Defiance flashed through his eyes like lightning. I’d hit a nerve.
“I. Can’t.”
“You. Won’t.” I countered, arching an eyebrow. “That frigid stare doesn’t scare me. Stop being difficult.”
Parting his lips to exhale, he shook his head. “I don’t want to do this now. Not here.”
Laughter echoed through the hall moments before Katherine, Jason and Samuel entered the room. Alastair’s grip on my waist tightened.
“Do you play the piano, Amelia?” Samuel asked. “Rose knew how to play. Right Alastair? She’d sit here with you and Grace for hours.”
The room became a vacuum, depriving me of precious oxygen. Samuel’s timing couldn’t have been worse. Alastair squeezed his eyes shut momentarily before rising off the piano bench. The delicate balance I had with him regarding the death of his family shattered before me.
He stood, an immobile silhouette by the window. Panic seized me. I feared the worst was about to happen. Controlled by my unfiltered love for him, I stood up and banded my arms around his waist. If he hadn’t taken a breath I would have sworn I’d hugged stone.
“I don’t play very well, I’m afraid,” I answered, keeping my voice as even as possible. “I can’t read music. I just play the notes from memory.”
“Rose loved playing for her little ones,” Katherine said, smiling. “Especially on Christmas morning and for their birthdays. This room was always filled with music. That’s probably why your brother formed the music division, right Jason?”
Alastair’s muscles tightened, signaling he was about to bolt for the door. I held him closer, hoping to assuage his discomfort. Resting my head on his chest, I continued to chat with his family, careful to steer the conversation away from too much mention of his mom, dad or sister. As important as I believed it was for him to stop running from his past, I didn’t want to bombard him with it in one afternoon.
I had the feeling they sensed it too and started asking me questions about my family. The longer we talked, the more rigid and unyielding Alastair’s body became. He just stared out the window, ignoring everything and everyone surrounding him. As much as I knew he hated this, I held him closer and hoped to God he wouldn’t lash out like he’d done in June.
“We should go, love,” Alastair finally said, sounding tired.
Jason and Katherine exchanged glances before standing up to walk us to the door. Samuel embraced me in a firm hug and kissed both my cheeks. “You keep an eye on my grandson. He listens to you and holds you in very high regard.” He leaned close, lowering his voice. “Losing my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter has taken its toll on me as well. On all of us. He hasn’t suffered alone. I hope he knows that.”
Swallowing back a hot, painful lump I nodded and scurried off to the front hall. Alastair reached for my hand the second he saw me. We said our goodbyes and promised to stay longer next time. Neither one of us spoke on the ride to the airport or on the flight back to Glasgow. I’d learned by now that when Alastair was in this mood, the only person who could bring him out of it was himself. Seeing him so sealed off left me heartbroken and disenchanted.
He went straight to the bedroom when we arrived at the house. I flopped onto the couch and covered my eyes with my arm. Today’s events raced through my brain, filling me alternately with hope and discouragement. At least he didn’t force me out this time when he felt overwhelmed. That was progress.
“Lia.”
My whispered name roused me from thought. I sat up, meeting his tortured gaze. He stood in the middle of the room, emotionally spent. He was a raw nerve desperately searching for protection.
“Sit with me.”
Shaking his head, he paced the room, scrubbing his face with both hands. I hadn’t seen him this agitated in all the time I’d known him. Composing himself enough to grab my hands, he pulled me off the couch.
“You make me,” he said hoarsely, gritting his teeth.
“I make you what?”
Caught in his luminous tractor-beam stare, I waited for an answer that never came. He just studied my face as though he’d never see me again. Pressing his forehead to mine, he cupped my jaw.
“I love the way I feel when I’m with you.” Vulnerability etched itself on his face and in his words. “But I also feel like I’m hanging onto the edge of a cliff and I’m losing my grip. I wanted to…being in that house is so hard and…” The more he struggled with what to say, the tighter I held him. And then, like slipping on a pair of familiar, comfortable shoes, he retreated behind the mask. The transition was so seamless I almost missed it.
“You’re so close, Alastair,” I said. “So close. I wish you’d stop running. I wish you’d stop hiding. Be in the present. Stop torturing yourself with the past.”
Large green eyes darkened as fear, sadness and anger twisted through them. “I don’t know any other way to be.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Another group of photographers waited for me when I arrived at work Monday morning. This time, there were a dozen of them. They didn’t jump in my face but hovered close enough while snapping pictures to make people stop and stare. I scurried through the main lobby and into an elevator, feeling the weight of reality as it settled in around me. Sleep was elusive last night thanks to Alastair’s intense nightmares. He’d been nightmare free for weeks so the onslaught was unpleasant for him. He’d brushed them off this morning but I knew they weighed heavily on his mind.
Meredith greeted me with a huge smile when I walked into the newsroom.
“Social media has been buzzing all weekend over your engagement to Alastair Holden. You’re a star. How exciting.”
She followed me into my office talking non-stop about the photos and stories and speculations as to where and when the wedding will be. I sat with a thud and flicked on the computer to see the damage. As per usual there were more ‘close friends’ and ‘sources from inside the Holden camp’ than actual facts. Most of the online attention was here in the United Kingdom but I had to be all nosey and see if the news skipped across the pond yet. Yep, it did. The Orlando websites picked it up and touted me as ‘their own.’ Some of my former co-workers were approached for comment. The only ones more than happy to give their two cents publicly were Katie Vitale and Vanessa Jaxson.
I closed the browser and jetted off to the morning staff meeting with Sam and Robbie. They were in high spirits after last Friday’s show, which put me at ease. Ratings were higher and some viewers even commented on the program’s Facebook page how much they enjoyed the new style. There were a few dissenting voices but nothing too horrific.
Julian burst into my office seconds after I returned from the meeting.
“Brilliant work, Lia. You were the talk of the town all weekend.” He grinned. “And you did a great job here on the program, too.”
“Is that supposed to be charm you’re using because you’re still on my shit list.”
“Lia,” he said in an almost patronizing tone, “don’t let what happened on Friday come between us. Admittedly, I was a little overzealous. I can’t help myself sometimes.” He perched on the edge of my desk and rifled through a file. “Let me make it up to you. There’s this great restaurant called Two Fat Ladies at the Buttery that I’ve been dying to try. We’ll do lunch there today. I’m off to the Bilberry for a meeting. I’ll send a car to collect you at one.” He stood up and practically waltzed toward the door, disappearing as quickly as he’d arrived. Stephanie is right about all these needy TV personality types.
Oh my God. I hadn’t talked to or heard from my best friend since I saw her in flagrante with Brent. Rummaging through my bag, I dug out my cell phone. The battery was on its last leg since I didn’t charge it at all over the weekend. There were about a zillion texts from Steph. I put the phone down and rubbed my temples. I should get to work. That way my brain would be occupied and not tempted to wander off and overthink anything.
I did manage to get some work done but only for about ten minutes.
Out the corner of my eye I noticed the silver invitation still sitting on my desk. Snatching it, I tore it into tiny pieces and tossed it in the trash. The mere thought of Olivia turned my stomach. Conniving little…
The desk phone rang.
“Lia Mey—”
“What the hell happened to you? Where have you been? You disappeared from the party and ignored me all weekend. What the fuck, Lia?” Stephanie sounded pissed off which didn’t help improve my mood.
“Slow down,” I said. “Alastair took me on a surprise getaway to London. We hung out, saw my sister and then had brunch with his aunt and uncle. I didn’t keep my phone with me or anything.”
“Oh.” She sighed. “I thought you were mad at me or something. You just vanished from Brent’s without a trace. I was looking for you and nobody knew what happened. I almost called your parents but since you were with Dayna—”
“Tell me you didn’t call them.”
“Are you nuts? Your mother would have been on the first plane over here.”
I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. “So, how was your weekend?”
“Fine. Darren decided he wanted to take up tennis and enlisted me as his doubles partner. I need to find that guy a girlfriend or something.”
“Tennis? I thought you didn’t like to sweat.”
“I don’t,” she grumbled. “I just stood there and let the ball whiz by. Sports and I do not mix.” She paused. “So, where did he take you? You sound totally Zen. Was it some swanky spa or something?”
“Nope.” A knock at the door caught my attention. Meredith was standing there and she looked upset. “Hey, I have to run. Want to come over later?”
“Sure. I’ll drag Darren with me to keep Alastair occupied so you and I can have some serious girl time.”
Hanging up the phone, I waved Meredith in. Her eyes were swollen and red and she looked disoriented.
“What happened?” I asked, growing more concerned.
“I messed up some video one of the editors needed. I know I shouldn’t get this upset but she was yelling and carrying on and told me I should stick to filing.”
My heart went out to Meredith. She was a sweet girl who genuinely wanted to learn the news business but still had to grow a tougher skin. “Don’t take it so personally. Everybody ends up on the receiving end of a screaming match at least once in the newsroom. Even me.” I smiled as she relaxed.
“Sorry for being so emotional but I really want this work experience to be successful. I’m only here until—” She started becoming upset again.
“You’re doing a great job,” I said, reassuring her the best I could. “Why don’t you come to lunch with Julian and me today? You can ask him anythi—”
“Lia.” Robbie burst into my office appearing a bit harried. “Come to Sam’s office. Now.”
Meredith’s wide eyes filled with panic. Uneasy, I jumped up and followed Robbie down the hall to our news director’s office. Sam paced the floor, burning a path in the carpet with every step.
“Close the door,” he ordered.
Robbie and I sat, waiting for whatever apocalypse was about to be announced. Sam’s entire office was drenched with disquiet.
“Julian’s been accused of sexual harassment.” He stopped pacing, leaving the words to hang in the air for several seconds before continuing. “He supposedly sent a lewd picture to some girl via text.”
“What?” Robbie asked.
“A dick pic.” Sam’s face turned bright red as he tried to compose himself. “That pain in the ass has caused nothing but trouble for years. I’ve a good mind to terminate his contract immediately.”
I sat speechless, not quite sure what to do in this situation. Part of me wanted to laugh at the utter ridiculousness of what Julian had done but I knew better than to make a joke of this when my news director was so upset. Robbie and Sam carried on and on about what they had to do next to lessen the inevitable ‘shit-storm’ of unwanted media attention. I told them to do whatever they thought was right once they had all the facts and went back to my office. I could hear my phone ringing so I sprinted inside.
“Lia Meyers,” I answered, breathless.
“Have I caught you at a bad time?” the unfamiliar female voice on the other end asked.
“No. Who is this?”
“Emma Whelan. We met over the summer at the Holden Estate.”
Does every one of Alastair’s former flings have nothing better to do than bother me?
“You’re probably surprised to hear from me,” she continued, sounding smug. “Or maybe not seeing as you’ve made quite the splash in the papers over the weekend. People must be ringing you like mad.”
“Not really.”
“Don’t be modest. The British press is relentless. Which is why I’m calling. I’d like to offer my assistance.”
My eye twitched.
“What assistance would that be?”
“Whether you want to believe it or not, you’re now a public figure. You need someone to handle the press and any other annoyances that come with the territory. I’ve known Alastair for years so I know he handles his public life with precision. You, on the other hand, need a guiding force. Someone who can navigate through the shit. I can help you, Lia. I can make this engagement and wedding look seamless to the general public.”
Today had turned into one of those days where the universe felt off center. Everything looked normal on the outside but, in reality, it had become one giant bucket of suck. I closed my eyes in an effort to dull the raging headache that materialized.
“Think about it,” she continued. “Do some research on me if you feel the need. Ask Alastair. My clients are some of the most prominent in Great Britain so I know what I’m talking about.”
She wished me well and hung up. I grabbed my purse and headed for the lobby.
* * *
The short cab ride to the financial district did nothing to settle my twitching nerves. I paid the driver and rushed into the impressive modern building that housed Holden World Media. I probably should have called before showing up but I wasn’t really thinking straight. A security guard stopped me at the desk. Once he took a good look at me and saw my ID, he apologized for delaying me and ushered me to the elevators. I supposed it does pay to be dating -or engaged to- the head of the company.
When the elevator doors opened I saw Simone sitting at a sleek reception desk near Alastair’s office. She regarded me with disinterest.
“He’s in a meeting.”
“I’ll wait in his office then.”
Her protests were interrupted when the doors opened and Alastair walked out with three other men. Seeing him in his element hit all my hot buttons at once. Watching him dress for work and wrap himself in those expensive suits at home was one thing. But seeing how it all looked here? God help me.
“We’ll see you in Los Angeles at the end of the month,” one of the men said while shaking Alastair’s hand. “This is going to be a great partnership.”
“Looking forward to it.” My fiancé zeroed in on me with a look of concern as he guided them to the elevator. “Simone, clear my schedule for the next hour,” he ordered once they’d left. He laced his fingers through mine and pulled me into his office, closing the door. Like everything else in his life, Alastair’s office projected classic elegance.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, leveling an intense stare at me.
“Nothing,” I said, gazing out one of the huge windows that boasted a fantastic view of Glasgow.
“Lia. You’ve shown up at my building unannounced. Something happened. What is it?”
I sighed. “That girl Emma called me.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Emma Whelan?”
“That’s the one.”
“What did she want?”
“She offered to be my publicist and help keep the press off my back now that our engagement is public.” I folded my arms. “Are there any other ex-fuck buddies out there I should expect to hear from?”
Sitting on the edge of his glass top desk, he looked thoughtful. That wasn’t quite the reaction I’d anticipated.
“It might not be a bad idea to let her help,” he said without an ounce of irony.
“I’m sorry. Did I come to the wrong building? I was looking for Alastair Holden.”
“Emma is the best at what she does. I’ve known her since we were teenagers so I trust her to keep our private life protected.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. This was the same woman who told me I’d never get him to love me back, that he was only good for a shag and that he always, always went back to her. How did she put it? Oh right. She was the closest thing to a girlfriend he’d had.
“Wow. Okay. I made a mistake coming here.” I turned on my heel but was stopped before I reached the door.
“Knock it off, Amelia. You can’t keep running away every time you’re presented with an uncomfortable situation.”
“Says the pot to the kettle.” I glared at him.
The muscles in his jaw twitched. “Emma knows she shouldn’t have treated you that way at the garden party. I told her how important and special you are and how much I need you in my life. She has a good head on her shoulders and won’t interfere in our relationship. As I’ve told you before, she didn’t want anything from me. But she has been a constant in my life since I was thirteen. We went to school together. Grew up together. She knows me as well as one can.”
I recoiled, moving away from him. “I thought I knew you.”
He was in front of me in seconds, cupping my jaw. “You do. Why are you reacting this way?”
“Why? In a span of three days I’ve had to deal with Olivia, Sarah and now Emma. I don’t feel good about asking someone you screwed around with for help. I don’t trust her motive. I don’t want to open doors that could pose problems for us. I don’t want—”
“I love you,” he interrupted. “I love this messy, complicated, impossible thing that we have and would never do anything to jeopardize it.”
My knees almost gave out hearing those words and seeing the unflinching intensity behind his eyes. I relaxed, letting him hold me. I could feel the vibrations of his heart pounding through his shirt. Being in his arms never failed to calm my deepest fears and quiet any doubts.
Effortless: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance Page 12
