by Lilly Wilder
“She sounds like a piece of work, Dalton. I think the only thing you should be ashamed of is having poor taste in women, but that applies to most men, and I can’t speak about my taste in men. It was just a misjudgment and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for trying to do something good in this world, for trying to find love.”
His story explained so much and I felt so guilty for being harsh with him. He had only ever wanted to be loved, and wasn’t that what all of us wanted, deep down?
“Perhaps you’re right, but it’s also cast a shadow over my other relationships. It ruined things with you, even if you were never meant for me in the first place.”
“I choose who I’m meant for,” I said, and moved closer to him. I sank to the ground and took his hands in my own. Hearing his story made all the emotions come rushing back. All he wanted from life was to love and be loved in return, and in the end isn’t that what we all wanted? I could see and feel how heartbroken he still was because of Sarah, and I knew that if I ever saw her I would give her a piece of my mind.
Even if I hadn’t been linked to the lions by my parents, I still would have been aghast at what she had done. I couldn’t understand how anyone could take someone’s secret and try to use it for their own gain, especially when it was something as precious as this. I wished that I could tell Dalton everything that was going through my mind, but in the end I had to settle for showing him. I embraced him tightly and kissed him softly on the lips. The attraction between us grew again and part of me had known that it hadn’t disappeared entirely. He moaned softly with relief, as he felt the gentle caress of my lips and I felt sorrow within me, as I tried to stop myself from falling into this attraction. I had been hurt by Andy, just as Dalton had been hurt by Sarah. We both had our scars, but Dalton had made a big error in that I hadn’t been brought here for him at all, but rather for Rick. I knew that Dalton would never leave this place, so the only way I could be with him was to stay, and staying meant I had to be with Rick too.
Even then my feelings were conflicted. Rick had saved me. We shared a steady and easy connection. I was attracted to his strength and composure, and I knew that he would always keep me safe. I’ve already admitted that stray erotic thoughts passed through my mind as well and I felt guilty, but Rick and Dalton were always together and it was almost as though they were one person, just two sides of the same coin. Was it so wrong for me to love both of them?
Chapter Thirteen
I stayed with Dalton for a while. He smiled at me and held me in his arms. It felt good to be close to him again, to breathe in his warmth and his scent, to remember what it was like to have our flesh pressed against each other, to drown in each other’s love and lust. Once we started kissing it was almost impossible for us to stop. Our tongues danced. His fingers ran through my hair. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sat in his lap, exchanging tenderness and affection. In that moment Dalton gave me everything I was missing and I knew that despite my efforts to be a high-powered career woman, I hadn’t been happy. It had just been an effort to patch over my misery. The only time I had felt alive recently was with Dalton, and I couldn’t ignore that any longer.
But could I really just up and leave my life so abruptly, and say goodbye to everything and everyone I knew? I had worked so hard at my job and it seemed foolish to let it all go now after pouring so much time and energy into it, but as I sat with Dalton, it seemed wrong to tear myself away from him as well. Each kiss came with a bittersweet feeling, knowing that it might be the last one we shared. I breathed in deeply and rested my hand against his chest.
“I need to speak with my parents again,” I said softly, my words barely a whisper. Dalton nodded and brushed a few strands of hair away from my face. His fingertips crackled with electricity as they passed along my skin. I kissed his palm.
“I figured you’d want to say goodbye to them before you left. I’m glad that we were able to sort things out. The last thing I wanted was for you to be angry with me. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me the chance to explain myself.”
As I rose, I kissed him deeply once again. I didn’t say goodbye to him, because I wasn’t yet sure of what I was going to do, but I also didn’t tell him that I might be staying as I didn’t want to get his hopes up. I left him with that kiss and nothing else. I hoped it would be enough, in case I decided to leave.
*
Walking away from Dalton was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, but the world didn’t allow us to hide. I never thought I’d ever go to my parents for advice, because they hadn’t been very helpful in the past, but there was nobody else I could turn to, nobody I trusted anyway, who also knew the truth about the lions.
I saw them standing near the wall of the mountain along with a few other lions. They were admiring some artwork and as I followed their gaze, I immediately noticed it was my Mom’s work. She’d painted a huge mural along the mountain, depicting the majesty of lions. She’d lost none of her talent in the intervening years, and all I could think was that it was a shame her talent wasn’t being witnessed by more people. Her paintings should have been displayed in art galleries.
They seemed happy when I approached, but their smiles fell when they saw the expression on my face.
“What’s wrong?” they asked. I suppose parents always have an uncanny knack of knowing when something is wrong with their child. It felt strange to ask them for advice, knowing that in the past I had pushed them away whenever they had tried to help. They didn’t point this out though, and simply ushered me away from the other lions and took me back to their hut.
“What’s wrong?” Dad asked.
“I have…something of a dilemma,” I said, and proceeded to explain my difficulty in deciding what to do with my feelings. “I guess I’m just at odds with myself. I really care about Dalton, but leaving my life to come and live here is such a big step, and I wasn’t brought here to be romantically involved with Dalton. I don’t want to upset Rick because he’s been so kind to me, and I have to admit that I’m attracted to him as well. The thought of being his partner isn’t the worst thing in the world, and I’m wondering if that means my feelings for Dalton aren’t as strong as I think? I mean, if they were would I even contemplate being close with another man? And then, I don’t know if I can leave the city at all. My life is there you know, my home, my job, and my friends. If I leave what would I have left? It feels as though I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know which path to take.”
The words tumbled out of me almost faster than I could speak them. All the thoughts came crashing down and my emotions swelled like a tsunami. My eyes darted to the ground. I hated being this vulnerable in front of my parents, but they were the only ones I had and somehow being with them here, in this time, made the past seem a little farther away. All the resentment that had built up over the years dissipated and I wasn’t so hasty to judge them anymore. I knew they weren’t only my parents; they were also two people with hopes and dreams of their own and they had been braver than I in pursuing them.
“I think you’re getting yourself a little worked up over this honey when you have no reason to be,” Mom cooed.
“I’m glad you came to us though. I know that you haven’t always appreciated the advice we’ve given in the past,” Dad said. “But, of course, we’re a little biased, in that we know what it’s like to leave a life. It’s hard to say goodbye to everything you know. Sometimes you’re in a place for so long, it starts to define you and you feel a magnetic pull of it, so powerful that you wonder if you can ever find the strength to wrench yourself away, but then you do and you realize it wasn’t so hard after all. The only angst your Mom and I ever faced was in leaving you. We wished you would have come with us, but by that point you were your own person and you had the right to make your own decisions.”
“But I’m not like you. I can’t just shun everything I know,” I said.
“Why not?” Mom asked. Dad gave me an earnest look, asking the sa
me question with his eyes.
“Because I’m not like you.” Frustration crept into my words. I took a sip from the bowl of water.
“I think you’re more like us than you think. Just the fact that you’re here proves that. The thing that we tried to teach you is that there are no rules when it comes to life. You don’t have to be a part of that rat race if you don’t want to be. It’s all well and good having a career, if it makes you happy, but when you’re breaking your back just to prove to some people that you’re worthy of a promotion, you only end up having to prove it all over again to other people, and you spend so much time on that, that you end up neglecting other parts of your life. It can be all-consuming and we always tried to teach you that it’s important to cultivate a well-rounded life. We didn’t want you to become a slave to consumerism like so many other people before you.”
“It’s not that bad,” I said weakly. I didn’t want this to turn into an ideological argument. Mom seemed to feel the same way and placed a calming hand on Dad’s arm. He always had a tendency to get carried away when he was in the full flow of passion. I suppose that I did too; it was just one of the echoes of him inside me.
“My point is,” Dad said, after taking a breath, “that the lifestyle in the city markets itself as the only way to live, the only way to be happy. It’s a lie. There are other ways and yes, it can be seductive with all the glamour and trinkets it offers, but it’s not the only way to live and it never has been. Being happy should be more about the state of mind itself, rather than chasing after promotions and things, because there are always going to be more of those and the chase will never end. You have to look around you and see what you can appreciate, and you never have to stay in one place. You ask what’s left if you leave the city behind, but what’s left is what you take with you. You have more control than you think, Ellie.”
I nodded in understanding. It didn’t always feel like I was in control, but I suppose he had a point.
“And as for your second problem, that’s really a personal matter, but it’s not one you should fret too much about. There are no rules when it comes to love; the most important thing is to be honest with those you care about. It’s something that you should talk to Rick and Dalton about, really.”
“You’ve been here for a long time. Do you think they’d be able to find someone to fill this role if I returned to my life?”
From the glance they exchanged I knew the answer.
“Recommending you was a last resort,” Mom said. “We know you made your choice about the way you wanted to live your life, and we wanted to respect that. The lions have been searching for a long time, and there is word that scouts from other prides are coming down to make a claim for these grounds. You wouldn’t know it to look at them, but the lions are quite anxious about their future. I don’t want to think about what will happen, or where we’ll go,” Dad clasped Mom’s hand. “But you have to do what’s right for you. We only brought you here because they needed some hope, and to be honest we did miss you. I don’t want you to feel forced into staying here, but if you don’t it’s likely this pride will be forced to move on.”
My chest tightened, as I thought about the weight of it all. The lion’s secrecy had become their downfall, but how could it be that I was their last hope? I’d struggled so hard to make something of myself with regards to my career, but my parents did have a point, in that I hadn’t achieved much and all the effort I’d put into making myself into the perfect worker hadn’t left me fulfilled. It had only left me tired and wondering what the point of it all was. I had hated returning to an empty home after a long day of work, and with all the extra effort I put in, it became harder to make time for dating. When I asked myself if that was truly the life I wanted, I found myself answering in the negative. When I really looked deep inside myself, I knew that it was a push back against my parents, fueled by all the angst that had been inside me as a child. It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted, more like what I thought I should have, since it was what my parents had rejected.
But I didn’t want to live in their shadow all my life, nor did I want to define myself by doing things purely to be contrary with them. The grind of work was exhausting me and I’d never felt anything like the sense of intrigue and excitement that had come over me when I learned the truth about the lions. The more I thought about it the more I realized there was still much to be learned.
“I think I need to go and see Rick,” I said, rising from my seat.
“Before you make any decision make sure that you’re doing it for yourself and not for anyone else. We don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced into anything. That’s not why we tried to get them to find you. Just try to make the right decision for yourself and we’ll support you in whatever you do.”
I thanked them, although I refrained from telling them that they had become much more reasonable in the intervening years. The time with the lions had given them a new perspective on life and I wondered what it might do for me if I stayed, but first I had to go and see Rick and see if he could answer the rest of my questions.
Chapter Fourteen
I found Rick standing by the edge of the lake, looking out upon the waterfall. The water shimmered under the sunlight and the mountain towered over us. Out here it was easy to forget that we were part of a wider world, that the city waited for us, and that other lions were out there vying to take control of this area. When I approached him, I told him I had a few questions and he seemed happy enough to answer them, but first he told me to go with him, and he started walking towards the mountain.
“You promised me I wasn’t going to have to climb this mountain,” I said.
“We’re not climbing it,” he smirked, “we’re going inside it.”
I followed him up the stone slope and was already working up a sweat when he took a turning into an opening. The temperature dropped instantly and the light faded. Rick promised me he wouldn’t take me too far in.
“I just want you to get a sense of our history. A long time ago, this is where the lions lived, staying in the caves, only venturing out when we needed to hunt.”
“Where did you come from?” I asked.
“Nobody really knows. Our history is just as vague as your own. Some think we were blessed by a god, some think there was a union between a man and a lioness a long time ago, others think magic was involved. I prefer to think that there was some genetic quirk in our history and everything followed from that. But, of course, it’s not the past that concerns us now, it’s our future.”
“Yes, it is.” My words echoed around the cavern. “I need to ask you Rick…if Dalton was never going to be made leader, then why weren’t you the one to chase me? If I was brought here to be with you, then why send Dalton? You must have known, given his history, that he was likely to fall in love with me.”
“Yes, I did. And it’s not through any malice, I can assure you of that.”
I rubbed my temples. “But, if I stayed…I’d have to be with you?”
“I hope that would not be too offensive a prospect for you,” he grinned, “but, more specifically, you would be the mother to my children, to the next generation of lions. You would be the progenitor for a strong, new batch of younglings to reinforce the strength of this pride, and you would hold a privileged position within our community. You would never want for anything. You would be held in the highest esteem and everyone would look to you for guidance. You would have the opportunity to shape and guide this pride.”
“But, why me? Aside from the fact that I might be willing, and that my parents volunteered me?”
I was still at something of a loss to understand how Rick could want me to be the mother of this new generation when I hadn’t seen myself display any of the characteristics I assumed were necessary for the position. It seemed odd that I could be passed up for a promotion at work and, yet, be deemed worthy of leading a tribe of lion shifters.
Rick placed a hand on one
of the cave walls and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. This was obviously a place of reverence, a hallowed area where his ancestors had ruled.
“I’ve watched you closely and I’ve listened to everything that Dalton told me about you. I know that you’ve endured much pain in your life, but you’ve come back stronger. You’re tenacious, you’re brave, and don’t forget that you saved me, as much as I saved you. If you had not distracted Bruce at a pivotal moment he would have killed me. You might think you’re just an ordinary girl, Ellie, but you’re far from it. You’ve also accepted our culture and our way of life without batting an eyelid. You’ve taken it all in stride and you haven’t even tried to question us.”
“Believe me, I have plenty of questions, I’m just holding off on the less important ones for the time being, otherwise I’ll be overwhelmed.”
Rick chuckled and took his hand away from the rock, turning to face me. His deep brown eyes were fixed on me and I felt a pull towards him. It was different than the attraction I felt for Dalton. That was more emotional. This was something more physical, more primal.
“The quality I’m most looking for in a mate is strength, Ellie, and you have that in abundance. I need someone who knows what it’s like to suffer, so that she might be better able to teach our children how to cope with the stresses of the world. I never want this pride to be in a weakened state again. I believe you’re the one to help me achieve that.”
As he spoke to me, I felt myself wanting it too. For a long time now, I had been yearning for a more important position, for a way to showcase what I knew I was capable of. Rick was offering me a fantastic opportunity and I took a step closer towards him. My hand twitched, and it was as though he had cast a spell on me with his words. The two of us had only been alone together in my bedroom. There had always been an undercurrent of attraction between us, but I had never fully acknowledged it, because my attention had always been on Dalton. If I was to stay here, then I would be the mother to Rick’s children, and it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world…but what about Dalton?
