Beautifully Destroyed

by Love, Sandra

  Vanessa knocked on the door. “Toria?”

  “I’m coming out, sorry.” I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I could feel the pills kicking in, and I started to feel better. I walked out of the bathroom. “I just felt sick and needed a moment.”

  “Okie dokie. Well, Mitch called and he said he was going to bring you some medication. I’m worried about you.”

  “You don’t have to worry.”

  I started to walk toward the couch.

  She sat down next to me. “Do you need to take it every day?”

  I sighed. “Yes, I do. If I don’t, its bad.”

  “Well, I really don’t want to talk about this, because I don’t think you will listen to me about getting help.”

  “I promise, one day I will.”

  I got up and helped Vanessa in the kitchen. I decided to scrub her floors and counters. I noticed that she was just staring at me. “Sorry. When I take the pills, they make me hyper and I feel the urge to clean.”

  “Okay. Well, I am going to go read if that’s okay.”

  “Yep. It’s cool.”

  I ended up cleaning her bathroom as well. Mitch came over and we decided to go for a walk.

  “Hey, girl. So how’s it going?”

  “Going great. I got a job.”

  “I heard. Hey, listen: I brought you out here for a reason. Tony wants me to stop using. So I am going to get help and stop.”

  “What? What about me?”

  He stopped and looked at me. “Toria, I want you to get help also.”

  “I don’t want help. I just want the pills.”

  “Well, you won’t be getting them from me.”

  I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and the panic rose in my chest. “What am I going to do?”

  “Get help, or you will lose everything. Including me.”

  “Why are doing this to me?”

  “Tony and I are in love and he wants me healthy. I know it will be rough, but I need this.”

  “So you are just going to abandon me?”

  He took my hand. “No, but we can’t live like this. It’s time for us to get better and move on. Just think about this, think about your life. Do you really want to pop pills for the rest of your life?”

  “I don’t know. Yes. No. Maybe.”

  “Well, until you decide, I need a break from you so I can get better.”

  I watched him walk away. What am I going to do now? How will I survive without Mitch? Better yet how will I survive without the drugs? I didn’t have some for three days once and I thought I was dying. It felt as if I couldn’t move. I can’t. No, I won’t go through that again. I will just have to find a dealer myself. I held my head high and walked back toward the house. When I got back, I noticed that Tony’s car was gone.

  “Hey girl, I thought I was going to have to come find you.”

  I laughed and went to sit on the couch. “So what do you want to do?”

  “Well, I have to work tomorrow night and there is a little dance club downtown.” Vanessa looked at her watch. “And if we get ready now we can go there for dinner and dancing.”

  I got really excited.

  “Oh wow, really? I would love that.”

  We got up and went to her closet. She found a black velvet dress for me to wear. It was just above my knees, and she let me borrow a pair of red heels to go with it. I went to fix up my hair and make-up, and we were out the door within an hour. In the car, I listened to her sing. It took about thirty minutes to arrive at our destination. I looked over at the two story building called The Grinding. People were dressed up—some looked like sluts, but I told myself not to judge. We got out and walked toward the door. I stopped.

  “What’s up?”

  “I don’t have an ID, and I am not twenty-one.”

  “Oh, they will let you in. Just act cool and they will wave you in. I come here a lot with Tony, so they know me.”

  She was right; we got in with no problem at all. Once in, I could see the people dancing to the music. Some were rubbing up on each other. It looked like they are going to have sex on the dance floor. We found a table in the corner and we went to sit.

  “Are you hungry?”

  My stomach growled. I was not used to eating more than once a day. “Actually, I am.”

  “Good, order anything.”

  The pink haired waitress came over, and Vanessa ordered us both a cosmopolitan, and the waitress didn’t even check our IDs. I ordered a double Swiss and mushroom cheeseburger with some fries.

  “I guess you were hungry.”

  “My stomach was yelling at me. ‘Bitch, feed me!’”

  Vanessa laughed out loud.

  I smiled, glad I still had a sense of humor at least. “So do you have a boyfriend?”

  She shrugged and sighed. “No, I’m single. I work too many hours to have time for a personal life.”

  “Well, we are going to have to change that.”

  “I don’t think I am pretty enough.”

  “WHAT?!?!” She looked at me in shock. “Vanessa, you’re gorgeous, and that blond guy over at the next table has been mind fucking you for the past fifteen minutes.”

  She smiled. “Really?”

  “Yep, now go ask him to dance.”

  “I will after some liquid courage.”

  We laughed.

  The food and drinks arrived and I ate my burger, savoring the juices and grease. I sipped on my cosmopolitan, and I was in heaven. I watched Vanessa get up and ask that guy to dance. As I watched them dance, a figure stepped in my sight. I looked up to see it was the guy from the office today. I started to panic.

  “Whoria Toria. Thought you might have died. You know, being homeless and all.”

  I felt embarrassed. Then I remembered his name… Sean. He was the asshole that got me hooked on drugs. “What do you want? And I am no whore.”

  “Like anyone would believe you.”

  “You’re just mad I denied you that last day I saw you.”

  “Ha! You wish. Now listen, don’t show up on Monday. Leave town. Better yet, go OD on your drugs.”

  “Is this all because I didn’t fuck you?”

  “Bitch, you’re nothing but a crack whore, and I will make sure everyone knows. Oh, and have a nice night.” He smiled at me and walked away.

  Tears formed in my eyes and I looked away. He was going to make my life a living hell, just as he did all those years ago.

  Driving around with Sean was fun and dangerous. We had been hanging out a lot since the party. I started by taking the pills on the weekend, and staying up all night, but progressed to taking the pills every day. My grades were slipping and I was skipping school. My boyfriend broke up with me, and Kaylyn and I stop hanging out with each other. But I remembered that night with Sean before he started calling me Whoria Toria.

  We were at his apartment and we started to fool around, until he started to get on top of me. “Sean, no.”

  “Oh come on, you gave me a blow job last week.”

  “Yes, I know, but I feel bad about that. I am not ready for sex.”

  He got off me and started to pace the floor. “So you just led me on, making it like you were going to fuck me. Bitch, I get you high every day.”

  Tears streamed down my face. “Sean, I wasn’t leading you on.”

  “Yes, you were. All you are is a tease who is a junkie now.”

  I got up and slapped him across the face.

  “You bitch.” He pushed me into the wall. “Wait until I tell everyone about how much of a whore junkie you are. Now get the hell out of my house and never call me again.”

  I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the house. I was about four miles away from home and it was late. I would have called Kaylyn, but she wouldn’t come get me. It was starting to get cold, so I walked a little faster. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. It was from Kaylyn.

  Wow, I suspected you were a drug addict, but selling your body too? No wonder you got the nam
e Whoria Toria.

  I blinked and Vanessa was standing in front of me. “Are you okay?” She looked really concerned.

  “Yeah, I’m just ready to go home.”

  As we started to walk toward the door, I turned my head and my eyes caught Mr. Turner’s. I just hung my head in shame. It looked as if my past was coming back to haunt me.

  Chapter Ten

  Jeb

  Looking at the sadness in her eyes as she walked out about destroyed me. When I saw Sean talking with her, and I couldn’t wait to know what they were talking about.

  “Hey man,” he said, walking back with two beers in his hands. “So you ready to party this weekend?”

  “Yes, and to get away from Barb.”

  “I think you need to drop her. She is bringing you down and I need my boy.”

  In an attempt to change the subject and not have to explain the whole sorted thing, I focused my attention on what I had seen between him and Toria. “So I saw you talking to my new employee.”

  “Yeah, she asked if I could score her some coke, and she said she would suck my dick in the bathroom. I am telling you, get rid of her and fast.”

  “I will think about it.” For some reason, I couldn’t believe what he was saying, so again I changed the subject. “There’s something I want to talk to you about. You know how you are running the other hotel? Well, how about coming back home to run the hotel here?”

  He looked taken aback. “Really? Hell yeah. Maddie wants to live closer to her family, and I would love working with you.”

  “But stay away from Toria. I am going to give her a trial period. I might even drug test her.”

  “You should; she looked fucked up tonight.”

  I shook my head. “I think we should get a cab and head to the condo. You want to stay at my place? You can crash in the guest room.”

  “Yeah, let me call Maddie outside.”

  After we stepped outside, I hailed a cab for us both while Sean called his fiancée to let her know what was going on. When he talked to her, his face lit up, and I could see that he loves her. They agreed we would all meet up after I got my tux and head to her parents to stay there. At the house, Barb was sitting on the couch watching some housewife reality television show.

  “Hey baby. Hey Sean.” She turned off the television and headed to the kitchen with us.

  “Barb, how’s life treating you?”

  “Good, we are getting married soon. Will you be there?”

  “Hell yeah I will be.”

  I held my head down.

  “So Barb, did he tell you about hiring a new employee today?

  She sat on the bar stool. “No, he didn’t. Do tell, baby.”

  I hated when she called me baby. “Yeah, I did. It’s a trial period, though. She’s young and has no experience.”

  “Oh, she has experience all right.”

  Barb looked at Sean. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, he hired a crack whore today.”

  “What? Is that true?”

  I slammed my hand down on the counter. “Sean, you knew her years ago. What if she changed?”

  “Really, babe, you are defending this girl over your best friend?”

  “I am just saying, don’t just jump to conclusions and start judging her. You never know how she is.”

  Sean walked over and grabbed a water off the counter. “Yeah, that’s why she’s homeless,” he judged.

  “Wait, how does this girl look?”

  “Long brown hair, sunk in face. Crack skinny, and she looks grungy.”

  “Jeb, is this the same girl you offered money to on the street?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes.”

  “Fire her.”

  I was shocked that this was the second time today I was told to fire her. “No. Now, I am going to bed. Barb, be up by nine so we can go. If you are not in the car at that time, I am leaving without you. Same to you, Sean. Goodnight.”

  I walked to my room, got undressed, and laid down. I couldn’t wait until Monday to see Toria.

  ***

  The next day, I woke up to Barb stroking my dick. “I will get your mind off that other girl.”

  I slapped her hand away from me. “Barb, I am not in the mood for this today. Please stop.”

  “How the fuck are you going to get me pregnant when, apparently, you’re not attracted to me?”

  “Whoa, we didn’t agree to kids.”

  She got off the bed and pulled the robe around her body. “Yes, I want three.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Just wait until I talk to my father. Let him know that your dick is now jerking for a crack whore. Let’s see if he signs the contract then.”

  I got out of the bed. “Go right on ahead. You won’t get what you want most; my money.”

  She just stomped out of the bedroom.

  For the rest of that day, we went to Maddie’s family’s home. They had money! Their house was gigantic, with a pool, tennis court, and they even had a golf course. Barb just ignored me the entire day. I swear I saw her walk off with one of the servers at the party. We decided to just stay there since the wedding was the next day. Maddie’s family seemed normal, and it made me so mad that I was being forced to marry a girl I couldn’t stand. I was jealous watching Sean and Maddie hold each other. I wanted that. Sean didn’t deserve that; I did. That wasn’t fair, I thought. I knew I wasn’t mad at him, I was just jealous. After we ate and had hours of fun, we were shown to our rooms. Barb and I had a room in the guest house. She still hadn’t said a word to me. I grabbed a pillow and blanket and went to sleep on the couch in the living room.

  ***

  I was woken up by Sean yelling in my face. “I’m fucking getting married today, bitches!”

  “Not cool. I’m glad you’re getting married, but did you have to wake me?”

  “Sean, really? I was having a great dream,” Barb said while coming out of the bedroom.

  “Sorry Barb. Maddie texted me earlier and asked if you could help her get ready.”

  She gave me a look. “As long as I am away from him.” She rolled her eyes. Sean told her where to find Maddie and she left without saying a word to me.

  “Jeb, don’t let this girl get to you.”

  “Who, Barb?”

  “No, Toria. She’s nothing but trouble, and she will just bring you down. Now, let us celebrate my day.”

  We got ready for the wedding, and then went to get pictures done. Maddie looked stunning, almost like a princess. She was so good for him, and I just hoped he didn’t fuck it up. After the wedding, it was time to party. Maddie was glad that they were moving back her so Sean could work with me. He would start in a couple of weeks after his honeymoon. We all partied until the sunset. We all watched Sean and Maddie ride off, and shortly after that Barb and I said our goodbyes and we headed home. She still didn’t say a word to me until we pulled up to the condo.

  “Remember, either you get rid of the homeless bitch or I will tell my father to say no to that business deal.”

  She walked into our bedroom and slammed the door. I guess it was to be another night on the couch.

  Chapter Eleven

  Toria

  The weekend went by so quick. After the club Friday, I decided to do a lot of thinking. Do I really want to work with this guy when he’s friends with Sean? I sat up on the couch, and looked at the clock on the cable box. Ten in the morning. I had to get up and get ready for my first day on the job. Vanessa had to be at work that morning

  She was riding my ass all weekend about my drug problem, and it was getting on my nerves. I liked her, but I’d rather live on the street and be alone then listen to people tell me I have a problem. I got up and went to my clothes. I hid the pills in some clean underwear so Vanessa wouldn’t find them and flush them.

  I got out a pill and counted the ones I had lift. “Shit.”

  I only had three left. I really needed some more. Maybe I could go to that building on East Street. It was wh
ere Mitch had been to get our drugs. I got up and took two of them so I could make it through work. Thinking of Mitch, I remembered what Vanessa had told me recently. His withdrawals were horrible, and he was puking and had the shakes. And he still didn’t want to see me, which made this whole situation worse. I didn’t want to have to go through any of that. I’d rather stay high so I could make money.

  I walked over to the kitchen table and there was a note with an envelope.

  Toria-

  Hey, I am going to Tony’s after work, so I left you cash. Please use it to get a cab, and to get food for the week. I trust that you won’t spend it otherwise. Here is my cell number: 555-6987. Call me when you are ready to come home tonight. Have a great day. Oh yeah, make sure you take that money. You can pay me back when you can.

  Vanessa

  I was surprised to see one-hundred dollars in the envelope. She wouldn’t know if it was used for pills, at least part of it, though I did feel a little bad about betraying her. Still, selling my body or virginity for pills was out of the question. I’d sucked dick before, but doing that was also not happening. I left the money on the table and went to the bathroom. After a few moments, the effects of the pills started to surface, and it felt good. In the bathroom, I saw there was a black shirt that said Turner’s Hotel, and a pair of black skinny jeans. After getting into the bag again to get out some fresh undergarments, I turned on the water and got inside. After washing my body and hair, I got out and got dressed, throwing my hair up into a high ponytail and putting on a little make-up. Looking at myself, my face was getting a little bit of weight on it, but I still looked really skinny. I shook my head then walked out of the bathroom. After getting on my shoes and socks, I used her house phone to call for a cab, and then went to wait outside with the book. I really loved this author, Genevieve Scholl. Hopefully, I could meet her one day. Moments passed and I heard a horn honk. Looking up, I realized the cab was there. After wiping my eyes, because the story was destroying me, emotionally, I walked to the cab and got inside.

  “Can you take me to East Street?”