by Laura Martin
Louisa had known what he was thinking: that he wasn’t good enough, that he still had to atone, to punish himself for what happened in St Mamede. She felt that was a stupid reason to deny them both the happiness they deserved.
So it had all slipped out. She’d told him she cared for him, hinted she wouldn’t be happy with any man but him. And then he’d let her walk away.
Louisa wondered what he was doing now. An image of Robert sitting with another woman flashed into her mind, but she knew she was just being silly. She didn’t have to worry about unfaithfulness with Robert, more the fact that he didn’t think he deserved to be with anyone.
When she’d returned to the main part of Hyde Park, she’d requested that Major Dunton accompany her back to Mrs Knapwell’s house. He’d done so willingly, without asking any further questions, allowing her precious time in which to mull over her conversation.
The past few days had dragged. Mrs Knapwell had done her best to keep Louisa distracted and entertained, but Louisa knew she’d been poor company for the older woman.
‘He’ll be there tonight,’ Mrs Knapwell said as she entered Louisa’s room.
Louisa shook her head.
‘He will.’
She wasn’t sure what she wanted any more. The first couple of days after their conversation in the park Louisa had hoped Robert would arrive at Mrs Knapwell’s house and sweep her into his arms, begging her to forgive him, telling her what a fool he’d been.
When that hadn’t happened Louisa had grown angry. She’d opened herself up to him again and he’d just allowed her to walk off without even checking if she was safe.
Now she didn’t know what to think. Part of her wanted him to be at the ball tonight, at least she would get to see him. The other part of her knew it might break her heart, seeing him and knowing that he had finally rejected her once and for all, whatever the reason.
Louisa tried to smile bravely. ‘If Lord Fleetwood is there, then at least we will be able to sort out housing arrangements,’ she said, trying to be practical.
‘You know you can stay with me for as long as you want, Louisa, I enjoy your company.’
‘You’ve been so kind.’
‘Nonsense,’ Mrs Knapwell said. ‘I think of Lord Fleetwood as a son and now I’ve come to think of you as a daughter. I just want the pair of you to be happy.’
As the days went by Louisa thought that was more and more unlikely.
‘Now let’s have a look at you.’
Louisa obediently stood and did a slow twirl.
‘Perfect, no man will be able to ignore you tonight.’
Louisa didn’t care about the hundreds of nameless gentlemen who would be attending Lady Gillingham’s ball tonight. All she cared about was Robert.
Mrs Knapwell reached out and adjusted the lace trim around the neckline of the dress. This was Louisa’s favourite evening dress. It was maroon silk, with a white-lace trim. The neckline scooped low over her bust, and the skirt was full but not overwhelming.
There was a quiet knock on the door and one of the maids popped her head into the room.
‘There’s a gentleman downstairs waiting,’ she said quickly, before hurrying off.
Louisa felt her heart pounding in her chest. Robert had come for her. He’d come to accompany her to the ball.
She bit her lower lip in anticipation; she’d both dreaded and wished for this moment all week. Now it was here, she didn’t know what to do with herself.
Mrs Knapwell motioned for Louisa to go down, hanging back to give the couple some privacy.
Louisa descended the stairs slowly. When she was halfway down she could see someone standing at the far end of the entrance hall. Immediately she knew something was wrong. This wasn’t Robert. This man was slightly shorter than Robert and his hair wasn’t as dark. Louisa felt all the anticipation draining from her body.
‘Miss Turnhill,’ Major Dunton said with a bow, ‘I can see you were expecting someone else. I’m sorry to disappoint you.’
Louisa shook her head, not trusting herself to speak for a second.
‘I thought I would escort you and Mrs Knapwell to the ball.’
‘That’s very kind of you,’ Louisa said automatically.
Dunton looked at Louisa hard for a few seconds. ‘He’s a damn fool,’ he exclaimed quietly, taking Louisa by surprise.
Louisa didn’t say anything. Major Dunton ran his hand through his hair and shook his head.
‘A damn fool,’ he repeated. ‘You haven’t heard from him in the last few days?’
Louisa shook her head.
‘Fleetwood always was obstinate, but I’ve never known him to be downright stupid before.’
‘Maybe it’s just not meant to be,’ Louisa said, trying desperately to stop the tears springing to her eyes.’
Dunton eyed her with a mixture of disbelief and pity.
‘It’s meant to be,’ he said sternly. ‘For two years Fleetwood has hardly conversed with anyone, has barely gone out in public if he could help it. You come along and he’s transformed back into his old self. It’s meant to be.’
‘I don’t know how to make him see that.’
They stood in silence for a couple of minutes, both contemplating what seemed like an impossible task.
‘I’ve already beseeched him to stop living in the past, asked him to forgive himself.’
Dunton nodded. ‘And to a point he has. He’s allowed himself to laugh and smile these last few weeks. He just needs that final push.’
‘Mrs Knapwell suggested I try to make him jealous by encouraging other men.’
‘Fleetwood is too honourable for that to work,’ Dunton said. ‘If he thought someone would make you happy, then he’d step aside.’
‘But he knows no one would make me happy except him.’
‘You’ve told him that?’
Louisa nodded morosely.
‘Then we have to make him see it.’
‘How?’
‘Marry me. Or at least let us become engaged.’
Louisa stood with her mouth hanging open.
‘I’m sure this isn’t how you expected your first marriage proposal to go...’
‘Major Dunton...’ Louisa trailed off.
‘I’m perfectly serious. Let us become engaged.’
‘You don’t have to do this.’
Dunton shrugged. ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’
‘Robert might not protest and you’ll be stuck with me.’
‘So I get a beautiful fiancée out of the bargain. Doesn’t sound too bad to me.’
Louisa looked at him long and hard.
‘Look, if it doesn’t work we can stay engaged for a few months, then you can quietly break things off. What have we got to lose?’
‘I’m not sure about it.’
‘I just think if Fleetwood thinks he’s about to lose you for good, then it might spur him into action at last.’
Louisa considered Dunton’s offer. She could see why he was suggesting it. If losing her permanently was actually played out in front of Robert’s eyes, then he might realise exactly what kind of life he was condemning himself to.
Part of her protested. It screamed that if she was having to work this hard for Robert’s affection, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Then she pictured his face just before his mouth lowered on to hers and she knew he wanted her, he simply wasn’t allowing himself the happiness he deserved quite yet.
‘If you’re sure,’ Louisa said.
‘Positive.’
Dunton raised her hand to her lips and kissed her on the knuckles.
‘We’ll announce our engagement at Lady Gillingham’s ball tonight.’
* * *
An hour later Louisa
’s heart was in her chest. Their carriage had just pulled up outside Lady Gillingham’s massive town house and they were awaiting their turn to descend. Major Dunton hopped from the carriage, then offered both Louisa and Mrs Knapwell his arm. As Louisa placed her hand at his elbow, she wished not for the first time that it was Robert standing next to her.
She missed him. She’d been angry he hadn’t followed her and upset he hadn’t declared his love for her, but most of all she’d missed him. She missed seeing his face at breakfast every morning, she missed teasing that first smile of the day from him, she missed listening as he explained something to her. She missed all of him.
As they entered the grand entrance hall, Lady Gillingham stepped forward to greet them.
‘Delightful to see you again,’ she said, grasping Louisa’s hand as if they were old friends. ‘It was such a pleasure to meet you at Mrs Knapwell’s dinner party.’
Louisa smiled politely, remembering she had not taken a shine to Lady Gillingham then.
‘Is Lord Fleetwood not with you?’
Louisa saw the predatory look in the older woman’s eyes and immediately felt her body tense.
‘Lord Fleetwood was not sure whether he would be attending this evening,’ Louisa said nonchalantly, ‘so he asked Major Dunton to accompany me and Mrs Knapwell.’
‘How very thoughtful,’ Lady Gillingham said, visibly disappointed. ‘I suppose Lord Fleetwood may come on his own later this evening.’
‘Perhaps.’
They moved on into the crowded ballroom. Louisa felt deflated. Lady Gillingham’s response meant Robert wasn’t here yet. He might not even show up at all and then all this would be for nothing.
‘Stay strong,’ Dunton whispered in her ear as he led her into the ballroom. ‘Fleetwood will be here.’
‘How do you know?’
‘He loves you,’ Dunton said simply.
Louisa shook her head in disbelief. If he loved her, surely he wouldn’t put her through all of this?
‘He loves you. And it’s been almost a week since he last saw you. He won’t be able to stop himself from coming.’
Louisa wasn’t quite so sure. He could have visited her anytime at Mrs Knapwell’s house. He’d known exactly where she was for the last few days and hadn’t once tried to contact her.
‘Dance with me,’ Dunton said, ‘whilst we’re waiting.’
Louisa nodded and let herself be led over to the dance floor. She wasn’t concentrating, but Major Dunton made up for her lapses and expertly twirled her round and round.
Louisa’s eyes were fixed on the door. Every time a new guest appeared in the doorway, her heart leapt into her throat, only to sink when she realised it wasn’t Robert.
The music was just finishing and Major Dunton was bowing in front of her when Louisa froze. Robert had arrived. She almost knew it before she’d even seen him. Her body was aware of the exact second he entered the room. Louisa forced herself not to stare, instead smiling prettily at Major Dunton and taking his arm as he led her from the dance floor.
She wondered how their meeting would go. He was her guardian. It would be the most natural thing in the world if he came straight to her side and enquired after her health. Suddenly Louisa felt overwhelmed, as if she needed a few more minutes to compose herself. Dunton must have felt her stiffen on his arm. He leant in towards her and squeezed her hand.
‘Be strong,’ he whispered.
Louisa watched as Robert spotted them. His frown deepened and he started to push his way through the crowds of people.
‘I need to speak to you,’ he said without any preamble.
‘Good to see you, too, Fleetwood,’ Dunton said amicably.
Robert ignored him. ‘Louisa, I need to speak to you.’
She knew the kind thing to do, the right thing to do, would be to end this torment and go somewhere a little more private to speak, but for an instant Louisa wasn’t feeling charitable or particularly good. He’d made her wait for so long that she felt as though he deserved some of the same treatment.
Dunton looked down at her, as if asking whether she wanted him to leave.
‘Whatever you need to say you can say in front of Major Dunton,’ Louisa said firmly.
‘I most certainly cannot.’
They stood staring at each other for a long few seconds.
‘Come with me, Louisa.’
‘No. I’m staying here with Major Dunton.’
‘Dunton,’ Robert said, his voice low and slightly menacing.
‘Sorry, old man, you heard the lady. After all, I have to do what the fiancée asks.’
Louisa watched Robert’s face carefully as Dunton’s words sunk in. His first expression was one of disbelief, his second barely concealed anger.
‘You two are engaged?’ Robert asked eventually.
His gaze locked on to her and Louisa had to fight the urge to squirm uncomfortably.
‘We’re engaged.’ Louisa confirmed.
‘You’re not,’ Robert said.
‘We are.’
They spoke in low voices so no one else could hear, but both were intense with emotion.
‘You are not engaged, Louisa.’
Louisa sighed. ‘I’m not having this conversation with you all night.’
‘You forget, I’m your guardian. I have to agree to any engagement before it can go ahead.’
Louisa smiled at him. ‘What happened to giving me my freedom, letting me do whatever I choose?’
Robert ran a hand through his hair. ‘Freedom is all very well and good if you make the right choices.’
‘And it would be wrong to marry Major Dunton?’ Louisa asked quietly.
‘Yes.’
‘He’s a good man.’
‘The best,’ Robert agreed.
‘Then you should be happy for me.’
‘I’m not.’
They stood looking at each other for another few seconds.
‘Dance with me,’ Robert said, more as a command than a request.
Slowly Louisa reached out and took his arm, aware of the thrill that passed through her body as her hand grasped his arm.
‘One dance, Lord Fleetwood, then I must return to my fiancé.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
One dance would have to be enough.
‘I’ve missed you,’ Robert said softly into Louisa’s ear as he pulled her closer. ‘The house has been quiet without you.’
‘You’ve had Mrs Crawshaw for company.’
‘A poor substitute.’
‘You knew where I was,’ Louisa said accusingly. ‘You could have come at any time.’
Robert pulled her even closer, not caring any more what other people might say.
‘I’ve been awful to you, Louisa,’ Robert admitted, ‘but I think eventually you’ll forgive me.’
It felt so right holding her in his arms. He wished the music would go on for ever so they would never have to step apart.
He ran his hand down her back, stopping just above the curve of her buttocks, loving the way she physically shuddered with anticipation.
‘You knew where I was,’ Louisa repeated. ‘You didn’t come.’
‘And interrupt your little engagement with Major Dunton?’
Louisa reddened and Robert knew he’d hit a nerve.
‘You’re not going to marry him, Louisa,’ he said in a tone that brooked no argument.
She didn’t want to marry Dunton. Robert knew that as well as he knew his own name. She loved him, she’d told him so when they’d been alone in the park. She loved him and once again he’d rejected her. Now this was her way of striking back at him. He didn’t blame her for it. He’d been an absolute brute towards her.
He wasn’t
sure if the engagement was her way of making him hurt or a misguided attempt to make him jealous. He rather thought the latter. Despite what he’d done to her Louisa didn’t have a cruel bone in her body. Dunton had probably suggested the scheme himself as a way to make Robert realise what he was missing. His old friend was generous and selfless and would step up if he thought he could help in any way.
Robert didn’t need to succumb to their plot to feel jealous. The last few days without Louisa had been agony.
He twirled her round, catching her expertly and pulling her closer so their bodies were almost touching. Louisa’s breathing was laboured and her cheeks flushed. Her eyes were wide and her mouth slightly open, just inviting him to kiss her.
Despite an overwhelming desire to claim her as his, Robert knew he couldn’t do so in the middle of the dance floor. It would be scandalous and Louisa would never forgive him for making her the talking point of the ton.
‘You’re looking very beautiful tonight,’ Robert said quietly as they glided past another couple.
Louisa didn’t reply. Robert knew he was going to have to work harder.
‘The most stunning woman in the room.’
She snorted.
‘To me you are.’
His heart almost stopped as she looked up at him, her eyes full of questions. He was going to make her his. First she would break off this sham of an engagement with Dunton, then she would agree to be his for ever.
Robert wasn’t even too concerned that she was hardly speaking to him now. He had time. He had all the time in the world to convince her they belonged together.
‘You were right,’ he whispered in her ear.
She looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.
‘I’m a fool.’
‘I’ve never said that.’
‘I’m sure you’ve thought it plenty of times over the last few days.’
He saw her grimace and surmised she’d called him far worse names in her head.
‘I am a fool. A blind, wooden-headed, foolish man.’
