‘I wish I was making you up,’ he said.
‘Get bent.’
‘Hey, what about me?’
‘Ah yes, saving the best for last, this is Cecilia—Cece.’ Cece got languorously to her feet. She looked like one of those effortlessly cool girls. Not chilly, peroxided perfection like Phil’s female friends. More like she’d cut her own hair with a bowl and some garden shears, fallen over into a pile of laundry and somehow emerged looking like a French supermodel. Oh God, here we go, I thought, determined not to be intimidated. Cece, it turned out, was also a hugger.
‘Daisy, it’s so nice to finally meet you,’ she squealed, literally crawling over the table while the others grabbed at the half-full glasses lining it with a chorus of good-natured yells. She slid in beside me, wrapping me in a hug that smelt of jasmine and faintly of menthol cigarettes.
‘Um, you too,’ I said, from under her armpit.
After a while I tried to disentangle myself, as it seemed Cece had started a conversation and forgotten I was there. As I finally managed to wriggle free, Rosie slid into the seat on the other side of me and rolled her eyes. ‘Honestly Cece. Put her down.’
Alex was still standing chatting to Jim about getting the next round of drinks in, which they seemed to be making overly complicated. In the end Jim said to me, ‘Do you like wine?’
‘Oh yes,’ I said.
‘What kind?’
‘Um, white?’
Jim cracked up. ‘You’re going to fit in just fine.’
Twenty-Four
‘How do you all know each other?’ I asked the girls.
‘Well,’ Rosie said, ‘obviously I’m stuck with Jim. We went to school with Alex and Noah and Noah works with Max.’
‘Noah and Rosie used to date,’ Cece said, leaning in conspiratorially.
‘Really, what happened?’
‘Oh you know, we were young. Nothing major, it just didn’t work out. We’re still really good friends though.’
‘Unfortunately, her taste in men has got considerably worse since then,’ Cece said.
‘Anyway,’ Rosie said, giving her the stink eye, ‘Cece and I met years back at college. I was doing beauty therapy and she was taking photography. I ended up doing the hair and makeup on a shoot for the photography school and we hit it off. I’m a trained makeup artist now,’ she said proudly, which made sense as her makeup was flawless.
‘Do you still do photography?’ I asked Cece.
‘Well, I make a living from it,’ Cece said. ‘Mostly weddings, functions that sort of thing. I’d maybe like to branch out into something more editorial one day.’
‘You will,’ Rosie said, patting her hand. ‘She’s very talented.’
Jim came back with a bottle of Chardonnay. He plonked it and an extra glass in the middle of the bench.
‘Thought I might as well get a bottle.’
‘Cheers, Jimbo,’ Rosie said, sloshing wine into her and Cece’s half-full glasses and filling mine.
Alex glanced at me, smiling. ‘You okay?’ he mouthed. I nodded, beaming back at him. This was turning out to be fun. Alex slid down further along the bench, throwing glances my way every so often to make sure I was still all right.
Actually, I was. Generally, when I met new people, I could be a little closed off. I had a habit of deflecting questions back to the other person if I felt uncomfortable in a conversation. Rosie the master inquisitor, however, had prised out my entire life story – hopes, dreams and failures – before I’d hit the bottom of my first glass of wine.
On learning about my ideas for the website, Cece immediately offered to take pictures for it. Rosie jumped in, offering to do hair and makeup, looking pointedly at Alex whose hair was standing up in distracted spikes.
‘What?’ Alex said.
‘The girls are just talking about doing your makeup,’ Jim said, smirking.
‘I don’t know what you’re laughing at,’ Alex said to Jim. ‘Don’t think I’ve forgotten who she used to practice on when we were kids.’
‘And bloody good I looked too!’
By the second glass, we were all gabbing away like lifelong friends. I couldn’t believe they had accepted me so readily. More than that, they seemed to genuinely like me, even though I’d been a little reserved at first.
I’d already been invited to girls’ Sunday brunch, where I would meet the rest of the girl gang, and also to Noah’s birthday.
‘Don’t you need to check with Noah?’
‘Huh?’ Cece said. ‘What’s he got to do with anything?’
Rosie cracked up. ‘It’ll be fine,’ she said. ‘It’s just drinks.’
‘Speaking of which, the same again?’ Noah rose to get the next round.
As we all nodded, then watched him go, Rosie leaned in. ‘Anyway, more importantly. You and Alex, anything going on there?’
I spluttered into my wine. ‘No, nothing like that,’ I said.
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Rosie said, waving her hand dismissively. ‘Tell it to the jury.’
‘You can’t ask her that,’ Cece squealed.
‘Why not? Someone needs to take that idiot off our hands.’
I laughed.
‘Anyway,’ Rosie continued, undeterred, ‘you would make a lovely couple.’
‘Whoa,’ I said, putting my hands out. ‘I’m not actually on the market, if you must know.’
‘You’re not seriously thinking about getting back together with Phil, are you?’ said Cece. Then she put a hand over her mouth.
‘Bloody hell!’ I cried. ‘No secrets with you lot, are there!’
Rosie shrugged. ‘Sorry, Daisy. We’re all big sharers here.’
I was pleased, even a little flattered, that they would consider me as a potential partner for their friend, but this was straying into awkward territory. I glanced over at Alex. Luckily, he was deep in conversation with the lads and didn’t seem to have heard.
‘It’s complicated,’ I said. ‘Phil and I have been together for years. More than that, I still love him. It’s not something you can turn on and off just like that, even after everything that’s happened.’
‘Poor Daisy…’
My default reaction was to be on alert for the hidden barb, but Rosie’s face couldn’t have been more sympathetic. Meanwhile, Cece had tucked her arm through mine and currently had her head resting on my shoulder, snuggled up to me like a giant, glamorous cat. Personal space, it seemed, was not her strong suit. I tried to relax.
‘Anyway,’ I said. ‘I just hope Alex can put up with me for the next few weeks.’
Rosie rolled her eyes. ‘Of course he can.’
‘How can you tell though? I feel like he wouldn’t say even if I was outstaying my welcome.’
‘Well, for one thing,’ Cece said, ‘you’re our friend now. Don’t forget that.’
‘That’s right,’ Rosie said, ‘so who cares what he thinks?’
‘Anyway, he obviously fancies the pants off of you,’ Cece said loudly, slurring a little. ‘I mean he literally can’t take his eyes off you.’
She waved at Alex, who was looking over at us, alarmed. I blushed. Alex gave me a quizzical half-smile, turning back to Jim, who was deep in the throes of some sports-based anecdote.
‘Keep your voice down, idiot.’ Rosie elbowed Cece, causing her drink to slosh over the table.
‘Bloody hell, Rosie,’ Cece said, lighting a cigarette and waving it around dramatically. ‘It’s bloody obvious, isn’t it? Doesn’t mean anything has to happen, I’m just stating a fact.’
‘What about you two?’ I said, desperately trying to change the subject. ‘Are you seeing anyone?’
‘Oh God, don’t ask,’ Cece said, looking glum. In what just and fair universe these two wonderful women didn’t have a harem of adoring men constantly prostrating themselves in fr
ont of them I didn’t know. I guess the world is full of idiots.
‘I always end up going home with that dickhead Liam,’ Rosie said.
‘Liam! Really?’
‘Yup.’
‘Then he never calls her, and she gets in a huff and ends up doing it all over again the next time he bats his baby blues,’ said Cece.
‘Oh, shut up, Cece,’ Rosie said. ‘Like your track record is any better.’
‘Fair point,’ Cece said.
‘Do you really like Liam then?’ I said, thinking, That one’s trouble, Rosie.
Rosie shrugged. ‘I must do. I keep going back for more and…’ She leaned in. ‘Honestly, mate, he’s got the biggest—’
‘Hello ladies, talking about me?’ Rosie went beet red as Liam approached.
‘You wish,’ she said. Cece shook with suppressed laughter.
‘Fancy a drink?’ Liam said. Rosie folded her arms.
‘No thanks.’
‘Fair enough.’ Liam winked at her. ‘You know where I am.’ He finished rolling a cigarette, licking it suggestively, and strolled off to join a group of lads.
‘Oh my God, Rosie, he is such a bellend,’ Jim said. ‘Why the hell do you put up with it?’
‘I know, dear brother, but he’s just such a damn good shag.’
‘Oh God,’ Jim said, clapping his hands to the sides of his head. ‘Too. Much. Information.’
‘Teach you to mind your own business,’ Rosie said sweetly.
Twenty-Five
As the sun dropped, it started to get a little chilly, so we moved inside as a group. All the chairs had been pulled back and the lights dimmed in readiness for the DJ, who soon began blasting out a medley of utter cheese.
The girls dragged me, protesting heavily, to the makeshift dance floor. I was a little stiff at first. But the others were just going for it, and my self-consciousness quickly vanished.
I had forgotten how much I liked to dance. I thought back to when Ruby and I used to have disco dance parties in her bedroom, dressed up as whichever pop stars we were obsessed with that week.
Recently, when I was out with Phil’s friends, I’d started to feel like dancing was some sort of odd competitive sport. The men would all stand on the side-lines leering in while we stood in a circle, gyrating to some god-awful electronica, studiously avoiding eye contact with each other.
Now we were jumping and leaping all over the place, waggling about, looking like utter fools. Spinning each other around and then collapsing in gales of laughter.
The DJ kicked into an up-tempo Motown number and suddenly the dance floor was crammed. As Jim grabbed me and spun me around and Cece threw her arms around me, sloshing her drink, I realised I hadn’t had this much fun in ages. My sides were aching with laughter and I felt overwhelmed with happiness.
The evening flew by and all too soon the lights flashed on briefly, signalling last orders. The DJ broke into a last-dance, smoochy slow number. Rosie was draped over Liam, whispering intently into his ear. Dammit Rosie, I thought. While I liked Liam, he was clearly a player. And Rosie was wonderful. She could do better.
Moody Max had left earlier in the evening, so now only Cece, Alex, Jim and I remained.
‘My lady,’ Jim said, bowing to Cece who jumped into his arms, pretending to smooch him while he backed away in pretend disgust.
‘Just you and me then,’ Alex said. He looked nervous, which was crazy. I swallowed. Oh boy. He put out his hand, and before I knew it I was leaning into him, his hand cupped around the curve of my waist, dancing tipsily.
He brushed my hair back from my face with his free hand and spoke into my ear so he could be heard over the music.
‘Have you had fun?’
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
He spun me out and back again and I landed with my full body against his, my hands against his chest. I could feel his heart pumping beneath my palms. My hands slid up and around his neck. He pulled me in closer, his eyes half-closed. He smiled as we moved to the music, slow dancing, like teenagers at prom. He wasn’t nervous anymore. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
I swallowed, biting at my lip, shivers running up and down my spine. Holy crap. I felt myself turn liquid and lean into him. I kept my head tucked down against his chest until he smoothed my hair back again from my face and hooked his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him.
‘Hey,’ he said. In the dim light his eyes were dark, almost black.
‘Hey,’ I managed to croak back. This was getting embarrassing.
‘You look so pretty tonight,’ he said into my ear, his voice low pitched, raspy, sending more shivers lightly across my skin. I forgot to breathe. He was the only other person in the room. His eyes dragged down to my mouth so he didn’t see the disappointment in my eyes when the overhead lights flickered and turned back on.
I hadn’t even realised the music had stopped. Suddenly, we were just two people standing on a sticky pub floor, about to make out in full view of everyone. Someone shouted, ‘Get a room.’ Good idea, I thought as we awkwardly broke apart.
Rosie and Liam had left. Cece and Jim came over and said they were going to get chips. Alex and I were still standing close together. I couldn’t think straight. I pushed him gently back. He looked sombre, serious.
‘So…’ Alex said, once we were alone again.
‘So…’ I answered. It hung on the air.
‘Can I walk you home?’ he asked. I nodded.
We walked in silence under a bright crescent moon. The night air was fresh, a breeze running cool fingers down my skin. Our shoulders brushed together. His fingers brushed against mine. I opened my mouth to say something, anything to break the tension, but nothing came out. Alex gently took my hand and wrapped his fingers around mine. His hands were calloused, rough from work. I tried not to think about them on my skin. Still neither of us had spoken.
I looked at him and caught him looking back at me. All too soon we were back at the bookshop.
‘Well, this is me,’ I said.
Alex smiled. ‘Yep. This is you.’
He dropped my hand and brushed his fingers lightly against my cheek, lifting my face. Without thinking, I stepped into him. His eyes went dark, heated, and he walked me backwards into the doorway, out of sight of the street, until my back was pressed up against the wall.
His hands were shaking as they tangled in my hair. My arms slid around his neck as though they belonged there. Our eyes locked together. I couldn’t remember the last time a man had looked at me like that. Maybe never. I swallowed, biting my lip.
‘Can I kiss you?’ Alex said, his voice deep with desire. ‘It’s all I can think about,’ he whispered. ‘You’re driving me crazy.’ He cupped my face, looking deep into my eyes.
My heart was hammering, my mind churning with indecision and lust. I felt short of breath. I shouldn’t be doing this. What about Phil? And so stupidly, stupidly, I pushed him away.
‘Alex, stop,’ I said, my voice trembling.
He stopped instantly. His eyes were intense, his pupils dilated. He seemed to be struggling to breathe.
‘What?’ he said. ‘Daisy, what’s wrong?’ I put my hands up to make some room between us. He stepped back.
‘I thought…’ He shook his head. ‘I didn’t mean to…Oh God,’ he said, looking mortified. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, backing away from me.
‘No,’ I said, ‘you didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t think that. It’s my fault. I’m just…Alex, I can’t do this.’
As soon as I said the words, I wished I could take them back. Alex looked like he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole. But my traitor’s voice seemed stuck in my throat. The metallic taste of panic filled my mouth. I was so confused. I liked Alex. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to do a whole lot more than kiss him.
>
Suddenly it was all too much, this inner tension. I turned and fled into the darkened bookshop.
Twenty-Six
That night, I cried myself to sleep. I was furious with myself. What had I been thinking? I’d ruined everything.
The next morning, I woke up early and sat on the edge of the bed. My head pounded and my mouth was dry. I gulped water from the tap, then splashed it on my face. I took a long, hard look at myself in the bathroom mirror.
I tried to examine my actions in the cold light of day, but my emotions felt slippery. Unreliable. Why had I let things go so far?
As I cleaned my teeth, I heard the sound of footsteps downstairs, quieter than usual as if Alex was treading on eggshells, trying not to wake me.
Oh God, I was going to have to go down and face him. Would he even want to talk to me?
Reluctantly I made my way down the stairs. Alex was behind the counter, back-lit by the early morning sun that poured through the plate glass behind him. He looked tired, as though he’d slept badly. His strong jaw shadowed with stubble.
For a moment I just looked at him, my heart aching. Doubt crept in. I shook it off.
He looked up and when he saw me hovering, grinned sheepishly, running his hands through his hair. ‘Things got pretty crazy last night, hey?’
I paused at the bottom of the stairs. ‘I can leave if you want me to,’ I said quietly. Alex regarded me silently for a moment, frowning.
‘Come on,’ he said beckoning to me, ‘come over here.’ I crossed the shop floor, my feet and heart dragging like lead.
‘Why on earth would you think you need to leave, Daisy?’ We were on opposite sides of the wooden counter. ‘Hey,’ he said gently, ‘can you look at me?’
‘Because of last night,’ I said, lifting my eyes. For a moment I flashed back to his hands tangled in my hair. I felt my pupils dilate; a pink flush bloomed across my cheeks.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He leaned in, looking at me. Holding my gaze while he waited for me to answer. When I didn’t say anything he asked, ‘Is that what you think about me, Daisy? That I would, what, throw my toys out of the pram because you didn’t want to kiss me?’
Daisy Does it Herself Page 12
