by Mason, Dana
I head back inside and up the stairs. Emily is in her office on the phone, so I take the time to check out the other rooms upstairs. Walking to the end of the hall, I inspect the bathroom. It’s spotless and in pretty good shape if you can ignore the rose wallpaper. When I step out, I run into Emily.
“Hey,” she says, and I get the impression she’s nervous.
“How are you feeling?” Out of concern, I lift my hand to her forehead to check for a temperature. She doesn’t feel warm, but with her hooded eyes and flushed checks, I can tell she’s not feeling well. After checking her forehead, I slide my hand down her arm before letting it drop.
“I’m almost done, just another few minutes. How’s it going?”
I look around and exhale slowly. “This place is amazing. I can’t wait to get to work.”
Finally, she smiles. “I love it too.”
“How long have you guys been here?”
“Not long. We signed the papers about eight months ago. Before that, we worked out of my house for a few weeks after we left Tate, Brown, and McKennon.” She hesitates then stammers, “Drew, I’m sorry but do you think… what I mean is, would you be horribly offended if I did have lunch with Grant? I just realized you’re right. I need to set the record straight with him. I tried once before, on the phone, but he obviously didn’t listen. I’ve been avoiding him since I got home from Maui, and I feel I need to make things clear with him, so he understands that he and I, that we’re—”
“You want to make sure he knows you’re not his girlfriend.”
She dips her head as if she’s embarrassed. “Yes, exactly. I don’t want any hard feelings, but I also don’t want him to continue to tell people we’re seeing each other.” Her brows lift. “We were never seeing each other.”
I grin at her and realize she’s worried about what I think. “I promise I won’t be offended if you have lunch with him, provided you’re up for it. If you’re not feeling well, you should go home.”
“I’m fine. At least, I feel okay enough to eat lunch.”
“Okay, that works out since I have an errand to run too. Do you want me to meet you somewhere after lunch?”
She looks perplexed but then clears her face. “Right… you have roommates… So we probably shouldn’t go to your house if we want to be alone.” She lifts her wrist to look at her watch. “How about meeting at my house?”
“That’s fine… but Emily, I need to tell you something about those roommates.”
Her eyes widen and I’m wondering what she’s thinking, but I’m sure whatever it is, it’s not the actual truth.
“Can we save this?” Her eyes drop to the floor and then slowly lift to mine. “I know we both have some things we need to share, but I’d love to wait.” She closes her eyes for a moment. “I just need a day to have this… to have you… without those truths.”
“It’s not what you’re thinking.”
She lifts her hand. “Please, let’s wait. Please.”
I feel like I’m missing something vital. Something she doesn’t want to share, and in return, she’s keeping me from telling her everything. My heart sinks. I don’t want her to tell me something that will ruin this, but what could? I can’t think of anything she could tell me that would turn me off. I want her. Regardless.
I nod at her, understanding. “You can have two days if you like. Three, even… just as long as I get to share those days with you.”
She reaches out and hugs me. “Thank you. I just want to enjoy a day with you without everything else getting in the way, okay?”
When she tries to let go, I keep a hold on her. “Is everything okay? Why do I feel like I should be worried?”
Her shoulders drop, and she shakes her head. “You don’t need to worry. I’m fine. Just really happy to see you.” She glances down at her watch. “I’m going to go call Grant. When you’re done looking around up here, come into my office, and we can swap numbers. Finally!” she says with a laugh.
“Okay. See you in a few minutes.”
When she retreats back to her office, I rest against the door frame and watch her walk away. She’s rocking that business suit, with a perfect little ass, but I have to admit, I can’t wait to see that thick, silky hair tangled around her shoulders. How did I get so lucky? I lift my eyes to the ceiling, praying nothing ruins this. I want her… I need her. The last weeks without her have been torture.
I move into the next room, which I expect to be empty, but it’s been turned into a storage and copy room. Filing cabinets line the walls, and a couple of them are locked up with padlocks. I fight to focus on the job as I inspect the molding and then bounce up and down on the squeaky floor. The floorboards are loose under the ancient carpet. I pull out my notebook and add it to the list. I keep catching myself grinning. Grinning like a freaking loon.
Please let this be as good as it feels.
After finishing up in the copy room, I walk down the hall to Emily’s office. She’s signing off her computer and locking her desk drawers. As quietly as I can, I walk to the windows and look out at her view. She has a smaller office than Rebecca, but she’s also got the beautiful window seat with the beveled stain-glass window.
“I’m ready. How about you?”
Her voice is so pure and sweet. Hearing her reminds me of our whispered conversations while lying in bed, listening to the ocean in Maui.
I turn toward her and nod, taking my phone out to enter her number. She gives me a business card with her office and cell number listed. I enter those in and then say, “Address?”
She calls it out, and when I hear it, I mutter, “Shit. Are you serious?”
Her eyes pop up to meet mine. “Yes. That’s my address. What’s wrong with it?”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “If I’m not mistaken, we’re practically neighbors. I only live about six blocks from you.”
Her blue eyes light up, and one side of her mouths tips up into a grin. “Stop it. You’re joking.”
“Nope, not joking.”
We stare at each other for a moment, but then her eyes drop back down to her phone. “I’ll see you there in about an hour, maybe closer to an hour and a half?”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you there. I hope the lunch goes well.” Once I’m in my truck, I sit there for a while, trying to get my bearings.
I can’t believe this day.
With a huge, stupid smirk on my face, I head over to my mother’s house. I want to hug the kids one more time before they leave, especially after arguing with Kyle this morning. Also, I want to make sure my mom knows he’s not allowed to surf. He’s a sneaky kid, and I wouldn’t put it past him to try and talk her into letting him do it.
When I arrive, they’re packing the car.
“Perfect timing,” my mom says, smiling at me when I get out of the truck. “Now you can help load the car.”
“First, you don’t invite me to go away with you guys, now you’re trying to recruit me to load the car,” I laugh as I lift Hannah off the ground to hug her.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hi, doll, are you all ready for the trip?”
She nods with a toothy grin.
“Thank you for helping Celia pack. She said she couldn’t have managed without you.”
I hear a snort behind me and turn to see my sister, Jennie, carrying out two duffle bags. “Celia’s very kind, and probably a liar,” she grumbles this last part as I set Hannah down, grab a bag out of Jennie’s hand, and toss it in the trunk.
“You guys better hurry or you’re going to hit a lot of traffic.”
Jennie rolls her eyes. “Have you tried loading up the car for a trip with four little kids running around your feet?”
“Nope, but that just proves I’m smarter than you.”
“Hmmm,” she hums as she drops the other duffle into the car.
“You should have asked Celia to come along. She could’ve helped with the kids.”
“Oh, stop. We can handle these kids just fine.
Jennie’s just upset Rob isn’t coming along.”
Jennie raises a finger. “I am indeed irritated that my husband backed out at the last minute.” She cocks her head. “Maybe you two should hang out while we’re gone. I’d hate for you both to have to eat alone.”
I laugh at that. “I’m not babysitting your husband. Besides, I have plans.” Again, I can’t erase the grin from my face.
“Really?” My mom narrows her eyes at me. “I thought you were dead set on finding that gal from Hawaii.’
“I was… and I did.”
Her eyes stretch, and she gasps. “Oh, my gosh, Drew, that’s wonderful. How on earth did you find her?”
“She’s my new client. She and her partner bought that huge house in Midtown I’ve been wanting.”
“No way,” Jennie says. “That’s crazy.”
“Yep. She even lives in East Sac, just a few blocks from me.”
“Partner? What does that mean?” Mom asks.
Jennie rolls her eyes. “Mom, it doesn’t mean she’s gay. It’s probably a business partner.”
Before the bickering can start, I interrupt. “She’s an attorney and yes, it’s her business partner.”
My mom stops glaring at Jennie long enough to pat my arm. “I’m so glad, Drew. Really. I hope everything works out. I can’t wait to meet her.”
This stops me dead in my tracks. Maybe I shouldn’t have told my family about Emily. What if she doesn’t want to continue this relationship after she finds out I have kids? It’s possible. Then I’m going to have to tell them, and they’re going to judge her for it. Of course, then I can count on them talking about the lawyer who didn’t want a relationship with my kids for weeks after. As if losing her over it won’t be enough. It wouldn’t be the first time, and I really dread it. There’s nothing like being constantly reminded of what you lost because of what you have. But that’s the story of my life.
As if reading my thoughts, Jennie says, “Don’t worry, if she’s really into you, it won’t matter that you’re a single father. She’ll want you and your kids.”
I meet her eyes, and I’m thankful for her kindness. We’ve been through this before, and she knows the struggle. My mom and Jennie have been my champions since losing Kayla. They’ve been here every day for my kids and me. I’m not sure where we’d be or how we would have survived without them.
“Thanks, Sis.” I wrap an arm around her and kiss the top of her head. “I need to say bye to the kids and get out of here. Have fun though. Oh, and no matter what Kyle says, he’s not allowed to surf.”
“Right, we know,” Mom replies. “No surfing.”
“We’ve already heard all about how mean you are for not letting him surf,” Jennie says. “Go, quick and give them a hug so we can get out of here.”
“Oh, and Drew, there’s a sandwich in there for you. I grabbed you one when we stopped at the deli earlier.”
“How’d you know I was stopping by?”
They both look at me like I have three heads. My mom drops her hand on her hip. “We’re taking your kids away for three days. I had no doubt you’d drop by to say goodbye.”
I shrug as I head into the house. “Thanks, Mom, but one of these days I’m going to do something truly unpredictable just to throw you off.”
As I step inside, I turn to look at the family photos along the entry hall. I do it whenever I enter this house, I can’t help myself. Seeing Kayla pregnant with Hannah and her smiling face gets me every time. It was such a magical time. We were happy, all of our dreams were coming true… and then Hannah was born, and everything fell apart.
“What are you doing, Daddy?” Hannah asks, watching me from her perch on the couch.
“Just looking at Mommy.” I turn to face her. “I need to get going. Come give me a hug goodbye.”
I bend down as she runs over and wraps her arms around my neck. When I lift her off her feet, she squeezes and holds on for a long time. This child gives all her love unconditionally, just like her mother. She is her mother in so many ways.
“I love you, Hannah Banana.”
“I’m sorry you miss her, Daddy.”
My heart breaks a little every time Hannah says something like this. She has no idea how her mother died, but one day she’s going to ask… I dread that day. I’ve been dreading it since the day we lost Kayla. It’s the reason I hide my grief from them. It’s why I can’t let them see how much I miss her. The day Hannah asks about her mother will be the day she loses her innocent spirit and I hate that I can’t hide it forever. I pat her arm so she’ll look at me. When our eyes meet, I smile at her.
“You don’t have to be sorry, sweetheart. I miss her, but I have you.” I poke her nose. “And you are my heart.”
There’s nothing like a constant reminder of what you lost because of what you have.
“I love you too, Daddy.” She makes a little heart with her fingers. Then she plants a sweet kiss on my cheek. As I set Hannah back on her feet, I realize my sister is absolutely right. Any woman who couldn’t find room in her heart for these two incredible little beings doesn’t deserve them––or me.
Nineteen
Emily
As I sit waiting for Grant, I’m running through a script in my head. It’s not working though. No matter what I say or how I say it, it doesn’t come out right. It irritates me that I have to break up with someone I was never actually seeing. But I know I need to be kind. Yes, he’s self-absorbed. Yes, he’s arrogant. But he’s probably not going to take this well, and I don’t want to burn the bridge. So… I must be kind.
When I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, I nearly jump out of my skin.
“I’m glad to see you were able to make time for me.” He leans down to kiss me. I turn so his lips land on my cheek. He doesn’t seem to notice, which doesn’t surprise me. The calm that settled over me in Drew’s presence has evaporated completely. With Grant, I feel incapable of relaxing. I guess that’s one more huge difference between the two. Drew hangs on my every word. He’s perceptive and caring. Grant… isn’t. At all.
“Thanks for making time for me,” I reply. “I know I told you I wasn’t free, but I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“I’ve wanted to see you too. We’ve barely had time for each other since you returned from your business trip.”
I fight the blush. Forgetting that I lied about my vacation. Now I feel a little ashamed, but it passes when he says, “I’m sorry about Drew today. I can’t believe his behavior.”
“What do you mean?” I shrug, truly baffled. “What did he do wrong?”
“Hugging you like that, getting so close. Acting like you were actually glad to see him.”
Now I’m really surprised. “Grant, I was as happy to see him as he was to see me.”
“You don’t have to say that.” He looks up as the waitress approaches our table. “Can we have a bottle of Vermentino. Also, I’ll have the lasagna, but start with the spinach salad… and make it for two. Emily, you like the spinach salad, don’t you?”
I glance up at the waitress, trying not to look annoyed. “I’ll just have the soup of the day and a glass of water.”
Grant nods. “Go ahead and bring the salad first.” He holds up two fingers. “Remember, for two.”
The waitress writes it down and then rushes away. Seriously, it’s like I don’t even exist. What can he possibly see in me when he knows nothing about me?
“Grant, I’m not trying to be nice. Drew and I—”
“Listen, Em, I’m sorry. He may be a bit odd, but he’s a brilliant craftsman. If you can bear to be around him, I still think he’s the perfect choice for you.”
I hold up my finger, ready to defend Drew. “First, he’s not odd. Not in the least. Second, please stop talking and actually listen to what I have to say.”
He lifts a single brow, and I think he may have actually heard me. But then he says, “Oh, I forgot to tell you, an associate at work offered to let us use his cabin at Lake Almanor. It
’s available the week after next. What do you think?”
“No.”
He tilts his head, and I can’t help but compare him to a confused puppy. It makes me wonder how many times he’s actually heard the word no.
“I’m sorry?”
“No, I’m not interested in going away with you.”
“Okay.” He sucks air through his teeth. “You don’t like the mountains… What about spending the weekend in San Francisco?”
“No, Grant.”
Again, with the cocked head. “Is someone having her monthly?”
“Excuse me!” I scoff. “Actually, I’m not having my monthly! But that’s none of your damn business.” If only he knew the truth about that. Dropping both of my hands on the table with a bang, I slant back in my chair, fighting to control my reaction. I want to rage at him, but I exhale slowly and struggle to keep from embarrassing myself. “I can’t believe you just said that to me.” I take another deep breath. “Grant, this isn’t going to work. I can’t see you anymore.”
Finally, he looks at me as if he’s really heard me.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how you keep telling people that we’re involved when we’re not. We only had dinner twice and I’m sorry to break it to you, but we are not actually dating. If you keep talking without listening, we won’t even be friends much longer.”
“I apologize if I’ve offended you. I’ve only had good intentions. Inviting you away for a few days was meant to be a kind gesture. I didn’t realize it would offend you.”
“Inviting me away wasn’t offensive. Asking me if I’m having my monthly was offensive. Not hearing a word I’ve said was offensive. Calling Drew odd was offensive. Nearly every other thing you’ve said to me since we sat down has been offensive.”
Of course, this is the moment the waitress brings over the salad and the wine. She sets down two glasses, but I immediately place my hand over my glass before she can pour.
“I’m not drinking, but thank you.”
Grant is staring at me like I just killed his favorite Marvel character. I can’t believe he didn’t see this coming. How could any person be so clueless? When the waitress walks away, he takes the salad tongs and plates some for both of us. I fight with everything I have to keep from rolling my eyes.
