I nod. I didn’t think about how weird and hard this might be for her.
“Let’s go for coffee,” she says. “I’ll take you to my favorite cafe.” Her genuine smile is back and it puts me at ease.
“Okay, let’s go.”
CHAPTER SIX
Reesa, Russ, Rainell, and I eat supper in comfortable silence. I decide to let Russ eat his dinner in peace, then talk to him about Hans afterward. I’ll have to make it quick because he and the other Hornets have a meeting tonight. All of their tele-meetings with Earth allies take place at night because of the time difference. But the subject of Hans ends up coming up during our meal.
“How did Rawko fare today?” Reesa asks.
I abandon all pretenses of eating and stare at my brother as he answers.
“He lacks focus and endurance. The other men landed him on his ass in every round. It’s like he’s giving up.”
My stomach twists and I try not to imagine the “beef” stew coming back up.
He clears his throat and sets down his fork. “I heard he walked you to the hover…after locking the two of you in the elevator first. That won’t happen again.”
My cheeks flame and my mouth drops open. I flick my gaze from his angry face to the shocked looks of Reesa and Rainell before straightening my spine.
“First of all…” I’m trying to speak calmly. “Nothing happened. We were talking, and I had every intention of telling you about it when you got home today. Second of all, if something did happen, it’s none of your business.”
Rainell whispers, “Exactly,” and pats her mouth with the napkin.
“Mother, please,” Reesa hisses.
Russell’s lips tighten, and he massages his temple. “With all due respect, Rainell, Rawko is not a harmless Mars humana. He is a deadly warrior under my command. The last thing I need is for him to leave my sister with a broken heart—”
“She’s not a child, Russell,” Rainell says reasonably. “Perhaps your soldier needs the healing touch of a good, familiar woman.”
My brother growls with frustration and my heart is galloping as I peer back and forth between the two of them. Reesa is sinking down in the chair, her face paling.
“Rawk indulges in the touch of a woman, or three, every single day and it’s not doing him a damn bit of good. I don’t want Lanna thrown into the rotation. I know my little sister. She can’t guard her heart—”
“I’m right here!” I say. “And I can totally guard my heart!” Well…that might be a stretch. Still, I’m frustrated so I stand up and toss my cloth napkin at the table. “Just so you know, Hans is going to try to get himself killed on this next mission. He has no plans to come back. That’s what he was saying to me in the elevator, so stop worrying about me and start worrying about him.”
My brother looks a bit stricken as I rush away to my “bedroom.” I feel guilty for throwing the information at him like that, but I’m getting too emotional. Even now I pace and shake out my hands, exhaling a long breath. Saying it out loud—what Hans plans to do—turns my stomach and covers me with a chill of fear. I have to find a way to break through to him. It’s pretty egotistical of me to think I can help him, considering we’re not lovers, or even friends, but God. He’s hurting. Fucking depression and PTSD. What can I do?
My arms are wrapped around myself when Russell knocks on the wall and slips his large body with surprising grace through the divider. He opens his arms without saying anything and I go to him, leaning against his massive chest. It’s impossible not to feel safe in that spot.
“Thank you for telling me what he said.” His voice rumbles and he pulls back, crossing his arms. “I actually spoke with his doctor this morning and figured as much. He’s heavily medicated and seeing the therapist five days a week, but Rawk can be a bullshitter so I’m pretty sure he’s not being open with him. He won’t talk to any of us about what happened with Dev. Even the account he gave during the mission write-up was sparse. The two of them were first off the ship and went around the side of a small craft hangar. Hans spotted movement inside a window, then Dev was shot in the neck, and Rawk killed Devlar’s perpetrator with a blade. That’s all he’ll say. Period.”
My eyes are hot and watery. It sounds like a cut and clear war scenario but to have been there in person, to have seen his best friend killed, there is nothing simple about that.
Reesa comes in and tentatively looks between the two of us, but Russell keeps his attention on me and puts his heavy hand on my shoulder, giving me that serious big brother look.
“When a man is in a dark place there’s nobody who can save him, Lanna. He has to save himself.”
“I know that,” I whisper.
“I want you to stay away from him. Let him work on himself without any complications. Promise me.”
My teeth grind. “I can’t promise that.”
He lets out a guttural sigh.
“And while we’re demanding promises,” I say lightly. “Promise me that you and your men will back off and not threaten Hans if and when I don’t stay away from him.”
“Lanna, for fuck’s sake.”
“I like him, Russell. I have for a long time. I know he’s a Hornet. I know he’s fucked up. You’re both of those things too.”
Reesa turns her head to try and hide her smile as my brother glares at me.
“I don’t like this,” he grumbles. “He’s not going to humor your crush.”
“Noted.”
“You will end up with a broken heart.”
“Got it.”
He roughly runs a hand over his cropped hair and stares around the room like he’s looking for something to maul. Reesa places a gentle hand on his forearm and he visibly relaxes.
“Fine. I can’t control you. But there are unwritten, unspoken rules among the Hornets and I can guarantee Rawk won’t go against those. Even if I say it’s okay.”
He and Reesa share a knowing look, and her eyes go sad as she turns that gaze on me. What he’s saying is true. Even if Hans were totally into me, those stupid, fucking rules will ruin everything. I’m still going to try, though. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.
Russell’s pocket device buzzes and he reads the screen, then curses and hits the call button, putting it to his ear.
“Yes, doc?”
Reesa and I watch him, and I wonder what’s going on.
“Affirmative. I’m heading to a meeting but I’ll send someone to collect him and see him to his place. Then I’ll deal with him after the meeting.” He hangs up and his face is crestfallen. “Speak of the devil.”
My heart sags. “That was about Hans?”
“He showed up for his therapy session falling down.” Russ rubs his temple.
“Oh, Rawk,” Reesa whispers.
“I need you two to go get him. I’ll give you the address. Just get him back to his flat and I’ll be there after this meeting.”
We nod and hurry to get our things. I feel sick inside thinking about how Hans went straight from work to get fucked up, knowing he had therapy and a work meeting. This was out of hand.
The three of us take the elevator down and Hensley is there, opening a hovercraft door for Reesa and I, his smile beaming.
“You look beautiful tonight, ladies.” But his deep purple eyes are on me. I can’t help but blush at his open attention as we thank him and our craft darts forward toward the destination Reesa typed in.
I reach for Reesa’s hand as soon as we sit back together, and we say nothing during the short ride. When we arrive, the sight of Hans in the doorway with his hands in his jeans pockets, arms bulging, sets my heart galloping like a wild thing inside my ribs. He doesn’t look wasted, but the short doctor stands beside him, arms crossed, unamused.
We pull up and he takes a sloppy step forward before his usual graceful strides take over. Rees and I jump out.
“Ladies,” Hans says, tipping a fake hat.
The doctor sighs and goes inside, leaving us.
Hans
puts his arms around us both, leaning on us heavily as we walk to the craft. “How’d I get so lucky to have the hottest escorts on Mars?” His words sound thick. We don’t respond.
When we climb in and the doors are shutting, I see his hand go to his mouth like he’s taking something out. I narrow my eyes and stare at his hand, which is now in a loose fist on his lap.
Reesa punches in an address and we shoot forward.
“Hans,” I say, “What’s in your hand?”
“Hm?” He peers at me blankly.
I point to the loose fist resting on his leg. “Your hand. Open it.”
He does not obey. His blank eyes narrow on me like he’s surprised I noticed.
“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over.”
Reesa leans forward and opens his palm. He lets her. A faded blue pill rests in his palm. Reesa gasps and I swallow hard.
“Pussy pills,” Hans says. “Doc gives me one every day.” He laughs without humor. Reesa and I share a horrified glance, and I once again feel like I could puke. He’s not taking his PTSD meds.
“Rawk,” Reesa says carefully. “You need to take that right now.”
He stares down at it and shakes his head. “That shit numbs you. Fucks with your brain.”
“It doesn’t numb you,” I say. “It helps to fix the parts of your brain that are off. Your chemicals—”
“Don’t worry, little Lexon,” he says loudly. “I’m good.”
“You’re not good,” I shout. Reesa grabs my hand to try and calm me, but I can’t stop. “Have you even tried to take them?”
“Fuck no.” He scoffs.
Ugh! Stupid fucking male pride!
“Put it in your mouth,” I command.
“God damn, you sound like your brother—”
“I mean it!” I lean over and snatch the pill from his palm and press it to his lips, which are firmly pursed. In our nearness, his eyes crash into mine and I feel exposed, raw. I want to cry and beg. “Please, Hans.” It’s a desperate, husky whisper. He reaches up to hold my wrist, his hand hot.
“Why? It doesn’t matter. It’s too late.”
I blink, and two fat tears roll down my cheeks. He stares at them, mesmerized. I forget everything—where we are, who we’re with. My thumb caresses his lower lip and his eyes flutter closed.
“Please,” I whisper again.
His eyes are still closed. “It won’t matter.”
I slip the pill through his lips and watch as he moves it to the back of his throat with his tongue, and his Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow. Now his eyes open and our gazes snag again.
“Happy?” God, his voice is so rough and sexy. I want to roll around naked in that sound.
“Yes,” I whisper.
The craft stops and the three of us clamber out. I notice Reesa gives her eyes a quick wipe before she turns to me. “Why don’t you go ahead and walk him up. I’m going to window shop.” She points to the row of eclectic stores across the street from Hans’s loft building. She’s throwing me a bone and I’m so grateful.
I follow Hans inside the building, but when we get to the elevator he turns on me. He seems to be sobering up already, but when he leans forward to speak I can smell the alcohol, warm and junipery.
“That’s far enough,” he says. Then he peers confusedly around the parlor as if he’s just realizing something. “Shit, I have a meeting tonight.”
“You’re not going to the meeting,” I tell him. “Russ said to bring you back here. What floor are you on?”
“Fuck that. I have to go.” He turns, but Reesa is standing just inside the doors with her arms crossed as if she’d anticipated his lack of cooperation.
“Fourth floor,” she tells me. “Room 402.” Then she looks at Hans. “You’re staying here until Lex comes. Captain’s orders.”
He grits his teeth and lets out a small snarl. I ignore it and press the elevator button, feeling nervous when the door opens.
“You’re not coming to my room, little Lexon. There’s no fucking way.” The last words are slightly slurred, just enough to remind me he’s not in his right mind.
“I’m walking you to your room. Come on.” I step into the elevator and pull his arm. He stumbles in behind me and glares. When the door slides closed, I ask, “Did you bring one of those women home last night?”
“I don’t bring women here.” He’s standing close, his eyes bright blue. I cross my arms tightly. “I went home with them. All three of them, to be exact.” My whole body feels the disgusting sting of those words.
“Three women for one cock? Seems like overkill.”
“It’s a very needy cock. Quite capable of servicing three women.”
I roll my eyes. “Aren’t you special.”
The doors open and I quickly stride out before he can respond. I don’t stop until I get to room 402. Acid still churns in my stomach when I think about three women. He puts his hand on the wall panel and the door slides open. Hans gives me a fake salute.
“Your job is done. Now you can—” I slip under his arm into his room, and he lets out a grunt. “Lanna, what the fuck?” Ah, he used my name. I fight back a smile as I glance around his boring room. Cleanly made full bed with downy white linens. No headboard. Sleek dresser made of plastic and sheet metal. No pictures or décor of any kind. A chair in the corner with his uniform tossed haphazardly over the top.
I cross my arms. “I take it you use condoms with all of these women?”
“No need. Pretty much all Mars humana are on birth control. They even have the male pills now and I take that shit every day.” I glower at him.
“What about all the STDs you said were so rampant on Mars?”
“That’s just with the nasty Mars dudes. The females are clean.”
He gives me a cocky wink. I roll my eyes now and let out a snort at his ridiculous dark sense of humor.
I still can’t believe he’s not taking his meds. What will stop him from not taking it again tomorrow? And the day after?
I make a split moment decision, turning on my heel to look up at him. “I’m going to escort you home from your therapy sessions until you leave for your mission.”
He stares at me in disbelief and shakes his head. “The fuck you are.”
“Yep. And I’ll feed you your meds every day.” I tilt my head, smiling prettily. For a second his eyes take in my face, the highlighted hair around my face, my low cut tapered blouse and tight jeans. Then he blinks and glowers again.
“You need to leave.”
I go to his bed and take a bouncing seat, wiggling to get myself comfortable. I nearly laugh when I glance up at his blazing face.
“You trying to get me killed, kid?”
“Who do you think sent me to escort you tonight? My brother. And we have an agreement. He won’t be killing you.”
The blazing disbelief on his face only deepens. “I’m not going to fuck you.”
“I know.” And deep down, I do know, because his loyalty to my brother runs deep, and he won’t jeopardize that relationship for anything. In the short time I’ve been here, I’ve sort of come to terms with that. I respect it. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to leave him alone. And it doesn’t mean hearing him say it doesn’t hurt.
“So, then, what are you trying to do?” His baffled expression as he stands there, listing slightly to the side, endears me to him even more.
“I’m just going to…be with you.”
“Be with me.” He runs a hand through his hair, making the blond locks stand up a little, and he stares hard at the side wall. “Yeah, that’s not gonna work. I got shit to do, so you need to go.”
I kick my shoes off and scoot back until I’m against the wall, my ankles crossed. “Can you turn on some music or something? Your room is kind of boring.”
He crosses his arms. Holy biceps.
“My room is for sleeping. Not for partying.” But then, as if bothered by my comment he turns to the wall panel and turns on American rock. I smile.
He doesn’t.
“You’re definitely a Lexon. Fucking stubborn. Jesus.”
“Calling on the Lord can’t save you from an obstinate southern girl. Just sit down, Hans. Relax.” I pat the bed beside me and he stares at the spot for too long before clearing his throat and going to the chair, picking up his uniform and tossing it onto his dresser. He sits down hard, fingers thrumming the chair handles where his strong arms rest. I use the word “rest” loosely because he is wound tight, appearing ready to shoot out of the chair at any second.
“You don’t trust my motives,” I say.
“No, I don’t.”
“You think I’m going to try to seduce you.”
“Yes, I do.”
“You poor thing.”
I stand and pad to the wall panel, ordering us two fruit-and-vitamin-infused waters.
“Make yourself at home,” he grumbles.
I happily receive the waters when they come up through the wall conveyer, and hand him one. He takes a sip and grimaces. After another minute his leg starts to shake, antsy. He’s probably ready for another fix. When he stares at his dresser for a long moment I realize that’s where he keeps his pills. I have to scramble for a distraction. The answer comes to me when Sweet Home Alabama starts to play, and I leap to my feet.
“I love this song.”
“Of course you do.”
“Come on, dance with me!”
He puts up a palm as if I’m trying to give him a lap dance. “Not happening.”
“Oh, give me a break. You have to be tired of dancing to Mars music.”
“You mean like this?”
To my utter shock, he stands and breaks into a Mars dance that puts Hensley’s moves to shame. I fall over on the bed laughing as he punches the air and kicks his legs with hilarious precision.
“Oh, my God, stop!” I’m clutching my belly, about to pee myself.
Hans falls into the chair, a huge and gorgeous grin on his face. He pushes up his hair again and says, “Man, me and Dev used to make such fun of those motherfuckers.”
Out of the Stars (Into the Stars Book 2) Page 5
