by Renee Roman
“We…” She shook her head. The business wasn’t Hudson’s responsibility; it was hers. “I need to distribute the flyers and make sure the pantry has all the staples if someone books a party.”
Hudson took her hand. “Not if—when. If you want to walk them around this afternoon, I have time to help. I just need to shower and change.”
Ari hadn’t paid any attention to the fact Hudson was in workout clothes and perspiring. “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t even notice how you were dressed. You should have said something.”
Hudson shrugged before heading toward the stairs. “I seem to have a knack for being invisible. I’ll be down in a little while.”
Ari recoiled from the stinging remark. She hadn’t missed how Hudson was dressed on purpose. Ari did feel bad for not having noticed. She’d been too caught up in her own excitement to see anything else.
* * *
Steam filled the shower stall, insulating Hudson from the world beyond the glass enclosure. She hung her head as hot needles of water drove into her tired muscles. She welcomed the onslaught. Ari hadn’t meant anything by her comment, but she still felt raw at times. As if she had a fresh cut in an awkward place that refused to heal. She’d glanced through her mail this morning and found a letter from Pam’s lawyer stating her ex had no intention of giving her half the value of the house or its contents. The last thing on her mind when they broke up was her legal rights to material possessions, but now that she had more than just a bedroom to furnish, she’d like them back, especially the furniture and heirlooms from her family. A month ago, she’d admitted to walking away without thinking it through, and Mom D. had taken up the “what’s fair is fair” cause, telling her just because things hadn’t worked out didn’t mean Hudson didn’t deserve her share. So Hudson wrote a letter to Pam asking for the items that meant the most to her.
Now Pam was refusing to give them up—and had told her through a lawyer no less. The last thing she wanted was the situation to become uglier.
The news had soured her mood. She thought Pam had put the petty quibbling behind her. The shame of making a mess of her life reared its ugly head. Her bad mood wasn’t Ari’s fault. It was hers. Once again, she’d let Pam take control of the situation, and her recent upbeat attitude had soured. Shaking her head, she grabbed the sponge and soap. She wasn’t going there. Not tonight. Not again. Tomorrow morning, she would call her mother for the name of her lawyer. She was done playing nice. Her money and sweat equity had gone into the home Pam was now living in. She’d be damned if the woman would get everything she wanted, and then some, from their broken relationship. A relationship Hudson had invested in.
Hudson smoothed lotion on her skin before pulling on her favorite shorts and T-shirt. The cotton material felt cool against her skin. Her gaze traveled to the mirror and the woman reflected in it. She looked tired, but she didn’t have time to dwell on things she had no control over. Pam could do whatever the hell she wanted, but this time she’d better be ready for a fight.
With a heavy sigh, she headed downstairs and hoped to avoid any further humiliation. She owed Ari another apology.
She rapped her knuckles against the door louder than she intended and heard a gasp from the other side, followed by, “Shit.” The door swung in with a jerk.
“You scared the crap out of me.” Ari looked pissed, her hands on her hips. “Will you please stop knocking?”
“Sorry. I’ll try to remember next time.”
Ari’s face softened. “It’s okay. I was going to come up anyway.”
Hudson held up her hand. “Please. Let me do this.” She met Ari’s questioning eyes. “I overreacted. You didn’t do anything wrong and I shouldn’t be so sensitive.”
“And I need to keep some things inside my head,” Ari said, tapping a finger against her temple. She moved forward and placed a hand on her chest. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I just…” She paused and shook her head. “No. Not really.”
Ari pulled her farther inside and shut the door, guiding her to a chair. “Do you want to talk about what has you so upset?”
She was pretty sure Ari knew it had to do with Pam. Maybe that was what bothered her most. It seemed every time she moved in the right direction, something from her past yanked her backward.
“I keep asking myself why it happened.”
“You mean the breakup?” Ari asked.
“Yeah, but not just the breakup. Why didn’t I see things between Pam and I weren’t going well?” She met Ari’s patient gaze. “I knew something was wrong; I just didn’t want to face it.”
“I can’t think of a single reason why a woman would not want to be with you.”
Her laugh was harsh. “Yeah, right. That’s why I got dumped.” She couldn’t stand her self-pitying attitude and stood to leave, but Ari kept a grip on her.
“I don’t know anything about your past. I don’t know much about your and Pam’s relationship, either. But I do know you’re a kind, caring person and I’m very happy we’re friends. I’m hopeful what we have and what we’ve shared is growing stronger.”
The tenderness of Ari’s simple declaration brought tears to her eyes. Her vision blurred as she fought for control.
“Then why do I feel so…” She didn’t have the words to express what she felt. Her heart was heavy. Try as she might to make sense of it all, she felt encompassed by her loss and all it entailed. Maybe she had taken things for granted, like having someone to come home to. Someone to share the details of her day with and hear about theirs. The simple things. In some ways, she already shared many of those same moments with Ari.
Maybe her life wasn’t in such a bad place after all. The weight in her chest lessened a bit. “You know what?”
Ari shook her head.
“Life is as good as I make it, and I’m done making it a downer. Let’s see that list of addresses. It’s time to let people know how talented you are.”
* * *
Ari watched Hudson leave. She still appeared sad, and there were tension lines in her face, but at least she had a better understanding of the cause of Hudson’s mood. The knowledge helped explain the times Hudson closed up and withdrew. She did it to hide her true feelings from the world. She wanted to be part of Hudson’s world. Not just a part—a big part.
Staring into her coffee, she thought about the pros and cons of pushing for a deeper relationship between them. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit her initial attraction had been purely physical. Hudson was handsomely beautiful with a gorgeous smile and a killer body. All rolled into one damn alluring package. Once she’d gotten to know her better, the person on the inside was just as appealing. But damn, she was beginning to lose her patience. Hudson wasn’t the only woman to ever be crushed from a breakup. If she couldn’t recover from what happened well over a year ago, what did that say about their future? The pressure of the business was bound to affect them both. How would Hudson handle seeing less of Ari if the business flourished? What would she do then?
For the first time in Ari’s life, something—correction—someone, had pulled her attention away from her career. What did that say about her changing priorities? She needed to take it slow, for both their sakes. She wasn’t about to throw her hard work out the window, but she couldn’t imagine making the journey without Hudson by her side.
She pulled the box of flyers closer and picked one up. Again. They’d decided to put off handing them out until tomorrow. She might even get a chance to talk with residents. Meeting them in person would give a face to the business and add a nice touch. Making personal connections was good business savvy.
Stretching, she glanced at the clock. Where had the time gone? She set her cup in the sink and vowed to get up early enough to make her lunch. If she’d been tight with her purse strings before, it was damn near sewn shut now. Giggling, she headed for her bedroom and stopped at the door leading upstairs.
“Good night, Hudson. I hope your demons leave
you in peace.”
* * *
Hudson strolled along the sidewalk at an easy pace and watched young children playing in front yards. Their parents kept close tabs on them even though traffic was almost nonexistent. Her spirits were better than yesterday, and Ari was doing everything she could to keep things light. She was grateful for her friendship and support. Her life had changed for the better since they’d met. Fate had brought them together, and she took it as a good sign. Perhaps Master Jin had been right all along. Balance came from within, and she was finding her fulcrum. Could Ari be the crucial element in the grand scheme of her life? Was she willing to take a fateful step into the unknown, or was she destined to be forever off-kilter with her emotions? As unpredictable as the weather. She was grounded whenever they were together. Her footing solid and her resolve clearer. Ari was interested in more than friendship and so was she, even if it was what she feared the most. Ari’s touch pulled her back to the here and now.
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?” Ari asked gently.
Hudson stopped and faced her. “I’m sorry. I’m being rude and you deserve my full attention.” She held up her stack of flyers. “This is important to you and it’s important to me, too.”
“I know it’s important to you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. I’m sure there are plenty of other things you could be doing, but you chose to be here—with me. I just want to make sure you stay here and don’t go wandering off.” Ari tapped the sheet on top of her stack indicating the streets they were targeting. “You do the other side for three blocks and I’ll do this one.” Ari turned her in the right direction.
Ari climbed the first staircase and called over her shoulder. “Don’t get hit by a car. I don’t want to have to finish on my own.”
Hudson waved her off. Before she stepped into the street, she looked both ways, and then yelled back, “Got it!”
Chapter Seventeen
Hudson watched the corners of Ari’s mouth lift and couldn’t miss the twinkle in her eyes. The more they were together, the more she appreciated Ari’s beauty. Her heart beat a little faster and her center clenched. Her only regret was not having met Ari sooner, but she knew better. Situations took shape the way they were meant to. One step at a time.
“What are you thinking about?” Ari asked.
“You.”
“What about me?” Ari scooted her chair around.
She glanced at Ari’s mouth before meeting her eyes again. “How beautiful you are.” Ari’s cheeks flushed and Hudson’s pulse sped up. “And how much I enjoy seeing you happy.”
“Aren’t you the charmer?”
She shook her head. “I mean it. Thank you for letting me be part of your dream come true.” Hudson cherished the way Ari made her feel like she was part of Ari’s dream come true. She would have liked to sweep her off her feet, carry her inside, and make love to her. Unfortunately, moments like those were meant for couples, and she didn’t consider them a couple after one physical encounter. Perhaps they should talk about dating, but that was for another conversation. This was Ari’s time to shine, and she didn’t want to do anything to break the spell.
Ari took a breath and leaned forward. “It’s because of you I’ve gotten this far. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t stepped in and helped with everything.”
“I have no doubt you would have managed. All of your saving and planning led up to today and it’s just the beginning. You’re amazing.” Her nipples tightened and desire flooded her senses. About to spoil the atmosphere with selfish longing, she stood and stepped back. Space would be her ally for the time being.
“I should go. We both have to work tomorrow. Thanks again.” Hudson cringed for her cut-and-run attitude, but this time it was for a different reason.
Ari stood. “Stay with me.”
Hudson heard the longing in Ari’s voice. If she didn’t turn around, if she didn’t see Ari’s face, she’d be able to keep going and make another excuse; let the lies tumble from her lips. But she couldn’t. Every fiber of her being wanted to be with Ari.
“I don’t know if I should.” She came back and took Ari’s hands in hers. “I don’t want the special times we share to always lead to the bedroom.”
“They don’t have to. Let’s cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. I don’t want to celebrate alone. I’d like to celebrate with you.” Ari stepped into her arms.
Hudson moaned. Ari’s warm body molded to hers, and she smoothed her hands up and down Ari’s back. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” She planted a kiss on the top of Ari’s head.
Leaning back, Ari looked up. “Do you want easy?”
She thought about the question. A few months ago, easy was about all she could handle: clear, precise, and uncomplicated. She didn’t fit that mold anymore. Her needs were changing, and while she hadn’t figured out what that meant, it felt good to be going in a new direction.
“No. I want pleasant. Enjoyable. Fun. I want to help you celebrate.”
Ari gave her a playful shove toward the living room. “Great. You pick the movie. I’ll make popcorn and grab a couple beers.”
* * *
Ari lay in bed listening to the cricket clicks coming from the backyard. It was late and she should be asleep, but the images playing in her mind wouldn’t go away. She and Hudson had laughed at the movie until they cried. Their hands brushed in the bowl of popcorn more than once. Sexual tension still teased her flesh. She needed release. Closing her eyes, she moved her hand to her wet center and slid a finger between the slick folds.
“Jesus,” she whispered.
Hudson’s body heat had caressed her skin like a lover’s touch across the short distance between them. She’d thought about tackling her before Hudson’s words reminded her just spending time together was intimate. She didn’t need physical contact, no matter how much she craved it, but she couldn’t deny she wanted it. Picturing Hudson’s muscled arm flexing as she reached in the bowl had sent her yearning up another notch. Her clitoris thumped against her fingertip. Staring at the ceiling, she pictured the source of her hunger sprawled naked above her. Hudson had filled her, taken her, and awakened her dormant sex drive. All she had done for months were work, save, eat, and sleep. Sex hadn’t been important to her daily existence. One night with Hudson had changed her opinion. One touch lit the fire inside, burning hot enough to scorch her nerves. Hudson was above her, out of reach. Regret weighed her down. Ari shouldn’t have let her slip away, but it was too soon for either of them to start spending nights together on a regular basis.
Her legs fell open to her stroking touch and she dipped inside, filling the emptiness in her body. She bucked against the thrust and drove deeper. Her heavy breathing filled the room. Release couldn’t come soon enough. She added another finger and stroked the hard knot in tighter circles with her other hand. Ari cried out as she came. The bed shook from the violence of her spasms.
When she opened her eyes, sadness washed over her. Hudson wasn’t with her, where she belonged. She’d barely managed to school her reaction when Hudson mentioned not wanting to end up in bed. She hadn’t wanted her to see the disappointment on her face. Not with Hudson still unsure about where they were headed. The void in her heart, however, wasn’t as easy to hide. The goal-driven person she used to be was becoming an ideal-driven one. She was coming to realize her worth was not based on her financial success. Up until now, she’d built her entire life around proving to her parents she had not wasted her time in culinary school. Since meeting Hudson, she wasn’t sure that was true anymore. What good was her success if she didn’t have anyone to share it with? Wasn’t it time she gave in to her human nature and find a person she could love and would love her back? Was it too much to ask?
She shoved all the questions away, while she tucked the covers around her, content with images of Hudson as she drifted toward sleep.
* * *
“Ms. Hudson,” Katie asked, “are you feelin
g okay?”
“I’m fine, Katie.”
Physically, she was great. Mentally, she was a mess. The push-me-pull-you dilemma centered around her past and Pam, battled with her longing to find the type of love her parents shared. She hadn’t been able to sleep since she and Ari were together for movie night. She tried to ignore her body’s hunger for Ari’s touch without success. Last night she’d masturbated in hopes of quelling her urges. Nothing helped. The orgasm was organic but unfulfilling. Not since her last months with Pam had she felt so empty. Ari had ruined her, leaving her to covet the intensity she felt when they’d shared their bodies. They shared more during those precious hours than she had with any other woman her entire life. Ari saw her at her most vulnerable. Their coupling wasn’t only physically satisfying. They meshed on a spiritual level. The feeling was beyond her personal experience. The beauty of the unplanned encounter scared her and was one of the reasons she resisted another fateful encounter. But maybe if she gave in her fears would subside, and she could spend her time being productive rather than distracted by thoughts of Ari. Her body. Her sideways glances. Her passion for cooking. Her fierceness in bed. A loud splash next to her woke her from her daydream.
“So, are you ready or what?” Katie, the energetic student, kicked water into a whirlpool around Hudson, making her laugh.
“I could do with a few more like you to keep me on task.” Hudson blew her whistle and the rest of the group jumped in the water. “Okay, get in your lanes.”
She managed to focus for the remainder of the class and hoped the trend would continue through her day.
By late afternoon, Hudson was done. After her last swim class, she headed to the dojo to vanquish what remained of her pent-up energy. Master Jin put her through a rigorous set of postures before engaging her in a sparring match. It left her emotionally drained and physically exhausted. A long, hot shower and a quick meal were all she thought about. Her stomach growled after being neglected most of the day. She made it as far as the first floor landing before her plan went out the window.
