“Still smells as wonderful as it did when I was a kid.” Alana sniffed the air. “I’ve missed coming over here to visit with you the past six months, Iris.”
“You always said that as a child.” Iris pulled her into the kitchen. “I need a few minutes alone with you. It’s a strange situation you and Pax have gotten yourselves into, isn’t it?”
Alana’s heart jumped up into her throat. Iris always could see through all three of them, even when they were children. Had she somehow found out about the whole ruse?
“How’s that?” Alana’s voice was high-pitched even in her own ears.
“Pax will need to be over on the Bar C Ranch helping you. Matt has told me that he’s ready to hand it over to you kids and retire to the bunkhouse to live out his days with Lucas and the boys out there. He talked about the first year of his and Joy’s marriage. I remember that time, and they were so happy. I think he wants to relive some of those memories that you and Pax gettin’ married have brought back to mind,” Iris answered.
Alana heaved a sigh of relief. “He has been talking about her more since Pax and I got engaged.”
“So, I’ve made up my mind to change things a bit around here,” Iris said. “I’m going to buy out Pax and hire a foreman to help Maverick. There’s a young man up on the Rockin’ B that I’ve had my eye on for a while. His father has been the foreman up there for years, so he knows the ropes, and it’ll be good experience for him,” Iris said. “I think if we enlarge the tack room a little, we can turn it into a nice little bunkhouse for him.”
“But Pax and Maverick work so well together, and they’ll miss each other,” Alana argued. Those words the preacher had said about tangled webs came to her mind. “I’ve got lots of help on the Bar C. Have you talked to Maverick and Pax about this?” Poor old Pax was going to be divorced and not even have a ranch to call home.
“No, but after the wedding, we’re going to have a long talk, and I don’t think I’ll get a bit of trouble out of them. Pax loves you, and he’s going to want to be a part of the Bar C. Everything is actually working out beautifully,” Iris said. “But for the next two weeks we’re going to concentrate on the wedding, and then we’ll make what plans we’ll need for the changes.”
Thank God for the wedding, Alana thought. It would keep everyone occupied. By the time Iris could get plans in motion, everything would be over and done with.
“What can I do to help get dinner on the table?” Alana changed the subject.
“You could get down the plates.” Bridget came in from the living room. “And maybe the utensils. The guys are watching Laela for me until we can get things ready. We’ll be sitting at the dining room table. It’ll be cozy with the six of us and the baby, of course.”
A memory of her mother teaching her how to properly set a table flashed through Alana’s mind as she carried plates to the dining room. She’d been begging to help on a Sunday after church, a hot day much like this one, and Joy had finally handed her one plate and told her where to put it. She wasn’t in school yet, so she must’ve been about five years old, but she remembered feeling very proud of herself.
Today, she was more than a little ashamed. Last week was Mother’s Day. This year, for the first time since her mama had died, she hadn’t put fresh flowers on her grave. She’d always spent time on holidays sitting in front of the tombstone that had both her parents’ names on it. She’d even had a nice concrete bench put out there so she wouldn’t have to sit on the ground, and she had always told her mother everything—when she was angry with her father, when she was mad at the girls at school for making fun of her, even when she lost her virginity.
But she’d never lied to her.
Alana was staring off into space with knives, forks, and spoons still in her hands when Pax came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. “Need some help? Maverick and Matt don’t need me to take care of Laela right now, but I see why you’d like for Matt to have known his grandchildren. He’s really good with kids.”
“We’ve pretty well got things under control in here, and Daddy has always loved kids.” She sighed. “This may sound crazy to you, but I need to go to the cemetery this afternoon.”
“Great minds and all that,” he said.
“What does that mean?” She stepped away from him and continued placing the rest of the cutlery around the table.
“I was thinking the same thing in church this morning,” Pax said. “The preacher was talking about how we influence those around us, and his words made me think of Grandpa and my dad. I haven’t been out to their graves since I came back to Daisy. We’ll sneak away and go together.”
Alana had wanted to go alone. She couldn’t very well talk to her mother with Pax right there beside her—at least not out loud.
“That would be great,” she said. “Would you mind if we drive down to Plainview first to get some flowers at Walmart?”
“Not a bit,” he answered.
“Drive to Walmart for what?” Iris brought a basket of fresh scones to the table.
“Flowers to go on Mama’s grave,” Alana answered.
“I’m planning on going out to visit with Tommy and Barton this next week. I’ve ordered a custom-made silk arrangement for your grandpa’s tombstone and one for your dad’s. They’ll be ready on Wednesday, so tell them I’ll be out to see them then,” Iris said.
Paxton nodded and headed back to the living room. “I sure will.”
Iris stopped to give Alana a hug. “I know that my husband and son are dead, but sometimes I like to sit and talk to them. It brings me comfort.”
“I know exactly how you feel.” Alana wrapped her arms around Iris. “I talk to Mama all the time, and I should’ve been out there last weekend.”
“Yep, you should’ve,” Iris agreed. “So go tell her why you weren’t today, and, honey, she will forgive you. I knew Joy well, and she understands how busy you and Pax are with this wedding.”
“I hope so,” Alana said.
* * *
Of all the bad luck, Rachel Freeman was the first person that Pax and Alana saw when they walked into Walmart that afternoon. Pax tried to steer Alana in the opposite direction, but Rachel had already spotted them and was pushing her cart in a beeline toward them.
“Dammit!” Alana swore.
“Guess we kind of had a little dustup, didn’t we?” Rachel smiled and pointed toward the walking boot on her foot. “I’d had way too much to drink, and I apologize for tripping you. I was mad at my ex-husband for too many things to list, and I took it out on you.”
“Apology accepted.” Alana nodded but didn’t smile. Her arm hadn’t really hurt all day, but now it started throbbing. Of course, she knew the pain was psychological, but knowing that didn’t help a lot.
“You could say it like you mean it,” Rachel said through clenched teeth. “I believe you owe me an apology too, for pulling me down on top of you.”
Pax pulled his phone from his pocket and answered it. “Oh, dear! Darlin’, we have to go right now. Seems that Mam needs a ride to the cemetery. See you later, Rachel.” He took Alana by the hand and pulled her toward the door.
“Bitch,” Rachel hissed.
Alana stopped and turned around. “Would you be referring to me or Iris?”
“You, of course,” Rachel said. “You almost broke my ankle, and you can’t even apologize to me.”
Alana took a couple of steps away from Pax and knotted both her hands into fists. “Are you angry because of the ankle or because I’m marrying Pax?”
“Both,” Rachel said. “If you didn’t have money and land, he wouldn’t give a giant like you a second look.”
“Hey, now,” Pax cut in, “I happen to love Alana, and that’s pretty harsh of you to judge us like this,” Pax said.
“Talking or trying to explain anything to someone like you is a waste of time and breath.” Alana relaxed her hands, turned around, and laced her fingers with Pax’s. “Let’s go see Iris now.”
> She let her anger smolder silently until she was back in the truck, and then exploded. “I should go back in there and wipe up aisle five with her. Apologize, my ass. She tripped me first, and I’m supposed to tell her that I’m sorry for retaliating? Is she crazy or plain stupid? I need to put someone on Rachel patrol at the wedding. You can bet your sexy cowboy ass that she’ll be there for no other reason than to cause trouble.”
“How about Trudy? I bet she’d do a fine job of keeping Rachel in line. By the end of the day, she might even have Rachel saved, sanctified, and dehorned,” Pax chuckled.
Alana giggled, then laughed, and then guffawed until she got the hiccups. “I don’t doubt that Trudy could save and sanctify her, but she’ll have a helluva time trying to dehorn her.”
Pax laughed right along with her. “I’m not sure even Lucifer could dehorn Rachel Freeman. She’s had an itch that no cowboy could satisfy since she was thirteen.”
“Sweet Jesus!” Alana threw a hand over her mouth. “How’d you know that?”
“It wasn’t me, and I don’t tattle on my friends,” Pax said as he drove out of the parking lot. “I guess we’ll get flowers at the Dollar Store.”
Paxton Callahan really was a fantastic friend, Alana began to realize. All anger was gone now, and he’d already taken care of future problems. Putting Trudy in charge of Rachel at the wedding was a brilliant suggestion.
“That sounds great, but if Rachel follows us there...” She hesitated.
Pax butted in before she could finish the sentence. “I keep two good sharp shovels out in our tack room.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “They’ll never find the body.”
Alana laid a hand on his thigh. “You are so good for me, Pax.”
“Not nearly as much as you are for me.” He squeezed her hand.
* * *
A soft breeze ruffled the leaves on the big pecan tree that shaded Joy and Matt’s gray granite tombstone. The spring flowers that Alana had put out at Easter were faded. Recent storms had caused dirt to settle into the petals of the pastel-colored lilies and gladioli. Pecan tree pollen had settled on the tombstone, turning it a dirty orange in spots.
“You go on to see your granddad and your father,” she told Pax. “I’d like to be alone for this.”
“I understand,” he said. “I’ll be back in a little while. I’ve got a lot to discuss with Grandpa anyway, and their plots are on the other end of the cemetery.”
“Thanks…” she said and then added, “…for everything.”
“You are so welcome.” He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.
She set her tote bag of cleaning supplies and the bag of silk roses on the bench. “He’s such an amazing man,” she whispered to her mother as she began to polish the tombstone.
When Pax had driven away, she raised her voice. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here last week,” she said. “And speaking of sorry, Rachel Freeman’s mama should have drowned her at birth.” She went on to tell what all had happened that weekend as she cleaned. “She’s been a bully to me ever since we started to kindergarten. I remember when you told me that I should pray for her.”
When her mother had suggested that, Alana had protested quite loudly. “Pray for her! I want to kick her in the shins until she cries and then pull all her hair out for crying.”
“Thanks for that memory, Mama,” Alana said. “I’ll try to pray for her, but I won’t promise that it’ll be nice. It’ll be more like, ‘Please God, send her a man from Russia to fall in love with and to take her back to his country where I’ll never see her again.’ That’s praying, isn’t it?” She finished with the tombstone, removed the old faded flowers from the vase, and laid them on the ground.
“I guess I’d better back up and tell you what all has happened since the first of the month,” she said as she arranged the new yellow and peach-colored flowers in the vase. “I got these because that’s the colors I chose for my wedding. I’m marrying Pax, and it started out to be something I was doing so Daddy could walk me down the aisle and die in peace. Did I tell you that he’ll be joining you in a few weeks? Well, he will, and I’m not a bit happy about it.” She stopped and ran her forefinger over Matthew Daniel Carey’s engraved name. Tears mixed with her mascara, and black streaks flowed down her cheeks. “He’s goin’ to be with you before the end of summer. The date of his death will be written here, and, Mama, I’m not handling it worth a damn. I’m putting on a pretty good show for him, but I’m mad as hell. God took you from me so many years ago, and now he’s takin’ Daddy, and it’s not fair.”
My child, God did not take either of us. Her mother’s voice was clear in her head. He’s spiritual, not physical. Our bodies produced the cancer, not God. You can’t be mad at Him.
“But, Mama, I’ve been taught all my life that God can do whatever you ask Him to do. I was a little girl, but I prayed that you would get well, and you didn’t. Now I’m praying the same thing for Daddy, and I know it’s not going to be answered,” Alana argued.
He hears your prayers but sometimes the answer is no. He doesn’t always do what folks want Him to do, because He sees the big picture. Joy continued, but what He does give you is the strength to endure the trials that this life brings you.
“Don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is.” She recited what her mother had written in a letter to her the last week that she was alive. Alana had read it often in the past eighteen years, but right then she understood what Joy had been telling her.
He’s sent Pax to help you get through this storm, Joy said.
“I think I might be falling in real love with him, Mama,” she admitted. “It’s complicated. He agreed to marry me, but he’s only committed to this lie until Daddy has passed on. All of these emotions I’m feeling—all the grief—when Daddy is really still alive and the thought that I could possibly love Pax for more than a friend are confusing the hell out of me.”
Evidently her mama had given her all the advice she would get that day. When she heard a truck approaching, she hurriedly cleaned up the area around the grave site and waited for Pax.
He sat down on the bench beside her, put an arm around her shoulders, and drew her close to him. “It never gets any easier, does it? And knowing Matt’s death date will be on there before long, well…” His voice cracked.
“I don’t want my tombstone put up until after I’m gone,” she said. “Mama and Daddy have extra plots over that way.” She pointed toward the pecan tree. “I definitely don’t want my kids to have to look at it until after…” She used the back of her hand to wipe away more tears.
“Your dad didn’t have a choice in the matter. He wanted to put one up for your mama and he wanted them to be together,” Pax said. “It’s not easy lookin’ at Mam’s name on that chunk of granite, either.”
“Or your mother’s?” Alana asked.
“When Mama remarried, she had the original stone removed and one put up with Daddy’s name on it. I have no idea where she’ll be buried. For a few years we saw her at Christmas, but that ended long years ago. She didn’t even come back to Daisy for mine or Maverick’s high school graduation,” Pax told her.
Alana took his hand in hers. “I’m so, so sorry. I barely remember your mother.”
“Me either, and most days I don’t even think about her.” He shrugged. “Mam has always been like a mother to me and Maverick, so we didn’t ever feel like orphans.”
“I never thought of you as an orphan, but I got to admit after Mama died, I kind of felt like one. Daddy did his best, but there were days when he grieved so hard. I was so young I didn’t know what to do for him. The sadness didn’t leave his eyes for a long, long time. I was glad in those times that I could spend time at Callahan Ranch with Iris and y’all.”
She stood to her feet and pulled him up with her.
He led her away from the graveside. “I liked having you there, but then I ruined it with that kiss.”
“We were two awkward kids who didn’t
know how to react,” she said.
“Amen to that.” He opened the truck’s door for her. “Let’s go get some ice cream.”
He took one last look at the grave site from his truck before starting the engine. “The flowers look pretty. How often do you change them out?”
“Every couple of months,” she answered. “More often if the weather’s been bad or the sun fades them. Mama’s always had flowers on her grave. Daddy and I see to that.”
Pax fastened his seatbelt and said, “Mam takes care of Daddy’s and Grandpa’s, but when she’s gone, I’ll step up and do it. You might have to help me remember when and show me how to make them look good.”
“Be glad to,” she said. “We can take care of the grave sites together.”
“Good, but I hope it’s a long time before I have to do that. I want Mam to be with us for many, many years,” he said.
“We don’t always get what we want,” Alana whispered.
Chapter Fifteen
For the next few days, everything seemed to move in slow motion. The wedding planner had things under control. Alana’s dress had come in and now hung on the closet door in her bedroom, a constant reminder of the beautiful wedding that was wrapped up so snuggly in a great, big, fat black lie. Alana had spent the last two days in the office with Matt, learning the finer points of what she’d need to do with the computer work when the time came for her to take over everything.
Then suddenly, it was Thursday, and she realized that she hadn’t seen Pax since Sunday evening. They’d sent texts back and forth all week long, and she’d called him a couple of times. She missed him, yes, but it wasn’t an all-consuming ache to be with him. When people were first in love, they couldn’t stay away from each other.
That’s high school infatuation, that pesky voice in her head said.
“Where is your mind?” Matt asked from across the desk. “You’ve been looking off into space like you expect angels to float down from heaven.”
“Might be nice if that was possible.” She smiled at her father. “How do you feel today, Daddy? You didn’t eat much lunch, and we’re supposed to be out at the barn right after supper to start cleaning it up for the wedding. You need to keep your strength up.”
Cowboy Strong - Includes a bonus novella Page 15
