I waited so long to tell her I love her, God. Please give me time to make that up to her. Although she’d probably be the most beautiful flower in Your garden, I beseech You to allow her to stay here on earth with me, your most humble servant.
Although I want to make any deal I can think of to get You to do that, I won’t. Ma taught me better’n that, but at times like this it’s difficult to remember what’s right and what’s not. So I am talkin’ to You like You were my pa and he was still here on earth sittin’ in his big easy chair in the livin’ room.
This is me beggin’, though, God. Please. Please. Please. I want her…need her…so much it scares me sometimes. Makes me wonder at the capacity for love You give us.
I thank You for the time You’ve give me with her already. A sob racked his entire body. But I need more time. I am bein’ selfish, I know.
But…
He couldn’t go on. Was his pleading falling on deaf ears? No, he couldn’t doubt. God always listened. But He does not always answer our prayers in the way we want. Ma had told him that so many times when he’d been young and had prayed for everything from wanting to catch a tadpole to wanting the new girl in school to notice him.
He raised Maddie’s hand and placed his lips gently to the top of it, then laid it back down on the soft feather tick mattress. Weary from the toll of coming so close to losing her, Luke laid his head on the bed beside her as he continued to hold her hand and sobbed.
Finally, he fell into exhausted slumber.
Luke was holding her hand. She could feel his breath against her skin.
Why couldn’t she find her way back to him?
For some reason, God had taken her back to Atlanta. Odd that He would have done that. And she had no idea how they’d gotten there. After seeing the beloved city of her youth and the carnage still evident, now all she wanted was go back to Luke. To her life with him and their newborn child.
But she couldn’t get there. Couldn’t seem to move.
Why not, God? Why doesn’t Luke know I am right here and I am trying to talk to him?
She’d heard him talking to her. To God. Yet she couldn’t respond. Even though she knew she was lying in a bed, she seemed to be hovering around the room’s periphery.
She’d seen a bright light after her journey to Atlanta, and it was magnificent. She’d been being pulled toward it. Closer and closer she went. But wait… No! It blinked off. And I am not ready for that yet. I want to go back to Luke!
That’s when she’d started floating. At least that’s what her body felt like. Was this going to be how she spent the rest of her days? Floating around and never belonging anywhere?
That’s kind of the path she’d been on when she’d met her strong, handsome rancher. Although her feet had been firmly on the ground, her heart had been wandering. Fleeing from a God she didn’t believe in.
She didn’t belong in Atlanta anymore. Probably wouldn’t have fit in out in San Francisco. And she certainly hadn’t fit in Missouri. Not back then anyhow.
But now she did—and she wanted to stay here. To the family she loved.
With every ounce of energy left within her, Maddie stirred. She couldn’t lift her hand to stroke Luke’s handsome face, but she finally got her pinkie finger to rise slightly. Just enough to stroke it once over Luke’s now stubbled chin.
Help me, Luke. I cannot take that last step home on my own. I am right here. I know I am. But I just cannot make that last final move to open my eyes. Can you hear me, love? I’m right here.
She concentrated all her efforts and raised her finger one more time. This time to press against Luke’s warm lips.
He stirred. His head left the bed. She tried to turn hers to face him, but she couldn’t tell if she’d succeeded.
She was so tired. So weak.
Her finger. She could move her finger again. Let him know she was here. Only a heartbeat away.
His gruff groan resounded before he grabbed her hand.
“Maddie! Maddie, darlin’, you are awake! Come back to me, love. Please come back.”
The next thing she knew, strong arms gathered her up within them, hugging her close to his body. Yes! She was getting close now. If only she could open her eyes to see his glorious face.
Footsteps and the sound of other voices crowded into her mind as Luke continued talking to her. Beseeching her to come back to him.
Finally she did it. With monumental effort she turned her head and opened her eyes to the most glorious sight ever—even if her husband did have tears streaming down his cheeks. Didn’t matter in the least.
Praise God! She was home again.
Activity swirled about the room and people flooded in at the sound of Luke’s rejoiceful shouts. “She’s alive! Oh, thank you, Jesus. She is alive. Doc, come quick!”
The aunts moved out of the way as the elderly gentleman hurried to the side of the bed. A smile wreathed his weathered face.
Laying the back of his hand against her forehead, he smiled. “Her fever has broken. This is, indeed, a moment for celebration.” He faced Maddie. “Welcome back, young lady. You had us all mighty worried about you. Our good Lord has a definite reason to have brought you back to us. I look forward to seeing what He has in store for you.”
He moved his eyes up to meet Luke’s. “Now, young man, I suggest you let your wife rest on the bed again. You needn’t hold her in your arms the rest of the day. While it may be comforting to her, she will rest better lying down.”
Reluctantly Luke complied. He didn’t want to let her go.
Ever.
Midday sunlight faded to darkness and Aunt Lola hurried to light an oil lamp. Kat had come by earlier and had already returned home to her family to give them the good news.
Maddie was weak and extremely tired, but she was awake! She’d never be able to tell everyone how much that meant to her.
Sitting beside her, refusing to leave her side, Luke raised her head so she could drink some water. She needed it, was so thirsty, but it was difficult doing something even that simple.
Doc checked her carefully again, rubbed his hands together to ensure they were warm before manipulating her stomach, then repacked her with fresh clean strips of cloth. Maddie groaned in pain and tried to shift away from him.
“I know, young lady. I know it hurts.” He laid a still hand on her arm. “But I have to do this. We have to get the bleeding under control. God’s abundant grace and your will to live are probably the only things that saved your life. You lost a lot of blood.”
“Am I going to—”
“Now, now. Do not rush things. One day at a time.” He smiled. “All right. I do not normally predict. Hate to as a physician. But this time I will make an exception. You still have a long way to go to recover after this ordeal you have been through, but barring any unforeseen setbacks, I think you are out of the woods now and will be on your way to a full recovery.” He arched a brow. “Which means, not to be too indelicate, we have to continue this painful packing until your bleeding stops.”
“My baby… Please can I see him?”
Aunt Mary moved across the room slowly, holding a tightly wrapped little bundle. “Here he is, dearie. He is perfect.”
Maddie closed her eyes with thankfulness, then quickly shot them open to revel in her child’s appearance. “It’s a boy?”
Aunt Mary’s eyes widened. “Well of course it is, dearie. What other baby would have given you so much trouble?”
“Mary!” Lola shouted.
“Well it is true,” Mary huffed. “A delicate little girl never would have given our Maddie such problems.” She smiled down at the little boy. “Don’t mean he is not perfect though. He is. Spittin’ image of his pa.”
She reached out and placed him on Maddie’s chest.
Maddie gently touched her son’s soft face with her fingertips. Thank you, God, for letting me live to see my child.
“He’s beautiful. So beautiful.” Tears gathered and over-flowed in her eyes, but t
hese were tears of happiness. Her motions woke the baby. He pursed his tiny lips and let out a howl.
“And, I might add,” Aunt Mary said, “he is probably fair to starving by now. Kat did all she could to help us through these troubling times, but I am sure Master Guylenhall wants his own ma now.”
~ Chapter 20 ~
The morning’s church service had been uplifting.
Now everyone gathered in Luke and Maddie’s front yard, food piled high on tables Luke had set out early that morning.
With the family growing larger each day, it wasn’t feasible to eat at the aunts’ small house after service anymore. Now everyone drove out to the huge ranch house after service each week. Or over to Kat’s.
Maddie didn’t mind in the least. She loved having company. Loved being with this family that had so embraced her with welcoming arms.
Kat walked around the yard closely monitoring baby Hannah, who had quickly mastered crawling, but was in no hurry to try walking. For now, keeping everything Hannah picked up from going into her mouth was Kat’s most challenging task.
Maddie gazed lovingly at baby Joshua in her arms. Soon her precious son would embark on the world of exploration and wonder, just as Hannah was. Some new challenge every day. For now she was content to hold the three-month-old in her arms.
Rebekah and Johnny frolicked in the huge yard, both excitedly chatting about having gone down to the stream to catch frogs with Uncle Luke.
“Mine’s bigger,” Johnny yelled.
“Not so,” Rebekah groused looking down at her small frog. “They are the same!”
“No it is not! Ma, tell Rebekah my tadpole’s bigger.”
Kat just shook her head. “Don’t think we much need to concern ourselves with the size of frogs today, children. It is a beautiful day out and the few wildflowers out yonder bobbing in the breeze make the pasture look lovely.” She swung her arm out wide. “Go play for now until we call you to eat. Won’t be much longer.”
Maddie contentedly sat in a rocker on the porch holding Josh while Luke and Aaron stood at the base of the steps talking about cattle they soon hoped to purchase to expand their ranches. Matt stood beside them, adding his two cents worth and asking about the approaching cattle drive.
The aunts busily set metal cups and plates on the long plank table Luke had set up beside the one holding food.
The sun shone and white, fluffy clouds filled the sky. Overhead, birds sang. Soon spring would be here and new birth would begin—both with the earth and with the ranch animals.
Serenity filled her soul and Maddie couldn’t have been happier.
Everything in her life was perfect. Days rushed by with startling familiarity. Nothing could go wrong now to rock her world. Those days were in her past and she thanked God daily for the peace and assurance He’d given her.
That gift had been courtesy of Kat. One day after Josh’s birth Kat came over to the house to talk. Blunt as always, she asked Maddie outright about her journey with God.
“Maddie, I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to know something. You almost died birthing baby Josh. I worried about your salvation the whole time. I know you are more at peace with Him now than you were when Luke brought you out here, but… Do you love Him?”
That stopped Maddie in her tracks. “Well, as you know, when I was young I believed in Him very much. Then the War hit and I pretty much erased Him from my life. Is that what you want to know?”
Kat shook her head. “No. Did you believe He existed because you loved Him or because your family did?”
Maddie sat deep in thought before she answered. “My mama and my grand-mère both loved their Lord very much. Although they both died when I was very young, I remember Mama reading stories to me from the Bible. You wouldn’t have found better Christian women anywhere. I guess it was just second-nature to me.”
Kat nodded agreement. “That is what I thought. You lived the life they taught you, and that included their love for the Lord. What you didn’t have, though, was your own relationship with Him. That is why it was so easy for you to turn from Him when you got disillusioned during the War.”
“There’s a difference?”
A big grin wreathed Kat’s face. “Oh, indeed there is. To live a close life with Christ at your side, you have to believe He died for your sins.” She waved a hand to forestall Maddie’s next question. “I know. I know. Sounds so simple. And actually it is. But it does carry a semblance of trust with it. A trust that He is who He says He is. And I can assure you with my whole heart—He is God. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost.
“So, if you want Him as your Savior forever, want to have a relationship with him like your mama and grandmama had, then all you have to do is tell Him you are sorry you sinned—we all do—and pray to Him and ask Him to come into your heart. You will never, ever regret doing so.”
That had been the happiest day of Maddie’s life. One she’d never forget.
God had given her the best family in the world. She loved each and every one of them. Would do anything to make their lives easier.
Later, Luke prayed over the meal as everyone sat at the long wooden table. How she loved this man.
Contentment filled her soul. How could life get any better than this?
It couldn’t.
When the meal ended, the children rose and again started to play. With all their energy, it wasn’t easy keeping them quiet very long. Being outdoors after having been cooped up so long during the long winter was just what they needed—what everyone needed.
The sound of horses approaching caught everyone’s attention as a wagon crested the rise in the road leading to the house.
Luke stood and placed a hand over his eyes to shield the sun. “Cain’t rightly tell who it is.”
Matthew and Aaron both stood.
Matthew was the first to gasp, “Sam!”
The men rushed forward to meet the wagon, but Sam didn’t stop. Just nodded and kept driving it into the yard.
Pulling to a stop, he stood in the wooden wagon and looked around the yard, at the house, and then at his family.
He never smiled.
Finally he jumped off the conveyance and was quickly surrounded by the men who side hugged and slapped him on the back. When it came to Matthew’s turn, he gave Sam the same bone-crunching hug he’d given Luke when he first returned to town.
Kat ran over to him and pushed all the men out of the way. “Sam! Oh, Sam, I am so glad you are home.”
After another hug was bestowed, she stood back and looked up at the empty wagon. Her smile faded away.
“Where’s Louisa?”
Vacant eyes were the only answer.
Luke tried to usher him to the porch, but Sam refused to move. Just stood there looking around his old home.
The sound of a baby crying caught everyone’s attention. That snapped Sam out of his reverie and he moved to the back of the wagon and reached inside, carefully lifting out a baby.
Maddie and the aunts rushed forward.
Kat moved closer to Sam and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “Sam, where is Louisa?”
Soul-less eyes lifted to her. “In St. Louis.”
Everyone stood there in shock.
“It is good to see you, Sam, and we are all pleased as punch to have you back home, but why didn’t you bring Louisa with you?” Luke asked. “She needs to be here with you and the baby.”
A lone tear streaked down Sam’s face.
“Because her parents would not let me bring her body with me.”
Gasps filled the air.
“Body!” Kat exclaimed.
“She is in Bellefontaine Cemetery. They blamed me for her death. Said it was my fault she was dead, and they would not let me take her anywhere. But…but I could not stay there anymore. They were threatening to take my baby from me and I could not let them do that. She is all I have left of Louisa.”
He heaved a painful sigh and looked down at the beautiful little girl i
n his arms. Ran a finger lightly over the side of her cheek.
“But I cain’t take her with me either.”
“What do you mean you cannot take her with you?” Matthew moved closer to Sam. “Where are you going?”
Sam lifted and dropped a shoulder. “Don’t rightly know. Just know I cain’t be with her right now. I am afraid if I stay with her I’ll grow to hate her. Blame her for Louisa’s death.”
The aunts both drew in sharp breaths of air.
He met each person’s eyes. “I have to leave for a while. Try to sort everything out in my mind. I want to be a good pa to her, but I jes’ cain’t do it right now. I need to be alone.”
He turned to Luke. “So I came back to ask if you would take my precious babe for a while. Not forever, mind. Just until I can get my head—and heart—back on straight.”
“We have plenty of room, Sam. You can stay right here with us. No need for you to go anywhere else.”
Sam stepped back. “No! You are not listening to me. I was afraid you wouldn’t. You all still think of me as a child, but I am not a baby anymore that needs taking care of. I am a grown man. One who fought during the War. I do not need coddling. I need time. Time to go away and try to forget the worst thing that ever happened to me.
“To reconcile with the fact that the woman I love is no longer with me.”
“What happened?” Kat’s voice was calm, but Luke could see the emotion rolling through her.
“She died havin’ Cailie. Died and took me right with her—even though I am standin’ here in front of you.”
A sob broke from his throat and he fell to his knees on the ground, the baby firmly held in one arm. Luke rushed to one side and Matthew immediately went to the other. Kat moved to take the baby.
“Oh, my God, how am I ever gonna live without her?”
Wrenching sobs filled the air.
When he stood, Sam immediately took Cailie back from Kat. He turned to Luke. “Will you take her? Will you watch over her for me? Give her the love I cain’t give her right now?”
The Rancher's Southern Belle Page 27
