“I’ll think of you every day.” Maybe Reina thought she whispered that, but Aiko heard it as clear as she heard two suitcases colliding behind her and the subsequent apologies between strangers. “I’ll miss you so much.”
“Ara ara, you shouldn’t be so dependent on me.” Michiko’s chastisement was too gentle for somebody like Reina. “I’ll write to you when I can, but I’ll be very busy in Basic Training for a while. You’ll see within a couple months that you don’t need me as much as you think you do.” She stroked Reina’s cheek and pulled on her ear. “Besides, you have this dutiful little girlfriend now to be your constant companion. You treat her well!”
Aiko pretended to find something fascinating on the floor. The longer Reina dragged this out, the more it would hurt her at the end of the day. Aiko planned to care for a mopey girlfriend for the rest of that Saturday, even going so far as to have Reina come to her house to spend the night. They would have to swing by a love hotel first if Reina was in the mood for sex before going home to Junko’s constant attention and interruptions, but Aiko had planned for that, too.
“Don’t go, Mi-chan.”
“You know I have to go. Don’t be selfish.”
They shared a small kiss. Aiko couldn’t hear what they whispered to each other, so she pretended they talked about music, or sports, or television shows. She wasn’t blind – she knew Reina still harbored serious feelings for Michiko, but the fact remained she was leaving.
When Reina and Michiko parted again, it was with a clench of the fists from the former and tears from the latter. They said final farewells before Michiko pushed herself away and darted past the ticket gates, luggage in hand and companion reaching out to grab her arm. Reina continued to stare after her until Michiko was no more than a pink dot at the top of an escalator.
“Reina.” Aiko stepped forward and took her hand. “Let’s go. It’s hot in here.”
It took a little more coaxing before Reina finally walked with her, hand in hand, to another train line that would take them around to Shinjuku, where Aiko could more seriously soothe her girlfriend’s sadness. In the past three months she had practiced learning and tending to Reina’s sexual desires, with or without another woman around them. Today it will be just her and me. Aiko squeezed her hand harder.
“I miss her already.” Reina’s voice was devoid of emotion. “It’s not fair.”
If there’s anything you’ve taught me, it’s that love isn’t fair. “Now don’t act like that. You’re not alone, Reina. You still have me, damnit.”
Reina looked down into her face as they approached the ticket machines for their line. At first Aiko thought she would argue, but then Reina smiled. “Yeah, I’ve still got you. Thank God, because I’d go crazy without you too.”
“Really?” Aiko hugged Reina’s arm, the old woman in front of them shuffling like a caterpillar. “You need me?”
They crept closer to the ticket machines as the old woman fought with her change purse. Reina used her free hand to pat Aiko on the head. “Of course I need you. Aren’t you supposed to need your girlfriend to some degree?”
If only she knew how much I needed her. Aiko had tried to not fall so far in love so quickly, but with someone as beautiful, as interesting, as vivacious as Reina, it was impossible not to. Every day offered new insights into their growing relationship, from sneaking an underage Aiko into night clubs, to sitting in bedrooms and eating snacks, to attempting to find movies they could both agree to watch, and even down to the liar gymnastics that was keeping it all a secret from Junko. And without a man hanging around her house all the time – last she heard, Daisuke was already dating another girl – she had the peace to reflect on her budding feelings for a woman named Reina Yamada. Five months before, Aiko would have never believed she would spend most of her days with a girlfriend and most of her nights dreaming about her, but since that infection first spread to her heart, she had never known anything better.
She leaned her head against her girlfriend’s shoulder. “You know I’ll always be here for you, right?”
“Of course you’ll be. Because you’re in love with me.” Reina’s chest puffed out with the expansion of her ego.
“And you love me too, right?”
The old woman dropped her change all over the station floor before Reina could respond with a perfect non-sequitur. She dropped to her knees and began picking up the coins while the old woman offered extensive apologies. Aiko stayed back and admired Reina’s nimble fingers. Heartbeats echoed in her ears.
She reserved a smile for Reina’s return. As they bought their tickets and meandered to the nearest platform, Aiko decided she didn’t care what crazy scenarios Reina cooked up for them, so long as it meant they could be together. She had never felt that way about another before.
It’s because I’ve never been in love until now.
Dark eyes, a deep voice, and words too deliciously crude for the public sphere. How was Aiko ever to know those were the ingredients for her first real and everlasting, adventurous love?
“Oi, Ai-chan, train’s here.” Reina tugged on her hand. “Stop standing there and let’s go. What are you thinking about anyway? You look like you’ve just seen me naked.”
Aiko giggled. “Believe it or not, I was thinking about something better than that.”
They followed a small swarm of people onto the train, their bodies leaning against the doors when they closed again. “And what’s that? What could possibly be better than thinking about me naked?”
The train lurched forward, jumbling all of Aiko’s thoughts and feelings within her body, just as Reina did every time they made love. A storm of emotions thundered inside of her chest, and as she gazed upon Reina, bold and divine with her cavalier manners, only one possible word had the power to be heard.
“Hatsukoi.”
“Eh,” Reina said, thumping her head against the window. “Don’t put that sort of pressure on me!”
“I’ve got a good feeling about this.” Aiko snuck her hand behind her girlfriend’s. “I’m going to do my best to make you happy. Just you see, we’re going to still be together twenty years from now.”
Reina’s face scrunched as if she couldn’t believe that, or desire it. Yet Aiko knew that face well by now, with its hidden blush and downplayed smile. She bumped her forehead against Reina’s shoulder to hide her own felicity.
A part of her hoped the entire train car could feel the powerful effects of her first love.
Hildred Billings is a Japanese and Religious Studies scholar who has spent her entire life knowing she would write for a living someday. She has lived in Japan a total of three times in three different locations, from the heights of the Japanese alps to the hectic Tokyo suburbs, with a life in Shikoku somewhere in there too. When she’s not writing, however, she spends most of her time talking about Asian pop music, cats, and bad 80’s fantasy movies with anyone who will listen…or not.
Her writing centers around themes of redemption, sexuality, and death, sometimes all at once. Although she enjoys writing in the genre of fantasy the most, she strives to show as much reality as possible through her characters and situations, since she’s a furious realist herself.
Currently, Hildred lives in Oregon with her cat, with dreams of maybe having another human around someday.
Connect with Hildred on any of the following:
Website .:. Twitter .:. Facebook .:. Tumblr
REN’AI RENSAI is an ongoing look at one lesbian couple’s relationship over the span of decades. Below is a short list of other titles currently available and those that are coming soon!
AVAILABLE NOW
“DAISUKI.”
(Novella)
Two Japanese women attempt to balance their relationship with their society's rigid gender roles, polyamorous relations, and the inability to say "I love you."
“HATSUKOI.”
(Novel)
A young Japanese woman falls in love with a philandering lesbian.
“SEIKOU.”
(Novel)
Three months of wedded bliss later, Reina is on the verge of her biggest breakdown yet. Between her gender dysphoria, lonely boss, hostile in-laws, and a young couple in constant need of her “help,” Reina’s about to drag her wife Aiko down their darkest hole yet.
“KATAOMOI.”
(Novel)
After moving in with Reina, Aiko becomes determined to make friends again. However, the group she becomes involved with has one member who is not impressed with her - Reina’s ex-girlfriend!
“MITSUSHIN.”
(Short Story)
As a Valentine’s Day gift, Reina decides it’s time to introduce her girlfriend into the wonderful world of menage.
“NANPAKAI.”
(Short Story)
For her birthday Aiko is taken to a risque nightclub, where she’s expected to seduce a random stranger.
“CHINSEKI.”
(Short Story)
A menage with a new friend forces Reina to reconsider her attractions and jealousy meter. Continuation of “NANPAKAI.”
“SHIMONETA.”
(Short Story)
When Reina is roped into giving a sex seminar in front of a dozen young women, she ends up with an unlikely student - her wife!
“TOKOIRI.”
(Short Story)
Love is in the air on Aiko and Reina’s wedding day. Too bad it falls to pieces when Aiko comes down with a case of wedding night jitters!
COMING SOON
“JIHAKU.”
(Short Story)
Against her better judgment, Reina participates with her wife in a local “newlywed” game for a chance to win a great vacation. What should be an easy win, however, throws Reina off her game when she sees who they’re up against!
“UMIIRO.”
(Short Story)
Golden Week in Okinawa provides golden opportunities for fun in the sun. Hopefully not too much fun, because Aiko is worried about being banned for PDA!
“KOIBUMI.”
(Novel)
Just as Reina is making headway with her gender dysphoria, Aiko is on the verge of her own mid-life crisis: she’s now convinced that only a baby can complete her life. And with a handsome, intelligent man waltzing toward her, will she begin to rethink the whole “lesbian” thing as well? Not if she listens to all the ghosts of her past cropping up like weeds.
Be sure to check out the new interactive REN’AI RENSAI website at:
http://www.renai-rensai.com
Extensive book, character, and setting info, along with opportunities to submit your own fan works, ideas, and questions! Check out the new MATCH MAKER quiz that will match you to your Ren’Ai Rensai soul mate!
Hatsukoi Page 27
