Luke didn’t speak, didn’t even turn to face her, but she could see his chest rising and falling. Finally he gave her a brusque nod.
When she headed back into the Bonner bedroom, the happy father was sitting on the bed beside his wife. He was holding his son in his arms while Rosemary held their daughter.
They looked so happy. How could she spoil this moment with her words? But she had to.
“Mr. Bonner, I have something I must tell you.”
“Rosemary already told me, Mrs. Guylenhall. I understand I shall never have another child.” He gently reached over and pushed some stray locks off his wife’s forehead. “I guess that is why God chose to give me both of them at one time.”
He watched her. “Do not look so shocked. Despite my past behavior, yes, I do believe in a loving God. While a large family would have been nice, considering how long it took us to have these two, I am fine with the news. I do have a question, though.”
“Anything. What do you need to know?”
“Will not bearing any more children cause my Rosemary any pain? Will she suffer because of it? Will the complications affect her in any way?” He choked back the tears that clearly threatened.
Maddie rushed forward to stand right before him. “Oh, no! I assure you, she will never have any more physical pain—other than any ordinary monthly discomfort, of course. Pardon me for speaking of such an indelicate issue. What she experienced today with the birth of both of them at the same time was truly the worst of it. I promise you that.”
A slight smile curved the corners of his lips.
“I thank you, Mrs. Guylenhall. I regret the problems you are going to have with your husband when you return home, but from the bottom of my heart I thank you for being here for my Rosemary. I have no doubt I would have lost all of them today if you had not been here.”
She looked away. “Well, we cannot know that.”
“I do. You saved my family, Mrs. Guylenhall. If you ever need anything, just ask. Despite your husband’s oppositions, I will move the world to help you in any way I can.”
He paused to draw several breaths. “I have not been a praying man for many years, but I can tell you the good Lord heard from me the entire time you were in here.” He shifted his gaze to his wife. “I have been a fool about so many things. Did things I certainly should not have.” He reached out to touch Rosemary’s shoulder. “Caused my dear wife much pain by my actions. But that is over. As God is my witness, I assure you both that it is over.”
He looked up at Maddie again. “Thank you, Mrs. Guylenhall. You will never understand how much you have given me today.”
~ Chapter 13 ~
The trip home was much different than the one after the Ericksson’s baby was born. Then she had understanding. Compassion. Support.
Tonight Luke offered none of those.
He helped her up into the wagon, but didn’t speak the entire way. The only sound was that of the horses’ hoof beats along the rutted road. Maddie thought it best to keep her silence as well. Wind whipped through her hair as they drove toward home.
She glanced at him as he sat beside her, stiff and stern, but turned away feeling her cheeks burn. The chill in her heart buffeted her much more than the chill of the night air.
At home, he shot her a stony glare and made no move to either take her in his arms or speak.
“I believe I am going to retire now,” she said.
He made no move to answer.
Blindly she fled to their bedroom and closed herself in until she was exhausted from crying. She hated this rift between them. But she could see nothing she could have done differently. Letting a woman and child—and in this case children—die wasn’t an option.
She fully expected him to sleep in the guest room. He surprised her by coming into their room much later and getting ready for bed.
Exhausted, she craved for him to hold her like he had after baby Lars’ birth, but that didn’t happen. Instead he presented her with his back.
She knew he wasn’t asleep. She could tell by his breathing, but he didn’t end his silence. Her heart broke.
Was this the end of her marriage as she knew it? Had she saved the lives of one family only to have brought about the death of her marriage? Regardless of the answer, she wouldn’t change helping Rosemary. The woman had needed her and God had given Maddie the medical ability to help.
God again. Why can I never shake You from my thoughts? And why did I catch myself praying to You while Rosemary was in such distress? I insist I am through with You…yet… You always seem to be there.
Jeffrey Bonner hadn’t been the only person having a conversation with the Lord. Maddie didn’t understand it.
The next morning Luke was already gone when she awoke. As always, he must have risen with the sun. The banked fire in the room gave off a feeble glow.
She snuggled deeper against the threadbare sheets, brushed the tangle of hair from her face, then reluctantly rose to face the day. Best to get the confrontation over with early rather than letting it drag out throughout the entire day. She was getting ready to head out to milk the cow and gather eggs when he walked in the door holding a basket of eggs. His body blocked the light from outside.
She glanced nervously at him as he hooked his Stetston over the peg by the door and leaned his rifle in a corner. Sleeves of his blue chambray shirt were rolled up, exposing strong, tanned forearms, while the back of it strained across his broad shoulders.
“Figgered you needed your sleep after yesterday, so I let you sleep late this mornin’. Fetched the eggs for you.” He set the basket on the table. “I’ll head back out to the shed. Holler when breakfast is ready.”
“I have to milk the—”
“Already did that. Bucket’s there.” He pointed to the table, and then he was gone.
Maddie didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know why Luke and Jeffrey didn’t like each other, but was it really enough of a reason for her to have stayed home and ignored Rosemary?
No.
He couldn’t ask that of her. Stubborn husband or not, if people needed her, she would go to them. Why did he have to have such a burr under his saddle? She remembered Kat saying that about Aaron once. So apparently all couples disagreed from time to time.
Was letting her sleep and doing her chores his version of an apology?
She sagged back against the stove and buried her face in her hands. What was she to do to rectify the rift between them? Why did it have to be up to her to do it? Was that what wives did? Her mother had died while Maddie was too young to remember.
Through moping around, she got busy frying sausage and made a batch of hotcakes, hoping they came out light and fluffy. She’d never made them before, but the last thing she needed this morning was to flub breakfast.
When she flipped them over and removed them from the pan, a smile tugged at her lips. She’d done it! Slowly but surely she was learning to cook.
Would Luke be pleased? Would he even care?
Then again, slowly but surely she and Luke were becoming friends. Feared her feelings for him ran much deeper than companionship. She liked him, and it terrified her. Had she ruined that yesterday?
Mattie had missed being in his arms last night.
With hotcakes and sausage done, only one thing left to do. Could she really make the sunny-side up eggs Aunt Lola had shown her? Luke really seemed to like them. Liked sopping his biscuit in the yellow yolk. She had a few biscuits left from yesterday.
She peeked out the window to the barn. Sunshine sparkled through the glass. Yes, he was still out there. Moping or working, she wasn’t sure. At least nature thought it was a beautiful day.
“Luke, breakfast is ready,” she called out the back door. A bird chattered away, scolding her for breaking the quiet of the outdoors.
She’d only broken one egg, and she’d take that one. At least he couldn’t fault her breakfast.
When he came in, he sat at the table and bowed his head. He didn�
�t hold her hand and pray out loud like he usually did. Did he think she was even beyond God? She guessed she was. Hadn’t she been thinking that very thing for months?
She’d told him she didn’t believe anymore, yet in her heart that wasn’t entirely true. She knew the gift of healing she had came from God. He wouldn’t have given her that gift had He not wanted her to use it.
Luke ate, not speaking. Not a grunt. Not a ‘good.’ Not an anything. He rose and took his plate and coffee cup to the wooden sink and started to head back out the door.
“Luke, do not go. We have to talk.” Maddie was crushed. She’d tried so hard to make everything perfect for him this morning, and he hadn’t said a word. He who always praised her just for trying.
“Don’t think I have anythin’ to say, Maddie.”
“We need to talk about what happened yesterday.” Smoothing the skirt of her dress, she squirmed under his scrutiny.
“No.” He pursed his lips. “Don’t think so. Best we not talk about that yet. I am still too upset.” He took another step toward the door and grabbed his hat. “Figgered I would fetch wood from the woodpile.”
“So this is how we are going to live from now on? You not speaking? Us going through the motions of living?” She sighed in annoyance.
He didn’t answer.
“You had best get word to the aunts then, because they were coming out today for a visit. I do not think you want them to see how stubborn you are being.”
That stopped him in his tracks. He was back to her in two strides and grabbed her arm. “Me stubborn? What about you bein’ the most disobedient, disrespectful wife I have ever met?”
His cruel words stung. How could he? Her chin raised a notch. “Because I saved a woman’s life?”
He removed his hat and slapped it against his leg. “Of course not. Do not twist my words on me.”
“Then what are we talking about?”
“You cannot go off on your own out here, Maddie. Especially with a man the likes of that low-life scum. Life in the West is much harsher than life as you knew it.”
“But I was not alone!” The retort was out of her mouth before she could recall it.
His jaw clenched before he spoke. “Do not remind me. You were with Jeffrey Bonner. Alone.”
“Why do you hate him so much?”
“None of your business.” He drew himself up straight.
Maddie saw red. “Excuse me? It is none of my business? You are sulking around our house like a spoiled child and I have no idea why and you tell me it is none of my business?”
She threw her metal cup into the wooden sink and he released her arm.
“I was not alone to be with him. I went to his house because he said there was a problem with his wife’s delivery. And he was right. Not only did Rosemary have twins, she had major problems. She and the babies could have died if someone had not been there. As it is, she will never be able to have more children.”
She gasped and covered her mouth.
“I should not have told you that.” She sank back into her chair at the kitchen table. “I never tell things about my patients. Father drilled that into me.” The strain of the last day was getting to her.
Luke sat too, but didn’t speak. He seemed to be trying to come up with the right words.
“Maddie, I was terrified yesterday. I did not see your note for hours. It really was not in the middle of the table like you said. It must have blown off the table, so I had no idea what happened to you. There are a lot of bad varmints in these here parts. Any of them could have stopped here and kidnapped you. What if the likes of the James gang had slunk through our territory, ready to rob our bank or the stagecoach as it neared town? Or if some renegade Indians had been in the area? I was ready to fetch Matthew and have a search party sent out for you. There is no such thing as being too careful.”
He drew in a shuddering breath, drew some shapes on the wooden table with his index finger. “By the time I finally found your note on the floor, I was so worked up I guess I overreacted. I was torn between relief and aggravation. Relief that I at least knew where you were and aggravated to discover you were with Bonner of all people.”
His eyes met and locked with hers. “I should not have yelled at you like I did, and I am sorry for it. Sorry I did not hold you last night like I should have. But I cannot go through that again. Ever. I really cannot. The first thought to cross my mind when I discovered you gone was that I had lost you. That someone had kidnapped you and I would never see you again.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I have to ask you not to go out with anyone again.”
She sat up straight. He’d gone from an apology to an edict. One she couldn’t comply with.
How was she to handle this? She wouldn’t give up and he never backed down. This time she had to make him see he was being unrealistic.
Wrong.
“As much as I would like to, I cannot promise that. If someone needs me, I have to go.” He started to protest, but she stopped him with an upraised hand. “You are the one who is so determined I reconcile with God. I am having a hard time with that. But the one thing I do know is that my healing gift has come from Him. It is a gift your God has given me. Why, I do not know. But who am I to question something He chooses me to have?” She placed her hand over Luke’s on the table.
“Please, try to understand. It is who I am. You are a rancher. How would you feel if I ordered you to never go outside and take care of your ranch, your men, your animals again? What if one of your mares was ready to deliver a foal and I told you that you could not go help?”
“That would be ridiculous. They need me.”
“Exactly. That is how I feel about what you are telling me. I am a healer. That was the word you used once. I cannot stop. You are telling me not to be me. I cannot do that. I am trying to be the wife you need. I really am. I am attempting to learn to cook. Changing my clothes so your friends will not think I am some stuck-up snob, even though that is the furthest thing from the truth anymore. But I know medicine. Father and I were never close, but that is the one thing he gave me. The ability to help others in pain and need. I have to use that gift. Please understand.”
He kept watching her. Finally he flipped his hand over on the table and held hers.
“All right. If you feel that strongly about it, you may help. But we have to come to some compromise.” He softened his voice. “If I am not here, you leave me a note on the table and put a rock on top of it so it cannot blow away. I’ll bring a small one in from outside. Keep it on the windowsill unless you are using it. If you are not in the house when I come home, I will always check there first to see if the rock is moved.
“I’ll make sure one of the men is here every day. If you have to go somewhere, go to the bunkhouse and tell whoever is there. Then he can come find me and tell me and I will come to you as quickly as I can.”
“No one is going to want to mollycoddle me. You need your men out working with you.”
“Those are my terms, Maddie. Take ‘em or leave ‘em. The West is wild. Anythin’ can happen.” He pulled her up from the table. “And the first thing that is goin’ to happen is that I am goin’ to teach you how to ride. Come on. We are goin’ to find you a horse you feel comfortable with. If we do not have one, I’ll buy you one.”
“Silly, you do not have to buy me a horse. I can ride any horse you have.”
“You can already ride?” He sounded shocked.
“Of course. Side saddle or English.”
“Don’t have either o’ those contraptions. Here we ride Western.”
“I cannot possibly ride something that bulky. I have seen the men lugging them around.”
“Sure you can. Only way it is done out here.” He thought a minute. “I have a gentle palfrey in the barn I think you might do all right on. Let’s go check it out.”
“I need to change.”
His brows dipped into a frown. “Change what?”
She looked down a
nd motioned to her dress. “I cannot possibly ride like this. I believe I brought one of my riding habits with me.”
Luke practically choked. “Ridin’ habit? You are out West now, not at some fancy show.”
“It is an outfit women wear when—”
“I know exactly what a ridin’ habit is—and how silly they look. I saw them while I was in the army. Out here, all you need is a split skirt. If you cannot change one of your dresses, I will buy you material to make one.”
“Of all the narrow, bigoted… Sir, my woolen habit has a split skirt! You needn’t buy me anything.”
“Well, good.” A slow grin tipped up the corner of his lips. “You can wear that when you ride later then. In the meantime, yes you can ride in that dress.”
“But my ankles will—”
“Show. I know.” He gave her a wink to punctuate his words. When he smiled, perfectly straight and white teeth were revealed. “And I won’t mind seein’ them in the least!” He grabbed her hand and pulled her forward. “Come on now. Let us go have a look see. Quit lollygaggin’, woman.”
Lifting her chin, she took a bracing deep breath, straightened and marched out to the barn.
He soon came out of the barn carrying a heavy saddle over his shoulder and headed to ready the horse. Maddie stood impatiently aside while she waited for the saddle to be cinched.
After the palfrey was saddled, Maddie took time to get acquainted with the beautiful animal by patting its soft muzzle and gently stroking its neck. The horse’s ears cocked forward and back as she softly spoke to it.
Luke moved forward. “Let me give you a leg up.”
“Have you a mounting block?”
He rolled his eyes, held her around the waist, then steadied her as she put her foot in the stirrup and she threw her other leg over the horse.
She squirmed to get comfortable in the unfamiliar saddle. “It is awkward sitting in such a bulky saddle.”
“Won’t take long to get used to it.” Luke winked and chuckled. “Beautiful ankles by the way.”
The Rancher's Southern Belle Page 16
