It was the first time he’d ever said anything like this and Jules was touched.
“He hears you, Ashley, and of course I’ll pray for you,” she replied.
Ashley inclined his dark head. The beanie hat had been replaced by a bandana today. Was that Mo’s influence? Jules wondered.
“Thanks, that’s all I ask for.”
As Jules and the bishop braved the rain to head back to the vicarage, Jules’s brain was whirling back and forth. There was something going on with Ashley, but until he was ready to talk to her there was nothing she could do except pray for him. Her prayer list was growing longer by the second. Right at the top was her need for ideas that might save St Wenn’s. There had to be a way to fill the church, although short of serving beer on a Sunday Jules couldn’t for the life of her imagine what it might be.
Something suitable, he’d said. Something suitable.
All she had to do was figure out what that could be. The countdown to closure had begun.
Chapter 22
After four days of being cooped up inside Mariners listening to the waves hurling themselves onto the rocks below and watching white horses galloping across the grey sea before they leapt onto the dark-edged sand, it was pure bliss for Mo to raise her face to the sun again. The ceaseless rain that had dashed itself against the huge windows, blurring like tears the living picture beyond them, had finally relented, leaving the world scrubbed and scoured and sparkling in the sunshine.
It had to be a sign, surely? Mo thought as she rode along the clifftop path that hemmed the Cornish coastline. If you believed in signs and symbolism and pathetic fallacy then surely there was no mistaking the significance of glorious sunshine and calm seas after days of storms? And Ashley was feeling so much better today too, which had to mean something.
Was she becoming superstitious? Mo wondered. She’d never been that way before but neither had she ever felt about someone so strongly that she completely forgot about anything else. Her ambition, her crazy family and the demands of her work – these had all paled into insignificance from the very moment Ashley had told her the truth. All she wanted, all she could think about, was being with him. Her every thought was of his kisses, the joy of feeling him within and around her, and the intensity that burned in his dark eyes. Each second was precious, a treasure valuable beyond compare. When Mo thought about the time they’d already allowed to slip through their fingers, she wanted to howl.
Well, no more frittering away time, no more tossing away days and weeks as though they were disposable and easily replaced. From being staunchly independent and solitary, believing that love was something she really could live quite happily without, Mo was amazed to discover a side to her that she’d never even suspected existed. Her priorities had been forced to change. Accepting Ashley’s financial help hadn’t been a failure, Mo had come to realise, or a weakness on her part. Rather, it was actually a strength because she was showing him that he did come first and that she trusted him to hold her heart in his hands. With Paula Kussell managing the yard and Bandy, Splash and co over at Alex Ennery’s, Mo was free to focus on teaching her pupil and could spend the rest of her time getting to know Ashley better.
Mo knew her family were worried about her. She felt bad about not returning Summer’s calls and for avoiding Seaspray, but how could she explain to them what looked like irrational and rash behaviour without divulging the truth? Mo suspected that if Alice and Summer knew that Ashley was dangerously ill they’d be even more worried about her and the emotional burden she’d face if or when the worst happened. Besides, this wasn’t her secret to share; it was Ashley’s and he was adamant that he wanted life to continue exactly as it always had.
“It’s the only way I can deal with this, Red,” he’d explained as they’d lain together, limbs entwined, in the huge bed at Mariners. Beyond the window the night had been pitch black and stitched with stars, each as impossibly far away as the idea that there was something gravely wrong with Ashley. Mo had turned to face him and their lips had met in the darkness, their bodies already knowing each other as though they’d lived a lifetime together in just a few days. His arms had tightened around her and Mo had nestled into him.
“If I give into it then it becomes real,” Ashley had continued, kissing the top of her head. Mo felt his sadness and her heart twisted for him. “I know it’s happening, of course I do, but while everything else continues just as it always has then it’s easier to live with. I’d much rather get glared at in the village than have them all look at me with pity. Christ, if Sheila Keverne’s nice to me then I’ll know I’m about to croak.”
Mo had held him close in an attempt to drive away the hollow ache in the pit of her stomach, but it hadn’t worked. She understood so much more about him now. The arrogance, the almost pantomime-villain role he insisted on playing, the fast cars, the big house and the boat with the ridiculous name – these were all smoke and mirrors, props to hide behind. Mariners was his dream and goal; as long as the house was still being renovated then he had to keep going, didn’t he? That it might not be completed in time was inconceivable, and every new and lengthy job was a superstitious insurance of some kind.
“You’re not going to croak,” she’d said firmly. “I won’t let it happen.”
In the dark she’d felt him smile.
“Mo, even you can’t stop the grim reaper, although you’d probably give it a good try. Sweetheart, we have to be honest with each other now and always, don’t we?”
Mo had nodded.
“So we have to face the truth,” Ashley had murmured into her hair. “I love you, Mo, more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and I promise I’ll do everything I can not to leave you. But it could happen – and if it does I want you to swear that you’ll move on and be happy again.”
How could she promise that, when her mouth was still aching from his kisses and her body was heavy and drowsy with loving? Mo had started to protest but Ashley had placed a finger over her lips.
“That’s my only condition of us being together now. I’m sick, Mo. I may well not survive the surgery and if I do it might not be for long. I might not even be me anymore. We have to face that possibility. I can’t have you hoping for a life that might never happen.”
Mo comprehended all this, but it wouldn’t stop her hoping against hope that things might be different. She could no more do that than she could stop loving him; the two were too intertwined now. When Ashley had shown her the bald and stitched area of his scalp, the flesh a startling white and terrifyingly vulnerable next to the darkness of his hair, she had understood. Even before she’d seen the cocktail of tablets or accompanied him to London and met with the serious-faced consultant, she’d known what was really happening here. Ashley might die. She got it.
But Ashley might also live, and Mo would never stop hoping for that.
Anyway, the point was that none of these things were Mo’s secrets to share – and if the price she paid for this was gossip in the village shop or Alice thinking that she’d gone completely crackers, then it was one Mo was willing to pay. She and Ashley had a lifetime of loving to fit into a matter of weeks, and this was what Mo was determined they would do. She couldn’t care less what anyone else thought.
And if she shared her fears with her horses instead and cried into Mr Dandy’s neck, then Mo figured that was fine. Horses were good listeners and they never betrayed secrets.
Today in particular was one of the days when, against all medical advice and the stern law of averages, Mo was allowing herself to hope. After sleeping almost constantly for two days, Ashley had woken just before dawn, brimful of energy and reaching for her hungrily. Hours later they’d made breakfast and eaten outside on the soggy terrace, before venturing down into the village to stroll along the beach. It was only a short walk but it had taken ages because they couldn’t resist stopping every few steps to kiss each other again and then again and again. By the time they’d managed to pause for long enough to turn bac
k, the tide had been racing in and they’d had to paddle. They’d stopped for pasties, which they’d eaten on the quay, lobbing the crusts into the harbour for the seagulls to squabble over, before checking Ashley’s boat in the marina.
It was a wonderful day, Mo decided now as she pushed her youngster into a canter along the track. Laughter bubbled out of her with the simple pleasure of being in the saddle with the blue sky above and the even bluer sea below. Ashley hadn’t even taken the painkillers today and he’d been in unusually high spirits, even urging her to go riding while he caught up with paperwork.
“Go on,” he’d insisted, kissing Mo and making her legs turn to jelly in that magical way he had, “have a wonderful ride on the cliffs. It’ll clear the cobwebs and I know you’re desperate to check on Paula and the horses. I’ll be fine here, I promise.”
“Really?” Mo couldn’t help it; the thought of leaving him terrified her now. What ifs haunted her thoughts like nasty little wasps, stinging her peace of mind and torturing her until she saw him again.
He’d laughed. “Yes, really! I feel great today, Mo, I promise. Now get out of here!” and he’d smacked her bottom and given her a little shove.
“You’re keen to get rid of me,” Mo had observed. “What’s going on?”
“So suspicious, Red. We must talk about these trust issues.”
She’d pinned him with a stern look and he’d raised his hands.
“OK, you got me. I’m having a few Victoria’s Secret Angels over!”
“I wish you’d stop trying to borrow their underwear. It looks ridiculous on you,” Mo had shot back.
“Even the suspenders?”
“Especially those. How many times do I have to say it? Shave your legs if you must wear fishnets!”
They’d both been full of mirth at this before Ashley had said, “Seriously, Mo, I know you miss riding. Have an hour on the cliffs. I’ll be fine. I might even see if I can throw something together for dinner; save you poisoning us.”
He’d certainly seemed to want her out of the way and Mo, sensing that maybe he needed space, had spent an hour up at the yard checking on Paula’s work, which was actually very good indeed. The remaining horses looked fit and healthy, the school was harrowed and the stables gleamed. Even the yard was swept spotless. Oddly, though, Paula had brought in Spirit, the hugely expensive schoolmaster that Alex had sold Ashley, and when asked about this had mumbled something about a hoof abscess. Mo had been about to check it but then Paula had produced one of the youngsters all tacked up, and the novelty of this had distracted Mo entirely.
I must check him when I get back, Mo thought now, halting her horse and admiring the view. The sun was starting to sink and the shadows were growing longer over the muddy path. It was time to head home.
Turning back, Mo reflected that today it had felt as though she and Ashley were just an average couple, bickering and teasing and squabbling about who cooked supper. How strange it was that all the things she’d once thought would be boring about being in a couple were actually wonderful, and that it was these little things that made every moment such a joy. Love, Mo was fast learning, made the world shine every bit as brightly as the sun. The warmth of his arms around her, the press of his skin against hers, and the kisses… Mo had never imagined such happiness was possible, had never thought any of these things existed beyond the clichéd lines of pop songs and poetry. Yet a glance from Ashley, just the touch of his little finger, was enough to make her giddy with desire. He completed her in every way, and even a short time with him would give her more happiness than some people ever experienced in a lifetime. She was blessed and no matter what the future held, Mo knew that she would never be the same again.
As her horse surged into a gorgeous rolling canter, she allowed herself to believe that just maybe everything really would be all right in the end. How was it possible otherwise, when the sky was blue, the fields were ripe with corn and birds sang in the hedges? The whole world teemed with life and vitality. There was no room to even consider anything else.
The cliff path was the edge of the world, rising and falling with the undulations of the rolling Cornish countryside. And yet, cantering along with the wind blowing through her hair and the setting sun dazzling her vision, Mo thought that she saw another rider in the distance. It was the light playing tricks on her, of course, because nobody ever rode up here apart from her. The blood-orange sun was bright against the sky and streamers of peach, paprika and purple trickled into the horizon, coiling dreamily into the sea. Mo held her reins in one hand and shielded her eyes with the other, squinting against the brightness as she tried to distinguish the horseman approaching her.
She frowned. The horse was a big grey, strong and well-muscled, yet happily ambling along on a loose rein. Its rider was tall and lean and waving at her.
Surely not? It was impossible!
Mo blinked and gazed again. The rider was cantering straight in her direction now. Pushing her own horse into a canter, she headed towards him. As the path lowered and cool shade allowed her to see more clearly, Mo saw what she’d known she would – the closely cropped hair, the strong high cheekbones, the dark eyes – and yet she was stunned.
“Ashley?”
“Don’t you recognise me?” he was calling, reining in his mount and jumping from the saddle. “That’s worrying, Red. Exactly how many men are you having amazing sex with?”
Mo drew her horse to a halt. Her brain was whirling.
“Right now I’m seeing one who told me that he couldn’t ride.”
Leaving Spirit to crop the long sweet grass, Ashley held out his arms to Mo and swung her from the saddle. Catching her to him he brushed a kiss against her surprised lips and lowered her gently to the ground.
“Technically I never told you that,” he said, sheepishly. “You just assumed I couldn’t ride.”
Mo’s eyes widened. “But why didn’t you say something?”
He grinned. “Firstly, I would hardly call it riding when I can just about hang on and steer; secondly, there were more exciting things I wanted to do with you than horse ride; and, thirdly, I was hoping to surprise you – and in a good way for once.”
“Well, you’ve certainly done that,” Mo agreed.
“And are you pleased? Do you like seeing me on a horse, Red? Does it do it for you?”
Her laugh was a cry of happiness. “Ashley, I love seeing you anywhere and I love it that you feel well enough.” Her hand rose to touch his scalp. “But no hat? What if something had happened?”
“I think it’s a bit late in the day to worry about my bonce,” Ashley said, with a rueful shrug. “As for anything happening, didn’t you tell me that Spirit the schoolmaster would look after me? Paula rode him earlier to make sure the tickle’s out of his toes too.”
Of course: Paula Kussell! No wonder she’d been so keen to send Mo on her way. She must have been waiting to call Ashley.
“So she was in on this?”
“Do you think I would know how to tack up? Come on, Red, I just wanted to have my Poldark moment! Admit it, I look sexy on a horse, don’t I?”
Mo put her arms around him and he gathered her closer. “I love you even if you are vain,” she told him, and he kissed the tip of her nose as they watched the sun setting.
“It’s beautiful here,” Mo said. “I sometimes forget just how beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” Ashley told her. Lowering his head he kissed Mo again, this time on the lips. His hands slipped into her hair and pulled her face close as his kisses grew ever deeper until she thought she would melt.
Eventually they stopped and gazed at one another, Ashley holding her tightly. The sky was darkening now, the sea turning to a sheet of liquid gold as the night began to drift in. High above, Venus began to shimmer and Mo knew that she would remember this moment for the rest of her life.
“I’m so glad that I’ve been able to share moments like this with you,” Ashley said quietly. “I know we’ve only been
together for a short time, Mo, but I want you to know that it’s been the happiest time I’ve ever known. I just wish that we’d found each other sooner. Every moment I haven’t been with you feels like a waste.”
They didn’t often speak about what might happen or what the future held – it was too painful – but as the sun’s late warmth blushed their faces Mo knew that Ashley wanted to talk and that she needed to let him. The expression in his dark eyes was unreadable.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he continued. “We both know the possibilities though and it could be days or weeks or, if I’m lucky, years. But what I do know, Morwenna Tremaine, is that I want to spend every second of it with you.”
Mo’s throat was tight. “I want that too. So much.”
He glanced over her shoulder and out to sea for a moment before returning his gaze to her upturned face. “I’m going to fight this, Mo. I’m doing to do whatever I can to get through it. I swear it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Slowly, very slowly, and without his molasses-dark eyes once leaving hers, Ashley took Mo’s trembling hands in his and knelt down on the muddy track.
“I love you with all my heart, Morwenna Tremaine. I always have and I always will; now and for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?”
Mo stared at him, wide-eyed and hardly able to believe what she was hearing or that this was really happening. It was the most romantic moment of her life. The sunset, the cliff tops, the horses and the man she loved kneeling at her feet proposing. She thought she was going to burst with happiness.
Ashley’s hands tightened their grip.
“There are so many things I want to say to you, Mo. My feelings for you, my hopes for us, and my fears too of what might lie ahead. But they all meet in one thing: I love you and I want you by my side for every step of the journey. I can’t promise that it will be easy but there is one thing I can promise you, which is that I’ll make the most of every single moment we do have together because l love you so much, now and forever.”
A Time for Living: Polwenna Bay 2 Page 21
