Cool air bathed her front as she opened her attire. The weight of her hair hung like an insignificant shield down her back as she slid the dress off her arms.
“Nice.”
She folded the garment and placed it on the arm of the loveseat then slowly turned. Her gaze clung to the floor.
“Are you nervous?”
Her head shook as her mind screamed. If she gave her feelings too much thought, she might make herself sick. “No.”
“You have a great figure.”
Her voice shrank with every breath. “Thank you.”
“Let’s see your tits.”
Her throat tightened as her fingers fumbled the clasp.
“Need a hand?”
“I have it.” Thankfully, she managed to still her fingers enough to unhook the bra. Lace pulled away from her breasts and her chest burned under his attentive inspection.
“Beautiful.” He stepped closer, making a slow circle around her back and returning to the space in front of her. “Arms up.”
She raised her arms, her nipples puckering in the cool air and lifting. Though he didn’t touch her, there seemed to be a notable weight to his gaze as it crawled over her.
“Now, the panties, please.”
The snap of a match preceded the scent of sulfur as she bent to lower her bottoms. When her body unfolded her face was hit with a cloud of exhaled smoke. She tried not to react.
Joey C eased back against the desk, staring intently between her legs. “You’ll have to take care of that hair. The girls have a waxing station in the back. One of the others will do it for you. Have a seat.”
She glanced at the loveseat, noting stains she’d missed a minute ago. She lowered herself to the edge of the cushion and folded her hands on her knees in an attempt at privacy.
“I’ll need to see everything, Nadia. You don’t have to be nervous. I’ve seen it all—before. Pussy’s pussy. It no longer shocks me.”
She blinked, finding it impossible to move. “I thought it was just topless dancing.”
“No, we do it all here. The girls that walk the bar usually wear a skirt so when they take orders the men get a nice peek down Broadway.”
Hopefully, she wouldn’t be working the bar. She unfolded her hands and rested them on the cushion beside her hips. Turning her face away, she willed her knees to part, but couldn’t move.
“Don’t be nervous, gorgeous. You have a boyfriend?”
The pounding of her heart stilled with a bludgeoning smack. A cool sweat beaded around her hairline and on the crest of her lip. “No. No boyfriend.”
“How about we grab dinner after this?”
This. What was this? Was this what her independence should feel like? Her heart ached as she tried to hide her tension. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“The girls will give you an orientation. Just show me what you got and I can introduce—”
“This was a mistake.” Her hand fluttered to her dress and she fumbled to unfold the material and slip it over her head.
“We're not finished.”
“I’m done.” She stood on unsteady legs. “Thank you for your time.” She had to get out of that smoky office before she vomited on the stained carpet.
Pushing through the door, her ears were assaulted by male voices and music. The scent of stale alcohol and cigarette smoke choked her as her emotions spun wildly in her stomach. She raced to the exit on her tall heels, thrusting open the doors and gasping for fresh air.
“You okay, lady?”
Her gaze jerked to a strange man reaching for her and she backed away. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? Why don’t you let me buy you a drink?”
Shaking her head, she walked deeper into the parking lot, unsure where to go. A cab waited in the distance and her unbalanced legs wobbled over the broken pavement, heading in that direction.
Where would she go? How would she afford her apartment if she didn’t have a job or a studio? A hundred dollars a week at Steve’s wasn’t enough to live on. She’d made so many mistakes. Finding balance again seemed a hopeless wish.
The cab window lowered as she approached. “Can you give me a ride?”
“Hop in.”
She slid onto the worn leather and shut the door, her mind a carousel of failures, her confidence an untethered thread. She was done. It was time to admit defeat.
“Where to?”
Faces of her past mistakes flooded her memory, but there was one man who hadn’t been a mistake. He’d been the only man to treat her kindly and care about her. He’d also been the only one to break her heart.
She gave the cabbie Elliot’s address and stared out the window as he drove. Was this what the end felt like? She needed to see him one last time, to thank him for all he’d done and say goodbye. She couldn’t leave him worried about her and she now had a financial obligation to honor back in Hungary. She’d pull her deposit and use it to buy a plane ticket. One way.
They’d know she didn’t have what it takes once she returned home for good. And while they hissed their I told you so’s, she’d find a job and remember where she fit in this world. She’d tried. No one could take that away from her. She’d tried with all of her heart to live the American dream and run her own business, but her heart could no longer take the failures and rejection. At least at home, she knew who she was supposed to be.
Her eyes closed as she thought about her mother and Roland. Thank God for Elliot’s help with the loan. So long as her family made the payments on time Roland would no longer be necessary in their lives. But he’d weasel his way back in eventually—that’s what weasels did.
The car pulled up to the gate outside of Elliot’s. “Do you need to be buzzed in?”
She knew the code but wasn’t sure she was welcome to use it anymore. She also didn’t want to give it to a stranger. “You can let me out here.”
Once she spoke to Elliot she’d take it from there and get a ride to wherever she needed to go. She paid the cab driver and watched as he drove away. Approaching the lockbox, she entered the code and the gate opened.
The night was cool and her arms were exposed. She’d left the club in such a rush she’d forgotten her bra. Chafing her arms she took the long driveway to the front of the house. When she reached the door, she pressed the buzzer and waited.
When no one answered, she pressed the buzzer again and stared at the security camera wondering if he watched her. “I just want to talk, Elliot. Please let me in.”
Her shoulders sagged as disappointment knifed through her. She couldn’t leave things like this with him.
“I’m coming in.” She punched in the code and the door unlocked, but the house was dark and silent. “Elliot?”
She searched each room, calling his name and flipping on lights. His car wasn’t in the garage. Returning to the foyer, she dropped onto the bottom step and removed her shoes. Where could he have gone at this time of night?
She pulled out her phone and sucked in a breath, only then seeing the multiple missed calls and voicemails from Elliot since she’d set it on silent. Her heart rattled as she drew the phone to her ear.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection.”
~Simon Pegg
Elliot stared at the FOR RENT sign on the door of her studio, a new lock fastened to the freshly painted door. What had she done?
He’d given up leaving her voicemails and searched for her, only to find every trace of her gone. Sitting on the curb was the bench her students sat on to tie up their shoes. A sickening feeling latched on as the world suddenly seemed enormous. She could go anywhere and never answer a single call from him again.
He got in his car and gripped the wheel. Where could she be? Pulling up his contacts he dialed Asher through the blue tooth and started to drive toward home.
“Do you realize what time it is?”
“I need Steve’
s number.” Maybe the guy pulled through with the studio deal and she’d moved her business there.
“Elliot, what’s going on?”
“I need his number, Asher. I don’t have time to explain.”
“Where are you? You sound upset.”
“I’m losing my fucking mind! Are you going to give me his number or not?”
“Okay. Okay. I just sent you his contact.” His cell pinged with the text. “Did something happen?”
“She’s gone. Nadia’s gone. I fucking ruined it.”
Lettie’s voice murmured in the background, and Asher whispered something as the phone muffled. Elliot gripped the wheel, his molars locked as he sped toward Steve’s gym.
“Elliot, I’m sure you didn’t ruin anything. Tell me what happened. Is this why you called out today?”
His eyes prickled as he stared at the dark road. “It’s me. I can’t do this. I don’t know how to do this, Asher. I don’t know how you let yourself be this vulnerable for Scarlet.”
“Okay, calm down. Are you driving?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe you should pull over.”
“I need to find her.”
“You will, but you need to calm down. Take a breath. Do you think she’s with Steve?”
The old him would have gone into a full-fledged delusion by now, picturing her with another man, but his mind couldn’t go there. No matter how much damage he’d done, he knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t do that.
“No. I don’t know. They’re supposed to be going into business together. He’s the only person she might have contacted. He’s the only person I can think to ask.”
“I’m texting him now. Where are you heading?”
“I don’t know. I’m just driving. She could be anywhere. She gave up her studio, Ash. It’s like she’s giving up on everything.” If she’d give up on her dreams he didn’t stand a chance.
“Elliot, you need to calm down. Wait, Steve just texted me back. He saw her today, but he says he doesn’t want to be involved in whatever’s going on. Says Nadia’s his friend and his loyalty is to her.”
Elliot’s hand slammed down on the wheel. “Fuck! Fucking mother fucker! What’s his address?”
“Whoa. Slow down. You are not going to barge into his place demanding answers, Elliot. Think for a second.”
“I am thinking.”
“Really? Because Steve’s a bodybuilder three times your size.”
He ground his teeth. “What am I supposed to do? She could be anywhere. What if she’s leaving the country? What if I never get to fix this or tell her I’m sorry I’m such a dysfunctional prick? What if I never get to hold her again or kiss her or hear her laughter…”
His voice ceased as emotion choked him. His foot eased off the pedal as his vision blurred. “I love her, Asher.” His breath escaped in a shaky exhalation. “And it’s ripping me to shreds.”
“Elliot, whatever happened, you can fix it.”
“What if I can’t?”
“I believe you can. You’re Elliot Garnet. You can fix anything.”
“Not this. Not relationships. I’m good with numbers and guarantees. I’ve never been good with people.”
“That’s not true. Do you remember when we were kids and I was getting picked on for my stutter? You were the only person willing to be my friend. You were patient and never made me feel stupid when I tried to get something out. You made me feel safe and eventually, I stopped stuttering around you.”
“And then you stopped stuttering around everyone else.”
“Yeah. But you made me believe I could overcome my nerves. You made me believe I could do anything if I found the right approach. We just need to find the right approach.”
His breathing slowed. “Everything was so hard. It got easier the second we got out of school, you know? Fewer people watching over our shoulders, less pressure to be like everyone else. Being with Nadia puts incredible pressure on me to measure up and be better than every other man. What was I thinking?”
“Maybe she doesn’t want you to be like every other man. Maybe she wants you to be Elliot.”
“No one wants that.”
“Enough!” Asher snapped. “I get what it is to be your worst critic, but I’m sick of you ripping my friend apart. You give yourself no credit, Elliot. If I needed something, you’d be the first guy I ask, because I know you’re dependable. And yeah, you’re opinionated and anal, but so what. You’re fucking brilliant and honest and always putting other people’s feelings before your own. It’s why people exhaust you so much. You’re not an introvert because you're a social outcast, you're an introvert because you want to fix everything. You only know how to be the hero and you hate letting people down. Look at how you’ve stepped up for your mom after your dad died. Look at all you’ve done for Nadia. My God, when Lettie was pregnant and complained of back pains, you set up weekly prenatal massages. I’m her fucking husband and I didn’t even think to do that. When will you realize how much other people appreciate you?”
“Scarlet hates me.”
“My wife loves you, you idiot. But you’re not the easiest person to small talk with. She was thrilled you and Nadia came for dinner the other night.”
“Small talk’s a waste of time.”
Asher groaned. “You’re such a dick. Can you just take a compliment for once?”
His speed slowed as he turned into his neighborhood. Since calling Asher his panic had subsided into a low grade freak out. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, how about you go home, get some sleep if you can, and tomorrow morning I’ll meet you at your place and we’ll find her.”
Knowing he had a friend like Asher on his side helped. While Elliot might be addicted to fixing things, Asher was one who couldn’t accept defeat. Together they made an unstoppable team. “Okay. Thanks. I … needed…”
“I know. We all need to hear it from time to time.”
He drew in a shaky breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, Elliot.”
The call disconnected as he pulled up to the gate and punched in the code. His body was overwrought from a sleepless night and a day of whiplash emotions and worry. He’d fix this. Tomorrow he’d find her and he’d insist she listen to him. He could be the man she deserved. He just needed to convince her to give him a second chance.
Walking up to the front door, he keyed open the lock and flipped on the foyer light and stilled. His heart jerked hard in his chest and the wind knocked out of him.
“Nadia.”
She looked up at him, her eyes smoky and her cheeks streaked with rivulets of makeup. Her chin trembled as her hands gripped her phone. “I got your messages.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Did Superman really want to save the world, or did he just feel like he had to?”
~Gerard Way
His hair was a mess and he was in wrinkled jeans and a plain white T-shirt. His jaw wore a shadow of stubble and his lips parted when he spotted her.
Her entire body trembled as she held his stare. His brow creased and he briefly glanced away and shut the door. When he looked back to her, he said, “You’re dressed up.”
She should have known her clothing wouldn’t escape his observant nature. It was her turn to look away.
“Elliot, I messed up.” Her eyes flooded with more tears and she smudged them away, her hands wearing more mascara than her eyes. “I didn’t know what to do and—”
“Hey, hey, hey…” He was suddenly in front of her, on his knees, lifting her face and looking into her eyes. “Don’t cry. We can fix this.”
She wasn’t even sure how they were broken. “What did I do?”
His eyes closed behind the lenses of his glasses and he swallowed. “You didn’t do anything, Nadia. I did this. And I swear, if you give me another chance, I’ll fix it.”
He wanted another chance. His messages had said as much, which was why she waited for him, but she needed to
hear the words from his mouth, see the promise in his eyes. Now that she had, her relief released a jolt of adrenaline and she started to tremble.
“Why did you shut me out, Elliot? I begged for you to let me in and you left me there—alone like a fool.”
“No, Nadia.” He pulled her into his arms, pressing his face to her neck and holding her tight. “I’m the fool. I’m an idiot, paralyzed by imperfection and terrified of damaging the irreplaceable.”
She choked on a gasp. “No one is perfect. Especially me!”
“Not your imperfections, baby. Mine. I’m not good enough for you, but I want to be.” He drew back and looked into her eyes. “The biggest obstacle in my life has always been me. I set such high standards that when the time comes to try something new, if I’m not sure I can succeed, I balk and back down. I pass so many opportunities up because I’m afraid I’ll screw up and let someone down. I only feel confident when I’m in complete control and see a clear cut path to success.”
“No one expects you to be perfect all the time, Elliot.”
“I know. But I wanted to be perfect for you.”
Her throat tightened as she swallowed back the lump that had been choking her all day. “Maybe you’re perfect for me just the way you are. I know you’re stubborn and you think stars are nothing but rocks when I want them to be wishes, but you’re still incredibly sweet and caring. You’re gentle and kind. And there’s so much that makes you different from everyone else. I just want to be a part of that. I want to know all of you, and I want you to know all of me. I never want us to hurt each other.”
“I never want to hurt you either, but I did hurt you and knowing that I did the one thing I hoped to avoid...” His jaw ticked. “It’s turning me inside out.”
He had hurt her and there was no pretending these last twenty-four hours hadn’t happened. She needed to understand his reasoning if they were going to get past this. “Why did you shut me out?”
Untied: A Mastermind Novel Page 28
