by Pepper Pace
They drove, neither mentioning the dramatic change in Robin’s mother, just happy that it had occurred.
“Robin, does your mother smoke weed?”
“What?! No! Why would you ask that?” He narrowed his eyes at her but didn’t speak. “No…she just likes the music from the 70’s.”
He smirked. She was so naïve. Anyways, it seemed like Mrs. Mathena had smoked something today…
Robin pulled into the Walgreens drugstore and a splash of reality hit him. She gave him a strange smile.
“I’ll be back honey. I’m not going for the pregnancy test but for feminine products. I got my period at Mom’s house.”
“Thank you Jesus!” He screamed. “I mean…that’s real good, babe. I’m happy. Really freaking happy!”
She chuckled. “How scared were you?”
“From one to ten…I was at about an eight.”
“Really? You didn’t show it.”
“I tried not to. Don’t get me wrong, if we have a kid I’ll be very happy.” He leaned towards her and kissed her lightly. “But I hope when that happens, that I’ll be married to you.”
Robin felt light-headed and ready to faint. “Jason Lane Hamilton…I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that. If you’re going to ask me to marry you then you do it with a ring.”
When…not if, is what he thought. But he kissed her again. Now that he could see his life heading in a direction where he made his own money and did not need to depend on the sperm donor’s funds then he could see himself being a husband and one day a father. Right now, he knew that he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t convinced that he could take care of himself let alone Robin—yesterday drove that home.
“Hey.” He said while breaking the kiss. “When you’re getting girl stuff could you get stuff for my stomach? Your Mom’s cabbage is ripping through me.” And to emphasize that statement a low rumble filled the car.
“Eww!”
Robin covered her nose and rolled down the window. She hurried out of the car with Jason calling after her jokingly, “Hey, you’re not going to leave me trapped in this car with my own farts are you?!”
***
She got her items, his stomach medicine and then picked up another box of condoms. They could start the birth control pill soon and the condoms would serve as backup. There would be no more Oops and uh ohs, for them.
She didn’t go home with Jason, she needed to make a call to Bentley Babbs about his mother and she didn’t want to do that with anyone else around in case she needed to cry. She was tired of others seeing her tears.
Back at her apartment, after dropping Jason off at his, she located the card that had his phone number on it. She called it anxiously and his tired voice answered.
“Mr…Dr. Babbs? This is Robin M-”
“Robin! I’m so happy you got my message. I’ve been agonizing on how to contact you. Damn Pinnacle for not giving me your number, but you got the message so that’s all that matters.”
“Yes. I went to visit your Mom…but it was already too late. I’m sorry for your loss Dr. Babbs.”
“Call me Bentley, and thank you Robin. You meant the world to my mother. I appreciate you taking the time with her. It meant everything to her. You are all she ever talked about. I think she would have preferred you as a child then me.” He chuckled.
“She talked about you all of the time. Every day that I saw her she talked about you.”
“She did?”
“Yes.”
There was a brief silence. “Mom left some things for you; just jewelry and trinkets. It would mean a lot to me if you had them.”
“Me? I mean…wouldn’t your children or wife want them?”
“I don’t have any children and my wife and I have been divorced many years.” He didn’t have any kids? It saddened her more. All of the years Miss Lucille spent wishing for the perfect son and family was evident in the stories that she told. “Will you be at the funeral tomorrow? I can give them to you then.”
“Yes, of course.” She thought fleetingly of Jason. “What time?”
“There will be a short wake at one o’clock and Mom had wanted her remains to be cremated.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll give you the things then.”
Something stayed on her mind and she had to ask. “I’m surprised that your Mom wouldn’t want to be buried next to your father.”
“My father? No. My father wasn’t the sort of man that you’d want to sit down and eat with at the dinner table, let alone be buried next to for all of eternity.” Robin nodded, understanding that the stories of revenge that Miss Lucille used to tell her were probably fantasies that she had of things she’d like to do to her own husband. If you could learn from others, Robin learned from Mrs. Lucille Babb to live for today and stop wishing for a tomorrow that may never ever come.
The next day she took Jason to school and followed him for most of the day. But she left him promising to return in time to pick him up. He assured her that he had enough battery power to get him through the rest of the week without having to worry about pesky plugs. And he would carry his computer case and book bag on his lap until she returned. Also if there was an emergency he’d immediately contact one of his friends.
He seemed confident and even laughed when she had doubts about leaving, and yet when she hurried off campus without him, it still felt strange and wrong.
At the funeral home, she noted that there were only a few people present. Bentley spotted her from the other side of the room where he was talking to a man that seemed to be the funeral director. He crossed the room quickly and greeted her happily, shaking her hand.
“Robin. Hello. I’m so happy that you made it. Let me take you to the back office.” She followed and he explained sadly about the limited number of attendees.
“We didn’t have a large family and my mother outlived many of her friends. The ones she didn’t outlive were too ill to attend. Most people you see here are friends and colleagues of mine.”
In the office Bentley took up most of the space. He wasn’t a very big man; tall but slender. But there was a confidence about him that Robin figured came from the fact that he was a doctor. He moved behind the desk and withdrew a jewelry box from one of the drawers.
He handed it to her and Robin blushed. It felt wrong to take it. Sensing this he spoke.
“Mom would have wanted you to have this, Robin.” She accepted it and it was him that moved to lift the lid from the wooden case. Classical music suddenly tinkered from within and she could see the mechanism that rolled causing a simple tune to play. Bentley reached inside and withdrew a velvet case which contained diamond earrings, another which contained a diamond ring and there were other pieces inset into little compartments within the box.
“There were some pearls but those turned up missing years ago.” Not anyone from Pinnacle, he assured her; just a bad housekeeper.
“Bentley, I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
“I’m happy to do this.”He hesitated. “I wasn’t always sure that I was doing the right thing with Mom. She was diagnosed with emphysema but then she began developing pneumonia on a regular basis. I know that she should have been placed in a facility but she wanted to live at home. And of course I caved.” He frowned. “I do second guess myself. Maybe if I would have placed her in a facility before she had pneumonia this last time I’d have her longer…or maybe I should have let her die at home. I don’t know.”
“What…what were her last days like?”
He sat on the edge of the desk. “She died in her sleep. She had pain medicine and she probably died while she dreamed her vivid dreams.” He smiled grimly.
Her vivid dreams…
The funeral was sad but nice. She clutched the beautiful wooden jewelry case on her lap as she sat next to Bentley in the front pew of the funeral hall. After the short service they exchanged addresses and she hurried out the door to get back to school. On the way Jason sent her a text.
~Babe, not sure if you’re still at the funeral but Link is gonna take us to his parent’s to do contract stuff. I’ll be a few hours. Luv ya.~
She went home instead and changed out of her funeral clothes. She contemplated reading a book, or surfing the net but instead she picked up her cell phone and dialed Belinda’s number. She was intensely curious about whether she and Peter had made up and were back together.
“Hello?”
“Hey Belinda. It’s Robin.”
“Hey. Missed you today at school. Jason said you were at your friend’s funeral. Did it go ok?”
“Yes. It was nice…as far as funerals go.” Robin opened the jewel case and ran her fingers lightly over some of the pieces. “I’m happy it’s over.”
“Go ahead and ask me. You know you’re dying to.”
Robin rolled over onto her back. “Okay, are you and Peter back together?”
“No it was just a bootycall.” She said. The smile fell off Robin’s face.
“Maybe it wasn’t a bootycall. It doesn’t have to be all there is to it, you know.”
“Well my needs haven’t changed. And I didn’t hear him rushing to proclaim us in a relationship.”
“Well…did he say that he loved you?”
“Nope. But he did say that he missed this. Now ‘this’ is up for interpretation. It could mean us fucking. It could mean my pussy or it could mean us together.”
Robin was no longer shocked by her friend’s crude expressions. “Which do you think he meant?”
Belinda seemed to think about it. “All of the above.”
“I still think that you should tell him how you feel.”
“Yeah, that worked so well the last time.”
“Well what are you going to do? Keep being his bootycall?”
“Actually, no. I…” Belinda’s voice grew soft and then she changed the subject. “Where are you? With Top?”
“No. He’s doing contract stuff with Peter. They’ll be doing that for a while.”
“You should come and get me and we’ll go out and eat.”
Robin sat up. “Yeah. We can celebrate me getting my period. I didn’t want to say anything before, but I was so late. Jason and I were freaking.”
There was a long silence and Robin knew that Belinda was all ready to tell her how irresponsible they had been. Her voice sounded very tired when she spoke. “Well at least one of us can celebrate that.”
Robin froze. “Belinda? Are you saying…?”
“Yeah…I wasn’t going to say anything but that segue was too perfect. How could I resist?”
“Are you sure--?”
“I took a pregnancy test, so yeah.” She chuckled. “The family legacy continues with me. Another in the growing list of losers.”
Robin grimaced. “What does Peter say?”
“What? As if I would tell him.”
The implications of that statement rang through Robin. “Belinda, you’re not planning to abort, are you?”
“Well…that was the plan. And no one would have needed to know if not for my need to validate my sense of humor.”
“Belinda this is not funny.”
“I know.” She said solemnly. “I just…don’t know how else to deal with this.”
“First of all you’re not going to just jump to the ideal of abortion. Second I’m coming over to take you out to eat and we’re going to talk until you do know how to deal with it!” Belinda didn’t argue. She gave Robin her address and waited for her in relief.
***
Belinda was sitting on her porch when Robin pulled up to the curb. She lived in a small 2 family house that had seen better days. Belinda bounded down the stairs before she could get out and climbed inside her car.
“Hiya. Drive down two blocks. I’m in walking distance of a great Mexican restaurant.” They drove with Belinda chattering and Robin not able to get in one word. Within just a few minutes they pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. Belinda continued chattering away but Robin’s loud sigh soon put a stop to it.
“This is a really big decision to make without Peter.” Belinda just opened the door and headed for the restaurant without responding. Robin followed her quickly. “And being pregnant doesn’t make you a loser!” Belinda opened the restaurant door and Robin stopped talking long enough for the hostess to seat them.
“And no matter what Peter says or does…I’ll still be here. You can consider me Auntie Robin. I’ll even babysit whenever you want!”
Belinda finally smiled. “You’re a good friend, Robin. Thank you.” She looked down. “I do need a favor. I need a ride after the…abortion. They won’t let me leave without one.”
Robin just stared at her. “So you’ve already made up your mind about it?”
Belinda didn’t answer because the waitress came. She ordered and after giving the menu a quick glance, Robin did as well. Once the waitress was gone Robin continued.
“What do you really want? Tell yourself even if you can’t tell me or say it out loud. In your heart of hearts what is it that you really want?”
Belinda appeared not to have heard, but Robin knew that she was just taking time to answer the question for herself. The waitress had brought their drinks and salsa and chips before Belinda finally spoke.
“I know you probably don’t believe in abortion-” Robin made a dismissive sound that Belinda found odd coming from someone so soft spoken and nice. Maybe her personality was rubbing off on her new friend.
“I don’t believe or disbelieve in it. Me being a Christian doesn’t mean that I don’t know that people have it done for all kinds of reasons. I’m certainly not going to sit here and judge each and every one of the reasons. I’m not judging you either.”
Belinda watched her intently as she spoke. “If I had to tell Peter it would make it harder for me. Because even if we were together the way I wanted to be, I still wouldn’t have this baby.” Robin frowned in surprise. “I have a plan for myself. I want to make something of myself and I’m willing to work hard to do it. One day I do want to see my face on my child…or Peter’s face, or whoever I’m with. But if I have a baby right now, I wouldn’t be able to finish college. And yeah, before you say it, I could come back. But really, Robin, who really comes back after they have a baby? Having a baby will be everything…and it should be. I just don’t want it to be for me. I still need to do stuff for me before I do them for a baby.” Belinda traced an invisible pattern on the table top. “That sounds fucking selfish. I know it does-”
“You’ve thought about this very hard?”
“Probably not hard enough.” She said honestly. “Because I don’t want to think about it. But it doesn’t mean that I have any doubts.”
Robin didn’t respond immediately. She took the time to digest everything before answering. “And adoption?”
“No. My personal experience with living in some other person’s home makes that an impossibility for me.” She emphasized that statement by an adamant shake of her head. “That’s not going to happen. Besides, when I feel it inside of me, I already know that I won’t…you know. I just got to do this as soon as possible, before the idea of it sets in my head, when it’s just a bunch of cells that doesn’t seem like a person yet.”
