Lucas’ brows nearly disappeared into his hairline in his look of disapproving amusement. “For that? No. It’s an apt description.” His face lit up with his smile before turning serious once more. “There are a great deal of other things you need to answer for though, missy.”
She nodded, waiting for him to continue. Other than to point out the holes in her plan, he had not yet reacted to her confession, and the waiting was killing her. He should be furious, but here he was holding her and making jokes and promising to do what he could to ensure her sister’s safety. It was a reaction that was so totally Lucas, but it was making her feel a thousand times worse, and she wouldn’t have thought that was even possible.
Her confession had stunned him, and he ignored it as he processed, reacting to the lesser things that held equal levels of importance while he gathered his wits.
“You put yourself in danger today,” he began choking out the same list he had spoken before her confession, comforted by the expected routine.
“I had to,” she whispered thickly. It wasn’t an argument, so much as a plea for understanding.
“Coming here alone was dangerous enough before. But doing it, today of all days, after the prophet had escaped?” He paused considering. “Did you know? When you bought the ticket, had you seen the news?”
“Yes, Sir. It added to the urgency. I figured if he knew my family was back, after everything that had happened, it might have been why he escaped. He has every reason to hate every single one of us, just as much as I hate him. When I saw the news, I feared for my families’ lives.”
For the first time that night, Lucas allowed the anger to be visible in his expression. “You feared for their lives, so you jumped on a plane? What could you have done? What were you going to do, Caro, fight him? Put yourself in a position that allowed him to hurt you again? Step between him and your father? To what end, Caro? What could you have done? You could have ended up beaten again, or raped, or dead! You’re just a girl. You brought him to justice in court, and are going to again, I’m sure, but that is all. None of this vigilante crap in the future. You leave this and anything like it in the hands of the authorities, Carolyn.” He stopped, mentally calming himself as he scanned her with his eyes, reminding himself that no matter what could have happened, it hadn’t and she was here, alive and mostly unscathed, although he could think of one part of her body that would not be staying that way for long.
Filled with relief and gratitude, he pulled her into his arms once more, running his fingers through her blonde locks as he whispered in her ear. “Caro, my darling wife, what would I have done if something had happened to you?”
An emotion he didn’t fully recognize, that looked a little like a mix between disgust and shame flashed across her delicate features. “Be a lot better off and go back to your happy life with your real wife,” she muttered, a tear falling down her cheek as she spoke.
Luke sighed. “You are my real wife, Caro. Just as much as Rosa is. If anything had happened to you today, I would have never forgiven myself.”
She pulled back from his embrace, still teetering precariously on his lap, and glowered at him as she crossed her arms over her chest in a gesture of angry justification. “It wouldn’t have been your fault,” she grumbled under her breath. “It’s my fault. All of it. Everything is my fault.”
They weren’t getting anywhere. He would have preferred to leave the punishment portion of the evening until after the talking was finished, but sometimes a time out was the only option. Decision made, he lifted her off his lap and guided her the few steps towards the only empty corner in the small cabin. “You can stay in here until you’re ready to listen and have an adult conversation without arguing with every word that comes out of my mouth,” he growled in her ear, pressing himself close. “And while you’re in here, you can think about the spanking I’m going to give you when we get back home for this little stunt you pulled today.”
Carolyn did think. The action of being placed in the corner combined with the words Lucas had spoken when he put her there had her brain going into overdrive. Was he really, out of everything she had said, more concerned with the fact that she had been arguing with him than the fact that she had told him their entire marriage was a sham? Had he not heard her? Was it some weird blow to his pride? Did he plan to ignore her confession like it had never happened? As much as she wished it never had happened, she knew she could not spend the rest of her years with Lucas, if, in fact, there was still a future for the two of them, living a lie with the truth shoved down in a box. Even as worried as she still was with what he would say or do, just having the words out had made her feel ten times lighter inside.
She shifted in the corner, fully aware that Lucas was watching her, but she didn’t care. The questions bubbled up from her gut, threatening to spill out before it was time. “Lucas.” It came out half whisper half whine at a decibel so low she wasn’t sure if he would be able to hear her or not. “Lucas, we need to talk.”
“And we will.” His voice rang clear and loud, filling the silence in the small room. The confidence in it was a balm to her nerves, and she allowed it to wash over her, stilling in the corner as she waited for him to call her.
He didn’t call to her, but she heard his footsteps as he approached, shivering when she felt the weight of his body behind her. “Stay there. Stay there and listen.”
Trembling she nodded. It wasn’t unlike Lucas to carry out an important conversation while she was prostrate over his knee, but to start and finish one while she stared at the wall was something new. He reached around her from behind and she watched, confused as his large hands blindly worked the buttons of her navy cardigan.
“Uh, Luke? What are you doing?” she let out a small sound that was half giggle and half nerves. “Not that I mind, but wouldn’t it be easier on you if I turned around, or just did it myself?”
“Maybe, but that’s not what we’re doing. I’m your husband and it is my right and pleasure to undress you.” His breath tickled her ear as she spoke and her nervous trembles quickly turned to delicious shivers of arousal. “Besides, that, I want you to hear what I am about to say, and really listen without any walls up around your heart or preconceived notions in your head.”
The last button of her cardigan fell free of its hole, and he carefully and gently peeled it off her, and began the same process with her blouse. She was beginning to get the picture. “And being naked will help me hear you better?” she questioned sarcastically, fighting the urge to fold her arms across her chest and impede his progress.
“You’d be surprised,” was his only response. He must have gotten the hang of it, because the blouse was off in half the time it had taken for him to do the cardigan. One flick of his fingers across the front hook of her bra and she was naked from the waist up. The button on her skirt was easy, and he made short work of the zipper, allowing the patterned fabric to fall in a puddle at her feet. “Step out,” he commanded, standing back ever so slightly to give her room.
She obeyed, watching over her shoulder as he picked up the skirt and tossed it onto a pile on the chair with her other clothing. Turning his attention back to her, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pantyhose and divested her of her stockings and panties in one quick movement, again stepping back to give her room to fully remove them. She did so quickly, never moving from her place in the corner. Her cheeks flushed as she stood in the knowledge that she was now completely naked before him.
Strong hands caressed her shoulders, and her body was turned to face him, but she couldn’t look at him. So, she stared at a spot on the floor near his feet and waited for him to speak.
“Caro.” He said her name with such a commanding strength that she couldn’t help but look up at him.
“Yes, Sir?”
“Do you think we can talk now? Do you think you can stop being so defensive and argumentative and listen to what I am going to say?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered h
onestly. “I want to, but I’m scared.”
Lucas gave a slight nod, signaling her to continue. “Of what, baby? What are you so scared of?”
“It took me so long, Lucas, so long to be able to tell you the truth about our marriage. It’s a secret that has been eating me alive since the day I set my plan in motion. And I finally tell you and you don’t say anything at all, other than that I am your wife and you don’t believe in divorce. And then you just ignore the whole thing. And I don’t know what you’re thinking and I don’t know what to even think myself! I thought you’d yell, and be mad, and ask me to leave, and you’re not, but the truth is, I don’t want to stay purely out of some obligation you have to be the ideal of the perfect bishop! I don’t want you to ask me to stay just because you think you should! Lucas, I deceived you. Our entire marriage is built on a lie! How can we possibly get around that? I’m not who you thought I was!” The last two sentences came out in a breathless shriek as her hysteria grew.
Lucas put up a hand to stop her. When she quieted, he grabbed her, holding her hips firmly, pulling her body closer to his, until there was only a foot between them. “Are you done?” he asked, his eyebrows quirking up as the corners of his mouth lifted into a mischievous grin.
The expression on his face made her want to say no—how dare he smile and laugh at a time like this—but she only nodded. She had promised to listen, and she was standing in front of him naked and completely vulnerable, so it’s not like she had anywhere she could go.
“I’m sorry you’ve had to live so long with this secret, Caro. I wish you would have told me sooner.”
Immediately, she opened her mouth to protest, but he quieted her with a finger pressed against her lips as he continued. “Listen carefully, my darling wife. Our marriage is not a sham. Quite the contrary. It’s a miracle. It’s proof that God speaks even when we don’t know how to listen. You fit perfectly into my heart and my family, and that is not a coincidence. You may have thought that you were acting on your own whim and out of selfish motives, but my darling, you were exactly where God wanted you to be, doing exactly what He wanted.”
Carolyn’s eyebrows furrowed as she listened, growing suspicious with each beautiful word he spoke. Was he creating some false truth in his head so that he would be able to live with his decision to stay with her? “Lucas! No! We are supposed to pray for our husband and I didn’t! Aren’t you listening? I didn’t spend a single moment in prayer over it. I acted entirely on my own, choosing you because you were safe and kind and powerful, and the fact that you were young and handsome didn’t hurt either,” she admitted sheepishly, thinking once again how awful of a person she really was.
“Caro.” Luke’s voice was a low rumble as his grip on her waist tightened. “The only one not listening here right now is you. You might not have prayed, but it doesn’t matter, because somehow, someway, He guided you anyway. And I know this for a fact, because even if you didn’t pray, Caro, I did. Of course, I did. I prayed endlessly for weeks. And I knew there was something missing, I knew there was more to the story, a missing piece to the puzzle, if you will, but let me tell you something. Not once, not ever, in all my prayers, did He ever leave a doubt in my mind that you were my wife, and that you were meant to be a part of my family.”
She listened with her heart in her throat hanging on to every word as if her life depended on it. She wanted with every fiber of her being to believe the words Lucas was saying, but it seemed too pretty a coincidence. “I lied, Lucas. I lied.”
“You didn’t though, Caro. Everything you did was exactly what you were supposed to do. You were in His hands. He was protecting you. This was His plan all along, Caro. Each and every little detail. Even if you didn’t hear His voice, He was speaking to you.”
Skeptical, she crooked an eyebrow at him and frowned. “He knew all of it? Even the fact that I spent months wracked with guilt thinking I was lying?”
“Probably.” Lucas sighed. “I can’t help the fact that it happened the way it did, Caro. I can only tell you that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and today, as I am reminded of that once again, I can only be filled with awe and gratitude.”
A lone tear made its way down her cheeks as she struggled to comprehend the story that Lucas was telling. How was it so easy for him to just let go of her words and cling to the pie in the sky version that he believed was truth? She knew, of course, that it was his strong faith—a trait of his she had never envied more than she did in this moment. A second tear escaped, and soon, Lucas was seated in a chair and was pulling her into his lap, setting her on his knee for the second time that night.
She sat silently, as one by one, a steady stream of tears tracked down her face.
Lucas wiped each one as it fell, and pulled her close. “Oh, Caro,” he said sadly, with a deep sigh. “What’s wrong?”
“I still feel so guilty, Lucas! Like, I believe you, and I’m so grateful for your faith, but I have only a drop in the bucket compared to you and I can’t shake the guilt I still have from lying and keeping secrets for so long.”
Sagely he nodded. “How can I help relieve you of this guilt? It’s so unnecessary, but I know that telling you that doesn’t make it any better.”
Carolyn shuddered, unable to believe what she was thinking, and was about to say. She could think of only one thing powerful enough to ease her troubled mind. “You could… you could spank me? I think it would help me feel better.”
As soon as the words were out, she buried her head in Luke’s chest, afraid to look at him, quickly pulling back out as she remembered one of the questions that had plagued her while she was in the corner. “Lucas, why did you say you were going to spank me when we got back home? Why not here, tonight?”
Lucas leveled her with a look. “Because, Caro, such dangerous behavior warrants a very serious spanking, and there is nothing here that will do the trick.”
The thought that had been niggling at the back of her mind took root, and her gaze dropped to his waist. “That would work,” she mumbled, gesturing loosely.
“Excuse me?” Luke questioned, taking her face in his hands. “What would work? Use your words, sweetie.”
Carolyn flushed, and her mouth went dry but she managed to squeak out the proper response. “Your belt? That’s serious enough, isn’t it?”
“We said belts were off the table, Carolyn. Remember that? I couldn’t do that, not with your past. The spanking can wait until we can do it properly.”
“I don’t want it to wait! And I want you to use your belt! Maybe not for the dangerous behavior, but for this!” The vehemence in her tone surprised even her. “Please, Lucas,” she continued, bringing her tone back down to an even keel. “I trust you. I can do this. I want to do it. It’s the only thing that will leave me feeling fully absolved. It’s important. It’s symbolic even. Please spank me with your belt.”
The war taking place in Luke’s brain was evident by the contortion of his features as his eyes searched her face. Carolyn found that she was holding her breath, she wanted this so badly. Finally, he nodded. “Stand up.”
Carolyn obeyed quickly, her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for his next instruction. He also stood, enveloping her into his arms so that they were touching from the waist down but pulled apart from the waist up, so that he could see her face as he spoke. “This is a guilt relief spanking, nothing more. The one for dangerous behavior will wait until we are safe at home. This is for you, Caro, to give you what you need to put this behind us once and for all. But also,” he added seriously, “because I think you need to prove something to yourself with this. So, I will oblige and try to help you with that, but I am watching you carefully. If I see any signs that you are not okay, this ends immediately, understand?”
Relief flooded her as she nodded her agreement. Luke’s ability to understand her and know exactly what she wasn’t saying, to read all her signs and signals was just another reason she knew she could do this. Even if she never saw the belt a
gain after today, she knew instinctively, that it was the only thing that would ease the misery in her heart today.
Lucas released her, and unbuckled his thick leather belt, never breaking eye contact as he slowly unthreaded it through the loops of his Levi’s. When it was free, he doubled it over in his hand, and cracked it across his thigh. “Last chance to stop before we start,” he warned.
Instead of feeling fear or nervousness at the sight of his belt, she was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace. She trusted Luke. She loved him. She wanted him to know these things. In theory, she knew that he did, but in her mind, submitting to the one implement he had sworn never to use on her was the most symbolic expression she could think of. “I’m fine, Lucas,” she whispered, smiling because it was true.
“Okay, then. Bend over the bed here.” He gestured to the small double bed they would later share, and she noticed that he was stacking two pillows near the edge. To elevate her bottom, she knew from experience. Farther up, where her head would lie, was one more pillow. That one, she knew was for comfort. She all but skipped the short distance to the bed, wanting her body language to show lightness rather than fear so that Luke would know what was in her heart. Unafraid, she carefully bent prostate over the bed, positioning her hips over the wide pillows so that her bottom stuck up in the air level with Luke’s waist. She grabbed the pillow that was for her head and wrapped her arms around it tightly, rather than burying her face in it as she might have any other day.
She felt rather than saw Lucas come to stand behind her. She steeled herself for impact, then giggled when the only impact was his hand on her lower back, bracing her.
“Last chance to back out,” he stated firmly.
Carolyn couldn’t help but giggle. “You already said that. I think you’re more nervous than I am.”
Luke's Rogue Bride Page 17
