“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I laughed. “It means you might actually like him as more than just a conquest.”
A dreamy look took hold of her pretty face, making her eyes sparkle. “He’s smart and talented and makes me laugh like nothing you’ve ever seen. And he’s a gentleman with a wicked bad boy streak.”
“Ah. So he’s the perfect man for you.” I grinned.
She pushed herself up and hugged me. This was a big hug. The apology hug. I squeezed her tight and smiled. No matter the fight, no matter the circumstance, we’d always pull through.
“I was such a bitch about the whole Olivia bridal shower thing,” she said, breaking the embrace. “I have no excuse, really. I just thought maybe…if things could be smoothed over with her—”
“It’s okay. Your intentions were misguided though. I’m not going to sugarcoat that. She’s not what you think. She’s manipulative.”
Stephanie’s shoulders slumped as she nodded. “Brent worries about her. He’s not so much pissed at Alastair as he is at how everything was handled.”
I swallowed. “Did he tell you?”
“Yeah. It’s shitty, Lia. It’s really shitty. But Alastair had his back against the wall and had no choice I guess. Don’t worry. I’ll never breathe a word of this to him. I love you too much to make you guys feel uncomfortable about this. You trust me, right?”
A week ago I wouldn’t have known how to answer that question. “I do.”
Relief swept through her, visibly relaxing her body. She engulfed me in another hug. “When can we start planning your wedding?”
I stiffened, swallowing down a bitter lump. Stephanie looked at me with concern.
“You guys are getting married. I have zero doubt about that. He’s just being…I don’t know…he’s being a douche but he loves you. The accident must have scared the shit out of him. That’s the only thing I can come up with.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “He’s so frustrating sometimes, you know? And then I say stupid crap to make it worse and it’s a dumb, annoying cycle that we go through.”
“The level of passion between you two is out of this world. You argue as hard as you love. But at the end of the day, he’s your guy and you’re his girl and nothing will ever change that.”
I chuckled. “When did you become so poetic, Tempe?”
“I’m dating a musician. Everything he says is always so poetic and cool. It must have rubbed off on me.”
“You went on one date.”
“Oh, Lia. It so much more than a date. Did I tell you how hard his abs are?”
I threw a pillow at her as we laughed and settled under the covers. We talked late into the night, like we’d always done when having a sleepover. Before drifting off to sleep, I heard her mumble, “Good night my unofficial-little-sister-official-best-friend. I can’t wait to watch you walk down the aisle.”
* * *
The next day at lunch I decided to do a little impromptu retail therapy. Meredith was with me, so it was a nice chance for me and her to bond a bit more. She had tons of questions about the news business and I happily answered them to the best of my ability.
“Do you think I’ll make a good producer someday?” she asked.
“Absolutely.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. You have a good head on your shoulders and you’re smart. Plus, you’re a hard worker.” I paused. “Julian thinks you’re great and you know how he is.”
“He does?” Her eyes widened.
“Yep. He told me this morning after you pitched that story idea about the independence referendum.”
“Wow.” She stopped walking. “I’m speechless.”
I laughed. “See? The only thing holding you back is your own self-doubt.”
“Do you think we’ll be able to stay in touch once my internship ends? I’d love to have you on my side after graduating next spring.”
“Of course.”
We strolled through the bath and body department. I grabbed more of my favorite almond scented bubble bath and lotion. I’d be using them tonight for a long bubble bath after indulging in some heavy carb laden meal. I walked to the cashier to pay for my items and bumped right in to Olivia fucking Garrison.
“Really?” I said, putting the lotion down.
“Lia.” She smiled. “What a coincidence.”
“There are no coincidences with you,” I muttered.
“And who’s this?” she asked, sizing up my intern.
“Meredith Sanders. I work for The Archer Hour with Lia.” She offered her hand and Olivia made a half-hearted effort to shake it. Turning her attention back to me, she grinned.
“I adore that scent. So does Alastair, I imagine.”
My blood boiled. I turned my back on her and paid the saleswoman, who was listening and watching us intently. I lifted a brow in her direction and started for the exit. Olivia followed me out like a little eager dog nipping at my heels. Thank goodness the sidewalk was crowded. It left no room to stop and talk.
“Lia,” she called after me. “This isn’t going to end.”
Okay, that made me stop. I whipped around. Meredith stared at me with huge eyes. The last thing I wanted was to have this out in front of her. “Go back to the newsroom and tell Robbie I’ll be a little late for our afternoon meeting.”
She nodded and scurried off. I glared at Olivia.
“This isn’t going to end because you keep inserting yourself into my life. Jesus Christ. You’re getting married in a month. Go pick out flowers or music or something. Focus on your own life and leave Alastair alone.”
Her eyes glazed with a distant look. “The way he looks at you and talks about you…he was never like that with me.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“You reached him. I don’t know how but you did it.” She set her jaw. “He really did say he would marry me, you know. He’ll never admit it to you but he did. We were in love, Lia.”
“I’m really all set with your shit,” I lashed out. Keeping a handle on my emotions wasn’t easy. We were so different, her and I, in every way. And not just physically. She just didn’t know when to let something go.
“He knows he didn’t treat me well,” she continued. “He knows we could have had something special. I only did what I had to do when he discarded me like an old pair of shoes.”
“You blackmailed his family and threatened to expose his most private moments with you. You broke whatever trust he might have had in you. That makes you a bitch and not worthy of his love.”
Sidling closer, a cunning smile curved her mouth. “Has he ever gone down on you at the beach under the moonlight? Fucked you in a hot tub overlooking the Alps? Made love to you on a balcony in Greece?”
By the grace of some higher power, my urge to slap her dissipated the second I saw the dozens of photographers surround us. This would make for one hell of a show, wouldn’t it? I kept my expression as placid as possible while my insides raged.
“Olivia.”
I turned and saw Brent standing next to a black Bentley.
“We have to go. Sergio is expecting you.”
She looked at her brother and turned into a completely different person. Sugary sweet and all smiles, she hugged me goodbye. I cringed.
Brent walked over after she climbed into the car. “I’m sorry about this, Lia. I am. She’s not— I’m sorry.”
“Keep her away from me.”
He nodded, setting his jaw in determination. “I know you’re frustrated but she’s my sister. This hasn’t been easy for her.”
I tightened my hold on the bag, keenly aware of the photographers nearby. “I get it, Brent, I do. But you and I both know this can’t go on anymore. I know everything that happened and I know it sucked but it can’t be changed. At some point, she has to own what she did and accept the consequence. And you have to help her get to that point.”
Turning back to glance at the car brie
fly he sighed. “I’ve been trying.” He looked at me. “It’s all such a mess.” A small smile pulled at his mouth as he took in all the paparazzi. “Thank you for being so graceful about this in public.”
“Well, like you said to me once before, regardless of your history with Alastair, I’d never do anything to embarrass either one of you in the press.”
Nodding, he returned to the car. I let out a long sigh and went back to work.
* * *
The doorbell rang around nine that night, startling me. I shuffled to the hallway, zipping up my hoodie. I figured it couldn’t be anybody threatening since Paxton was stationed in front of the house while Alastair was away. My heart seized just thinking about him and the awful things I’d said. I still hadn’t heard from him but Paxton reassured me that he was working in London and he was fine.
Shaking it off, I opened the door.
“I hope I’m not bothering you. I tried calling but your mobile went straight to voice mail.”
Two of them in one day? I blinked at Emma as she stood holding a bottle of merlot. This girl couldn’t have picked a worse time to show up on my doorstep.
“What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
“Why?”
“I have to talk you and I’d rather not do it standing on the front steps.”
“Fine. Whatever,” I said.
She followed me into the living room and put the wine bottle on the coffee table. As far as I knew, she’d never set foot in this house before due to Alastair’s former ‘rule’ about not bringing women over. Then again, she knew where he lived so, there’s that.
“I’m going to get right to it,” she declared, sitting down. “I’ve spent the last two nights talking Alastair off a ledge. He’s an absolute mess. What did you do to him?”
Her violet eyes blazed with anger. I overcame my shock quickly and held her formidable stare.
“That’s not any of your business.”
“It is my business when he shows up at my flat, drunk off his ass and ranting about how he fucked it up again.”
I was too stunned to say anything. Why is he running to her? A horrible realization dawned on me. He always goes back to her. That’s what she’d told me.
Emma shook her head in disgust. “This isn’t the first time he’s come to me because of something you did. I gave you the benefit of the doubt after what happened in June but I warned him about letting his guard down. I told him to stick to what he knew and that you’d only end up breaking his heart. I fucking hate what you’re doing to him.”
My head spun. Who does this girl think she is? “I’m not doing anything to him. We’re—”
“Not doing anything to him?” she blurted. “He’s broken, Lia. And because of you he doesn’t know which way is up anymore. You think you know him so well? You don’t. If you really love him, you’ll break off this engagement and let him be.”
“Get out.”
She laughed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“What makes you such an expert on my relationship? You have no idea what we’ve been through.”
“Oh no? I’m the only constant in his life, Lia. I know exactly what you’ve put him through.”
A dull ache throbbed in my head. “Then you also know how he feels about me.”
“He doesn’t know what he feels,” she grumbled. “He never has. We bonded over our similar backgrounds as kids. I was abandoned by my birth mother and grew up in foster homes until I was adopted when I was nine. I don’t trust a soul. When I met Alastair, he lashed out at everyone. We clicked because neither one of us feels safe enough to let anybody else in. He fears loss and I fear abandonment. I helped him channel his fears so he’d be able to control his emotions. When it came to relationships, we agreed it was best to get what we wanted without having to deal with all the emotional baggage that comes with love and sex and fucking feelings. It worked for us.”
I balled my hands into fists. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“His life was great until last spring,” she continued, “when he told me not to meet him at that cocktail party because he had a date with some American girl.” She glared at me. “I went anyway just to see what the fuss was all about. I disliked you the minute I saw you. You kept staring at him, like every other woman does, with those fuck me eyes. Only you wanted more than a one night stand with him. You saw a future and it gave him hope. It gave him something he’s been longing for all his life. I warned him that night to stay away from you.”
“You sound jealous,” I gloated. “He chose me over you.”
“He said you were different,” she raised her voice. “He claimed to see purity and honesty in your eyes. He was in love with you the second he met you and it freaked him out. But he kept saying he had to have you. I told him to forget about you, that you’d cause him nothing but trouble.”
I smirked. “Good to know he didn’t listen to your advice.”
“Don’t be flippant. You’ve caused him more pain in the last six months than I cared to witness.”
A cold shiver streaked down my spine. As annoyed as I was with her, my jealousy over her intimate knowledge of what made him tick clawed at me.
“He’s not the same person he was when you met him,” I said much more evenly than anticipated. “He’s learned to trust his emotions. He has a long way to go but he trusts what he feels for me and he trusts that I love him just as much, if not more.”
A ruthless grin curved her glossy lips. “You don’t get it, do you?”
I stiffened, hearing the lilt of Olivia’s voice saying those exact same words to me a week ago. “Get what?”
“He always comes back to me. I’m his safe place. I have his trust, Lia. Not you. Leave him the fuck alone.”
Without saying another word, she stood up and left. Anxiety shook me to the core. I grabbed the bottle of wine she’d brought, walked out the front door and threw it into the street, shattering it under the moonlight. Paxton got out of the car and approached while talking into his cell phone.
“She’s upset,” he said. “Do you want me to take— Understood.” He hung up and escorted me back to the house. I covered my mouth and held in a sob. Alastair knew she was here. He knew and he let that happen. He didn’t want to talk to me. He only wanted to know what was going on.
I sat on the bed, staring at my engagement ring. The diamond and halo of emeralds shimmered. I loved him with everything that I am but his damaged, broken soul still had so much healing to do. Whether or not I was the person he’d allow to join him on that journey remained a mystery. Maybe I had to let him discover the person he wanted to be on his own. I slipped off the ring and laid it on the nightstand before crawling under the covers.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Music?
I woke with a start. The room was dark and the bed was empty so I thought maybe I’d been dreaming.
No. There it was again.
Panicked, I climbed out of bed and edged into the hallway. The music was coming from the living room. My heart fluttered. He’s back?
I padded down the hall, stopping just shy of the entry. Alastair stood by the media cabinet, holding a photo in his hand and singing along quietly with The Script’s For the First Time. His voice was low and raspy. Never in a million years did I expect this.
“This song makes me think of you,” he said, not looking in my direction but clearly aware I was there. “It’s so fitting, especially now.”
I walked into the room and stood by one of the couches. I wanted so desperately to hold him.
Putting the photo down, he faced me. A good amount of reddish-brown scruff covered his face from lack of shaving. He appeared softer, less guarded than he was at his office. Unable to control myself, I ran to him, touching his cheek just to make sure he was in front of me for real.
“I’m here, love. I’m here.” His scent engulfed me as he banded his arms around my body. I clawed at him, pulling him closer, refusing to let
this be a dream. The song swelled, filling the room. Blending together with the smooth vocals of the lead singer was Alastair’s voice. I felt his warm breath on my skin as he sang about times being hard and not giving up. I held him tighter, mesmerized by this moment.
“Lia,” he whispered. “My Lia.”
The tremendous pounding of my heart flooded my ears. As hurt and upset as I was over his leaving, and as emotionally exhausted as I was over my run-ins with Olivia and Emma, I wanted to make things right. I held his face in my hands. “I’m so sorry I said all those horrible things to you.”
Cupping the nape of my neck he leveled an intense stare at me. “Don’t be. You were right. I am selfish and afraid and hide behind my guilt to avoid happiness. But I don’t want to be that way with you. Be patient with me. Please, Lia. Be patient.”
“I always have been.”
“I know.” He slid his hand under my shirt. The feel of his skin on mine was electric, reawakening me after days of uncertainty and stress. “That accident…I know it was minor but I lost my mind. I couldn’t think straight. All I saw…all I felt…was how my life would be if you were taken from me. It was worse than any nightmare I’ve had.” He paused, wetting his lips. “I was so angry with you and with myself for letting that happen. My first instinct is always to—”
He clutched his stomach, noticing the diamond ring wasn’t on my finger. I swallowed down a sob.
“My first instinct was wrong. I should have held you. Comforted you. Kept you safe. These feelings are too consuming for me at times. It’s a shit excuse but it’s all I have.”
“Emma said—”
“Emma was wrong to say anything and I’ll deal with her soon enough. If I’d known she took it upon herself to fly here and—” His eyes flashed. “She knew me at a time in my life when I hated myself. She doesn’t understand what I feel for you.”
“But you ran to her. You left me and you ran to her.”
Lacing his fingers through mine, he led me to the bedroom. Sitting on the mattress, he leaned against the headboard and pulled me onto his lap to straddle him. This position was always comforting for both of us.
Effortless: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance Page 21
