by Leta Blake
“And how did you end up here?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Try me.”
Neil rubbed his fingers over his eyes and considered blurting out, “Well, it all started when I died beneath a semi truck about twenty years ago.” But instead he just said, “I’m a scientist. I was here for an interview with a potential investor.” Keeping it simple, if inaccurate.
“No way!” Chris said, staring at him suspiciously. “Are you sure? You look a little young.”
“Uh, yes, I’m sure. Graduated early. Yadda yadda.”
“It’s just so strange how much you’re like—”
“Life’s strange,” Neil said, cutting him off.
“It really is.”
“Speaking of, what are you doing here?”
Chris blinked hard. “Working? I’m the office manager.”
“I mean here. In Scottsville.”
“Oh. That’s a long story.” Chris smiled and looked off into the distance. “I guess it’s obvious I’m not from around here, huh? I grew up in Nashville. A much bigger city. But love brought me a long way from home.”
“Are you happy here?”
“I’m happy, yes.” Chris turned back to him. “You know what? I think I can help you.” Chris glanced toward the corner of the building where Declyn was talking animatedly to his girlfriend. “I know a certain someone who could use a time out, actually.”
“Wait, are you—?” Neil asked. “You just met me. I’m a complete stranger, and you’re going to have your son drive me to Nashville? I could be a serial killer for all you know.”
Chris shrugged happily. “But you’re not. And Declyn, my stepson, should get out of Scottsville for the afternoon. It would do him good.”
Neil felt a weird rush of anxiety at the thought of being trapped in a car with Chris’s kid.
“You remind me of someone I loved who died a long time ago,” Chris said, rather cheerfully considering he was discussing death. “And I’d feel like I was doing him a favor if I helped you out.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Neil said, suddenly hot and uncomfortable, because Chris would be doing his Neil a favor, and the layers of weirdness were suffocating.
“Yep,” Chris agreed. “You sound just like him. Okay, hold on. You stay right here, Neil. Wow, that sounds so weird to say. I’ll be right back with Declyn.”
Neil watched Chris grab the phone from Declyn, tell the girlfriend something that looked rather unpleasant, and then disconnect the call. Declyn’s hands on his hips and shocked face gave away that he wasn’t too pleased by his stepfather’s behavior. Part of Neil wanted to stay and see how it all played out, curious about the man he’d once cared about. But another part of him could think of few more disastrous ways to end this already dreadful day than getting into a car with Chris’s stepson.
He darted back inside the Barren River Resort before Chris could stop him. He prepared himself to face Dr. Peters at least long enough to blow him off again. He’d spend the rest of the evening and night in bed.
With any luck, the blanket that Joshua had touched would retain his scent, and Neil could torture himself all night long with that, before he headed back to Atlanta with Dr. Peters the next morning as planned.
Nearly twenty hours after landing back in Atlanta, and fifteen hours after convincing Alice that he would be happier returning to campus, Neil’s body was exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t shut down. He’d worked in the labs, trying to keep away from painful, wrenching thoughts of Joshua by focusing on his project before their cash flow dried up, but it was useless. After he’d given up, he stalked home to the apartment irritable and wrung out.
He glanced around at Derek’s mess, the half-eaten bowl of cereal on the table and the litter of food wrappers around the couch. He muttered “I live with an animal” under his breath and stalked into his own room, where he kicked off his jeans and pulled his T-shirt over his head. Neil rubbed a hand over his face and then jerked down his boxer shorts.
Without a word, he walked from his room into Derek’s, startling Derek out of a pretty sound sleep. But Derek didn’t stop him, only whispered “Yesssss” as Neil flipped Derek onto his stomach and yanked Derek’s sweat pants down to his ankles, revealing his round, tight ass.
Neil might not have been able to concentrate on work, and he might have felt like he was about to come apart from the intensity of the renewed pain and unresolved longing for Joshua, but he could drown that out for now with a good, long fuck. Derek was a messy roommate who was annoyingly close with Neil’s mother, but his body was pliable, eager, and always open for business.
Derek looked over his shoulder, while Neil grabbed a condom and rolled it on. Derek’s blue eyes were wide with lust, and his mouth gaped. Neil was grateful he didn’t ask questions.
Neil squirted lube onto Derek’s hole, lined up, and roughly shoved inside. Derek’s head fell forward as Neil slid into him hard and fast, with no time for adjustment or warming up.
“Jesus,” Derek gasped, clenching at the sheets and biting his pillow. “Fuck, Neil.”
Neil closed his eyes, concentrating on the tight, gripping pull of Derek’s ass on his cock. The hot slide in and out was almost enough to block the aching, horrible pain that seemed to have opened in his chest since seeing Joshua in person.
Neil pounded into Derek roughly, leaning down to sink his teeth in sharp bites along Derek’s shoulders and neck, feeling the delicious response of Derek jerking and tightening around Neil’s plunging dick. He didn’t let up, angling to hit Derek’s prostate and burying his face in Derek’s already sweat-damp hair, as Derek shivered and crooned beneath him.
It felt good to fuck Derek. He was in control of something, at least, as he drove Derek to the edge of orgasm and then held him there, not quite pushing him over into it. Derek writhed and begged, and Neil felt a surge of reassuring power. He couldn’t be with Joshua, but he could fuck Derek, and he could make Derek scream, and he could feel something besides pain. He rubbed Derek’s back, knowing by the way that Derek moved that he was going to come, and sensing Derek’s shock and even fear at the intensity of the orgasm about to slam through him.
Neil grabbed a fistful of Derek’s hair, used it for leverage, and fucked Derek impossibly harder. Derek made wild, animal noises as Neil rode him, and then Derek scrambled against the sheets in a desperate and yet half-hearted attempt to get away from Neil’s cock, before Derek’s straining movements popped the fitted sheet off the mattress, and he jerked beneath Neil in shuddering surprise.
“Fuck!” Derek cried, his asshole clenching rhythmically as he shot his load without even touching himself.
Neil continued to fuck Derek’s spasming ass, and he ran a soothing hand through Derek’s hair, vaguely grateful for Derek’s willingness as he fought his own orgasm, holding it back, preferring to keep on screwing so that he didn’t have to remember how Joshua had looked at him, or the sound of Joshua’s voice saying his name.
Derek jolted and squirmed underneath him, crying out every time Neil stroked in and raked against his prostate, obviously too sensitive, but it wasn’t long before Derek was thrusting back, up on his hands and knees, calling out for harder and faster. He fell forward onto his elbow as he screamed and jerked his cock to orgasm again, his asshole clenching so hard that Neil had to momentarily stop his thrusts to ride it out.
“Holy shit,” Derek gasped when Neil started pounding him again, and he melted into the mattress, a limp body taking Neil’s cock without resistance, and Neil grabbed Derek’s hips, hauled him up a little for a better angle, and didn’t let up.
Derek drooled and occasionally convulsed in pleasure, his eyes rolled back in his head. Neil carried on, delaying his own orgasm for as long as he could, before finally shoving into Derek all the way to the root. Falling onto Derek’s sweat-slick back and shaking as he finally filled the condom, he saw nothing but Joshua’s brown eyes.
The pain that swallowed him was eno
rmous. Desperately, Neil pulled the condom off, tossed it on the floor, and rolled on another. Shoving into Derek’s slick, spasming hole while his cock was still sensitive from orgasm hurt, but it was better than the emotional pain that engulfed him when he stopped. Derek whimpered but didn’t ask him to pull out.
Neil fucked Derek until they were both too fatigued to move. They lay panting and twitching helplessly, both of them covered in sweat and Derek’s come. As Neil rolled away, exhausted and hoping to fall asleep, he noticed that Derek was smiling deliriously, high as a kite from the intense fucks. Neil, though, was drained of strength, and instead of Derek’s happy humming, he heard Joshua’s angry voice, saying, “You’re just a kid!” as he dropped into an exhausted, miserable sleep.
Chapter Fourteen
For the third time in as many days, Joshua’s night was peppered with wakefulness and anxiety. His bed seemed far too big. His dreams, when he did manage to fall to sleep, were a hodgepodge of frustration, grief, and old, thwarted desire.
Joshua ran his hand over the pillow beside him, remembering the last few months of Lee’s life, when they’d thought the experimental treatment to stop the damage the nanites had wreaked on Lee’s vascular system had worked. There had been a lot of joy, a sense of pardon, and Joshua’s dreams had seemed innocent enough.
During that time, he’d had a reoccurring one of a beehive dripping with honey. The hive had swarmed, and the bees danced in the air around him when he approached, greeting him cheerfully with their secret message-bearing movements.
Later, he remembered that historically it had been believed that bees took the message of a person’s death to the gods. He wondered if somehow his subconscious mind had known that they were in the middle of a honey-sweet reprieve and that Lee was on his way out of life despite the apparent success of the treatment. It certainly explained his lack of surprise when Lee had collapsed during breakfast, his face going white as he’d bled out internally, dying in only minutes, while Joshua had held him and whispered to him not to be afraid.
Joshua groaned and rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes, remembering how Lee had apologized to him as he died. At the last, Lee had remarked with a kind of surprise, “I’m so cold, babe,” and then he’d been gone.
Even now, Joshua didn’t know for sure what Lee had intended with his apology—sorry that he’d been so enthusiastic about the nanite procedures? Sorry that he was leaving Joshua alone just like Neil had, or sorry that he was dying in Joshua’s arms? Whatever he’d meant, Joshua had told him it was okay. “It’s okay, I love you, don’t be afraid.” He’d said it urgently, over and over.
After Lee was well and truly gone, he’d managed to call 911. The paramedics had arrived, and Joshua had held Lee’s lifeless body tight for a last moment before the paramedics had asked him to move aside. They worked uselessly while Joshua watched, tears streaming down his face.
He hadn’t dreamed of bees again until the night after he’d met Neil Green.
It took forever for him to fall asleep, his mind replaying every moment of his conversations with Dr. Green and presenting him again and again with the uncanny resemblance to his Neil. The piercing blue eyes, the jawline and long neck, the way his fingers were shaped, and the color of his hair, the hold of his lips, and even the tense barbs that seemed to fly out of his mouth before he could think them through. How many times had Joshua heard him talk that way to lab assistants when he was angry?
As Joshua finally dropped off, his fingers fisted into the sheets on Lee’s side of the bed, seeking comfort from the memory of his husband, he found he was walking toward a honey-dripping beehive. Unperturbed by the buzzing of the bees around him, he knelt by the hive and let some of the honey drip onto his finger. He tasted its sweetness as the bees danced by his head, waiting for him to tell them something to take back to the gods.
The peace of the moment evaporated as Joshua searched deeply for words and couldn’t find them. There was something important—a message, yes, but maybe it wasn’t for him to deliver; maybe it was for him to receive.
Joshua listened to the buzzing as hard as he could. He felt the tickle of the bees landing on his ears and crawling into his ear canal, buzzing, buzzing, urging him to take what they had to give him, but he couldn’t decipher it. He didn’t speak their language.
Then Joshua woke in a panic, scratching at his ears to shake the buzzing noise away. Impotent and frustrated, he was lost and alone.
Two days later, he still felt the same way. The dream kept coming back whenever his body succumbed to exhaustion. He’d just woken from it again, and the room was barely lit with dawn.
Joshua sat up, stretched, and closed his eyes as he thought of Neil Green’s mouth. His cock throbbed with his usual morning wood, and he resisted the urge to reach down to jerk off. His resolve only lasted a few moments, though, as his mind went to the length of Neil Green’s throat and his familiar eyes.
What did it hurt to imagine? If only for a few minutes?
Joshua clenched his jaw as he palmed his cock, and then gripped it firmly, imagining Dr. Green’s challenging expression. In his mind’s eye, Joshua grabbed Dr. Green by the hair, tugged him forward into a kiss that was searing and hot, and then forced him to his knees. He could show Dr. Green a better use for his runaway mouth.
Joshua imagined Dr. Green eagerly opening his lips to suck Joshua in. The wet, hot slickness of his tongue and cheeks engulfed Joshua’s cock, and he didn’t last after that, coming hard enough that his ejaculate hit his chin and he was left gasping for air. In his imagination, Dr. Green looked unbearably smug and far too pleased with himself.
Even that made Joshua’s cock twitch again.
“Crap,” Joshua muttered, wiping the come from his chin with one hand. He brought it up to his mouth, sucking his own fingers clean.
He wished it was just the unexpected lust that he felt for Dr. Green that was eating at him, but it wasn’t. The resemblance was so overwhelming, the familiarity so unexpected and intense, that Joshua hadn’t been able to stop his mind from asking questions ranging from the improbable to the impossible.
Joshua showered and headed into his offices at the lumber company, determined to flip through the hard copy of the information sent to him from Emory one more time before calling to check with the Private Investigator in Atlanta.
Adair Pimberton came at the recommendation of one of his oldest contacts, so Joshua felt certain of her competence. She’d see to it that Joshua would know what kind of soap and laundry detergent Dr. Green used within twenty-four hours. She was that good.
Joshua hadn’t intended to go so far as to have Dr. Green investigated, but after the first sleepless night, he’d been unable to put his questions aside. He’d started looking over the proposal again, and it wasn’t a bad one necessarily—if he could put his doubts to rest on the nanite project, and satisfy his need to know more about Dr. Green at the same time, then it was a win/win endeavor.
Joshua justified it to himself by telling the board of the Neil Russell Foundation. “I’m still unresolved on the funding of the Emory nanite grant proposal. I just need a little more information on the kid who’s running the whole thing. He struck me as a potential loose canon.”
The fact that his need for information came mainly from his inability to stop wondering just who the kid really was, and if he was related to Neil or not, wasn’t something he felt the need to share.
In his obsessive thoughts about Dr. Neil Green, Joshua had even gone so far as to wonder if Neil had once been a sperm donor. While Neil had never seemed to express an interest in having children during the time he and Joshua had known each other, Joshua didn’t think it was outside of the range of possibility that Neil’s ego could have led him to donate his genetic material for the betterment of the future. Joshua couldn’t even completely dismiss the idea that Neil would have willingly donated to a childless woman he admired. He’d been a very loving man to his friends.
And then there were th
e other thoughts—the ones that no amount of liberally applied logic or daylight could dispel, making Joshua conclude that he’d gone around the bend, and was, at the very least, not entirely sane. Those thoughts all boiled down to one thing: somehow Dr. Green was Neil. Not someone like Neil, not a relative to Neil, but actually Neil himself. It was ludicrous.
Joshua sat down at his desk, unlocked the middle drawer, and pulled out the file folder again. It contained the written proposal as drawn up by Dr. Neil Green, and it was, strangely, a rather amusing read. Dr. Green was seemingly incapable of not inserting parentheticals such as, “Translation of all those big words in the previous sentence: nanites repair brain damage, people get better, hooray! Life extended! Now they can party into even older age.” Obviously, Brian Peters either had no control over the kid, or he hadn’t seen the final draft sent in to the foundation.
“Joshua,” his assistant, Rebecca, said from the doorway. Her new bob cut framed her middle-aged face. “You okay? You’ve been a little out of it lately.”
Joshua looked up from Dr. Green’s description of the anticipated dissolution of the nanites within the body, the most concerning and important part of the entire study to Joshua, and forced a smile. He took the time to notice how strong and tall Rebecca stood now, without even a hint of the limp she’d had before the nanites had completed their work on her curved spinal cord two years ago.
Despite what had happened to Lee, Joshua saw living proof in front of him (as well as within him, in his better-than-ever skin and health) of the importance of nanite technology. He wasn’t entirely against the application of it; he simply demanded more rigor in the testing if he was going to fund it. The belated realization that certain genetic markers could predict the failure of nanite dissolution was something that could have been avoided, as far as Joshua was concerned, had scientists been more cautious from the beginning.
“Yeah,” Joshua said. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
