“Are you hungry?” he asked Cait when he helped her descend the ladder.
“No, I just want to be alone,” she said.
“Okay.” He turned away from her and went to the kitchen. Since she wasn’t hungry, he’d fix himself a steak and go to bed early.
There was no reason for Cait to be upset about the picture. She obviously hadn’t recognized the man, but it did add an interesting wrinkle into his plans on getting Glen away from the senator.
He’d have to make a flowchart and figure out the best course of action. Mrs. Thornton had told him that every secret had many reasons behind it. The key was to figure out why someone wanted to keep a secret, then maneuver them into a corner. Secrets were great tools for master negotiators like him.
What did he want? Glen.
What had Alana wanted? Glen and her marriage to the senator.
What did the senator want? Power and standing in the community.
The picture in the attic could cause a scandal, but it could also be a bargaining chip.
Brian flipped the steak, smiling to himself. This Christmas was looking to be his best ever, although he would have to replace the car Cait totaled.
The two dogs smelled the steak and circled the kitchen, begging for a scrap. He cut off a small piece for each one, then fed them their dog food.
Since Cait wanted to be alone, Brian ate in the kitchen, standing next to the stove. He was wolfing down his steak when Cait dragged herself through the door.
“Smells good. Do we want to eat at the table?”
His mouth full of steak, he chewed and swallowed. “I’m almost done. I thought you said you weren’t hungry.”
“I was starving.” She palmed her head and sighed. “Oh, Brian, I wish you wouldn’t take everything literally.”
Alana had explained to him that normal people lived lives full of imagined stories behind every action. Simply saying “I’m not hungry,” could mean many things.
This was especially true with women. Brian clearly remembered the list Mrs. Thornton gave him. Look for stories behind the words. Don’t take them at face value. Imagine what the real message is. Does she want your attention? Your forgiveness? Or is she angry and wants you to suffer?
“Sorry.” Brian rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess I should have made you a steak. Why did you say you weren’t hungry?”
“I was upset and wanted to be left alone. I can’t believe my mom would pull a fast one over my dad. Maybe you’re right. It’s an uncle I don’t know about, or a friend. I know my mother was pregnant before she married my father, but I never thought I wasn’t theirs.”
Brian drank water to chase the lump of steak down his throat. “It’s just a picture. Maybe we should look for more clues.”
“I don’t want any more clues.” She dragged her fingers through her long locks of hair. “I want to rest and get better, except there’s nothing to do up here but go crazy.”
“We could get ready for our perfect Christmas,” Brian said. “Larry left a basket of chestnuts. I can put another log on the fire and we can roast them.”
“I need to eat something first.” She opened the refrigerator and wrinkled her nose.
Melia was immediately at her side, sniffing the contents of the fridge, while Sierra milled around the kitchen, brushing her tail over every surface.
“I’ll put on another steak for you or fix you a salad,” he offered.
“It’s okay, I can do it myself.”
“Still want to be left alone?” he checked, before putting his plate down.
She shrugged and patted the dogs.
“Guess I’ll go into town and get some supplies.” He figured his best option was a full retreat. “Want anything?”
“No, I just want this day to be over.”
“Six more hours.” He glanced at the clock and hurried out the door.
“Wait!” Cait called after him. “I’ve decided I want to decorate. While you were cooking your steak, I found a wood-burning kit and a small coping saw in the woodshed. Can you get me pieces of wood, glitter, glue, and ribbons?”
“Why don’t you come with me?” He walked back up the porch.
Cait swallowed hard and shook her head. “I’d rather stay here. Don’t come back too late. The roads are dark.”
“I’ll be fine.” He remembered to lean toward her and give her a kiss on the cheek. It was what normal husbands did, and he liked the feel of her skin under his lips.
She blinked and nodded. “Be careful, okay?”
“You too.” He threw in a joke. He had a list of them he’d memorized to fit in at the firehouse. “Don’t burn down the house until I get back.”
That brought a smile to her otherwise weary face.
“Sure, Brian. That’s why I married you. To put out my fires.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sweat runs down my face and I squint, blind from the fog on my windshield. I crank the defogger to max. The wipers chop frantically back and forth, unable to clear the rivers of water.
What am I doing out on a night like this?
Hoooonkkkk! The blare of a horn sends a shockwave through my body, and white hot headlights in my rearview mirror blast my eyeballs.
My car shakes, blown back and forth by gusts of wind. I can barely see the reflectors on the guardrail. I’m going too fast, but the maniac behind me keeps his horn going.
I signal right, hoping he’ll pass me, but he sticks to my tail instead. The road’s too winding. A flashing light tells me to slow down for the hairpin turn.
Why aren’t the brakes working? I can’t turn. The steering wheel’s stuck. I floor the brakes and pow!
I crash through the guardrails and fly for a moment only, and then, I’m turning upside down and all around. A shrill scream pierces my eardrum, and I try grabbing onto something, anything.
Only there’s nothing to hold onto. I fall and fall and fall. Any second now, I’ll crash and die. I must remember those I love. How will I know them? How will they know me?
Mama. Papa. Connor. Jenna. Grady, Melisa. Dale.
There’s one more! I have to call him, or he’ll be gone forever.
Who am I missing?
Mama. Papa. Connor …
Thwap, boom, crash, crunch. I’m a goner. I’m lost and I’ll never find him again.
“Brian! Brian Wonder!”
“Cait, I’m here. What happened?” A familiar voice sounded through the dark.
Cait jolted up, her eyes popping open.
A man ran through the doorway and turned on the bedside lamp.
Cait shielded her eyes and cringed into her bedsheets. It had been a dream. Only a dream.
“Brian?” She croaked through her sore throat. “What took you so long? You weren’t back, and I was so tired I went to sleep.”
“You wanted to be left alone, so I stayed in the car until you turned off the lights.”
“Weren’t you cold?” She touched his cheek.
“I had a down jacket on, and Sierra and Melia kept me warm in the back seat.”
“I shouldn’t have driven you away,” she said, reaching for him. “Hold me. I didn’t really want to be alone.”
“Should I get into the bed with you? It’s not our night.”
“Every night is our night.” She had to remember his special needs, that he needed to be told literally what to do. It wasn’t romantic or sweet, but it was the only way he operated.
“Okay, gladly.” He threw the covers back and climbed into bed. “What happened? You were screaming for me.”
“I had a bad dream.” She shuddered in his arms. “I couldn’t stop the car. There was a truck chasing me down the mountain, and the rain was heavy. I floored the brakes and the car went faster and faster. I crashed because the brakes failed.”
“The brakes failed?” Brian gaped at her. “I just had new brake pads put on. How could it be?”
“I don’t know, but I wasn’t driving too fast. I was trying to stop. There w
as a huge truck or SUV tailgating me. He had his high beams on and he kept blaring his horn.”
“We have to tell the police,” Brian said. “The sheriff said it was a suspicious accident. They thought you were high or drunk, but your blood test was clean. The insurance company wants you to make a statement before they’ll pay. They thought you were crazy.”
“I’m not crazy.” She jerked back from him and narrowed her eyes.
“You just said there was nothing to do up here but to go crazy.” He blinked as if she had misunderstood something simple.
“It’s just an expression.” Cait smoothed the worry lines from between Brian’s eyebrows. “If I tell you I want to be alone, it’s only for a little while. I usually like to be around lots of people.”
“Then why are we up here all alone in the woods? Why didn’t we go home with your family?”
“I wanted to be alone with you. We have so much to get through. So much to discuss. Our marriage is on the rocks.”
“On the rocks?”
“Not literally. Not like whiskey on the rocks.” She forced a chuckle. “But everything I thought I wanted wasn’t what I really wanted. I took advantage of you. I wanted a hiding place—safely married so my parents could turn their worries to my brothers and sisters. I wanted …”
“To hide a secret. I know.”
“That’s the worst of it.” She closed her eyes. “I lied to you.”
“No, you didn’t. You just didn’t tell me, but I already knew. I have a photographic memory, and I was always watching you in high school. I knew when you snuck out of your parents’ house. You were so smart. They thought you were at drama club rehearsals.”
“You stalked me? Why?”
He lifted one shoulder and twisted his lips. “I liked you and wished you would go out with me, but I didn’t know how to ask you, and you didn’t like me.”
“But weren’t you going over to Mrs. Thornton’s house?”
“I only went to her house because you were going out with Tommy Harper.” His blue eyes narrowed in an accusing fashion.
“You and I barely spoke in high school.” Cait recoiled at the awful feeling that Brian had watched her every move while she was unaware.
“I know.”
“Do you still like me?” The thought that Brian knew her deepest shame was mortifying. How could he have married her knowing what an awful person she was? A hypocrite, pretending to be the obedient daughter, lording over her brothers and sisters, always siding with her parents while sneaking out and doing bad things.
“Yeah, and I got to marry you. I played my cards right, but after the baby went away, you didn’t need me anymore, so I stayed away. You were happier with me being gone all the time, and everything was great until Connor started bugging me.” During this entire monologue, he sounded robotic, like he was reciting lines. Maybe it was his way of not hurting her, or trying to minimize her pain.
Even so, her heart stood still, feeling exposed and raw, as if she were being judged and found wanting.
“About paying attention to me?” she finally eeked out. “You don’t really want to be doing this?”
He shrugged his trademark shrug and averted his gaze. “I want to be normal, and normal people fall in love.”
Cait winced at his honesty. It hurt, but then again, pain was what she deserved. She’d been outed as a fraud.
Maybe she didn’t know what she really wanted since she’d been hiding for so long. Hiding behind the cheerful, busybody big sister persona. Helpful, caring, generous, and gregarious. Chatty Cait, life of the Hart family, and ringmaster of activities and get-togethers.
“I want your feelings to come naturally. Not because my brother told you to make me feel loved. Or because you want to prove to the world you’re normal.” She stabbed at his chest. “Besides, you’re probably more normal than the rest of us. At least you mostly tell the truth. The rest of us say things we don’t mean.”
“I want you to be happy, and I mean it.” He tipped her chin to face him. “If you can help me figure out what love means, then maybe I’ll love you, too.”
“Right, maybe.” It was the best she could get from him, so she pasted on a smile. “We can figure it out together.”
“Just tell me what to do.”
If it were only that easy.
Cait nodded and reached for him. “Hold me and everything will be all right.”
“I can do that.” With a glint in his eye, Brian turned off the lamp. “Since you said every night is our night, can we?”
“Yes, and thanks for asking.” She cradled his head in her hands and pressed a kiss on his lips. He was too straightforward to be romantic, but he was always considerate and kind.
Maybe, at the end, that was what true love was: kindness and consideration in the light of the day and a wild man between the sheets at night.
Except she wanted more, and she would never get it from a man who had to be told what to do to love her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The next week was idyllic, full of decorating and denial. Cait refused to go down the mountain and into town to call the insurance adjustor, and Brian refused to leave her alone.
Instead, they turned the cabin into a Christmas workshop, assembling ornaments, wreaths, and yard decorations.
Brian would cut pieces of plywood into animal shapes with the coping saw, and Cait wood-burned eyes, noses, and features into them, making bobcats, rabbits, bears, squirrels, deer, birds, and other woodland creatures.
Every day, they’d visit their tree and put up a new set of ornaments. Cait also filled pine cones with suet and rolled them in birdseed to feed their animal friends, and she renewed the popcorn garlands daily.
Brian chopped wood and filled the woodpile, while Cait gathered twigs. She tied them together with ribbons to make stars and dusted them with colorful glitter.
In the evenings, they’d take long, slow walks together, holding hands, accompanied by Sierra and Melia. Brian had seemingly forgotten about Glen, and Cait was content to while the hours away in silence, not feeling like she had to fill up their time together with constant chatter.
Instead, she gathered materials to make Christmas wreaths and garlands: pinecones, acorns, spruce branches, and look for the toyon bushes laden with bright red berries and dark green leaves.
Their nights were spent in bed, making love and holding each other. She’d ditched her neck brace after three days, and even though her neck was stiff, it was no longer painful. She’d never slept so closely entwined with another person, and even though her ribs still ached, she was always able to find a comfortable position, wrapped in Brian’s arms.
“We still have to put up a star,” Cait said, dusting the glitter off her hands. “Then our tree will be done.”
“I don’t think we have a ladder that reaches that high,” Brian said.
“Too bad you don’t have the fire truck.”
“Hey, that’s an idea. I can call the Colson’s Corner fire station and ask them to borrow it.” Brian’s eyes lit up.
“Anytime.” Cait waved a silver star she constructed out of aluminum baking pans. “Or you can be a man and climb the tree.”
“I’m too heavy for the upper branches.” Brian took the star from her. “Nice work.”
“Thanks. I’m a pro with Christmas decorations.” She picked up a row of popcorn garlands. “Shall we put up the finishing touches?”
“Yeah, I want to take some pictures.” He grabbed the last batch of ornaments from the kitchen table. “When we get back, I’ll put up the lights around the cabin.”
“It’s going to be so beautiful.” Cait clapped her hands. “Our very own Christmas cabin in the woods.”
“I aim to please.” Brian grinned as he kicked open the door with his foot and carried the box out to the porch.
“Come on, Sierra, Melia,” Cait called. “Time to visit our tree.”
“Feels cold enough to snow,” Brian said, looking at the clear sky. “
They’re forecasting a storm a few days before Christmas.”
“Brrr …” Cait slipped on her gloves. “That’s great. I’ve always wanted a white Christmas.”
The air was nippy, and a chilly breeze blew through the forest. The tips of Cait’s ears and her nose prickled from the cold. They hiked through the woods and over the creek, arriving at their tree.
The dogs barked and circled the tree, chasing any remaining squirrels up high.
“Too bad we can’t get one of the squirrels to put up the star,” Cait said.
“We’ll think of something. I can try with the rake.”
“That’s a good idea.” Cait walked around the tree stringing it with yet another popcorn garland while birds chirped and flitted back and forth in the upper branches.
Brian looped colorful ribbons up and down the tree, and together they scattered all of the wood-burned ornaments up to the branches they could reach.
“Time for the star,” Brian said, hooking the loop Cait had glued to the back of the star with the rake.
He raised it up toward the top of the tree and shook the rake, trying to position the star at the tip top where the wind blew the branches back and forth.
“Almost got it.” Brian said. He lowered the star onto the top branch, but when he removed the rake, the star tumbled off the tip top and sat sideways on a lower branch.
He knocked it off the tree and tried again. But the star wouldn’t stay on top of the swaying tree.
“It’s too windy,” he said. “I wish we had an elf who could climb up there.”
“Hope the wind doesn’t blow off all the rest of the ornaments and ribbons,” Cait said. “We better hurry and take pictures.”
They took pictures of each other, and then a couple of selfies. Brian kissed Cait on the last one, and she giggled as the dogs ran merrily around the tree, barking and chasing each other.
“We should invite everyone here for Christmas,” Cait said. Even though the huge secret her parents hid from her hung like a rock over her head, she still missed them.
Blue Chow Christmas Page 11
