by J. S. Cooper
“Alyssa…”
“Jess?” she mimicked me. “That’s crazy. Absolutely crazy. I can’t believe it.”
“Are you judging me?” I asked her in disbelief, my heart sinking. If Alyssa was judging me and thinking I was crazy and shocking, then I really had overstepped the line. Even though I already knew that. I guess I’d kinda been hoping that Alyssa would be the one person who wouldn’t judge me. If I couldn’t count on her to make me feel better, I couldn’t count on anyone.
“Of course not.” She started laughing. “You’re my bloody hero and it’s not as if you knew that was his dad.”
“I had no clue. Not until this morning,” I said and groaned. “I’m going to go to hell.”
“Nah, it’s not like he’s your husband. You barely know Pierce.” Alyssa shook her head. “You’re fine.”
“I’m so not fine. I’m a horrible, creepy, weirdo.”
“Nah, it’s not like you’ve been with both of them and even if you had, that’s not even a big deal. Evan is the only douchebag in this situation.”
“I mean, that’s true.” I sighed. He really was a douchebag. A good lover, but an awful guy. I mean, who slept with their son’s girlfriend? That was so shady. He hadn’t cared at all. He’d been inappropriate from the beginning, which made me wonder why he had been inappropriate from the beginning. It made no sense to me. What had he been trying to accomplish? And why had he continued to pursue and play with me? What had he wanted from me? Had he been testing me? And if so, what was the test? Obviously, I’d failed it, but where did we go from here?
“What are you thinking about?” Alyssa touched my arm. “You totally just spaced out.”
“I’m wondering what I’m going to do now? Do I see Evan again? Is he going to want to see me or was I just a booty call?” I made a face. “And what about Pierce?”
“What about him?”
“Do I tell him the truth?”
“Are you joking?” Alyssa looked at me like I was crazy. “Why would you tell him anything? Just ignore him.”
“So…” I looked at her guiltily and my voice trailed off.
“So what?” She frowned at me. “Oh, my God, Jess, what did you do?”
“Stop saying the lord's name in vain.” I made a face at her.
“Okay.” She rolled her eyes. “Stop changing the subject and tell me what you did.”
“Who said I did anything”
“Jess, I know you better than you know yourself. I know you did something. Tell me.”
“Grr,” I responded and made a face.
“What’s grr?” she said.
“Just grr.”
“Just grr?”
“I told him I’d go to dinner with him.” I moaned.
“I’m guessing that the ‘him’ you’re talking about is not Evan because I think you’d be smiling.” Alyssa looked at me expectantly.
“That is correct.” I made a face.
“Let me get this straight,” she said with a slight frown. “You slept with Evan, you fancy Evan, yet you accepted a dinner date with Pierce.”
“Yeah.” I wrinkled my nose.
“Are you out of your mind?” She gave me another look, but this time she wasn’t smiling. “Why in hell would you accept another date with Pierce, when you don’t even like him?”
“Because I didn’t know what to say.”
“That’s not a good reason to say yes, Jess.” She looked annoyed with me. “What the hell are you thinking? You know this can only go badly for you.”
“Well, I was put on the spot.” I made a face. “If I said no it would’ve looked suspicious. And his mom was there. How was I going to decline his invitation in front of his mom?”
“You could’ve said you were busy and that you’d call him or something. You could’ve said anything but yes.”
“Yeah, I know.” I just stared at her. “I suck.”
“You don’t suck.” She shook her head. “You can still cancel the date. Tell him something came up.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” I paused.
“What’s the hesitancy, Jess?”
“Well, I don’t know when I’m going to see Evan again. We haven’t made any plans and, well—”
“Oh, my gosh.” Alyssa cut me off. “You’re worried you won’t see Evan again if you don’t continue to date Pierce.”
“Well, kinda.” I made a face. I knew it was horrible. If Evan didn’t want to see me again, then it was degrading for me to be chasing him, and quite hurtful to Pierce to be going after him, knowing that I was only interested in continuing to see him because I wanted to see Evan.
“That sounds horrible, doesn’t it?”
“Jess, honestly, if Evan doesn’t want to see you again, he’s an ass.” She paused and gave me a hesitant look.
“What?” I asked expectantly.
“Honestly, he seems like he’s kinda an ass anyway.” She gave me a look and paused. “He knew you were dating Pierce and he still slept with you and he knew that Pierce was his son. I mean, what sort of shitty father does that?”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” And she looked serious for a few moments. “Jess, I’m saying that while I’m glad you had fun and a good night, I’m not sure I would be wasting my time trying to invest in this friendship or in anything with him.”
“Why?” I felt hurt at her words.
“Because I don’t think he has any plans to invest anything with you. I mean this seems like this is all fun and games to him.” She made a face. “In this situation, how could anything really prosper or get better?” She looked serious. “I mean, he’s never asked you on a date. He’s never implied he wants a relationship with you. He didn’t even tell you he was Pierce’s dad. Seems to me he’s a selfish jerk who wanted sex and that’s about all he wanted.”
“So you think it’s a waste of time for me to try to get to know him better?” As I said the words, I knew I was being stupid. It wasn’t as if Evan was even trying to get to know me better. That was one thing I hated about being a woman: always thinking about situations and outcomes that have nothing to do with reality and what’s actually going on. I mean, why did I care if I thought it was a waste of time to get to know him better or not? It wasn’t as if it was even an option at this moment. Evan wasn’t trying to get to know me better. I knew that. He knew that. Yet, my brain, heart and body were trying to convince myself of something different. I told you, I’m not in my right mind. Not at all.
“Jess, has he asked you out?” she asked me seriously. “Has he cared about anything in your life aside from teasing you and making sex jokes?”
“You know the answer to that.” I started to feel a hollowness inside of me as my heart fell.
The reality of the situation was hitting me like a ton of bricks. Alyssa was correct. There was absolutely nothing that had occurred between us that would lead me to believe that Evan was interested in absolutely anything with me. Even when I’d left this morning he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t tried to snatch me away to talk and see where we stood. If it wasn’t for me saying yes to Pierce’s dinner date, there was a possibility that I’d never see any of them again. I swallowed hard as I realized I’d slept with a man who really didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. It had seemed all fun and exciting, in the morning, but the reality of the fact was that I’d been nothing but a booty call to Evan. Some two-bit tramp who had opened her legs easily and let him take what he wanted without even having been taken on a date. I was an idiot and the fact that I was still hoping Evan would be interested in something more than I’d already gotten confirmed that. He had never even been super nice to me. Some rude conversations didn’t mean much at the end of the day.
Chapter 15
Jess
“So I was thinking maybe we could go on a real date?” I spoke into the mirror and made a face at my reflection. I sounded pathetic. “So I was thinking that perhaps we could go out, maybe on a date?” I said again and t
ried to give myself a sexy smile. Ugh, why would Evan want to take me on a date after everything that had gone down between us? Why was I trying to make this something that it wasn’t? “So maybe before we have sex again, you could actually spend some money on me?” I groaned at the words and walked over to my bed and then fell down on the mattress. “You suck, Jess.” I moaned out loud and stared at the ceiling. And I sucked for multiple reasons. One, because I was hoping he would take me on a real date, and two, because I thought we’d actually have sex again. And then three, because I had a date with Pierce planned for that evening.
“Talking to yourself again?” Alyssa walked past my bedroom and looked into my room, giving me a small smile.
“Again?” I made a face at her. “Are you trying to say you think I’m going crazy?”
“You’ve long been crazy, Jess.” Alyssa walked into the room and sat down next to me. “What are you mumbling on about?”
“I’m just trying to think of a way to convince Evan to go on a date with me.”
“What?” Alyssa sighed and I could tell she was trying to stop herself from saying something else.
“I know, it’s stupid. I’m stupid.” I made a face at her.
“You’re not stupid.” She pursed her lips. “You just have bad taste in men. That’s not unique to you. We all do.”
“Yeah, that makes me feel a lot better.” I rolled my eyes at her. “It just sucks.”
“Yeah, it does suck, but you can get over it, if you focus and just concentrate on moving on.”
“That’s easier said than done, Alyssa.” I sighed. “I would if I could.”
“Maybe you need to try a little harder. I don’t really feel like you’ve done much to get over this situation and move on.”
“What would you have me do?” I whined. “We just had sex last night. I like him. I want to see him again. I want to see if perhaps he might like me.” I made a face, knowing how stupid I sounded. Why would he like me? He didn’t even know me and I didn’t think I was that good in the sack.
“Stop talking to the asshole.” Her voice grew louder. “Stop talking to him. Stop sleeping with him. Stop seeing him. That’s the only way to move on. You guys hooked up once. It’s not like he promised you the moon or anything. Just don’t try and make this something that it isn’t.”
“I know. I know. I’m trying.”
“You’re not trying very hard.”
“Alyssa, give me some credit, please.” I stared at her, pain in my eyes. “This is not easy for me.”
“I know it’s not easy, but it’s not going to get easier. It’s only going to get harder. And it’s only going to get more painful. And the longer you wait to get out of this situation the harder it is going to be.”
“That’s what she said,” I joked, but Alyssa didn’t laugh. “I thought that was funny,” I said and gave her a wry smile. “You don’t agree?”
“If you’re a fifteen-year-old boy, it’s funny, otherwise it’s not.”
“Have a sense of humor.” I made a face at her.
“Jess, I don’t want you to get caught up in this guy.”
“I’m not caught up,” I protested and then made a face at her again. “And I thought you were the one who thought it was exciting for me to be dating Evan?”
“No, I thought it was exciting that you were flirting with two different hot guys. I thought it was exhilarating and, yeah, maybe I thought it would be cool if you hooked up with one of them. And I didn’t care which one, but now I know that Evan is Pierce’s dad. It kinda makes it all a little ickier. I mean, what guy sleeps with his son’s girlfriend? It’s just shady. And what are you talking about? You’re not dating him. You had sex with him. That’s a big difference.”
“We don’t know his reasons, though.” I ignored most of her comments. “Maybe he forgot he was Pierce’s dad or something…” My voice trailed off. “Maybe he had a good reason...”
“Is there any possible good reason for him to hook up with you?” She gave me a look. “I mean, let’s be real, what good reason could he have?”
“I dunno.” I sighed. “It’s not something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I just want him to like me.”
“I know you want him to like you, but maybe, just maybe, he’s not the sort of guy that you should want to be with, even if he did like you.”
“So now you’re saying that it’s a waste of time for me to want him to like me?”
“Yes.”
“Whoa.” I looked at her face carefully. “You really don’t like him?”
“I think he’s bad news and bad news means a broken heart and he’s not worth a broken heart.” She made a face. “Trust me, he’s not worth the tears he will bring.”
“Why do you say that? Maybe I just want some fun as well.”
“Maybe.” She sighed. “But we both know you’re not that kind of girl. You don’t want fun. That’s not what you’re about in relationships.”
“Not in relationships, but this isn’t a relationship. As you just said,” I said and tried to smile, but I couldn’t quite make it. I looked at Alyssa and sighed myself.
“Oh, my God, what am I doing? This is already a hot mess. I should just move on with my life and pretend like I never met Evan or Pierce.”
“I agree,” Alyssa said with a nod. “Forget them both.”
“I’m going to do it.” I nodded. “Next!”
“Next!” She reached over to hug me. “Wanna go out tonight? Maybe we can go clubbing? Meet some hotties?”
“Alyssa…” I just stared at her. “Really? That’s what got us in this predicament in the first place. Well, me, anyways. I don’t suppose you have any issue with Braydon?”
“You got that right.” She laughed. “Braydon is good for a night or two, but I’m not interested in anything more than that.”
“Well, good for you. I’m glad you’re able to move on so quickly.”
“I wouldn’t call it moving on since we never had anything in the first place.”
“I know what you’re going to say next.” I could feel my stomach lurching.
“What am I going to say next?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“You’re going to say I don’t really have much moving on to do, either, because Evan and I never had anything.” I blinked, trying to ignore the warm heat rising through my stomach. I was starting to feel sick and my skin was feeling clammy. I had no idea why I was feeling so poorly over this. It was true what I said. Evan and I didn’t have any sort of relationship. We’d met and flirted and argued. I’d called him an ass and he’d teased me and, yes, now we’d also had sex, but that didn’t really mean anything. It didn’t mean we were connected in any way. It didn’t mean we were meant to be together or that he liked me. Guys had sex easily and I’d let him. I mean, it wasn’t like I hadn’t wanted it, but really it didn’t mean anything. I was pretty sure he wasn’t forecasting any sort of future with me and, really, why should he? I was no one to him. In fact, any sort of relationship would likely be doomed based on how we knew each other. What would we say if we ever got married? ‘Oh, Jess was dating my son when we met and we hooked up the night of his birthday party.’ Hip hip hooray. Three cheers for the bride and groom? Yea right, that was unlikely to happen. Very, very unlikely. And would I even want that to happen, even if it were a possibility? And was I crazy for even thinking these thoughts in the first place? Yes, yes, of course I was. That wasn’t my first sign that I was crazy. I mean, let’s be real, I slept with my boyfriend’s dad. You know you already have to be crazy if you’re doing something like that. I just didn’t realize how bonkers I really was. May lightning strike me down if I continue on this crazy train. Sometimes, I just don’t understand why I always seem to find myself in these situations. I can never just meet the normal, nice and sweet guy and stick with him. There always seems to have to be some drama. And I’m so over drama. Not that you would know that from my history or current day.
“What are you thinking about, J
ess?” Alyssa sounded concerned.
“I’m thinking that I’m a fool, maybe a huge fool.” And I couldn’t even lie to myself and say that I wasn’t.
“Why are you a huge fool?” She looked concerned at my melodramatic tone. Either concerned or annoyed. I couldn’t quite tell.
“Because I care about this guy and I don’t think I can just ignore him that easily.” I bit down on my lower lip. “I don’t know that I can just move on and not feel anything.”
“Oh, Jess.” Alyssa rubbed my shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you then.” I made a face at her and then groaned loudly. “Why does this always happen to me?”
“Just ignore him, babe. It’ll be okay.”
“I don’t know how to ignore him.” I stared into her eyes.
“Well, has he contacted you yet?” she asked curiously, and I shook my head.
“So, yeah, let’s worry about you ignoring him after he keeps trying to blow you up.”
“You don’t think he’s going to call, do you?” I made a face at her and my heart sank because I didn’t think he was going to call or text, either, which just made the whole thing even sadder. Here I was practically crying my heart out and he hadn’t even called. I was pretty sure he probably wasn’t even thinking about me, period. Sad.
“I mean, he might.” She looked like she was trying not to hurt my feelings. I knew it because I know she didn’t really think he might call or text. I knew she didn’t think he would because I certainly didn’t think he would. I mean, why would he? I’d just be a complication in his life and why would he want a complication like me? What positives was I bringing that would outweigh all the negatives that would come along with him wanting to see me again? There were no real positives that would come from us being together and no reasons why he would want to pursue it, either. Why buy the biggest bitch of a cow when you’d already gotten the milk for free?
“We both know he’s not going to call me or text me,” I said and sighed. “The bigger issue is obviously me. Am I going to text or call him? Am I going to be the weak link?”
