by J. S. Cooper
“You can open your eyes now,” I said as we reached the swings that overlooked one of the ponds in the park.
“I can barely see,” she said as she blinked and her eyes adjusted to the darkness. “Oh, the swings?”
“Yeah, do you like swings?” I asked, not sure what she would think about them.
“Yeah, swings are fun.” She looked at me and gave me a small smile. “Alyssa and I actually like to go swinging late at night for fun.”
“Really?” I said with a small smile.
“Yeah, it’s fun. Exhilarating. There’s a swing in Ecuador, where you’re actually swinging over the city. We’d love to go there one day.”
“I think I’ve heard of it.” I nodded as we got on to the swings.
“Yeah, it looks super scary, but really cool as well,” she said as she started gaining momentum and moving back and forth faster, her hair and skirt flying in the wind as she started moving higher and higher.
“Yeah, that would be super cool.”
“Did you know there are eight thousand stars in the sky right now?” Jess said breathlessly as she swung back and forth on the swing.
“Exactly eight thousand?” I said teasingly as I glanced over at her.
“Yes, exactly eight thousand.” She laughed.
“How do you know there are exactly eight thousand stars?”
“Because I counted them all.” She giggled, the sound making me feel warm inside.
“That’s a lot of counting,” I said with a smirk.
“Did you think I couldn’t count that high?”
“I don’t know what to think.” I laughed as she scrunched up her face in the moonlight.
“You’re mean,” she said as she continued swinging higher and higher and laughed. “I feel like I’m flying right now.”
“So you’re having fun?” I said hopefully, wondering if she was really enjoying the simple pleasure of swinging on the swing.
“Yes,” she said simply. “I am.”
“I’m glad,” I said as I kicked my legs out and stared at the stars in the sky, while we swung in companionable silence and synchronization. I stared up at the moon and wondered if Neil Armstrong had gazed down at Earth and wondered what the billions of human beings were doing and thinking as he walked on the moon.
“You know what I think about sometimes?” Jess interrupted my thoughts, her voice soft as her hair flapped in the wind.
“No, what do you think about sometimes?” I asked her curiously.
“I wonder if there’s a God and if he’s looking at me and wondering what I’m doing with my life.”
“What do you think the answer is?” I asked her curiously.
“I mean, I don’t really know,” she said. “But I’d like to think that there is. I’d like to think that he’s watching over me, guarding me, protecting me.”
“Yeah, that’s a nice thought to have.”
“You’re not a believer?” She glanced over at me as she swayed back and forth, her voice carrying in the wind.
“I don’t know if I believe,” I said honestly. “I have many different thoughts in my mind.”
“Good thoughts or bad thoughts?”
“Both.”
“I see,” she said, and I watched as she started slowing herself on the swing.
“You see and know a lot tonight.”
“What can I say? I’m a naturally inquisitive person.”
“Sure sounds like you are,” I said and started to slow my swing down as well. “That’s really good,” I continued. “I like people who question life.”
“Thanks, pops,” she said and then looked at me. “Oops, that’s kind of awkward.”
“Only if you want it to be awkward,” I said with a small smile. If only she knew that I was a lot closer in age to her than she thought.
“I don’t want it be awkward.” She groaned. “I think you’re the one who made it awkward by being Pierce’s dad.”
“You can always call me big daddy if you want.”
“Evan, that’s gross.”
“Oh, just daddy.” I laughed. “You could scream out ‘go, daddy, go’.”
“You’re sick, you know that, right?” Her voice sounded shocked. “That’s not even funny.”
“Not even a little bit?” I laughed, knowing that she probably thought I was some sort of pervert with all the daddy jokes; especially because she thought I was actually the daddy. I was definitely going to go to hell and there was going to be no return ticket back.
“Not even a little bit.”
“Fuck me harder, daddy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah,” I said loudly, and she screamed. “You’re such a pervert, Evan. That is absolutely disgusting.”
“Aww, man, are you calling me a pervert?” I put on a sad voice.
“What do you think? I think your comments are highly inappropriate.” Jess didn’t sound pleased.
“I was joking,” I said and even though I wanted to make another daddy joke, I kept it inside, knowing she really wouldn’t appreciate it.
“Uh huh,” she said.
“I mean, you can call me whatever you want in the bedroom. I won’t judge you.”
“Evan,” She groaned.
“That’s my name and you can’t wear it out.”
“You’re so immature. Sometimes I find it really hard to believe that you’re a dad.”
“Oh, yeah?” I said softly. That’s because I’m not, I thought in my head, wishing I could tell her. Wishing she would just figure it out. Wishing we could joke about it, like some sort of prolonged really bad April Fool joke.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “But I guess I’m the idiot for not figuring it out.”
“You’re not an idiot,” I said softly and looked back at the sky, wondering how we were ever going to get out of this situation.
“What are you thinking about?” Jess asked me quietly after a few minutes of silence.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” I responded to her, not wanting to tell her that I was thinking about her.
“Don’t deflect,” she said. “You do that a lot, or try and make a joke out of a situation or try and tease me.”
“You don’t like me teasing you?” I asked. “Would you prefer that I tickle you instead?”
“Evan,” she sighed.
“Jess,” I sighed, mimicking her.
“Evan, come on.”
“Jess, come on.”
“Evan!”
“Jess!”
“Stop it.”
“Stop it,” I responded and laughed.
“You’re such a child.” She huffed.
“You’re such a child.” I huffed back and watched as she jumped off of her swing. “Where are you going?” I jumped off of my swing and followed behind her.
“I’m going home. If you’re not going to have a proper conversation with me, then why should I bother sitting here, playing these games?”
“What games?”
“Evan, I thought the whole point of us getting together tonight was to discuss what was going on and see where this could go?” Her voice trailed off. “Well, not where this could go, but exactly what we have between us. Not that we have anything, but you know what I mean.”
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked her seriously, standing in front of her, my heart beating quickly. I didn’t want to hurt her. I really didn’t want to hurt her. That’s all I knew. Even if that meant hurting myself. Even if it meant hurting her a little bit. I didn’t want to break her heart. I didn’t want her to fall for me more than she already had. I didn’t want to cause heartache. I needed to remember that. I needed to remember that as much as I wanted her. And needed her. And wanted to see where this could go, I needed to think of her first. I’d already played her too much. I didn’t want to be the reason for heartache and tears. I couldn’t be. I didn’t want to be. It wasn’t fair. My heart wouldn’t allow that. Not when she was standing here, big wide brown eyes in front of me, looking deep into my soul, w
anting answers to questions she was too afraid to ask. Her lips were quivering slightly, waiting to be kissed. Her fingers were trembling, waiting to be held. She was looking up at me with hope in her eyes, and I could feel my heart dropping into my stomach. I didn’t know what to do. I just didn’t know what to do. I was already in too deep. We were both in too deep. There was going to be no way we could extricate ourselves from this moment without any pain. It was already too late for that.
* * *
“We can’t go back to Pierce’s,” Jess said breathlessly as we walked along the empty streets, hand-in-hand.
“Why not?” I said. “He’s out of town.”
“It just doesn’t seem right.”
“Well, we can talk there. I thought you wanted to talk. Unless you want to go back to your place.”
“No, we shouldn’t go back to my place,” she said quickly. “Alyssa is home.”
“And she doesn’t like me, huh?” I sighed.
“No, she doesn’t…well, I don’t know that she doesn’t like you, per se,” she said quickly.
“She doesn’t like me.” I laughed and shook my head. “I can’t blame her.”
“Fine, we can go back to Pierce’s. It just feels weird.” She made a face, and I squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I do think you should break things off with Pierce, though.”
“I mean, as far as I was concerned it was already over,” she said. “Not that I felt we really had much. Gosh, you must think I’m a horrible person.”
“I think I’m not really the person who could think that, right?” I said softly.
“So exactly what are we going to talk about when we get to Pierce’s?” she asked and glanced over at me.
“Whatever you want,” I said, though my plan wasn’t really to do much talking.
“Okay,” she said, and I could tell that that wasn’t the answer she’d been expecting. It wasn’t really the answer I’d been thinking I was going to give, either, but I was all over the place and I didn’t really know what to do or say in this instance. I didn’t know how to act or what to say to make everything better for both of us.
* * *
“I just want to kiss you,” I said as we sat on the couch, beers in hand.
“Okay.” She glanced at me.
“Can I?” I looked at her lips.
“I’m surprised you’re asking,” she said as she took a swig of her beer. “You don’t normally ask.”
“Well, I thought I’d be a gentleman today.”
“Wow, I didn’t know you had that in you,” she said with a giggle as she looked up at me under her lashes.
“I didn’t know I had it in me either,” I said and took a swig of my beer. “I guess for the right woman, any man can be a gentleman.”
“Oh.” She glanced at me. “Am I the right woman?”
“I don’t know, are you?” I said with a small smile.
“Who knows?” She took another swig of beer and I reached over and grabbed it from her and placed it on the coffee table in front of us. Then I took my beer and placed it on the table as well.
“I guess neither one of us,” I said softly as I leaned forward to kiss her. “But that’s a worry for another time.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “Right now I just want to feel your soft lips on mine.”
“Oh?” she said and gazed at me.
“Yeah.” I leaned back and winked at her. “Or somewhere else. Your pick.”
“My pick?” She glanced at me with a small frown. “What do you mean somewhere else?” She stared at me for a few seconds and then shook her head. “You’re a pervert.”
“Thank you.” I grinned at her and adjusted my growing package. “What can I say? You make me feel good—or ‘hard’ might be a better word.”
“Evan.”
“Jess.”
“Oh, my gosh, you’re not going to start that again, are you?”
“Start what again?” I looked at her with a blank face.
“Nothing.” She shook her head and I could see the uncertainty in her eyes. I leaned forward and pressed my lips hard against her and pushed my tongue into her mouth. She ran her hands through my hair and pulled slightly on my locks, and I ran my hands to her breasts and pinched her nipples lightly. “Oh, Evan.”
“You can say it a little louder if you want to.”
“I don’t want to.” She squealed as my fingers reached down to her thighs and up inside her dress and towards her panties.
“I want you to,” I growled against her lips. “I want you to be as loud as you can be.”
“I’m not loud.” She moaned as my fingers slipped inside of her panties, and she shifted on the couch. “Evan.” She sighed and gripped her legs together.
“Yes, Jess?” I moved my lips towards her neck and bit down and sucked. “What do you want me to do, Jess?”
“Evan.” She closed her eyes and rested her head back, her hands now on my back, fingers digging into my skin.
“Tell me what you want me to do, Jess?”
“Don’t stop.” She moaned as I started to move my fingers away. “Just don’t stop.”
“Don’t worry, I have no plans on stopping,” I said, moving my lips toward her ear and blowing into it softly before putting my tongue in her ear and then nibbling on her earlobes. “I’m not going to stop until you scream my name out in ecstasy.”
“You’d stop then?” She looked confused.
“No, that’s just when I’ll really get started.” I laughed and moved back slightly. “Now stand up, quickly, I want to take your dress off.”
“So bossy,” she said as she stood up.
“Isn’t that what you love about me?” I paused. “Not love-love, of course, but sexy-love.”
“Sexy-love?” She stared at me as I pulled her dress off of her and undid her bra.
“You know what I mean,” I said as I pulled my shirt off and threw it onto the floor.”
“Not really,” she said and sighed. “We didn’t even talk yet.”
“We can stop and talk first if you want.”
“You know that’s not what I want right now.” She gave me a small shy look as I played with her breasts. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”
“I don’t know that I think I’m clever.” I laughed. “I know it.”
“With old age comes wisdom, huh?” She laughed.
“You should know. What do you think?”
“I think you need to stop talking and start doing.”
“You don’t have to say that to me twice,” I said as I unbuckled my pants and pulled them down. “You want to take my boxers off?” I grinned at her as I stood there in front of us, both of us just in our underwear. I stared at her breasts, wanting to reach over and suck on them but not wanting to rush the night. I wanted to go slowly. I wanted to tantalize her body. I wanted to have her every nerve ending wanting and waiting to see what I was going to do next. I wanted her to beg me to finally take her. I wanted her to have the best orgasm of her life. I wanted this to be the night of her life. I wanted to be ingrained in her brain and body forever.
“Do you want me to take your boxers off?” she asked me with a shy smile.
“Very much so,” I said and stepped towards her.
“Okay then,” she said, and I watched as she stepped forward and stopped right in front of me, looking up at me with a small smile as her hands fell to the top of my boxers and gripped the elastic. “I’m going to do it.”
“Good, do it. I’m waiting.” I held my breath in anticipation.
“I’m doing it,” she said. And then I felt her tugging my boxers down quickly. I lifted up my right leg and then my left leg and stepped out of them quickly, my cock standing to attention. “Someone is happy to see me.”
“Very happy. Would be even happier to touch you.”
“Or for me to touch it, I’m betting?” she asked me with a small smile.
“Well, if you want to.”
&
nbsp; “Depends on what you want.”
“I want it all,” I said as I gazed at her body. “I want all of you.”
“And I, want all of you,” she said and then she dropped to her knees and took me into her mouth, and I felt like I had been transported to heaven. I knew I shouldn’t be in this moment as much as I was, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Not when it felt this good being with her.
Chapter 19
Jess
"We need to come to an understanding," he said as he got ready to catch a cab. It had been two weeks since our dinner and we’d just had a nice lunch together, and even though I didn’t really know where anything was going between us, I was still fairly content in that he seemed interested in seeing me. Even if ‘seeing me’ meant that he mainly just wanted to have sex. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but I knew I just had to accept what he was willing to give me at this point in time. I couldn’t make it something it wasn’t, no matter how badly I wanted to do so. No matter that at the back of my mind, I somehow still felt like I was being used.
"An understanding?" I glanced at him and his cocky smile, and frowned. "An understanding about what?" My heart thudded as I gazed at him, wondering what he was going to say. Could he tell I was developing feelings for him? Could he tell I was hoping for something more?
"An understanding about what this is and what this isn't."
"Uhm, okay?" I tried not to roll my eyes at him. I tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my heart and the sudden heaviness in my stomach and eyes as I looked at him.
"I don't want you getting the wrong idea."
"Who said I had any ideas in my head in the first place?" I lied, my throat swelling up and my face starting to feel warm. I felt as if tears were welling up in my eyes. I felt as if I wanted to just crawl away from him. My back started to ache on the right side and I looked away from him. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to keep it together.
"I don't want you falling in love with me," he said, his voice stiff and his eyes serious and intense. Once again, I felt my heart dropping.
"Falling in love with you?" I scoffed and stared at his lips, my heart pounding like it was going to jump out of my chest. I didn’t want to feel this way and I didn’t want to cry. I just wanted to call Alyssa, but I knew she would have no sympathy for me. How could she? She’d already warned me to stay away from him. And I hadn’t listened. I’d made my bed and now I was lying in it. I was in the exact sort of situation that I’d never wanted to find myself in.
