The familiar crush of loneliness seeped into her shoulders, weighing her down as she fell heavily on the couch. Her gaze drifted to the shelf beside the blank television. There, within the mahogany box, were his letters.
She sighed as the ache inside of her bloomed and burst into palpable heartbreak. She needed to let it out at night. Every day she struggled to hide the agony of losing him, to keep it together in front of others and not fall apart. But at night, when she was all alone in the deafening silence, that was when she’d let down her guard and let the pain swallow her whole.
****
The following Friday Scarlet was giddy with expectation. The delivery was coming that afternoon and the front office was going to buzz her the moment it arrived.
She’d done a wonderful job of avoiding Calvin and evading his invitation to dinner, but chances were he’d have the unfortunate opportunity to ask her again today.
She was torn. Part of her wanted to say yes and force her recovery, the other part wanted to save him the torment of dating someone as scarred and screwed up as herself. Both reasons were selfish and exactly why she had to tell him no. Not a single part of her was remotely considering the possibility of romance. Such things no longer existed in her world.
When the call came, she requested coverage and speed-walked to the front office. She spotted Calvin through the glass wall speaking to a man in a burgundy shirt and striped tie. A large box sat on the counter and her fingers itched to set up the devices.
Taking a calming breath, she turned the knob and entered the office with an air of professionalism.
“Ah, here she is,” Calvin announced. “Ms. Farrow, I’d like you to meet Mr. Garnet, CEO and co-founder of GeekPeek and OddSquad. Mr. Garnet, this is Scarlet Farrow, our sixth grade math teacher and grant writer extraordinaire.”
“It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Garnet.” She shook his hand with two of her own. This guy was like a celebrity genius.
“Likewise.”
Her armpits were starting to sweat, so she tried to reel in her exuberance. Also, the guy looked a little skittish. “Thank you so much for choosing our school.”
His smile was tight. “I wasn’t responsible for the selection. You’ll have to thank my partner for that.”
Noting how uptight the man seemed and finding it strange, she dropped her energy another notch. Maybe he didn’t visit the schools often. “Would that be Hunter Turay?” He’d come to introduce the kids to the OddSquad program in the beginning of the year. She hadn’t met him personally, but the teachers running the program raved about him.
Why was he looking at her like that? Did she have food in her teeth?
Calvin cleared his throat, obviously sensing the weird vibe in the room. “Yes, Mr. Turay was wonderful. Please send him our thanks.”
“The selection was made by my other partner. Asher Roan.”
Why does that name sound familiar? She must have heard it on CNN or read it somewhere. “Oh, well please express our gratitude. We’re very excited to have such an incredible opportunity—”
“You really don’t remember us, do you?” he suddenly interrupted.
“I…I beg your pardon?”
“We went to school together.”
Her social inadequacies exploited, she bravely excused her short-sightedness. “I’d heard that your company was local, but I didn’t realize you graduated from—”
“Not just me. All of us,” he corrected. “We all went to school right here, me, Hunter, Jet, and Asher. You were in my homeroom.”
“You’ll have to pardon my forgetfulness. I’m terrible at remembering names and faces.”
“Not a problem…Lettie.”
Her heart jolted at the familiar term only people from her past used, but he hadn’t said it endearingly. He spoke the nickname as if to prove a point she wasn’t seeing.
Feeling like an outsider looking in on a project she’d initiated, she tried to refocus the conversation. Maybe she was being overly sensitive. “Well, it must be neat for you to see all the changes to the building.” What else could she say? This guy was crabby.
He turned to Calvin. “Asher and Jet will be here first thing Monday morning to do an orientation. Hunter will set up the sound system and overhead before they arrive. We ask that students be in the auditorium by nine-thirty sharp so everything can be wrapped up within two hours, leaving room for plenty of questions. The teacher orientation will be the following two Wednesdays.”
“Perfect,” Calvin agreed. “Thank you again for selecting our school. I think you’ll find you made a great choice.”
Mr. Garnet nodded and turned, his eyes narrowing as he glanced her way. “Scarlet.”
She frowned as the door shut behind him. Did they not get along in high school? She was nice to everyone. And who remembered stuff like that? They graduated twelve years ago.
“Are you excited?”
She turned, shaking off all thoughts of the confusing man. He was a wealthy CEO of a global company. That had to make a person eccentric and slightly awkward. Smiling, she faced Calvin. “I’m thrilled. Let’s open one up and play.”
“Come into my office.” He lifted one of the boxes and stashed the others behind the counter.
Once the door was closed and the box was cut open, she crowded in. Individually wrapped tablets stacked neatly in tight little rows. “Wow. Do you think they’re charged?”
“They should be.”
They each removed a tablet and unwrapped the protective foam paper. Everything was so shiny, not a single fingerprint on the screen. They powered on easily and she laughed, still finding it surreal that a company had made such an incredible donation.
“Have you thought any more about my offer?”
And there it was. Lowering the tablet as it booted up, she smiled regretfully. “I’m flattered, Calvin, but I just don’t think I’m in the right state of mind to…”
“Eat?”
She laughed. “What?”
“I asked you to dinner, Scarlet. You don’t have to promise me your first-born. Just have a meal with me.”
“But I don’t want to lead you on.”
“I’m a big boy. I think I can handle it.” When she didn’t answer, he said, “Come on, we can celebrate the grant. Let me buy you food in exchange for healthy conversation and maybe a few laughs.”
The offer was tempting. Thor was disappointingly unenthused about the grant when she told him. Plus, she had a really hard time disappointing others. “Okay, but just as friends, Calvin.”
His smiled expanded. “Deal. How about tonight? We can go from here.”
“That works.” The teachers often had happy hour on Fridays, though Scarlet usually passed, but this was good. Maybe they’d run into other members of the staff there and it would actually feel like a small gathering of co-workers instead of a date.
“I’ll meet you in the parking lot after detention.”
“Sounds good.”
When the last bell rang and the last student left, Scarlet grabbed her tote and locked the classroom. The building was always peaceful and somewhat changed on Friday afternoons, more so than any other evening. It was as if the school was finally able to exhale.
The click of her heels echoed down the long corridor as she walked toward the exit. The office door opened as the light flicked off as Calvin came out, wearing his shoulder bag that likely contained his laptop.
They stilled as they spotted each other, a twinge of awkwardness setting in with the hint of expectation. “Perfect timing,” he said, turning the key in the office lock. “How do you feel about Italian?”
“Italian’s just fine.”
They remained close but not within accidental touching distance on the walk to their cars. “Should we drive together?” he asked.
Her mind rejected the offer immediately, not wanting to complicate a simple thing. “That’s okay. I’ll follow you. That way you don’t have to drive me back to get my car at the end of the night.”
“Okay.”
Stowing her belongings on the passenger seat, she started her car and stilled, her fingers curling delicately around the sword keychain with a garnet stone. Mr. Stone.
What was he doing at that moment? Did he ever think of her? Had he forgotten her? For all she knew, he had multiple women he toyed with and fucked over. What made her think she was something special?
Her phone buzzed when Calvin texted the address of the restaurant. “Isn’t this disappointingly normal,” she mumbled, shifting the car into reverse and following his Volvo east.
As she drove she carefully listed all the reasons why it was illogical to continue loving a man that didn’t want her. Not only had she never laid eyes on Mr. Stone, she didn’t know his name. She couldn’t describe how he kissed, had never known his mouth against hers for more than a whisper. She wouldn’t recognize him if he were standing beside her.
But that wasn’t necessarily true. She could identify his scent from a mile away, recognize his voice in a crowded room. She could sense his presence by the way the hair on the back of her neck lifted whenever he was near. But he was no longer near and her hair had no reason to rise.
She pulled into an empty parking space and gripped the steering wheel. “There’s something wrong with you,” she mumbled.
Calvin was a nice, attractive man. She should be flattered he’d shown any interest at all. Six months ago she would have killed to have a guy like him ask her out. Her head fell back on the headrest. Why couldn’t she just be normal?
The sharp knock at the window had her shelving all matters of self-doubt. “Sorry,” she said as she opened the door and stood.
Calvin politely closed the car door and opened all other doors between there and the table. Once they were settled into a booth with cocktails on the way and well associated with their perky waitress Jennifer, she took a deep breath and embraced the awkwardness.
God, she hated this. Mr. Stone plowed through any barriers, jumped right into the most personal details. She’d loved that about him. There were no secrets—well, at least not on her end. Maybe that was the trick?
All the social boundaries and superficial niceties made it impossible to really get to know others. People toed the surface and expected some deep relationship, but never really connected. It was impersonal bullshit and she was sick of it. So she decided—with nothing left to lose—she was going all in. Cannonball…
“So…how long’s it been since you had sex?”
Calvin choked on a sip of water and quickly blotted his chin with a napkin. He cleared his throat. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”
She shrugged, more convinced than ever that she’d lost her mind. “Clearly you’re ready to get back out there if you asked me out. You’re divorce has been final since last spring. Isn’t this the sort of thing friends talk about?”
Sex seemed to dominate a great deal of her and Nicole’s conversations and Calvin said they were going out asfriends.Maybe if she crossed certain lines so their association could no longer fit in some neat and tidy box they’d actually be friends and not some posturing courtship. If he had a secret motive she was intent on destroying it. She didn’t like secrets anymore.
He cleared his throat again and Jennifer delivered their cocktails, which Calvin seemed delighted to taste. “I wasn’t asking you out as an attempt to get laid, Scarlet.”
She sipped her vodka cranberry—Merlot no longer sat well—and tossed him a coy smile. “Oh, come now, Mr. Armstrong. You’re a man. If this were truly a man’s world there’d be no call for dating at all. We’d just run around like animals mating on some geographic special. How long?”
He tugged at his collar, setting the knot of his tie askew. “Six months.”
She chuckled, slowly tipping her head back. Life was a continuous learning experience. “How silly of me to assume I was the first woman you’d asked out.”
“Did I miss something? I feel like what was a friendly engagement ten minutes ago has turned into an aggressive scrimmage.”
Her drink was empty. “Sorry,” she said without much sincerity as she hunched deeper in the booth. Maybe she didn’t want to go deep after all. It seemed, with people, she would always have something to learn.
Calvin looked at her for a long moment, studying her until she had the urge to pull the collar of her blouse tighter. “Who was he?”
She searched for Jennifer in the restaurant, wanting another drink. “Who?”
“The guy that broke your heart.”
She chuckled, her finger flicking the edge of the paper placemat. “He was…no one.”
No name to give. You’re pathetic.
“That bad, huh?”
She couldn’t look at him. Why were they even discussing this? The waitress returned and Calvin ordered another round.
“Want to tell me about it? I’m a good listener.”
She laughed without humor. “I don’t talk about it.” Him.
“Okay.” Their drinks arrived and they ordered. She quickly selected the ravioli without glancing at the menu. “Do you want to talk about sex?”
Twirling her straw through the ice and diluted cranberry, she mumbled, “Someone once told me sex is a hollow impression of love, an impression that can be conducted seamlessly without the main ingredient.”
He frowned. “Meaning love?”
“Yup. Biggest four letter word there is, but totally unnecessary in the grand scheme of things.” Their second round arrived and she took a hardy sip. “I’m not into impressionism. I also don’t automatically believe sex is more than sex. It’s not. It’s just two bodies coming together and relieving a physical need.”
“How very…” He laughed. “I’m not sure what that is, exactly.”
“It’s sad.” Her drink wasn’t strong enough, yet somehow it managed to bully the confessions out of her head and into her boss’s lap. “He was a coward and I’m the idiot that let him in. At one point, I actually thought he was the strongest, most powerful man in the world. I don’t really understand men at all. I’m sorry I said those things to you. I shouldn’t butt into other people’s personal lives when I hardly have a grip on my own.”
“Look, Scarlet, we all make mistakes. I’m thirty-two years old and already divorced. Don’t beat yourself up because you decided to trust someone and wanted love. We all do.”
His empathy tormented her broken heart like shitty glue incapable of holding her together. She couldn’t fathom ever feeling whole again and the longer this went on the more segmented she became from reality. “Please don’t say nice things to me, Calvin. I’m a glommer.”
“A what?”
“I glom. Even when common sense tells me I’m reading too much into things, I somehow turn into a stage five clinger that can’t let go.”
“I recently read one of those little postcard things people put all over GeekPeek. It said, Being polite is so rare these days, it’s often mistaken for flirting. I’m merely being polite, Scarlet.”
“Of course you are.” Time for drink number three. She looked for perky Jennifer, but didn’t see her. Maybe she could learn something from Calvin, help her own recovery in some way. He seemed so well-adjusted after a failed marriage. “So, when you had sex after your divorce, was it weird being with someone else?”
He shifted and rearranged the condiments. “It was with my wife.”
Her head slowly lifted. “But you were divorced.”
“I know, but sometimes…” He shrugged. “Old habits die hard.”
That was the truth.
“We both knew it wouldn’t change anything,” he quickly clarified. “You’re right, sometimes sex is just two bodies coming together to relieve a physical need.”
Or an emotional one. For a moment she’d thought they were comrades, people of the same rejected fiber, but now… “Do you still love her?”
“I’ll always love her,” he answered quickly, as if there could never be another option. “But we aren’t comp
atible as husband and wife anymore.”
The waitress fluttered to their table. “Here we are, one ravioli and one steak, medium rare. Can I get you another round?”
Scarlet stared at her ravioli. She might as well rub it on her thighs. Calvin did some talking and the waitress disappeared.
“Hey.”
What was she doing? Glancing at her dinner date she gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Calvin. You asked me out and I’ve been a complete brat, barging into your personal life and spewing my private business all over the table. I ruined what was a very sweet gesture. I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “You didn’t ruin anything, Scarlet. I sort of like the fact that we cut out all the bullshit and made it real. We already know each other on a professional level. It’s nice to see such a different side of you.”
Two more drinks were placed on the table. She should probably slow down.
“Let’s eat,” he said, scooping up his knife.
She picked at her ravioli and stared at the ice in her cocktail. Could she have meaningless sex with her boss? Maybe she should? No. Think about Monday morning at work.
“You’re being quiet.”
She studied him for a silent moment. He was attractive, bald by choice with a good jaw and handsome face, dark brows and five o’clock shadow that worked. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“Anything interesting?”
Her mind wandered to images of Calvin pressing her up against the entryway of her den as her heel dug into his ass. He did have a nice butt. “Not really.”
“How’s your ravioli?”
She’d barely taken three bites. “Good.”
They ate in silence and the restaurant crowded with a dinner rush. When their plates were cleared, Calvin ordered coffee and asked to see a dessert menu.
“I guess this wasn’t exactly what you were expecting,” she said as she sipped her coffee.
His shoulder lifted as he eased back in his seat, studying her. “You’re a pretty woman, Scarlet. Smart too. Don’t waste your charm on guys that don’t appreciate everything you have to offer. I wanted to have dinner with you as more than colleagues and I think we accomplished that, even if I’m only gaining a friend. I have no regrets.”
BLIND: A Mastermind Novel Page 34
