“Were toxic,” her father corrected. “This is for real, Caro. It’s not a trap, it’s a revolution.”
Carolyn fumed silently, in furious awe at her father’s stupidity. “What do Heddy and Myra have to say about your so-called new appointment.”
Her father softened at the mention of his beloved wives. “They are hopeful for change, and they are proud of me. You should be too, Caro. I did what was right for all of you back then and put you first. You’re my daughter and I wanted better for you. You have a good life now. And now, it’s my turn.”
It sickened her the way her father was talking of the circumstances surrounding their move to Green Valley, like leaving the community where abuse and intimidation were the norm had been some big personal sacrifice on his part rather than an easy decision made as the leader of their home. In reality, she knew that was because he hadn’t even had the balls to make the decision. Not even when she was lying in a hospital bed, black and blue, having narrowly escaped with her purity intact had he had the balls to leave. It had been Myra who had made the decision that it was time to return to Green Valley.
The idea that her father had brainwashed Myra into believing that it was safe or sane to return to Filmore at all made Carolyn physically ill. Her stomach rolled and she shook her head backing away quickly. If what her father said was true and her mothers were on board, there was no point to her even being here or having this conversation. All she was doing was torturing herself with memories that had long since been stuffed down and set away.
She didn’t say another word—she couldn’t have. Her throat was thick with a mixture of raw emotion and threatened vomit, and her vision was clouded with tears that were now falling fast and hard. It was all she could do to make it out the door and down the steps and into her car. She could hardly see as she peeled out, but that didn’t matter. It was a short drive, early in the morning, and she knew this town like the back of her hand.
It wasn’t until she was safely in her own driveway that she remembered the real reason she paid her father any heed at all. Maddie.
Maddie was the reason for all of it. Revolution be damned—a nice idea—it was not something she trusted enough to stake her little sister’s life on.
Somehow, she was going to have to find the courage to tell Lucas everything, including the fact that their marriage was a sham. The thought of losing his trust and love made her sob anew, but she would do it. For Maddie.
Chapter 13
All weekend, Carolyn had stayed close to Lucas, waiting for the right time, but, of course, it had never come. When would there ever be a right time to confess that their entire life together, a life that she treasured so deeply, was based entirely on secrets and lies, a desperate Hail Mary attempt to secure her safety, and Lord willing, the safety of her sister as well.
She hadn’t thought this through. How could she get him to take Maddie in without explaining why she needed him to? And if she explained why she needed him to, and told him everything, why would he want to? She was, she decided, completely screwed. The only person she could save in this situation was herself, but it wasn’t enough.
After having avoided her parents’ house the rest of the weekend, she drove there early Monday morning, planning to stop by and talk to her mothers alone once her father had left for work, and Maddie for school.
She couldn’t even cry as she drove by slowly, taking in the empty driveway, the front porch devoid of decoration or flowers, and the barren windows that had once been framed with cheery gingham curtains she had made herself. She was too late, not brave enough, not selfless enough… in short, a horrible sister, and she didn’t know how to fix it.
Had they driven or flown, she wondered, briefly entertaining the notion that she might be able to catch up with them. She stared sullenly over her shoulder at the now empty house as she realized it was too late. She had no idea when they had even left. She couldn’t remember if she had seen them at church yesterday—she had been too busy helping Rosa in the nursery.
Driving by and heading to school without doing something just didn’t seem right—but what was she to do? Lucas was in meetings all day, so even if she decided to tell him, now was certainly not the time.
Casting her eyes to the sky, she sent a quick prayer—something she had never really done before, not for a long time anyway—and continued on her way, putting all her concentration into keeping her fears at bay. Because if she dwelled on them she knew she’d start crying, and she wouldn’t be able to drive.
Get through the week she told herself. Five days. Then go home, confess to Lucas, and pray that he forgives you. The prophet wasn’t there, she reminded herself. And as much as Carolyn was furious with her father, he wasn’t going to hurt Maddie, or purposefully put her in harm’s way. She could manage in Filmore for five days.
Doom pooled in Lucas’ stomach as he hung up the phone in his office, setting it carefully on the desk, like it was a snake, liable to jump up and bite him again at any moment.
He had asked his dad to keep him apprised of any new developments coming out of Filmore. As the community seemed to be going through a season of change right now, both good and bad changes were happening every day. Today’s news was catastrophic.
The prophet had escaped.
His father was fuzzy on the details, but the news stations were blowing up with reports. Breaking news, his father had said, interrupting the counseling session Lucas had been in the middle of conducting.
The cell had been empty this morning, and they had no idea how he had escaped or how long he had gone, but there was no doubt in anyone’s mind as to where he was going. He was going home. The man was a regular snake charmer. No doubt he had somehow convinced one of the guards that he was indeed the all-powerful god that he seemed to think he was. Lucas rolled his eyes, allowing himself a moment of disgust before jumping into action. Somehow, he had to get to Carolyn before she heard the news.
Looking at the clock, he leaned back in his chair and frowned. This was another one of the times that Carolyn living in the city during the week was inconvenient. She had classes all morning. He and Rosa had a doctor’s appointment for the baby. They were supposed to find out the sex today, if it were possible to tell this early. They weren’t sure it would be. He really wanted to be there. But he was really worried about Carolyn. His heart ached as he was torn with the need to be in two places at once.
It was Friday, and not yet lunchtime. Carolyn would be home with him by 4:00 pm. Could he chance her not hearing anything for five more hours? Was that even possible in today’s technology crazed society? He was at a complete loss. He could sit here and wait, or he could drive out to the college and try to find her and bring her home.
He honestly wasn’t sure what the best course of action was. A quick phone call to Rosa changed that.
“Lucas,” she implored, “find her. You need to be the one to tell her. Don’t let her be alone in the hallway or in the classroom when she hears it. You don’t know how she will react. You have to go. Find her and bring her home. She needs to be and feel safe when she hears. And she needs to be able to react however she reacts.”
“Maybe I can go after the doctor appointment.”
“No.” Rosa’s voice was as firm and ferocious as he had ever heard it. “No, Lucas. No waiting. Go now. I can reschedule the appointment, and if I can’t, I’ll make Beth Anne go with me and make the doctor write the gender down on a piece of paper so we can open it together. All of us. Together. Like we talked about. Please, Lucas. It’s what I want.”
“Okay.” It was one word of agreement, but he couldn’t have spoken more, he was too choked up and overwhelmed by his wife’s unselfish heart and gracious spirit towards the woman she had once hated. “Okay,” he repeated thickly, hanging up the phone and putting on his coat. He was going to find his wife.
Carolyn sat on a couch in the empty student lounge with her psychology textbook open on her lap. Her second class of the day had been cancell
ed, but she still had one more to go. She couldn’t wait to go home, even knowing that this could be the weekend that changed everything. She had to talk to Lucas. If he hadn’t noticed her family was gone by now, he would soon, and then he would start asking questions.
Even as nervous as she was for the outcome of their talk, she couldn't deny the joy that leapt in her heart today, just like every Friday. It was funny to her how much she missed Lucas and even Rosa during the week when she was at school. She had always been an independent sort, especially in Green Valley. It had been easier to construct walls and be unapproachable than it had been to be her real genuine self with all she had been dealing with. She had even been happy that way. Carolyn Atwood was not the type of person who needed people. Lucas and Rosa had changed all that.
She jumped out of her skin when someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she looked up to see a tall skater boy type with shaky dishwater blond hair, baggy jeans, and torn up Vans on his feet. She recognized him as another student from her canceled morning class.
“Hey,” he said, once he had her attention. “Sorry to startle you. Is it okay if I turn that on?” he asked, pointing towards the TV that was mounted on the wall in front of her.
“Oh, yeah, sure.” She shyly gave him her best southern belle smile. “I’m not really studying, anyway. Just spacing out with a book in my lap.”
The guy, whose name she thought was Derek, chuckled as he took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. “Yeah, I know that one.”
He aimed the remote at the television and clicked it on. Immediately the screen went red, flashing the words “Breaking News” across the screen before it cut to a news anchor standing outside of what looked to be a jail.
“Police and jail officials are baffled,” the woman reported, “at the news that the former prophet of a well-known southern polygamous sect escaped from his cell this morning. The self-proclaimed prophet was arrested a year ago on multiple charges of rape, child endangerment, and pedophilia among other things. Earlier this year, he was found guilty on all counts and sentenced to life in prison.”
Carolyn’s heart had stopped beating when she heard the words “escaped from prison” and when his sad sallow face flashed across the screen, every nightmarish beating and horrible guilt inducing sermon came rushing to the forefront of her mind. The bagel she had eaten for breakfast sat like lead even as her stomach revolted. Hand clasped over her mouth, she ran from the room, thankful the bathroom was nearby.
Her knees hit the cold tile as soon as the door locked behind her, and she retched violently, shaking at the memories. She retched and retched until her whole body was sore from the exertion.
When she was done, she felt better—as if each painful retch expunged one of the resurfaced memories. As the bile left her body, the power and control entered. She was okay. She was safe. She wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a grown ass married woman. She was Carolyn freaking Atwood Miller. But even as she reminded herself that she was safe, and strong, and an adult, she remembered the empty house that she had driven by on Monday. She had planned to find a way to tell Lucas this weekend. Now it was too late. They would have made it to Filmore by now. And undoubtedly, that’s where the prophet was also headed.
Maddie.
From the moment her sister's name left her lips, there was only one choice. She had to save her. Even if it meant going to Filmore, even if it meant the possibility of seeing the prophet. Even if it meant losing Lucas forever.
The airport was crowded and noisy, the scents that permeated her nostrils with each step were convoluted and unidentifiable. Carolyn felt overwhelmed as she navigated the rushed crowds, making her way to a ticket desk. She had never been to an airport before, or on a plane for that matter. New experiences didn’t scare her as a rule. Today, however, she was a mess of anxiety and emotion. Too many conflicting feelings, too many worries and doubts and a brand new experience all alone was a heady combination, even for her.
As she made her way to the back of the long line for last minute tickets, she sent up a prayer to the God she wasn’t even sure existed. She didn’t even know what she was praying for, exactly. She didn’t even know how to pray. But Lucas said, that when you didn’t know how or what to pray, God knew, and listened. Usually she hid a smirk or rolled her eyes in response, but today, she really hoped he was right. For Maddie’s sake, and her own.
When it was her turn, she bit her lip, and swallowed hard, forcing her voice to sound surer than she felt. “One ticket to Atlanta, please.” Her hands trembled a bit as she pulled out the family credit card Lucas had given her for emergencies. This certainly qualified, but the caveat was she was supposed to always call him and let him know if she used it. That wasn’t going to happen. And she wouldn’t be family for much longer after this, but she would pay it back and worry about consequences later. If she could save Maddie from the same kind of childhood she’d had, she would give up anything. Even Lucas. Even if it killed her.
The lady was looking at her strangely, and Carolyn realized she was still holding onto the credit card with a death grip. Fighting back tears, she slammed it on the counter, with far more force than she had intended.
She didn’t even pay attention to what the ticket cost. The sounds around her were a high-pitched buzz in her ears, as she grasped the ticket and walked towards the gate. She was going back to Filmore.
“I’m her husband. It’s a family emergency. Can’t you page her or something? Don’t you have an intercom system?”
“No, see, this is a college,” the young lady behind the counter spoke slowly, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “And it’s 2016. We have these fancy little things called cell-u-lar phones. You can use them anywhere.”
Luke rubbed his forehead, fighting the urge to say what he wanted to say to her, which was that she needed a damn good spanking and better customer service skills.
“I know,” he spoke slowly, his tone matching hers, “what a cell phone is. But my wife’s in class, and she’s not answering her phone. And I need to find her immediately. It’s urgent.”
“Well, if you knew what class she was in, I could tell you where to find it.” Her smile was patronizing; she knew he didn’t know which class Carolyn was in. They had already been through this several times.
“Well, if you would look it up for me,” he drawled, “I would know, now wouldn’t I?”
“Sorry.” She cracked her gum and rolled her eyes, not looking sorry at all. “If you could prove that she was your wife, maybe I could bend the rules a little, but you can’t.”
She had him there. She had no logical or feasible reason to believe that Carolyn was his wife, because for all intents and purposes, she actually wasn’t. Green Valley’s strict adherence to the laws of the world forbade it. You only legally married your first wife. His union to Carolyn was strictly a spiritual one. It was a law he actually understood. To do anything else would be to commit bigamy in the eyes of the law. However, he looked forward to seeing the laws change in his lifetime. It made situations like this one nearly impossible.
He eyed the young woman shrewdly, noting the bored expression, and finally accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to make any headway here. “Fine.” He slapped the desk in front of her with the palm of his hand before turning on his heel and heading towards Carolyn’s dorm once more. A least he knew where that was.
A public college, even in a small town such as this one sure was different than the private seminary school he had attended, Lucas noted as a group of half-dressed girls walked by giggling as they carried textbooks past him, loudly planning their weekend.
Sixty-six B in the Harrison dorm. Unlike the rooms next to it, loudly adorned with brightly colored signs, posters and dry-erase boards, Carolyn’s door was bare. Praying for a miracle, he knocked loudly and waited. Nothing happened.
With a sigh, he slid to the floor, with his back against the wall and his legs bent in front of him, and pulled out his phone, noting that he had a text
from Rosa.
All went well, he read. Did you find Carolyn?
No. She’s not in her room. I don’t know which classes she has today, and I can’t prove we’re married, so nobody will help me. His frustration had reached a boiling point where every second of not knowing where she was, was another second increasing the odds of her hearing the news from someone other than him. The thought of her dealing with it on her own made him physically ill. For the second time in only a few minutes, he slammed his hand down in front of him, searching for a physical outlet for his anger.
It wasn’t like him to act this way. He could only remember feeling this helpless one other time in his life. Ironically, it had been when he was in Filmore.
His phone chirped and he looked down expecting to see another text from Rosa. It wasn’t. It was an automatically generated notification from the credit card company alerting him that his credit card had been recently used at a nearby airport.
He was on his feet in a second, running through the corridors to his truck. Any other day, he would have assumed it was a mistake and called the credit card company to sort out the error. Today, however, he knew it wasn’t a mistake. He was too late.
He made it to his truck in record time, starting it without thinking. He reached the edge of the parking garage before he stopped to think. Where was he going? Was he really going to jump on a plane and follow her to Filmore? Why would he do that? More importantly, why would she do that? What in heaven’s name would make her decide to go back there, on today of all days?
He racked his brain for possibilities. If he were Carolyn, what would make him jump ship and run back to Filmore? He knew with certainty that she was happy in their relationship. She was even getting on well with Rosa. It wasn’t that. Senseless possibilities ran through his mind one after another until he happened upon one that made sense.
Luke's Rogue Bride Page 14
