by Mason, Dana
“If we have two available rooms downstairs, we have an office space option if we hire someone who can’t get upstairs. Which is actually a great idea,” Rebecca says, annoyed with my inattentiveness.
I feel the heat in my cheeks but try to shrug it off. “That sounds fine to me. Drew, I can’t believe how quickly you were able to draw this up,” I say, gesturing toward his notepad.
He cocks an eyebrow. “Did I mention I’ve been in love with this building for years?”
“The plans are really great,” Rebecca agrees. “Can we meet again on Tuesday for an update, same time as today?”
“Absolutely. I’ll add it to my calendar. Thank you, ladies, for your time.” As he says this, he stands and collects his notes.
Rebecca and I stand too but before I leave the room, I turn toward Drew. “Can you stop in before you take off?”
He nods, “Of course, let me get everything in the truck first.”
I head up the stairs with Rebecca, and when we reach my office, she follows me in. “I just want you to know, I’m picking up a pregnancy test tonight and bringing it with me tomorrow, so you don’t need to worry about it.”
“Thank you.” I blow my bangs off my face and say, “I’m so nervous.”
“How are you feeling? Still nauseous and tired?”
My stomach drops when she asks this but it’s pointless to continue to ignore the obvious. “Yeah.” I feel the tug of a frown pull my lips down. “And my boobs hurt. There are too many symptoms to ignore now.”
“Oh, crap!”
“I know. I’m trying not to freak out about it, but when you look at me like that, it’s really hard.”
“Emily, how do you feel? Are you happy about it?”
“I’m too freaked out to know. I think I am, but it’s hard when I don’t know what his reaction is going to be.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Not until after I take a test tomorrow and I need to get through this event on Saturday first. I don’t know, but I’ll figure something out after that.”
I can tell Rebecca is trying to hide her smile, and I’d like to feel happy about it too, but I’m too scared. She finally says, “It’ll be fine, you’ll see.” Then she stands and as she’s leaving my office, Drew steps in.
“Everything okay?”
“Of course, why?”
“You look flushed.” He lifts his hand to my forehead, and my stomach immediately starts to flutter. He’s always trying to take care of me, which makes me think he’ll be a great dad one day. My stomach somersaults… maybe even sooner than one day.
I wonder if it’s time to test the waters. “Have you ever considered having kids?” I ask, but when I see his expression change, I immediately know I made the wrong decision. What the hell is wrong with me? The concerned expression melts away and he pulls back like he’s been burned. Discomfort and confusion are clear in his eyes.
Dammit, what was I thinking?
“I have… why?”
I shrug, trying to act nonchalant. “I don’t know, I was just thinking you’d make a great dad someday… you know, because you’re such a good caretaker.”
“Oh, ah, thanks. I think.” He looks around as if he’s trying to find an escape. “I need to get back to the office. I have to work late tonight. Do you mind a late dinner? Probably eight or nine.”
I’m fighting not to feel hurt by this, but I’m not sure what I was expecting. My stomach bottoms out. What the hell am I thinking? We barely know each other. Of course he doesn’t want to think about having kids with me, much less talk about it.
Is this pregnancy going to scare him away?
I stare at him as I think about that. If he’s the type of guy to break up with me because I’m having his baby, then he’s not the guy for me. I don’t see him acting like that, but I really don’t know. I mean, I’ve never even been to his house.
“Emily, you okay?” he asks, reaching out to touch my shoulder. “You’re awfully distracted today.”
“Um, sorry. Dinner… yes, that’s fine, but if you want to skip it, that’s okay too.” I step back from his touch and walk around my desk to sit down.
He watches me with a tilt of his head. “I don’t want to skip it, but I don’t want you to wait for me if you’d rather not… But I want to see you… you know I do, right?”
I nod but avert my eyes. “I would understand if you didn’t want to spend the night again. I’m sure you have other obligations.”
“I’m working late to clear up those obligations, but what do you want, Emily?” he asks. Then he sits across from me and leans forward. “I’m getting a weird vibe.”
I take a deep breath and lift my eyes. “I would like to see you tonight, I’m just not sure where your head is at.”
He stands and walks around my desk, then takes my elbow to guide me out of my chair. “My head has been with you since the moment I laid eyes on you. Since the moment I saw you with your hair tightly bound in that bun and your cute little ass stuffed into that business suit.” He takes my lips, and his kiss makes my knees weak. I’m so distracted, I don’t realize he’s pulling the pins from my hair until he’s removing the third.
I twist away and laugh. “I have another meeting today, you know.”
He flashes me a sexy grin. “No, I didn’t know.” Then he shakes my hair loose, so it drapes down my back. “But don’t worry, they’re going to like you like this.” Then he drops the three bobby pins into my palm before laying a light smack on my ass and walking out of my office.
Twenty-Six
Drew
I head to my house to work on the design for Emily’s building. I need to check the mail and get a change of clothes for tomorrow. Although, after this afternoon, I’m not so sure I’ll be spending the night with her. She seemed… off. Why did she ask me about kids? And why the hell didn’t I tell her the truth about Kyle and Hannah?
Dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me?
I step out of my truck and walk over to the mailbox, removing the stack of junk mail and folding it under my arm to flip through the bills as I unlock the front door.
When I walk into the house, it’s so quiet, it’s almost sad. It’s not the same without the kids. I miss them. I grab my phone and read over the last few texts and pictures I received from them and my mom. They’re having so much fun, and even though Hannah is too small for most of the Boardwalk rides, in the photo she’s smiling wide on the beach.
Kyle’s looking just as happy, with sand in his hair and a sunburned nose. I flip to the next photo, of Kyle and my nephew Connor, building a sandcastle with a moat. They must have spent hours on it because their shoulders are red and the thing spans several square feet. I look at the text under the picture, and it says, “It’s our beach lair, Dad!”
I chuckle and click my phone off as I drop it on the coffee table. Sinking into the couch, my mind turns to Emily. What the hell am I going to do—and what the hell have I done? Not telling her this afternoon was a mistake, I know that.
I can’t continue to pretend I don’t have children. It’s not like Emily and I are only dating. It’s bigger than that. I know it’s early but I also know, somehow, that this is deeper than that. Besides, the kids will be back on Saturday morning, and after that, I can’t hide them. I need to tell her tonight. That gives her time to get used to the idea before they’re here. I feel so shitty about it. Having not told her makes me feel dirty. Pretending is wrong––it’s wrong to her and wrong to them.
I hear a tap at the back door and peek out to see Jake there, holding two beers. I step out and take one from him. “I guess it’s break time,” I mutter as I sit in one of the patio chairs.
“Where you been, man? I thought we were watching the game last night. Everything okay?”
“Oh, shit, sorry. I completely forgot. The kids are out of town with my mom, and I stayed with a friend last night.”
“Really?” He looks me up and down. “So, you met someone? I thought yo
u were set on finding the chick you met in Maui.”
“I was, and I did.”
“No way! You’re shitting me.”
“Nope. She’s my new client.”
“Wha… you’re pulling my leg.”
“It’s true. She’s a lawyer with her own firm in Midtown, and she lives about six blocks from here.”
He sits down in a patio chair and rests back. “How the hell did you find her?”
“We have a mutual friend. She needs a remodel done on her new offices and he recommended me. Crazy, really.”
“So, you stayed at her place last night?”
“Yeah. The kids were gone, so why not?”
“Speaking of the kids, what did she say when you told her?”
I take a long swig of beer then press my lips together for a moment, not sure what to say.
“Oh shit! You haven’t told her yet?”
I shake my head, too embarrassed to speak.
“Oh, finally taking my advice, huh?” He points his beer at me. “I told you it would work. All you have to do is keep it a secret until you get tired of her.”
I clear my throat, slightly offended by his macho bullshit. “I’m not going to get tired of this woman, Jake. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her.”
“Fuck, are you serious?”
I nod, the words getting stuck in my throat. “It’s crazy, I know that, but I can’t pretend it’s not happening, and she’s probably going to end it when she finds out about Kyle and Hannah.”
“You fell fast, man. Are you sure?”
I chuckle at that. “Yeah, too fucking fast, and I’m not totally sure about anything right now, Jake.” I lift my beer again and swig. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this about a woman, but this isn’t something I have control over.”
He nods, then shrugs. “Well, I guess you’d better pray she’s interested in being a mom.”
“I’m telling her tonight. I have no choice.”
“What happens with the job if things don’t work out?” His knee starts bouncing around when he asks this, and it’s making me jittery as well. “I mean, if she breaks it off, is she still going to hire you for this remodel job?”
I hadn’t thought about that. Could I continue to work there without having Emily? I want this job but not as much as I want her. I lift my hand in defeat. “I have no clue, honestly, but I can’t keep lying. She’s going to find out eventually. Besides, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love my kids.” I get up out of my chair. “Listen, thanks for the beer, but I need to get some work done.”
I give him a wave then head back into the house, grabbing the plans I brought with me and heading back to the office. Laying the plans out on the drafting table, I’m relieved to have a few hours. Sometimes work is the only thing in my life that makes sense. Sometimes, it’s the only thing I feel I have complete control over.
When Kayla and I started this business, we had a plan to build our dream home on the river. We wanted a house full of kids and looked forward to hordes of grandkids after our retirement. So far, the only dream that’s been realized is the success of our business. Yes, we were blessed with two of the most precious kids a couple could ask for, but what is a realized dream without the partner you planned to enjoy it with?
Instead of the large family we wished for, I’m alone with two living reminders of what I’ve lost. I work every day to make sure they don’t feel like they’re missing something, but they are. They’re missing the love and perfection that was their mother. They’re missing the softness and affection mothers bring to life. Not once since losing Kayla have I thought I needed to find another wife. Not once have I felt that my kids needed a replacement mother. Because there is no replacing Kayla. But for the first time since losing her, I feel that undeniable connection to someone else. No, I don’t need a partner, but I do feel a strong need for Emily in my life and in my bed every day. I want her to be a more permanent part of my life—of our lives.
The more I consider this, the more afraid of being with her I become. Having her as mine is almost as frightening as losing her.
Losing Kayla was hell on earth. I’m not sure I could go through that again. I know Emily dying isn’t something I should worry about, but I can’t avoid it. It’s instinctive for my mind to go there after the grief and loss I’ve experienced. Not only that, but what if I tell Emily I have kids, and it doesn’t end in disaster? What if she’s excited about getting to know my children? What if it all works out?
Maybe I’m a little paranoid, but when she asked me about kids today, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest, but it wasn’t because of Kyle and Hannah. It was because, for the first time since meeting her, I saw a real future in her eyes and what that might look like for her.
She doesn’t have children. She’s going to want one of her own someday. She’s going to want to get pregnant and have a baby.
I’m not sure I can do that. I’m not sure I’m willing to go through another pregnancy.
I think about it and realize, I’m sure. I’m sure I can’t do that again. I can’t sit by, hopeful and happy for months and months, watching another woman grow my child, just to lose her. My heart couldn’t take it.
Twenty-Seven
Emily
I purposely left work early so I could cook for Drew. It took me over any hour on the internet to find the perfect meal, but once I found the shrimp scampi recipe, I rushed to the grocery store. Now my fridge is stocked and I’m out of my work clothes and ready to start cooking. I glance at the clock. “Crap, it’s already after eight o’clock.”
I get all the fixings for the salad washed and chopped, and just as I’m about to finish up with the tomatoes, I hear a knock at the door. I shout out, “It’s open, come on in.”
Drew comes inside, whistling. “What smells so good?”
I laugh at him and look down at the tomatoes I’m slicing. “Um… salad?”
“Oh, okay.” He enters the kitchen with a confused expression. “We’re having salad for dinner?”
“Salad and shrimp scampi, but I haven’t started on that yet.” I point to the bottle of Pinot Grigio. “Will you open that for me? Oh, and I also got beer, if you’d prefer that. It’s in the fridge.”
He looks over at me and wags his eyebrows. “Someone went grocery shopping.”
“Yes, finally. Of course because of it, I got a late start on cooking. I thought you were working late.”
With a chuckle he says, “I am late. It’s nearly nine o’clock. Although, to a workaholic like you, that probably isn’t late.” He pops the cork on the bottle and takes a glass down from the cabinet. As he’s pouring my wine, someone else knocks on the door. We glance at each other, confused.
“Are you expecting someone else?” he asks.
“No. No one… Do you mind answering?” As he’s walking toward the door, I say, “Feel free to get rid of whoever it is. I’m not interested in buying or subscribing.”
A minute later, I hear a loud guffaw. I rush to the door to find my mom standing on my front porch. She looks over at me. “Well, isn’t he cute?”
Oh. Shit.
“Mom! Hi! What are you doing here?”
She’s smiling wide and wearing a teasing expression behind her round, red-framed glasses. It’s been several weeks since I’ve seen her. She looks rested and happy.
“It’s lovely to see you too, daughter.” She reaches in and gives me a tight hug. She’s about an inch taller than me and her long arms snake around me and hold on for a long moment. Then she withdraws and takes me in with her startlingly blue eyes. “Who’s the hunk?”
I give Drew an apologetic glance and fight the blush that wants to bloom on my cheeks. “Um, Mom, this is Drew Whitney. Drew, this is my mother, Marilyn Mackensey.”
My mom holds out her hand to shake Drew’s. “Lovely to meet you. I’d like to say I’ve heard a lot about you, but I haven’t.”
Drew’s smiling and I’m glad he’s so laid-ba
ck. Anyone else would be freaking out right now. “It’s very nice to meet you too, Marilyn. I’m equally confused because Emily hasn’t mentioned you either.”
Of course this makes my mother laugh again.
“I’m sorry. I haven’t exactly had the chance to call you since I returned from Maui, Mom.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re an uber-busy and important lawyer with no time for family. I know, I know.”
“So, Mom…” I look at her little overnight bag and say, “You’re here for the night…?”
“Yes, just tonight. I’ll stay with Mac tomorrow night.” She holds her hand up before I can respond. “Don’t worry. I’ll take the couch.”
“I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I didn’t mention it?” She slaps her hands to her sides. “I’m so sorry—but of course I want to be here to support you on Saturday. Unfortunately, I have to leave right after, though. I hope that’s okay?”
“Oh, Mom, thank you. I just… it’s not a big deal. You didn’t have to drive out just for that.”
“I didn’t just for that. I also wanted to check in on you.” She glances at Drew, who’s politely listening to our conversation as he’s bringing her bag inside and closing the door. “Thank you, Drew. Emily, I didn’t know you’d have company.”
“I was just cooking dinner. Are you hungry?”
“You’re cooking? Really?” She follows me into the dining room and sits at the bar, facing the kitchen.
I turn toward Drew and try to whisper an apology. “I’m sorry to ambush you. I really didn’t know she was coming. She usually stays at Mac’s since he has a guest room.”
“I do. It’s true,” Mom says, without even trying to pretend not to have heard me. “But it’s too late. I didn’t want to get him out of bed.”
Drew glances at his watch and lifts an eyebrow.
“Mac works really, really early in the morning so he goes to bed super early.”
Drew chuckles. “It’s okay. I don’t mind having dinner with your mom.” He looks thoroughly amused by this development and it makes me wonder if he’s realized this means he won’t be able to spend the night. That news is surely going to wipe the grin off his face.
