by Ellie Dean
The heavy brows lowered as the bright blue eyes settled warily on April. ‘Oh, aye? And how’s that?’
‘She’s also been abandoned by her baby’s father, but unlike Shirley’s little one, hers will be born brown-skinned,’ said Peggy evenly.
Ron’s brows shot up as he stared at Peggy. ‘Brown?’ he rasped.
‘That’s right,’ said Peggy, ‘and if you don’t like the idea, then you’ll just have to lump it, because she’s staying here for as long as she wants.’
His frown deepened. ‘So my opinions are not to be counted,’ he rumbled.
‘You can have your say, Ron,’ said Peggy, ‘but it won’t make any difference.’
‘I’ve warned her of the consequences, Ron,’ said Cordelia querulously, ‘but you know what Peggy’s like once she gets the bit between her teeth.’
‘Aye, all too well,’ he replied. ‘And what about you, Cordelia? How do you feel?’
‘Sad that April’s got herself into such a situation,’ she said, her gaze drifting to April. ‘I can only imagine how frightened and alone she must feel – but I honestly can’t condone any of it.’
April pushed away from the table. ‘I’m sorry, so sorry to cause such trouble. It’s the last thing I wanted after you’ve all been so kind. I’ll go and pack.’
‘You’ll be doing no such thing,’ said Ron sternly. ‘You’ll sit back down, and tell us the truth. All of it, mind – right from the start.’
April hesitated, then after an encouraging nod and smile from Peggy, sat down. She steeled herself to face his stern gaze and told him everything from her first meeting with Daniel to the moment her mother had forced her to leave home.
‘I wasn’t brave enough to admit to Mother that I was having a brown baby,’ she said finally. ‘That would just have made things even worse and solved nothing.’ Falling silent, she realised that the weight of her secrets and lies had lifted and she felt suddenly more able to cope with whatever came next.
‘Oh, April, you poor girl,’ sighed Peggy tearfully. ‘How could any mother treat her daughter like that?’
April was watching Ron closely, waiting for his reaction. ‘She’s always been distant, so it was hardly surprising,’ she murmured.
Cordelia, who’d remained silent throughout, shook her head and dabbed at her eyes. ‘Some women shouldn’t have children,’ she said. ‘But to be fair, April, it must have come as an awful shock to her.’
April dragged her gaze from Ron, who was still mulling everything over. ‘Yes, it did, and although we’ve never been close, I felt terrible at having let her down so badly.’
Ron clattered the cup in the saucer and began to fiddle with his pipe. ‘To be sure, wee girl, that’s a sad story, and unfortunately it’s one that’s been repeated ever since the foreign troops came over in the Great War.’
April met his penetrating gaze in dread.
‘I’m not condoning what you’ve done, but I’ll not be punishing you for it by showing you the door,’ he continued. ‘To be sure you have a big enough burden to shoulder, and I’ll not be the one to make it heavier.’
April breathed more easily. ‘Thank you, Mr Reilly. You can never know how very grateful I am for your understanding.’
His expression softened. ‘You’d better call me Ron, seeing as you’re part of the family now. I’m not a man to stand on ceremony. But there is one thing that puzzles me,’ he continued. ‘Why choose to come to Cliffehaven of all places?’
April smiled. ‘I came here as a child with my mother to stay with her brother. He’s still living here, but I’ve yet to pluck up the courage to tell him who I am and why I’ve come.’
‘So you’ve met him – talked to him – and he doesn’t know who you are?’ asked Ron.
April nodded.
‘I can’t say I approve of such subterfuge, but I suppose it’s better not to jump in with both feet until you know what you’ve got to face.’ His bright blue eyes regarded her thoughtfully. ‘Who is this uncle? Perhaps I know him.’
‘It’s Stan Dawkins, the stationmaster.’
Ron chuckled as Peggy and Cordelia gasped. ‘Well, I’ll be blowed,’ he said. ‘I’ve known Stan man and boy – even knew his sister before she left for bigger and better things in London.’ His eyes glinted with humour. ‘So, Mildred Dawkins is your mother, eh? Well, well, well. That explains a great deal. It doesn’t sound as if she’s changed much – always did think quite highly of herself and her position in the world – rather like Peggy’s sister, Doris.’
‘But Stan has the softest heart and would never turn you away,’ said Peggy.
‘But I didn’t know that for certain,’ April replied. ‘And I’ve had enough rejections over the past few months to last me a lifetime. I thought it best to get to know him first before I said anything.’
Ron nodded. ‘Aye. That sort of news will be hard to swallow, even for Stan.’
April looked down at her tightly clasped hands. ‘I saw him earlier and told him about meeting Shirley, and although he spoke kindly of her, I could tell he didn’t really approve.’ She took a deep breath. ‘And then, of course, there’s Ethel, and I have no idea how she’ll take my news.’
‘Aye, lass, you’re wise to be cautious,’ said Ron. ‘Ethel’s got a sharp tongue at the best of times and isn’t fearful of calling a spade a shovel and speaking her mind.’
April nodded. ‘I guessed as much when I met her,’ she admitted. ‘Now I’m not sure what to do.’
Ron finished lighting his pipe and threw the match into the tin ashtray he’d pinched from the Fishermen’s Club. ‘That, of course, is up to you, but if you want my advice, you should tell Stan the truth – and the sooner you do it, the better.’
‘But surely I should wait until after the wedding? I would hate to cause ructions at such a sensitive time, especially if Ethel has strong ideas about such things.’
‘Stan’s a great believer in family ties,’ said Ron. ‘He was very hurt that Mildred didn’t stay in touch after she’d visited with you all those years ago. And I know for a fact that those few days you spent here are something Stan has always treasured. I’m sure he’ll manage to win Ethel round.’
‘I don’t think April should say anything until after the wedding,’ said Peggy. ‘Ethel is already tense and worked up over the arrangements, and something like this could just tip her over the edge.’
‘I’m inclined to agree with you, Peggy,’ said April. ‘But you know Ethel better than I do. How do you think she’ll react?’
‘I really have no idea,’ Peggy confessed. ‘She can be brittle at times and as Ron said, is the possessor of a sharp tongue which she’s not afraid of using. She was born and raised in the East End of London where there’s a real mix of races and cultures, but how she feels about that, I don’t know.’
Ron tamped down the tobacco in his pipe. ‘I’ll sound out Stan and see how the land lies – but not to worry, April, your secret’s safe with me.’
‘With all of us,’ said Peggy firmly. ‘The girls can be trusted to keep it all within these walls – but of course it won’t be so easy once that little one is born.’
‘Doctor Sayer and I have already made an appointment with the adoption people for next week,’ said April. ‘The baby won’t be in Cliffehaven long enough to cause any scandal.’
‘Oh, my dear, are you sure?’
‘Yes, Peggy. Absolutely positive.’
‘It’s probably for the best,’ murmured Cordelia. ‘A baby needs two parents to love and nurture it and give it all the things a struggling single mother simply can’t provide – especially with the added pressures from people like Mabel.’
‘My thoughts exactly, Cordelia,’ April replied softly.
‘You might feel differently once it’s born,’ said Peggy. ‘The bond between a mother and her baby is the strongest in the world – which was what made Shirley keep her baby.’
April shook her head. ‘I’ve made up my mind, Peggy. It will be adopted
, and that’s an end to it.’
Peggy didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t press her point. ‘I think we should tell the girls after tea,’ she said instead. ‘Do you want me to do it, April?
She was warmed by her thoughtfulness, but shook her head. ‘That’s lovely of you to offer, Peggy, but I think that’s my responsibility, don’t you?’
‘Aye,’ said Ron. ‘It is, but we’ll be here to support you.’
*
The girls returned home from work to enjoy their evening meal, and in the lull that fell as they drank their tea afterwards, April took a deep breath and told them everything.
There was a mixed reaction following the initial shocked silence. Sarah, who’d been born and raised amongst the expats in Singapore, found it very hard to accept what April had done, for in her world, that racial line was very rarely crossed – and if it was, the perpetrators were shunned by society. It was clear that she and her great-aunt, Cordelia, were of like minds, but as it was April and she’d become part of the household, they were willing to gloss over what she’d done and support her.
Rita and Ivy were almost casual in their acceptance that these things happened in wartime, and that she’d been very unlucky to be caught. Fran had agreed with them, even though her strict Catholic upbringing frowned upon such things, for she’d witnessed the same prejudices back in sectarian Ireland and had learned to accept during her nursing career that human nature didn’t always stick to the rules.
As Ron nodded and Peggy squeezed her hand in support, April became tearful. She felt blessed to have found a home here amongst people who were willing to set aside their doubts and welcome her into the fold. Her secret would be safe within the walls of Beach View.
23
Shirley had telephoned April the following day, and over the next week they met up when their work shifts allowed – but they avoided the kiosk on the seafront. Shirley was nothing like Paula, but April suspected she would have approved of the friendship, for it was strengthened by their shared experience, and they both benefited from having someone to talk to whom they could trust.
Shirley hadn’t been at all fazed by the fact April’s baby would be dark-skinned, and April discovered that she was a good listener, so freely discussed her fears and doubts over what she should do once her baby was born. The others at Beach View were being very supportive, but Shirley was the only one who really understood what she was going through and April was hugely thankful that fate had brought them together.
They were sharing a picnic lunch in Havelock Gardens, enjoying the warmth of the May sunshine while James slept peacefully in his pram and the birds sang from the branches of the surrounding trees. April had worked an earlier shift this morning to accommodate her appointment with the adoption agency, and Shirley had a day off from the factory, so they were making the most of the lovely weather.
‘What time’s your appointment, April?’
‘Two-thirty. And I’m still not sure if I’m doing the right thing.’
Shirley grasped her hand. ‘Only you can really decide what to do,’ she said quietly. ‘So don’t let them steamroller you into signing anything until you’re absolutely sure.’ She gave April an encouraging smile. ‘Would you like me to come with you?’
‘Peggy’s meeting me there, but thanks for the offer, Shirley.’ She gave a deep sigh. ‘I suppose it’s best to get things organised now, but I won’t really know how I’ll feel until the baby’s born.’
‘That’s the hardest part. Once you’ve held it, you’re lost. They made me look after James for the ten days I was in hospital, and after that it would have been like ripping out my heart to hand him over.’ Her expression was solemn. ‘If you really want yours to be adopted, then my advice is to have nothing to do with it. Leave the hospital straight away, refuse to see it and sign the papers there and then. You’ll be feeling weepy, but that’s natural because your system’s all mucked up, but according to all the leaflets it will pass.’
April nodded and regarded the rows of vegetables that had been planted amongst the few surviving rose trees. ‘At least you have your mother on your side,’ she murmured. ‘I haven’t heard from mine even though I’ve written to her twice.’
‘Mum has been brilliant despite the fact she’s terrified of Father finding out she’s still in touch and sending me the occasional postal order. She’s hoping to come down for a couple of days while he’s inspecting factories in the Midlands, and I’m really looking forward to seeing her. The last visit was just for a few hours after James was born.’
Shirley visibly brightened. ‘It was lovely to see her cuddling him and making a fuss of him, and I’m sure that if only she could persuade Father to unbend and accept what’s happened they’d both be much happier. After all, James is their only grandchild. ’
‘It must be very hard for your mother.’
Shirley nodded. ‘It is. She’s torn between wanting to be with me and James and having to placate Father. She hates going behind his back, but she has no other choice if she wants to support me.’ With a deep sigh, Shirley adjusted the light blanket over her sleeping baby. ‘I’m their only child, and if I’d stopped to think how much anguish it would cause for everyone I wouldn’t have been so utterly stupid and let my heart rule my head. It wasn’t as if I was that naïve – I knew how babies were made, for goodness’ sake.’
‘We both did,’ said April ruefully. ‘And yet, here we are.’ She looked at her watch and began to pack up their picnic. ‘I’d better get going. I don’t want to keep Peggy waiting.’
‘I’ll walk with you as far as the High Street. There’s a stack of nappies to wash, and my room needs a thorough clean. Mrs Jackson, my landlady, is very particular about tidiness, and as she’s been good enough to give me a room in her house, I don’t want to upset her.’
They strolled out of the small park and walked up the hill towards the ruins of the old church on the corner. ‘Good luck, April. I’ll be thinking of you.’
‘Thanks, Shirley. I’ll let you know how I got on tomorrow after work.’
April watched her push the pram a bit further up the hill before turning into a side street towards her billet, which was a single room in a large house overlooking the recreation ground. Shirley counted herself lucky that she had managed to get any accommodation at all and therefore put up with Mrs Jackson’s constant nagging for fear of being shown the door – and April knew how unsettling it was for her new friend to always be on tenterhooks.
Thinking about her friend’s situation merely sharpened her resolve to have her own baby adopted. Life was difficult enough for Shirley; how much worse would it be if her baby had been black?
April shivered. She adjusted her coat over her bandaged arm, then headed up the High Street towards the imposing and rather forbidding council building where the Church of England Adoption Society had its office. She was doing the right thing – of course she was.
Peggy was already waiting for her and chatting to the young Home Guardsman who was standing looking very bored by the enormous piles of sandbags which protected the façade of the building. She caught sight of April and gave her a warm smile.
‘I managed to persuade Rita and Ivy to look after Daisy for a couple of hours,’ she said. ‘They’re going to take her to the playground and buy her an ice cream, which will no doubt end up down her front – but at least we’ll be able to fully concentrate without her.’
‘It’s really kind of you to come with me,’ said April.
‘Not at all,’ said Peggy airily. ‘I couldn’t possibly let you go through this on your own, and two pairs of ears are better than one – we’re bound to get bogged down in all sorts of details and not take in half of it.’ Her gaze was penetrating as she took April’s hand. ‘Are you all right, dear? Only you look very pale.’
April nodded, determined to remain calm and focused. ‘I’m fine, really. Let’s just get this over and done with, shall we?’
‘Just remember that you’r
e not alone, April. I’m here and will support you the best I can, and Evelyn Franklyn is a wise old bird after all the years she’s been doing this, so you’ve no worries there.’
April followed Peggy up the concrete steps and into a vast, echoing hall that was tiled in red and dark blue and panelled with dark oak. Peggy gave April an encouraging smile before they headed up the sweeping staircase to the first-floor landing. Stretching into the distance on either side was what looked like an endless corridor of highly polished doors, each sporting the name of the department that was being run from behind it.
April followed Peggy along the line, their footfalls muffled by the deep red carpet as the portraits of past mayors and town councillors stared down at them from the panelled walls. It was as daunting as she’d expected, and April’s pulse was beginning to quicken.
Peggy came to a halt. ‘Take a deep breath, dear, and just remember that it’s your decision in the end. No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do.’
April took the deep breath, but it didn’t help much, and as Peggy knocked and pushed open the door, she wondered just how fast her heart could beat before it gave out altogether.
The office was much larger than she’d imagined, with long windows overlooking the High Street, an imposing mahogany reception desk and several comfortable chairs placed round a low table on which was a stack of well-thumbed magazines and newspapers.
‘My name’s April Wilton, and I have an appointment with Miss Franklyn,’ she said breathlessly to the little grey-haired woman who seemed dwarfed by the enormous desk.
‘If you’d like to take a seat, Miss Franklyn will be with you shortly.’
They sat side by side on the sagging couch and Peggy reached for her hand. ‘They have a good system here,’ she said quietly. ‘You come in this door, then into her office, and from there you go out through another door much further down the corridor. That way no one bumps into anyone. Discretion is key here, and they’re very good at it.’
