by Ceri Beynon
And I can actually see for the first time his reasoning .He keeps up a life of misery, depression ,a life devoid of love to stop himself from getting hurt. His wife died, this destroyed him. So he built huge barriers to prevent his heart ever being broken again. As he said, ‘you cannot break a heart that doesn’t believe in love’. It’s the ultimate power to be without emotion. You simply cannot get hurt. What hope can be dashed if you have no hope?
“I’m sorry Father. Its no use. I disagree with your life philosophy. I think love is more powerful than misery. I can still be a dedicated Prince as well as husband.”
“If you marry that girl Calix and yes I saw you produce a ring, the city will be no more The City of the Broken. The City of the Soppy, The City of those who found Temporary Happiness(for happiness is not a permanent emotion) maybe. But you will take our values, traditions, our colour scheme. Joy doesn’t favour the mysterious shade of black. Pastels galore. You will take my City that I dedicated my whole life to. That I worked tirelessly perfecting. That I raised you to rule over. How you have failed me” he says and I see Calix look to the floor, hurt, disappointed in himself.
“Choose Calix. I have banned that girl from my palace ,as of now. If she enters again, the repercussions will be serious. I will not have my palace used for such purposes as romance and passion. You dishonour yourself with such childish frolicking” remarks The King with disdain.
“I choose you. I will always choose you” says Calix turning to me, holding both my hands.
“But Calix. He’s right. Maybe it’s a little selfish to choose our relationship over the city. The values its based on will not hold up. You cant recruit broken citizens will a smile on your face” I say concerned.
“Oh why do you always listen to my father Seren? We can make this work. Trust me. We can compromise. Maybe the city doesn’t have to completely change. We can add a little more colour, a little more joy, but still embrace the freedom in choosing to be depressed when you want to be” he says enthusiastically.
“Hmm…City of the sometimes Broken, maybe you’re on to something” I say.
We walk out of the garden and I depart from the palace.
“Hey don’t let Dad’s outburst ruin our night. We’re engaged” he says smiling excitedly .
“Oh I know, I cannot believe it. I think this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me ,minus the father drama” I say.
Chapter Ten.
Divided
After leaving The City of the Broken, I return home, not knowing what to do with myself. Calix dropped me off fifteen minutes ago, we kissed and looking at that face I know so well, I realized that is now the face of my future husband.
Now that I’m alone, away from Calix and the King and staring by-passers in the city, I can finally let the news sink in in its entirety. I’m still so shocked. I decide that rather than having a celebration, to have a shower. When the hot water rushes over me, it helps me think more clearly than I ever can in other circumstances, so it’ll put everything that happened tonight into perspective. After I undress, I stand naked but still feeling like I have not completed my task of de-clothing. And then I feel the weight of the purple promise on my finger and I smile. I’ll have to get used to wearing this and removing it at shower time. I take the ring off and place it carefully on the sink.
After I have showered and dried my hair, I feel pure and refreshed. I replace my ring and am greeted by a sudden urge to perform ballet around my living room. After coming to terms with the fact I am now engaged in the shower, the ecstasy of this has taken over. I feel like a new born lamb of spring, feeling the wonder of its legs, skipping blissfully through a meadow before it ever knew any care, toil or horror of the world.
Calix is far too handsome to be my husband. But I’m not objecting, its his choice, he asked me. How shall I explain my ring in college tomorrow? I still think I’m far too young to get married, but its impossible for me to turn Calix down, I know that if I did I’d live to regret it for the rest of my life. How can you hope of finding someone better, when you have already found the best? So yes, I shall be a young bride.
Despite the sound of wedding bells in the distance, I’m up all night revising for a maths test we have tomorrow. Calix is bad for my grades. How could I possibly remember such mundane matters when I’m so busy thinking about, talking to and kissing Calix? Maths teachers should take this into account when setting tests only one week in advance.
Here I am, at college for the very first time as an engaged woman. There is cloud nine but I’m on cloud 9000,its higher altitude cousin. Its times like these I’m glad Calix is not in my class-I’d spend the whole lesson staring at his face with a brain that makes mushy peas seem sophisticated.
At break I rush off in a blur of frantic excitement, hoping to clasp eyes on my fiancé but alas as is customary at break time, I never do.
I head off as soon as Mrs. Shelley dismisses us at Lunchtime. I go to the library, counting every second until Calix appears.
I look up, seeing him glide swiftly through the doors. He stands out from everyone, like the brightest star in the universe, among its not-quite as brilliant siblings. He spots me and his eyes illuminate in his marble face.
“Hey” he says sitting next to me.
“Hello fiancé” I smirk and he kisses me, leading to numerous glances from our fellow students.
“Well you certainly look vibrant today Seren. So bright eyed and bushy tailed. What’s the secret?” he asks as if he doesn’t already know.
“Oh I don’t know. Maybe I’ve just been proposed to by the most beautiful human being to grace the planet” I tease and he laughs.
“Wait, you’ve had a proposal from someone else as well? Shocking!” he jokes modestly.
“So…city again tonight Calix?” I ask steering the topic to my favourite hang out.
“No…no Seren. Its too dangerous” he says in stark seriousness ,the smile now wiped from both our faces.
“Too dangerous? Its fine Calix really, as long as I keep away from the palace. “ I say wondering why he’s so stressed out.
“Oh no. Its much more than what last night was about. He’s turned the whole city against you Seren. There’s uproar. He’s leaked our engagement, its been on the news all morning. Plus The Smiley’s protests have been criminalized, they’ve been arrested and beaten up by mobs who think they are stealing our identity and Dad’s portrayed you as their number one leader. He’s got the City convinced I’m a traitor too, supporting The Smiley’s. He knew my views so now he’s blackened my name as well. If I went on TV to defend you now, it would all be meaningless, because I’m considered ‘one of them’”.
I gape at him, although not all that surprised, I’m used to this by now, although its the first time the King has also targeted Calix.
“So what are you going to do? Is it safe for you to go back to the City?” I ask concerned.
“Oh don’t worry about me Seren, I can go undercover, keep a low profile. I don’t mean to sound cocky but tarnished or not ,I am still the prince. But its definitely not safe for you, that’s the point I was trying to make. Don’t be scared Seren, but you’ve had death threats” he says calmly.
“Death threats? Oh this is ridiculous! The Smiley’s are only peaceful protesters anyway” I say, returning to the state of shock.
“Yes they are. I’ve met some of them and they are really nice people with their own cause who just want to raise awareness of their mission in a productive way, but that’s not how they are portrayed in the media and by the King and frankly, that’s all that matters to people ,not the reality”.
I sit there shaking my head, lost for words.
Its only as I head back to class, I’m aware my stomach is growling as I haven’t had anything to eat. I decide to sit through the lesson anyway, I’ve lost my appetite as I’m too disappointed that there will be no visit to the City tonight. Jasmine has shown up for the second half of college. I guess seeing her boyfriend at
college doesn’t ignite the spark of dedication to learning in the way it does for me.
“Oh, so you’ve decided to show up then” I scorn her mockingly.
“Yeah. I have missed so many assignments. Can you tell me all the questions so I can catch up?” she asks, her puppy-like eyes melting my irritation at her laziness.
“Yeah, sure I’ll bring them in tomorrow” I promise, encouraging her to attend more frequently with my carrot-on-a-stick of three backdated assignments.
I feel upset that I cant visit the City. I really wonder what I did with myself before I discovered this funereal wonderland. And it also hurts that the citizens hate me now. I found them fascinating as people and wanted to make some friends. I know the King and I were destined never to be on the best of terms, but all the ordinary folk that I spoke to pre-hate campaign were always very welcoming(well as welcoming as you could expect people who delight in the art of depression to be).They didn’t look at me with hostility like they did on the last visit anyway.
I wonder where The Smiley’s are now, not in jail I hope. They are the freaks, the out-group of The City but they are gentle, joy-promoters and while their goals are at odds with such a place, I still feel they’ve been persecuted far too much and too harshly. All of this because of one man and his set of ideals. This does make me worry about my wedding .If we get married now, it’ll have to be in secrecy. I’m surprised at how quick the citizens were to turn against the Prince. I can understand their dislike of me, but they’ve always held Calix in such high regard, in my opinion more so than the King. .How can even this master of words have accomplished such a task?
At the end of college, I rush out to the car park to catch Calix before he drives off in the Rolls-Royce.
“Calix! Wait up!” I call out to him.
“Hey Seren, you okay?” he asks
“If I cant come to the City, how are we going to hang out together in the evening?”
“Oh don’t worry Seren, its just a temporary measure really. All of this chaos will die down again in about a week when the citizens get bored of the topic. We can see each other in the day at college and you can come for a drive around with me if you want” he smiles beckoning me into the car.
“Really? That’ll be lovely Calix” I say hopping into the car with him. His automobile equivalent surely-dark, mysterious and slick.
“Why don’t we just drive around the City? We’ll be safe inside the car from mobs and your father won’t even know I’m here as the windows are blacked out” I suggest hopefully to Calix.
“Hmm…” he considers not looking convinced.
“Oh come on Calix, what harm could it do?” I ask fluttering my eyelashes at him.
“Oh alright. But be sure to duck down if any citizens come close to the window. And do not step one foot outside” he warns me.
“Okay Calix” I say hugging him, feeling instantly happier.
As we drive through the wrought iron gates, I glance out of the window and see the cemetery and the graves of husbands and wives together forever in death.
“I have to tell you its changed a little here Seren” he says abruptly as we drive through the garden.
“Changed how? I was only here the other day Calix” I say.
“Yes, well now its changed rather dramatically. My father’s done it of course. The City is divided-one side pro-happiness, one side pro-despair. I just thought I should let you know in advance” he says gauging my reaction.
“Oh okay. So The Smiley’s have actually managed to get some people supporting their cause then? Is the pro-happiness side a result of their protests?” I ask intrigued at this new formation of the City.
“I think it’s a combination of The Smiley’s dedication and rebellion against Dad’s oppressive ruling. People feel forced to be unhappy now, in the past I think they felt they were choosing some alternative lifestyle embracing melancholy, now they feel one of a mass, so they are turning to a different, more mainstream set of values” he explains.
“And how is your father taking this rebellion”? I ask.
“Oh just wait until you see the advertising campaign covering the whole city. He is not having his citizens converting to a life of joy. He’s fighting to win them back over though persuasion first and if that doesn’t work, force” he says
“And where do you fit into all this?” I ask curious to know if the citizens are on his side again.
“You know I think Dad made a bit of a bad move when he sided me with The Smiley’s, that also influenced the divide. It brought them a huge amount of publicity when it was all over the news that I had joined. And there’s still this allegiance with me because they see me as the figurehead of The City. It sort of made The Smiley’s more socially acceptable” he says amused at his Father’s blunder.
“Oh that’s so funny Calix. He’s divided his city of his own accord” I smirk.
Yes indeed, the City is divided. I feel like someone who, once colour-blind, is beginning to see patches of potential breaking through. As the sun bursting through dark clouds, so I see yellow and blue and red-clad citizens, presumably pro-happiness walking around the City on this fine but cloudy day. Pro-despair posters dominate billboards on every corner, a reminder that the King refuses to be beaten.
‘Sadness is Strength, ‘Smiling Signals Submission’ and ‘Be Brave, Be Broken. Preserve our identity’ are the messages sent out to the Citizens. The City of the Broken national colours of black and purple promoting patriotism on the posters.
“I notice there aren’t any Pro-Happiness posters on the billboards Calix. Why is this?” I ask, already guessing the answer.
“My Father. He’s also tried to influence the laws regarding insanity here, Pro-happiness and smiling are now seen as a sign of mental illness. Many of the more prolific Pro-Happiness group members have been detained in The Black Hospital. But to be honest, now that half of The City is Pro-Happiness I don’t think even that approach will work. After all, they cant lock half of the city up for being insane” he says, smiling at this ridiculousness .
“I think it would do your Father good to compromise, he’d probably have more people on his side that way. This forcing people to be unhappy will only lead to increasing rebellion and that would be worse for the city” I say.
“I totally agree. But its just not in Dad’s nature. He’s stubborn and he has to have his own way, whatever the cost. He does usually succeed in getting it too. Although I’ll confess this is the first time he’s had such a problem with the citizens. He’s dealing with riots and a backlash unlike anything I’ve known of in the history of the city” he says looking concerned.
The city is a classic black and white movie coming to terms with the arrival of Technicolor for the very first time. I watch the shocked faces of broken children as sunshine yellow clad pro-happiness citizens walk down the street, smiling purposefully to promote their cause.
We drive around, touring the city, as I marvel at how quickly its changed. The power of Calix’s ‘approval’ of The Smiley’s is earth shaking. It still has its atmosphere of death, broken hopes, otherworldly darkness but also now combined with smiles, energy and the feeling that anything is possible. It only makes me appreciate the quality’s of the city even more .A dream that married a nightmare, giving birth to a fantasy world dynamic but flawed . The city could make you feel a sad yearning in its former days, now its uniqueness is combined with a brilliant optimism.
I hold Calix’s hand, enjoying the mating of metal when our rings clang into each other. We head back as the night falls cloaking our secret drive ,soothing my worries of possible discovery.
I wind down the window in the car a little, keen to breathe in that distinct city air fragranced with sweet flowers: forget-me-nots that have been forgotten and trees that hold the secrets of years gone by. Tonight I hear music, the city is alive like it was in the Black Ball game, only this time a number of the citizens are fun-loving, happy humans rather than the corpses that had to pretend
to be alive.
“So Calix, are you pro-happiness or pro-despair?” I enquire, knowing he can go without the political correctness required in his public role for tonight, as his answer is for my ears only. Yes Alfred is here, but I still think him too reserved in character to go leaking the opinions of the prince to the press.
“I’m genuinely in between. I think the city needs to preserve its unique identity as broken and mournful but I also think people should have the freedom to choose when to be happy and when to be depressed. Moods change but we’ll always be a city for the glass-half-empty type of person. And what’s your opinion on matter”? he asks, his eyes flashing with curiosity.
“Pro-despair. I think that if everyone was Pro-Happiness then this city would be like everywhere else. I’ve grown to love its darkness and appreciate its individualism. This is the only time I’ll side with your father Calix. Do try and remember this monumental occasion”, I joke and he smiles.
“I’ll jot it down in my diary. Pro-despair, really?” he asks in disbelief.
“I’ve never fitted in. I’m an outcast at heart. Smiling and happiness are for conformists. I’m a rebel who does her own thing” I remark.
“Whoa! I’m really seeing a new side to you tonight. I can understand your point of view. Though I think a compromise would probably be the best thing for the city. Its kind of ridiculous for citizens who joined because they were broken to want to become pro-happiness but I think they’ve had enough of Dad’s regime.”
Chapter Eleven.
The Forbidden Room
At college, I spend my time in the treasure-trove that is the library. The blood of life gushes through my veins as I find hidden jewels in this cave of paper and words. Renowned books I’ve heard the names of from since I left the womb, only never have actually read. That feeling that my life will never be complete until every classic is devoured and every great author’s style completely understood.
