between me and Leo.”
“No! Don’t you get it? This has nothing to do with you, Jonah! I’m not a child anymore that you need to watch out for. Mom and dad are dead! You don’t have to protect me anymore!” Tears, hot and angry, welled behind my eyes but I blinked them back furiously. I wasn’t going to break down. Not this time. This time, I was going to stand up for myself, I was going to be strong. Not for anyone else. Just for me. I could be strong enough on my own.
“Leo did nothing to hurt you,” I spit out the words as Jonah just stared at me, “And he sure as hell did nothing to hurt me. He didn’t deserve–.”
“Nothing to hurt you?” Jonah said on a harsh laugh, pointing to the noticeable swell of my middle, “He knocked you up. And then he left without a word to you! You think If I’d told him about the baby he would have come crawling back? You think he would have just settled down and married you and have the white picket fence and all that bullshit? Those are just dreams, Quinn. Childish dreams.”
My mind turned, catching on something that he’d said but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After a moment, it finally clicked, but I still couldn’t make sense of it.
“What are you talking about, Jonah? I didn’t even know I was pregnant until a week after he left. A week after you forced him to leave.” As I spoke, other things fell into place. The guilty glances, the way Jonah had been avoiding me, the odd things he’d say whenever I’d bring up Leo.
“Wait a minute, have you talked to him again? Since finding out about the baby?” My eyes widened as certainty settled over me. Jonah’s look of shame just confirmed it. “Oh my god. You have! Do you have his new number? His address? I deserve to talk to him, to let him know.”
Jonah was silent for a long moment and I saw the exact moment he surrendered. His shoulders sank and he let out a drawn-out sigh laced with resignation before finally opening his mouth again.
“He came here looking for you, a few weeks ago. A month maybe.”
“A month…” I trailed off, shock filling me but then it was eaten up by anger as I did the math. “You knew. You knew I was pregnant by then. You knew that Leo was the father.” I swallowed hard past the bile that threatened to rise in the back of my throat. “Did you tell him about the baby?”
“No, of course not.” Jonah shook his head as if it were the most natural thing in the world and I just stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief.
“He’s the father of this child, Jonah. He deserves to know about it. He deserves the truth. It would have been the decent thing to do, but you don’t know anything about that, do you?”
“Hey! That’s not fair–.”
“Fair? I’ll tell you what’s not fair!” I punctuated every word with another stab to his chest, “Not fair is having parents that were drug addicts and didn’t give a shit about us. Not fair is failing at everything I have ever done, but still being stupid enough to try again. Not fair is having an over-protective brother who thinks it’s his job to police my love life! Not fair is that brother beating up and blackmailing the only man I’ve ever loved into leaving me and then finding out I’m pregnant with his child! That’s not fair, Jonah!”
“Look, I told you. Everything I did was for you.”
“NO! It was for you.” I shot out the words like venom, glaring up at him as I spoke. I was shaking but the words came out steady and cold as ice, “You have to be in control. You want everything to play out like you think it should, and damn what anybody else thinks, or feels. You don’t care who gets hurt along the way, as long as it goes the way you deem fit.”
“That’s not true.” Jonah tried to defend himself and I could see that same stubborn anger growing behind his green eyes at my words. I just shook my head.
“You are not allowed to meddle in my life anymore!”
“Fine! Then go ahead and do whatever you want to do! But when you fuck up and come crying back to me, I’m not going to be there to help!”
“Help?! You call this helping? You lied to Leo about his baby! You lied to him about selling the bed and breakfast.”
“That wasn’t a lie.” Jonah said nastily and I sucked in a hard breath, “I would do whatever I must to protect you.”
“I’ve put everything into turning that place around and making it a success. And you would have just taken it away, like a petty child who doesn’t want to share?”
“Just admit it, Quinn. The bed and breakfast is just a pipe dream anyway. It’s going to fail, just like everything else. I’m just telling you the truth.”
Fury filled me, sharp and overwhelming, stealing my breath, choking me until I couldn’t force a word out. It was probably a good thing but anything I might say just then wouldn’t be pretty.
Without another word, I turned on my heel, rushing to my cramped bedroom, the bedroom I’d spent my teenage years in, the bedroom where I’d dreamed about boys and my future. I grabbed a backpack from the closet and threw whatever I could grab inside as hastily as I could. I couldn’t spend another minute there, not another second under the same roof as him.
I threw the bag over my shoulder, still silently fuming as I stalked towards the door but Jonah’s voice stopped me.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
I threw a scathing look over my shoulder, my hand on the doorknob. “I’m leaving. I’m going to the Mayhew house.”
Jonah scoffed, rolling his eyes as if I was a child throwing some sort of tantrum and he was put out that he had to deal with it. “Come on, Qu
inn. You’re pregnant.”
"I know that, you asshole."
“The electricity isn’t even hooked up yet!”
“Then I’ll light a candle! It doesn’t matter, Jonah. Anywhere is better than here. I can’t stay here, not with you. Not now.”
His brows lowered angrily. He opened his mouth to say something else but it didn’t matter. I was already walking down the front steps of the home I’d shared with my brother for over ten years, and into the night, alone but for the first time in a long time, unafraid.
Chapter 29
Quinn
I held the bandana even tighter over my mouth as I walked up the last few stairs that led to the attic, kicking up a massive cloud of dust as I stepped onto one of the crossbeams. A pang of sadness hit me. It had been one of the last rooms that Leo had worked in before he’d left.
Before Jonah had beat the shit out of him and threatened him into leaving, you mean. Sadness morphed into a familiar bitter anger for a moment but I was too tired for it to last long. It fled, leaving an emptiness inside me and the taste of ash mixing with the dust in my mouth.
Over the past few days, my emotions had dragged me through an obstacle course. From hurt, betrayal, and a sharp bitterness to red-hot anger and then tearful regret that I hadn't done more to stop Leo from leaving when I had the chance.
I took a deep breath to try and control my overwrought emotions, and I regretted it immediately as I fell into a fit of coughs as I inhaled more dust and dirt than oxygen. My eyes watering and vision blurred I stumbled forward but I only made it a few steps before hitting something hard with the corner of my foot.
