Thoughts of Sara’s mother came to mind. In the chapel when she’d forgiven Dean, she’d also set her bitterness toward Mama aside. The past was in the past, and it couldn’t be changed, so why keep harboring resentment? Sara’s mother must have had her reasons for keeping her past a secret. She had relinquished her pain and bitterness to God. She had accepted His Son as her Savior too.
Sara’s cell phone buzzed, and she pulled it out of her purse. Seeing it was Brad, Sara told Kenny she’d be right back, and then she slipped quietly from the room.
“Hello, Brad,” Sara said, once she was in the hall. “S–something terrible happened today.” Her voice faltered.
“I know. I just got off the phone with Michelle. She told me your stepdad was in an accident. How’s he doing?”
“Not well. Kenny and I have been with him most of the day, but he hasn’t responded to either of us.”
“I’m sorry, Sara. I’ve been praying for all of you and will continue to do so.”
“Thanks. We need all the prayers we can get.”
“If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.”
“Okay. Thanks for calling. Bye, Brad.”
When Sara returned to Dean’s room, she was surprised to see that his eyes were open. Kenny stood near the bed, and it appeared as if his dad was trying to speak.
Sara hurried over to join her brother. “Dad,” she murmured, barely able to get the words out. “We’ve been praying for you.”
“Th–thank you.” Dean spoke softly, and then he closed his eyes. A few seconds went by before he opened them again. “I–I’m not gonna make it, am I?”
Gently, Sara placed her hand on his arm, unable, at first, to respond. She glanced over at Kenny. The poor kid was on the verge of tears. Then somehow, she found her voice. Sara wanted to remain positive for Dean and her brother.
“Dad, you hang in there.” She smiled at him. “We still have that visit to Strasburg to plan for.” Even as the words slipped out, Sara knew deep in her heart the trip Dean had wanted to make would never happen.
“There’s something I need to tell both of you.” Dean spoke in a raspy voice.
Kenny shook his head. “It’s okay, Dad. No need to talk. Save your strength.”
“No, no … I—I need to say it.” In a desperate plea, he beckoned them to lean closer. “I have money set aside for both of you.” He paused and drew a shallow breath. “Use it to pursue your dreams.” Dean reached out a feeble hand, and Kenny clasped it. “You should both decide what to do with the house. There is no mortgage. It’s paid in full.” His voice faltered, and then he rallied again. “After your mom died, I—I transferred the deed to both of your names.”
When Sara looked at her brother and saw the tears streaming down his face, it was nearly her undoing.
“It was wrong of me, Son, not to support your hopes all these years and wanting you to do what I thought was best. I take it all back now, and I’m sorry. Please go after whatever makes you happy.” Then he looked at Sara. “Same goes for you, honey. If your dreams lie in Strasburg, follow them.”
All Sara could do was nod, and grip his arm tighter.
“Sing for me, Kenny. Sing me a song.” Dean’s voice grew faint again. It was as if he had used all the strength he had left to tell them what they needed to know once he was gone.
“What would you like me to sing, Dad?” Kenny’s voice shook with emotion.
“Anything. It will help me not to be afraid.”
Kenny picked up the Bible the hospital chaplain had left when he’d come into the room earlier. A song printed on a piece of paper had been tucked inside. Kenny had showed it to Sara after they returned from the chapel earlier.
“This song is called ‘Near to the Heart of God.’” Kenny stood at the foot of his father’s bed and lifted his face to the ceiling. “‘There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God, a place where sin cannot molest, near to the heart of God. O Jesus, blest Redeemer, sent from the heart of God, hold us, who wait before thee, near to the heart of God.’”
Kenny’s voice grew stronger with each stanza. By the time he reached the second verse, goosebumps had erupted on Sara’s arms. Although Kenny had told her in the chapel that he liked to sing, she had no idea he was this good. Her brother’s voice was so clear and pure, it sounded almost heavenly. And his vibrato was nothing short of amazing.
“‘There is a place of comfort sweet,’” Kenny continued, “‘near to the heart of God, a place where we our Savior meet, near to the heart of God.’” As he sang the last stanza with even more emotion, Sara could hardly breathe.
“‘There is a place of full release, near to the heart of God, a place where all is joy and peace, near to the heart of God.’”
Through a film of tears, Sara looked at Dean. His eyes were closed, and he had a peaceful smile on his lips. His chest was motionless however. He did not appear to be breathing.
Sara pushed the call button for the nurse to confirm what she already knew. The man who had raised her and Kenny had slipped quietly from this world into the next. “Oh Daddy,” she sobbed. “I never knew how much I loved you until now.”
She put her arms around Kenny and held him close, as the two of them wept. Sara thought about Michelle and how she’d lost contact with her brothers. She couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be for Michelle not to know where her brothers were, not to mention her needing their support during difficult times.
At that sad and most difficult moment, Sara determined in her heart that she would be there for her brother as long as he needed her, for she loved him very much.
Chapter 39
New Jersey
I’m glad so many of us could go to Sara’s stepfather’s funeral today,” Mary Ruth said from her seat at the back of their driver’s van. In addition to her and Willis, Michelle, Ivan, Yvonne, and Lenore accompanied them. Sara needed friends and family with her today.
“Since it’s Saturday and I don’t have to teach, it worked out so that I could come along,” Lenore agreed.
Ivan had left his sons in charge of his business today, rather than having to close the store. When Willis talked to Brad last night, he’d said he also planned on coming to the funeral.
It would be nice to finally meet Sara’s brother. Back when Sara’s stepfather had called Sara and said he and Kenny planned to make a trip to Strasburg, Mary Ruth had been excited. She figured they would probably drive down sometime in the summer, after Kenny was out of school. But it was not meant to be.
It’s unfortunate we won’t get to meet Mr. Murray now, Mary Ruth thought. I wish it were under better circumstances that Willis and I would be meeting our grandson for the first time.
They’d crossed over the state line into New Jersey, so it wouldn’t be long until they reached their destination.
Looking out the window, Mary Ruth thought about Rhoda. Poor Sara. Less than a year after losing her mother, she’s lost her stepfather too.
Mary Ruth leaned to the right and loosened her seatbelt a little. She realized the importance of seatbelts for safety reasons, but was glad they weren’t required to wear them while riding in their buggies. To her, at least, they felt too constricting. She leaned her head against the seatback and closed her eyes. Since everyone else in the van was quiet, including their driver, she thought it might be good to take a little nap. Today would be long and emotional, and since they’d gotten up earlier than usual, she wanted to arrive feeling somewhat refreshed.
Heavenly Father, Mary Ruth prayed, please be with Sara and Kenny today. Let them feel Your presence, as if You are right there with them, holding their hands.
Newark
Brad entered the chapel where the funeral service was being held for Dean Murray and took a seat near the back of the room. Since he had arrived a few minutes late, all the other chairs had been taken.
A variety of flowers had been arranged up front, and a huge spray of white lilies draped over the closed casket. The f
ragrance from all the bouquets wafted through the chapel, and the sweet scent lingered everywhere. Next to the coffin was a small pedestal table adorned with a white doily. A framed picture sat on top. From where Brad sat, it looked like a family picture of Dean and three other people, who he guessed were Sara, her mother, and brother.
Craning his neck, Brad saw Sara sitting in the front row beside a blond-haired man, who he assumed was her brother. On the other side of her sat Sara’s grandparents, her uncle Ivan, aunt Yvonne, and cousin Lenore. Michelle was there too, sitting to the left of Lenore.
Brad pulled his fingers around his too-tight collar, hoping to loosen it a bit. Should have worn a different shirt, he thought. And I would have if there’d been a clean dress shirt in my closet. Brad had been so busy at school the past week that he hadn’t found time to do his laundry.
Brad caught sight of Stan sitting a few rows ahead. The Lapps must have hired him to bring them to the service today. If Strasburg hadn’t been so far from Clarks Summit, Brad would have gone there to get them.
Sometimes Brad wished he had stayed at the Bible College in Lancaster to complete his studies, instead of going all the way up to the university he now attended. If things had worked out between him and Sara, he might have considered transferring back to Lancaster, or even moving there and taking some online classes. A long-distance relationship was not good, but since Sara was not a Christian, continuing to see her socially was no longer in the equation.
When the blond-haired man left his seat and stood behind the podium at the front of the room and to the right of the casket, Brad’s thoughts refocused. Then as the young man began to sing, “Near to the Heart of God,” Brad’s wavering emotions threatened to overtake him. Not only were the words of the song appropriate, but the man’s voice rang so true and clear, it seemed almost angelic. As though it had come straight down from heaven, an amber-colored light filtering through the stained glass windows shone down on the talented vocalist, illuminating his hair, and making it look like spun gold. To be able to sing that song without any musical instrument to accompany him made it even more amazing.
Brad glanced at the program an usher had given him when he’d entered the chapel. Kenny Murray had been listed as the vocalist. What Brad suspected had now been confirmed. The young man, who stood before them, looking upward as he sang the powerful words, was indeed Sara’s half-brother. It had to be difficult for Kenny to sing at his father’s funeral and not break down. Was the boy a Christian? How could he sing a spiritual song, and with such conviction, if he was not a believer? Had Sara been raised in a Christian home and strayed away from it? There were so many unanswered questions.
Brad’s gaze went back to Sara. Her head was now bent forward. Her shoulders trembled, and when she turned her head to the left, Brad saw Sara dab her eyes with a tissue. Mary Ruth draped an arm around Sara, patting her shoulder. Brad wished he was sitting on the other side of Sara, to comfort and hold her hand. Yet another part of him was glad to be sitting in the back, not wanting to be emotionally tied.
Brad clasped the program he held. I’d like to know either way where Sara stands on Christianity, and I’d like to hear it from her, not Michelle.
Michelle was stunned to hear how well Sara’s brother sang. He seemed nervous, choked up near the end of the song, but his vocal tone was on pitch, and Kenny had moved her to tears. Taking a quick glance around, she saw many others wiping their eyes.
Sara is lucky to have Kenny in her life, Michelle thought. She had met the young man before the service started, and he seemed like a nice person. Not like some teenagers she’d gone to school with, who had foul mouths and arrogant attitudes.
Once again, Michelle’s thoughts went to her brothers. Had they grown up to be responsible citizens? Or did one or both of them end up like their parents—brash and rough around the edges? She hoped Jack and Ernie had made something of themselves and were living happy, fulfilling lives.
Michelle sighed. Guess I’ll never know the answer, so I need to keep my focus on the life I have in Pennsylvania and look forward to my future with Ezekiel.
When Kenny sat down and a man she assumed was a minister stood up and offered a prayer, Michelle reached up to make sure her head covering was properly in place. According to biblical teachings, the Amish believed a woman’s head should always be covered whenever she prayed.
When the prayer was over and the preacher began to deliver his message, Michelle glanced over at Sara, sitting straight and tall.
I wonder if she will stay in New Jersey with her brother now that her stepfather is gone. Willis and Mary Ruth would surely miss Sara if she didn’t to return to Pennsylvania. Michelle swallowed hard. I’d miss her too.
Sara couldn’t remember when she’d felt more proud of her brother. Kenny had made it through the entire song without missing a note. And to be able to sing without accompaniment made it all the more astounding.
She reached across her chest and clasped her grandmother’s hand, which was still around her shoulders. What a blessing and comfort it was to have Grandma and Grandpa here today. Sara felt so grateful the Lord had led her to them after Mama died. She also appreciated the presence of Uncle Ivan, Aunt Yvonne, and Lenore. What a privilege it was to have such a special family.
And there was Michelle, who’d come to offer her condolences and support Sara. This young woman, whom Sara had once been so angry with, was now truly a friend. Sara could hardly wait to tell Michelle she had become a Christian and explain how it came about.
She listened attentively as the pastor spoke to those in attendance. He talked about life after death and stated that every believer had the promise of heaven.
Sara didn’t know where her stepfather stood spiritually, but if he wasn’t a Christian previously, she hoped he’d made a confession of faith before his death—perhaps during the song Kenny sang for him or maybe when the chaplain had visited. If the smile on Dean’s face when he passed away was any proof, Sara had to believe it was true.
When the minister finished his sermon, he ended by telling everyone they were invited to go to the cemetery where Dean would be laid to rest. He also added that Sara and Kenny wanted those who could to join them for lunch at the Adega Grill, one of Dean’s favorite places to dine. After the announcement, he took his place at the foot of the open coffin and remained there while everyone filed by to pay their last respects to the deceased. Since Sara and Kenny went last, with the exception of the pastor and funeral attendants, the chapel was empty by the time she and Kenny walked out. In the hall, however, several people waited to speak to them and offer their sympathies. Sara’s grandparents, her uncle, aunt, and cousin were there, along with Michelle. Toward the back of the group, Sara spotted Brad.
Sara’s heart thumped in her chest as she made her way over to him. When she reached his side, he gave her a brief hug. “I’m sorry for your loss, Sara. I’ve been praying for you, as well as your brother.”
“Thank you. I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t come.” Tears welled in her eyes. “If you plan on going to the cemetery, I hope afterward you can stay for lunch.”
Brad shook his head. “Sorry, but I have to get back to Clarks Summit. It’s a big study weekend for me.”
“Oh, okay.” Sara tried to hide her disappointment. “I’m glad you took the time to drive down for the service. It means a lot to me.”
Brad nodded, then glanced down at the floor as though unable to meet Sara’s gaze. “You’re my friend, Sara. I wanted to offer my condolences in person.”
Friend? Is that all I am to Brad? When he lifted his head, Sara noticed his subdued expression.
A wave of sadness washed over her, and it wasn’t merely the mood of the melancholy service that had taken place moments ago. Sara felt something had changed between her and Brad. She suspected it might have to do with his friend Terri.
It doesn’t matter, she told herself. I have to stay in Newark until Kenny is able to be on his own, and I’ll need to
help sell the house and settle Dean’s estate. It could be months before I’m able to return to Lancaster County. By then Brad could be engaged or even married. Sara told herself it was better this way, because she had no time for love or romance. If she were being honest, she’d never been sure where her relationship with Brad was going. Her focus had to be on her brother right now.
Chapter 40
Throughout the months of April and May, Sara stayed at Dean’s house with Kenny, and now here it was, the first week of June. They’d found a buyer for the house, and the couple who had rented the other side of the duplex when Sara moved to Strasburg had moved out. That meant the new owners could decide whether to rent out that half of the building or make use of the entire home for their family. Sara would oversee the estate sale that would take place two weeks before the new owners took possession.
Sara glanced at the calendar above the desk where she sat going over the bills that still needed to be paid. As executor of Dean’s will, a lot of responsibility had fallen on her. She never dreamed so much paperwork would be involved in settling someone’s estate, or that she would have to sort through all of Dean’s personal items.
Sara remembered with fondness the day she’d gone through his bureau and found a box with her mother’s wedding ring inside. She had never understood why he hadn’t given the ring to her when Mama died, but at least it was in her possession now.
“I’m headin’ out, Sara,” Kenny hollered from the hallway outside the den where Sara sat.
The Forgiving Jar Page 27
