Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  “They grow so fast,” Vernon said.

  About thirty minutes later, Laura entered the kitchen and sat down next to Rudy. She met Allen’s gaze and smiled before bowing her head for prayer. Then she put some of the hamburger casserole onto her plate as Cindy brought her a mug of coffee.

  “She’s sleeping?” Allen asked when she’d had a bite or two.

  Laura nodded and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “She didn’t want me to put her down at first, but I managed to get her to stay asleep once she drifted off again.”

  “Danki,” Allen said.

  “You seem to have the special touch with Mollie,” Kayla said. “She calmed right down when you picked her up.”

  Laura shrugged and stared down at her plate as her cheeks reddened. “I just tried what I thought would work. I’m thankful it did.” She looked up at Kayla. “Did you tell Allen your news?”

  “Ya, I did.” Kayla beamed. “We have so much to do. December will be here before we know it. Mei dat is concerned our barn is too small for the guests. He said he should have built a larger barn after our old barn burned down last summer.”

  Allen kept his gaze trained on Laura as Kayla talked about wedding plans. She had deflected the attention Kayla had brought to her by mentioning Jamie and Kayla’s wedding, and now she was staring at her plate as she ate.

  When he felt someone watching him, Allen looked at Rudy and found him frowning at him. Allen looked away and continued to eat.

  When they were finished, the women began gathering the dishes, and Allen stepped to the doorway to check on Mollie. She was still sleeping in her play yard, and her pacifier was still in her mouth.

  “Allen.” Vernon clapped him on the shoulder. “Would you walk outside with me? I’d like to talk to you alone.”

  “Ya, of course.” An uneasiness gripped Allen. “We can go out to my shop.”

  “Gut.”

  As Allen followed Vernon toward the back door, he glanced at Laura. She stood with her back to the sink, and she gave him a shy smile. Did she know why her father wanted to speak to him? If so, why hadn’t she warned him?

  “Please have a seat.” Allen gestured toward the desk chair once they were in his office.

  “Danki.” Vernon sat down, and Allen pulled over a nearby stool.

  “What do you want to discuss?” His stomach tightened as he sat down on the stool. Would Vernon tell him he no longer wanted Laura to work for him? But then how would Allen cope without her help with Mollie?

  “Laura is worried about you, and she asked me to talk with you to see how you’re doing.”

  Allen blinked. “She’s worried about me?”

  “Ya. She said you’re struggling with grief, and she thought I might be able to offer some support since I’ve struggled with the loss of a spouse as well. There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed because I was drowning in not only grief, but guilt and regret.” Vernon’s expression clouded. “I blamed myself for a long time after I lost Dorothy. I believed if I had repaired the basement banister, she wouldn’t have fallen. I also wrestled with all the broken promises, and how I never gave her the things she longed for.”

  Vernon leaned back in the chair, and it creaked under his weight. “Dorothy wanted to travel. She wanted to see Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon. She also wanted to go to Florida, but I always told her I couldn’t leave the farm. In reality, Jamie and Mark were capable of taking care of this place, but I was too prideful to let go and trust them.”

  Allen folded his arms over his chest as Vernon’s words took hold.

  “I’ve realized it’s not healthy to hold on to those regrets,” Vernon continued. “All I can do is try to teach mei kinner to never take anything for granted. I know it was God’s will that Dorothy passed away, and I can’t punish myself for it.”

  Allen nodded as his own regret and grief pummeled his heart.

  Vernon lifted an eyebrow. “You look like you want to say something, but you’re hesitating.”

  “I don’t even know where to begin.” Allen’s shoulders hunched. “I regret not telling Savilla how much I loved her one last time. It tears me to pieces that Mollie will grow up without knowing firsthand how special and loving her mother was.” His voice was thick, and his hurt ran so deep he thought he might drown in it. “Most of all, I’m crushed that she’s not here.”

  “Savilla knows exactly how much you love her because you showed her every day. Mollie will feel Savilla’s love and know all about her because you will tell her.” Vernon leaned forward and gripped Allen’s shoulder. “You need to let all your regrets and self-blame go. Pray about it. Ask God to heal your heart, and learn to accept it was all his plan. None of it was your fault.” He squeezed his shoulder.

  Allen nodded and tried to clear his throat past the swelling lump of emotion stuck there as Vernon went on.

  “We can’t allow ourselves to question God’s plans for us or blame ourselves for what’s not in our control. We all know God is in control. He has the best plan for our lives because it’s his plan.” He squeezed Allen’s shoulder once again and then released it. “Mollie will be fine. She has you.”

  Allen blew out a deep gust of air he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Danki.”

  “I know how you feel because I lost Dorothy suddenly too.” Vernon’s face was full of warmth and understanding. “The difference is that you have Mollie, who depends on you, to keep you moving forward. You need to get out of bed and keep going for her.”

  “Ya, that’s true.” Allen swiped the back of his hand over his eyes to fend off threatening tears. “The haus just feels so different without her. Sometimes it feels cold and empty. It’s too quiet without her voice and her laugh. I miss the smell of her favorite vanilla lotion and seeing her smile. Something is missing without her there. It even feels foreign to me, like it’s not mei haus anymore.”

  “I understand. I promise you it does get easier, and you’ll get through it. Just ask God to give you the strength you need.”

  Silence fell between them, and Allen’s thoughts turned to Laura and his concern about her helping him.

  “Vernon, do you support Laura’s decision to help me with Mollie?”

  Vernon tilted his head. “Ya, of course I do. What gave you the impression I didn’t?”

  “I just wanted to be sure.”

  “My family and I will do anything we can to help you. Savilla was like mei third dochder, and Irma Mae helped us for weeks after I lost my Dorothy. Laura will help you for as long as you need her. And if you need anything else from us, please let us know.”

  Once again, Allen was thankful for the Riehl family and their endless support and generosity. If only he could convince Rudy to share that understanding.

  TWELVE

  “Did you hear what I said?” Cindy asked Laura as they stood at the sink.

  “What?” Laura spun toward her younger sister. Her cheeks burned as she folded her arms across her apron. Her eyes had been focused on Allen and Dat as they walked out together, and she’d missed her sister’s question.

  Cindy lifted a light-brown eyebrow. “I said I’ll wash and you can dry and put away the dishes since you know where they go. Okay?”

  “Oh, ya. Right. That makes sense.” She retrieved a dish towel from the bottom drawer by the sink and readied herself to begin drying.

  “I’ll help too.” Kayla placed two coffee mugs on the counter and retrieved another dish towel. “Just tell me where the dishes go.”

  “Should we sit outside and wait for Dat and Allen to join us?” Mark asked.

  “Ya, that’s a gut idea.” Jamie stood and touched Kayla’s arm. “We’ll leave you ladies to your work.”

  “Oh, how kind of you,” Kayla said, teasing him. “Enjoy the porch.”

  “We will.” Jamie started toward the mudroom with Mark in tow.

  Laura glanced over at Rudy, and he frowned at her. She smiled, but his expression remained somber as he followed her brothers. After a co
uple of beats, the screen door clicked shut and silence filled the kitchen.

  Laura’s shoulders hunched as she worked in silence for several minutes alongside Cindy and Kayla.

  “Is everything all right between you and Rudy?” Kayla’s question sliced through the heavy silence.

  Laura turned toward her. Her mouth worked, but her words were stuck in her throat.

  Cindy glanced over her shoulder at Laura, her eyebrows lifting.

  “Ya,” Laura finally said. She leaned her hip against the counter as the question rolled around in her mind. She looked toward the open window in the mudroom. The interior door was open too, and they could hear the men’s voices through both the window and screen door. “Rudy isn’t froh I’m spending so much time over here helping Allen.”

  “I don’t understand.” Kayla scrunched her nose. “Why would Rudy be upset?”

  “He doesn’t want you to help Allen?” Cindy’s eyebrows drew together as she scrubbed a casserole dish.

  Laura took a deep breath. “A few days ago he told me he was concerned I’m spending too much time here. Then on Friday night he said he was worried about how it will look to other members of the community that I’m staying overnight to take care of Mollie when she wakes up and cries.”

  Cindy stopped washing the dish and turned toward Laura. “But Rudy is Allen’s freind. He should be supportive.”

  “Shh.” Laura pointed toward the back porch. “I don’t want him to hear.”

  Kayla shook her head. “Doesn’t Rudy understand Allen needs your help right now?”

  Laura shrugged. “I think he’s more worried about how it could look to the community than concerned about how much Allen and Mollie need me.”

  Cindy frowned as she returned to washing the dish. “That’s awfully selfish. I’m disappointed in Rudy.”

  Laura nodded as she plucked another dish from the drainboard. I am too. “I’m really worried about Allen, so I asked Dat to speak to him.”

  “Oh?” Cindy looked over her shoulder at Laura. “Was iss letz?”

  Laura kept her eyes focused on the dish she was drying. “He’s struggling with his grief. I thought Dat might be able to help him.”

  “That’s very thoughtful of you. You’re a wunderbaar freind to Allen.” Kayla touched Laura’s shoulder. “Rudy should be a gut freind too.”

  “I know.” Laura sighed. “I keep trying to make him understand that.”

  “Do you want Jamie to talk to him?” Kayla offered as she took a dish out of the drainboard. “I can ask Jamie to do it.”

  “No, but danki.” Laura picked up the last dish Cindy set in the drainboard. “I think it’s best to just let it go for now. Hopefully Rudy will come around.” She looked over at Kayla. “Are you froh with the haus?”

  Kayla’s pretty face lit up with a bright smile. “Oh, ya. I love it so much! My family is going to come for supper at the haus one night next week to talk about decorating it. I can’t wait for Eva to see it.”

  Later they were sitting at the table when Mollie cried out. Laura rushed into the family room with the other two women right behind her. Mollie was standing in the play yard, holding up her arms. Tears flowed in rivulets down her pink cheeks.

  “Ach, mei liewe.” Laura held out her arms and Mollie reached for her. “Don’t cry.”

  Mollie snuggled into Laura’s shoulder as Cindy picked up her pacifier from the bottom of the play yard.

  “Do you want this?” Cindy held out the pacifier, and Mollie took it from her and put it in her mouth. Then Cindy stepped over to the sofa and checked the diapering station. The diaper bag was empty too. “I don’t see any diapers here.”

  Laura nodded toward the stairs. “Why don’t we change her upstairs?”

  “Ya.” Kayla picked up the diaper bag. “We can restock.”

  Laura led them up the stairs and into Mollie’s room. She placed Mollie on the changing table and began to remove her clothes as Cindy started filling the bag with diapers.

  “Is this where you sleep?” Cindy pointed to the bed by the crib.

  “Ya.” Laura nodded toward the rocking chair by the crib. “I rock her when she cries and then put her back in her bed as soon as she’ll let me.” She looked over at Kayla. “Kayla, would you please get a onesie and a dress from the dresser next to you? The onesies are in the top drawer, and the dresses are in the bottom drawer.”

  “Sure.” Kayla opened the top drawer and started rooting through its contents.

  “Hi, Mollie.” Cindy came to stand next to Laura.

  “Mollie,” Laura began, “can you say Cindy?”

  Mollie reached for Cindy, and Cindy took her hand and laughed. When Cindy released her hand, Mollie reached for Laura and said, “Ma-ma-ma.”

  “No, I’m Laura,” Laura corrected her. “Say Laura.” She turned to Cindy. “We’ve been working on this.”

  “Has she tried to walk yet?” Kayla asked as she sidled up to Laura with a dress and onesie in her hand. “Junior walked on his first birthday.”

  “We haven’t tried,” Laura said. “Why don’t we try after I dress her?”

  “That’s a great idea,” Kayla said, agreeing to the plan.

  After changing Mollie’s diaper, Laura pulled on the onesie and then the purple dress Kayla selected.

  “That dress is a little tight,” Cindy observed.

  “It is.” Laura stood Mollie up on the changing table. “I found some fabric in Savilla’s sewing room, and I’m going to make her a few new dresses and nightgowns.”

  “Let me know if you want some help,” Cindy offered.

  “Danki.” Laura smiled at her sister and then set Mollie on the floor.

  Kayla sat down on the rocker and held out her hands. “Have her walk to me.”

  “Okay.” Holding Mollie’s little hands over her head, Laura turned the little girl toward Kayla. “Can you walk to Kayla?”

  “Kumm, Mollie.” Kayla held her hands out to her.

  Mollie sputtered and then squealed as she took a step, all while holding on to Laura’s hands.

  “Yay!” Kayla clapped. “Kumm, Mollie!”

  Mollie squealed again and kept walking. When she reached her, she took Kayla’s hands.

  “Gut job, Mollie!” Tears filled Laura’s eyes as she clapped. Savilla would be so thrilled.

  “Walk to me now, Mollie.” Cindy stood by the doorway and held out her hands.

  Laura took Mollie’s hands, and Mollie started walking toward her. When she reached Cindy, she squealed, and they all clapped.

  “Walk back to me now,” Kayla said from the rocking chair.

  For the next several minutes, Laura helped Mollie walk back and forth from Cindy to Kayla. They all cheered after each journey Mollie made across the room. When she walked back to Kayla one last time, Cindy joined them by the rocker.

  “You’re such a big girl,” Laura told Mollie, and Mollie squealed and stamped her foot.

  “What’s going on in here?”

  Laura spun to the door, where Allen stood with his forearm leaning on the doorframe. “Mollie is walking.”

  “Really?” His eyes brightened as he stepped into the room.

  “Ya.” Laura took Mollie’s hands and turned her toward Allen. “Can you walk to Dat?”

  “Da! Da! Dat!” Mollie repeated as she walked toward Allen. “Dat! Dat!”

  “Look at that!” Allen squatted, and his eyes sparkled. He held out his hands as Mollie came close. “You’re doing great, Mollie.”

  When Mollie squealed and reached for his hands, he scooped her up and hugged her. “Great job.” He kissed the top of her head and then looked at Laura. “I can’t believe it.”

  Laura laughed, feeling pure joy.

  Cindy stepped over to Laura. “She’s doing so great.”

  “Ya, she is.” Kayla joined them. “She’ll be walking by herself in no time.”

  “Walking by herself?” Allen grinned down at Mollie. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that.” He lo
oked over at Laura. “She’s been crawling for a while, but now I’m envisioning her running everywhere.”

  “Ya, she will.” Laura touched Mollie’s foot. “You’re going to be unstoppable.”

  “Kayla!” Jamie’s voice sounded from downstairs. “Are you ready to leave? Your parents are expecting us.”

  “Oh. I didn’t realize how late it is.” Kayla’s eyes widened as she stepped into the hallway. “I’ll be right down,” she called toward the stairs. She turned to Laura and hugged her. “It was so gut seeing you.” Then she hugged Cindy. “Good-bye.”

  “Danki for coming, Kayla,” Laura told her.

  “Gern gschehne.” Kayla shook Allen’s hand. “It was nice seeing you.” She touched Mollie’s cheek, and Mollie smiled at her. “Bye, Mollie.” She waved before disappearing through the doorway.

  Cindy looked from Laura to Allen and then back to Laura before pointing to the doorway. “I’m going to see if Mark and Dat are ready to go. I’ll need to make supper for Dat.” She said goodbye to Allen and stepped into the hallway.

  “Would you please tell Rudy I’ll be down in a minute?” Laura called after her.

  “Ya, of course.” Cindy disappeared, her footsteps echoing in the stairwell.

  Laura stepped over to the changing table and picked up Mollie’s dirty clothes.

  “I’ll take care of that,” Allen said.

  Laura tossed the clothes into the hamper, which was half full. “I was just putting them away. I can do all the laundry tomorrow.”

  “That’s fine, but please don’t push yourself.”

  She faced him, and his expression warmed as he looked at her.

  “Danki for coming by today.” He leaned against the wall and rubbed Mollie’s back as she snuggled into his shoulder.

  “Gern gschehne.” She folded her arms across her chest as concern blossomed in the pit of her stomach. “Are you upset with me because I asked mei dat to talk to you?”

  He raised a light-brown eyebrow. “Why would I be? No, I’m not upset at all.” He shifted Mollie in his arms and then looked down at her. He touched his daughter’s cheek and kept his focus on her as he spoke. “I had a really gut talk with your dat. I appreciate your asking him to talk to me.”