by Ellie Dean
The jitterbug was exhausting, but exhilarating too, and April discovered that her partner, an American sailor, was very good at it. She grinned at him in delight, conversation being impossible in all the noise, and threw herself into the dance, noting fleetingly that Paula was dancing nearby with a magnificently moustached RAF squadron leader.
The crush on the dance floor became greater and April was now so out of breath and thirsty that she nodded her thanks to the sailor and forced her way through the melee to the tables which were positively groaning with food and drink. She helped herself to slices of tinned ham, sausage, potato salad, coleslaw and squares of yellow corn bread which the Americans seemed to prefer to the national wheat loaf that she and the rest of the population of England hated – not only for its unappetising colour but for its leaden and rather gritty taste. There were pats of golden butter too – an absolute luxury – and bowls of trifle piled high with whipped cream. The Yanks certainly knew how to cater for a party.
She found a corner to sit and eat her food, watching the fun on and around the dance floor. There was a pall of cigarette smoke curling along the lofty ceiling, and the chatter had risen to be heard above the music. A huge cargo net was suspended from the ceiling, loaded with hundreds of balloons. The Americans had certainly done their best to create a party atmosphere.
It must feel strange for these boys to be so very far from home. She thought about how it would be for them at Christmas. They would miss their families terribly at such a time, she thought wistfully, whereas she would be happier to spend Christmas here than with her mother. They had discussed it on her recent leave, and Mildred had clearly been relieved that April had no plans to stay over the holiday, for she was booked into a hotel for the two days and was adamant that it would have been impossible for April to join her there. April suspected her mother had a new admirer – another in a long line of rather pompous older men since father had died – and was therefore equally relieved that she was on duty.
April finished the delicious meal and sipped at her glass of beer, not quite ready to join in the crush on the dance floor again, when she caught sight of a group of African-American GIs standing on the sidelines surrounded by a gaggle of girls from the ATA. She’d heard about this special tank regiment which had arrived less than a week ago to do their training before they were sent to the front line. Like others before them, they seemed to be enjoying all the female attention – although she knew from past experience that sometimes this could cause trouble, for not all the other Americans appreciated them being here.
As the girls flirted, she watched in amusement, fully understanding their attraction to these rather exotic-looking men who seemed so handsome in their uniforms. And then her gaze shifted and her heart suddenly skipped a beat.
He was taller than the others and the most beautiful man she’d ever seen: broad-shouldered and lean in the hip, with dark brown skin. His aquiline nose was carved perfectly beneath winged black brows, dark eyes, and high cheekbones, and with his firm jawline and almost regal bearing, he stood out amongst his comrades as someone who knew he was very special.
April couldn’t take her eyes off him as he talked to the girls surrounding him and his friends, but when he seemed to feel the intensity of her gaze and looked towards her it was as if the room and the noise had faded into insignificance and they were the only two people there.
His gaze was like a fiery, magnetic touch, driving into her core; drawing her towards him, her body responding in a way that made her pulse race and her insides tremble. She was ensnared by him, unable to look away even as she heard the girls around him giggling and felt the heat and colour rise into her face. He was walking towards her now, those brown eyes holding her as captive as a butterfly in a web.
‘Would you care to dance, ma’am?’ he asked in an almost lazy drawl, so deep and melodious it sent ripples of pleasure right through her.
April nodded, unable to speak, and as he took her hand it was as if he’d bewitched her, for she was hardly aware of floating to her feet and into his arms as the music slowed to a waltz.
‘Sergeant Daniel Clement, at your service, ma’am,’ he said in that dark, deep brown voice.
‘Wren April Wilton,’ she managed as she dared to look back at him and noted how his brown eyes were flecked with gold beneath those long, thick black lashes – and how his lips were sensually formed above the square chin. She hastily looked away, terrified he might read her thoughts.
‘Nice to meet you, April Wilton,’ he said as he drew her closer. ‘I guess we’re goin’ to get along just fine.’
She breathed in the scent of him, felt the strength in his body as he held her close and fell gloriously, hopelessly in love.
He moved with liquid grace around the floor, sweeping her effortlessly from one dance into another until she felt as if she was lighter than air – at one with the music and with him. And when the countdown to midnight began and the lights dimmed, neither of them noticed the balloons drifting down or the raucous yells and cheers from those around them, for they were totally absorbed in one another.
April gazed up at him in that breathless moment as his large hand gently cupped her neck, his eyes questioning. Her whole being was drawn to him, and her lips parted as his fingers caressed her nape and then slowly slid up through her hair.
His beautiful mouth captured her lips and she closed her eyes as she was swept away in a tumult of emotions. His kiss was fire and electricity – it stoked in her wondrous sensations she’d never experienced or even imagined – sensations that made her feel wanton and greedy for more.
He finally drew back and looked down at her with an expression of warm surprise. ‘Wow,’ he breathed. ‘That was some kiss, little lady.’
She gazed at him, her body alive with heat and longing, her lips parted in the hope he would kiss her again.
‘Let’s go somewhere quiet,’ he murmured. ‘Then I can have you all to myself for a while.’
The warnings of where that might lead clamoured in her head, but she tried desperately not to listen to them – to ignore the memory of her mother’s voice lecturing her about the dangers of men and the need to stay pure until her wedding day. Something powerful had awakened inside her and she wanted his kisses, yearned to feel his hands on her skin – to share the heat of his body, and feel the strength of his arms around her. She was wavering, so close to capitulating despite the fact that she hardly knew him.
‘Come on, April. We have to get back to base before lights out.’
Paula’s voice startled her and broke the spell, and April didn’t know whether to be annoyed or grateful. ‘Yes, I suppose we must,’ she said reluctantly.
‘This is Saul,’ said Paula with a broad smile as she drew the coloured GI forward. ‘I’m sure that if we ask nicely, he and your friend will walk us back.’
Saul was light-skinned, with tight, curly black hair and the same Southern drawl – but not half as handsome as Daniel, who she quickly introduced to Paula. Daniel didn’t seem at all fazed by the rude interruption as he shook Paula’s hand and smiled cheerfully at his colleague. The four of them left the dance hall arm in arm, and started on the long walk back to HMS Firefly, heedless of the drizzling rain and the cold wind that was coming off the sea.
As they finally reached their billet, Saul led Paula into the deep shadows of the garden wall and Daniel drew April into his arms. His kiss was soft and very gentle, but it caused chaos within April and she was quite breathless by the time he drew back from her.
‘Can I see you again?’
Her racing pulse missed a beat, and before she had time to think about how unwise it was to be over-eager and gauche, she’d blurted out, ‘I’m off tomorrow night.’
His smile was wide, showing wonderfully white, even teeth. ‘That’s a date then,’ he drawled. ‘I’ll come by and pick you up at eight.’
Paula emerged from the shadows, hastily trying to set her cap back in place and her hair into some kind of ord
er. They stood outside the house and watched the two men walk away until they were lost in the blackout.
‘Even when they walk, it’s as if they’re dancing,’ murmured Paula with an appreciative sigh before she unlocked the door and led the way upstairs.
The house was settling down for the night, with only the soft murmur of a wireless and the occasional mutter of voices coming from behind the many closed doors. They reached the attic room and with sighs of weariness laced with pleasure, began to prepare for bed.
April was still trying to come to terms with the storm of emotions she’d gone through that evening, and she noted wryly that her hands were unsteady, her fingers fumbling as she attempted to undo her jacket buttons and loosen her tie.
‘My goodness, you have got it bad, haven’t you?’ Paula teased. ‘Not that I blame you. He’s as handsome as any film star and quite devastating on the dance floor. You were absolutely the centre of attention there for a while.’
April blushed and tried unsuccessfully to unbutton her shirt. ‘I didn’t realise,’ she murmured.
Paula giggled. ‘No, I don’t expect you did. You were certainly taken up with each other all evening.’ Her expression became more serious. ‘I do hope you’ll be careful, April. You’re such an innocent, and those boys are after only one thing – you do know they can’t be trusted, don’t you?’
April’s happy mood disintegrated. She knew it was the common consensus, but she didn’t want to believe it of Daniel. He’d been so tender, so sweet, and hadn’t objected at all when Paula and Saul had interrupted them, or tried to get fresh during their last kiss. ‘I might be an innocent, but I’m not daft,’ she replied lightly. ‘I’ll take care, don’t you worry.’
Paula regarded her for a moment and then sighed. ‘I’ve got an appointment at the birth control clinic on the twenty-seventh. Why don’t you come with me?’
April knew that Paula had fixed herself up shortly after joining the WRNS because she’d been going steady with a rating at the time. However, the thought of going to such a place was quite shocking to April, for it all seemed terribly calculating and actually rather seedy for a single girl to even contemplate doing so. And it wasn’t as if she was planning on sleeping with Daniel – of course she wasn’t. Daniel might have stirred something very powerful and thrilling in her, but now the heat of the moment had passed and she could think clearly, she knew she would find the strength to resist things going any further.
‘I’m on duty early that day. Perhaps another time,’ she murmured.
‘Well, see that you do, April. From the way you and Daniel were carrying on tonight, things could get out of hand very quickly. And I’d hate to see you getting into trouble.’
April knew Paula meant well, but although she had been quite carried away with Daniel tonight, she had absolutely no intention of letting her feelings for him get out of hand. ‘If things look as if they’re getting serious, I’ll go to the clinic,’ she said in appeasement. ‘Now, can we drop the subject and get some sleep?’
April’s resolve weakened over the next ten days as they met at every chance they could snatch during their busy schedules. He’d taken her dancing, and out to dinner; had sat beside her in the darkened cinema, and in the confines of the air-raid shelters, talking, laughing, getting closer as they discovered more about each other. He made her feel cherished, protected and respected – something she’d yearned for all her short life – and as Daniel’s kisses became more demanding and her body cried out to be loved by him, she blocked out the loud warning bells in her head, ignored the irritating niggles of doubt and kept putting off a visit to the clinic. There was a war on and time was precious – and as Daniel had said repeatedly, he’d be shipped out the moment his training was over, and she couldn’t bear the thought of wasting even a minute they could be together.
They’d been dancing and drinking cocktails in the ballroom of a smart country hotel a little way down the coast from Portsmouth, and the heady mixture of alcohol and sensual tension was too much to resist, so when he confessed that he’d taken the liberty of booking them a room for the night, she’d silently taken his hand and gone with him up the stairs.
He’d known this would be her first time, and although she was suddenly overcome with an almost crippling shyness, he’d been gentle and patient, coaxing her to relax and enjoy the sensations his lips and hands were arousing within her. And when it was over and she lay sated and overwhelmed in his arms, he told her he loved her and wanted her to be with him always.
1
Portsmouth, March 1943
They had been seeing each other at every opportunity since that night, and April was still wildly, deeply and deliriously in love. She had no doubt at all that Daniel would fulfil the promises he’d made during those wondrous hours of lovemaking which had made her feel reborn and able to face anything and everything – and even though this new-found courage would soon be put to the hardest test, her faith in him held firm.
He’d proved to be a quiet, thoughtful man who was still in awe at the exhilarating freedom from the colour bar here in England where he was welcomed everywhere. It was all so different to the segregation and restrictions of his home town in South Carolina – and to the prejudice he had to withstand in the army camp. April had been deeply shocked by the severity of the segregation imposed in America, and wondered how such prejudice could be permitted in a country that was so wealthy and powerful – and yet she was enchanted by the almost childlike delight he took in exploring this brave new world, and fiercely defended his right to do so if there was even a hint of trouble.
There had been moments over the past three months when things had turned ugly owing to some of the more hidebound racists amongst the American troops taking exception to him being with April, or daring to drink at the same bar as them. These nasty episodes had mostly come to nothing, for Daniel knew the consequences if he retaliated, and he’d simply turn on his heel and find somewhere less threatening to go. Yet these instances overshadowed April’s happiness, and she’d quickly realised how very difficult Daniel’s life must have been back in America, which only made her love him more.
‘I simply don’t understand it,’ she said to Paula as they got ready to go out for the evening. ‘He’s not even really what you’d call black, not like some in his regiment – and as we’re all fighting for the same cause, you’d think the Yanks would accept them. But they have to live in separate barracks, eat in different mess halls and shop at specific hours in the PX – and put up with the most awful verbal and physical abuse.’
Paula turned from the dressing-table mirror and regarded her solemnly. ‘It’s the way things are, unfortunately,’ she said. ‘I’m just thankful we Brits are more liberal-minded.’
‘But it’s quite frightening at times,’ April said. ‘They gang up and push him around, calling him the most awful names. I don’t know how he can stay so calm and not retaliate.’
‘Probably because he knows the MPs will arrest him if he lays a finger on one of those white boys,’ said Paula tartly. ‘All is certainly not fair in love and war.’
April knew that Paula was still trying to get over Saul who, unlike Daniel, had hit back at his tormentors and been thrown into the glasshouse to await court martial. She put her hand on Paula’s shoulder in sympathy. ‘Did you ever find out what happened to Saul?’
Paula bit her lip, her eyes glassy. ‘He was found guilty of assault and shipped out to North Africa the next day. I doubt I’ll see him again.’
April felt a pang of distress for her friend, and gave her a comforting hug. ‘I am sorry,’ she murmured. ‘Sorry that I haven’t been much of a friend just lately – and sorry that you’re still upset.’
Paula shot her a wavering, watery smile and began to briskly tidy up the mess on the dressing table. ‘There’s plenty more fish in the sea and sailors on shore,’ she said with false brightness. ‘It’s not as if either of us was terribly serious about the whole thing. There is a war on, and
these things happen, don’t they?’
April nodded, realising that her friend didn’t want to continue the conversation. Yet the guilt still lingered, for she’d been so taken up with her own concerns – and with Daniel – that she hadn’t really noticed how badly Paula had taken Saul’s enforced departure. She turned away from the mirror and slipped on her jacket so she could surreptitiously undo the button on her skirt. The waistband was uncomfortably tight all of a sudden.
‘I’m dreading the day Daniel is shipped out,’ she said quietly. ‘His training’s almost over, so it will probably be quite soon.’ She gave a tremulous sigh. ‘From now on every moment we can snatch is precious.’
Paula’s gaze was direct. ‘I know you’re sleeping with him, April,’ she said softly, ‘but I do hope you took my advice and went to the clinic.’
April went scarlet and couldn’t look her friend in the eye, for she had gone – eventually – and it had all been horribly embarrassing. ‘Of course I did,’ she muttered.
‘When, exactly? Before or after you stayed out all night with him?’
‘What is this?’ she asked on a shaky laugh. ‘The third degree?’
‘If you want to call it that,’ Paula replied solemnly. ‘Look, April, I don’t mean to be bossy and overbearing, but I care about you, and I know how these things can get out of hand. A moment of passion overrides common sense and before you know it you’re in trouble.’
‘I’m fine, really,’ April insisted.
Paula crossed the room and took her hand. ‘Are you?’ she said softly.
April felt cornered. She desperately wanted – needed – to talk to someone, but although Paula would understand, she couldn’t face the shame of having to confess how stupid she’d been. ‘Just drop it, Paula,’ she said sharply.
Paula folded her arms, her gaze steady and her chin set determinedly. ‘Not this time, April. You see, I’ve heard you being sick every morning for the past week or so – and I know that you haven’t been sleeping well. You’re off your food, suddenly hate the taste of tea, and you haven’t used any sanitary towels for at least two months.’
