But Andee thought about the strange conversations she’d had with Tiffany (Listen to Robin! Communicate with Robin!), and the even stranger one she’d had with Kimberly.
She glanced at Robin again, her blue-brown hair blowing in the breeze as she tilted her head back to take in the sunshine, pushing her sleek sunglasses up on her head, closing her eyes. She looked so beautiful with her head thrown back, inhaling the sweetness of a seaside summer.
But, of course, Robin always looked beautiful.
Andee sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the cushy bench seat.
She needed to talk to Robin about the phone call, figure it all out.
She needed to tell Robin that she still felt…everything for her.
And she needed to tell her soon.
Somehow.
“Let’s check into the B&B,” said Tiffany, slamming on the brakes as a drag queen tottered across the street with no warning at all. Tiffany salivated at sight of the queen’s glittering high heels. “And then,” said Tiffany, casting a glance into the backseat as she threw her hands in the air. “Let’s party!”
“Amen to that, sister!” said the drag queen, slinging her rainbow-colored feather boa over one shoulder as she sauntered down the sidewalk.
Jill and Robin hooted with laughter, and Andee, in spite of herself, smiled.
The bed and breakfast was charming and tiny. The clapboard siding had been painted with an giant arching rainbow. The Kitty Kat B&B was famed as being lesbian-owned. Plus, a cat came with every room. Andee wasn’t really a cat person. She had always felt more kinship with dogs. But she could certainly appreciate the gesture.
Tiffany checked in while Robin, Jill and Andee unloaded the suitcases from the car. “Oh, it’s so pretty inside!” Tiffany cooed as she trotted back out and leaned on the convertible, holding up two brochures and the room keys. “So,” she said, glancing at Andee with eyebrows raised over her sunglasses. “We got two rooms. What do you think?”
Andee gulped down air, ran a hand through her ponytail, heart hammering. Tiffany wanted Andee to decide whether she would be sharing a room with Robin…or with someone else.
“Let’s just… Let’s just put all of the suitcases in one room for now,” said Andee, stalling for time. “And then…we’ll go out. Get something to eat…um. Party,” she said weakly.
Beside her, Jill did a little dance and pumped her fist in the air.
“And we’ll decide what happens when we get back,” finished Andee, almost whispering.
“You know what I intend to do, ladies?” said Jill then, her hands on her hips as she flashed an uncharacteristically wide grin at the three of them. “I plan on getting so drunk that I don’t even remember my own name. And then I think I’m going to try to ask a person of the female persuasion out on a date!”
“On a date?” chuckled Robin, putting an arm around Jill as the four women turned and began to carry the suitcases into the B&B. “We don’t have time for that. We’re only here one night! Why don’t you just bring her back to ‘your place’?”
“Oh… Yeah,” said Jill, paling. “Oh, my God, it’s been a really long time.”
“You can do it. I have every bit of faith in you,” said Robin, squeezing Jill’s shoulders before lifting up two suitcases—hers and Andee’s—and following Tiffany with her roller board case up the little sidewalk.
“Do I need to talk to you about protection?” asked Tiffany, as Jill began to blush, holding open the door for the others. “Because I totally will. It has been a long time—”
“Oh, my God. You guys, I’m not that inept, I promise,” said Jill, shaking her head and sighing with a grin. “I promise.”
“Let’s go have some fun,” said Tiffany, setting her suitcase in the first top floor room on the right. The house was so brightly painted that it made Andee’s head spin. She watched Robin deposit their suitcases next to Tiffany’s, and Jill followed suit. The four women stood in the hallway for a long moment, taking in that first room, the queen-size beds with colorful quilts draped over them, a cat—one gray, one orange—sprawled in the center of each mattress.
A tiny older woman—Andee presumed she was one of the two owners—was down in the front living room, watering several old plastic pots filled to overflowing with spider plants. She had very short gray hair, red spectacles festooned with a dangling glass bead holder, and she wore a jean shirt with jeans that flared out at the ankles. She flashed a wide smile at the four women when they paused before her, and she saluted them, military-style.
“You can come in at any hour of day or night, ladies. Enjoy the town,” she said. And then she turned to Andee and winked.
Smiling, Andee winked back.
She hoped that that was a good omen.
“Let’s hit up Sally’s!” said Tiffany, practically vibrating with excitement as the quartet stepped out of the Kitty Kat B&B and into the hubbub that was twilight in Provincetown. There was music emanating from the nearby restaurants, clubs and bars. There were happy, embracing couples populating the sidewalks. And the sound of laughter and animated conversation grew louder as they walked along the street.
“I should probably call Emily,” said Tiffany with a happy smile. “Tell her I’m thinking of her. And make sure she has everything packed. I mean, you know Emily!” She took her cell phone out of her purse, waving it around. “She’s flying in the day before the wedding so that she can be with me for the rehearsal. Isn’t that sweet?” Tiffany cooed as she held the phone up to her ear and trotted on ahead.
“They’re adorable,” said Robin, putting her hands in her pockets and shaking her head, grinning.
“They’re in love,” said Jill, with a note of wistfulness.
“What’s Sally’s?” Andee asked Robin, then, as Jill paused to look in a closed shop’s window. There were bikinis on display, along with women’s swimming trunks.
“It’s a lesbian club,” said Robin, folding her arms and gazing into the shop, too. “It’s a famous place, and it’ll probably be packed. If it were up to me, I’d probably go to the Mermaid’s Eye or Doris Delly’s. But Tiffany’s been to P-Town before, and she really liked Sally’s. Maybe I’ll be able to lure you all out after we get a few drinks into our systems.” She gazed down at Andee and searched her face. Andee felt all of her resolve melt as those bright blue eyes stared deeply into her. Robin was so beautiful in the dying light that Andee’s heart began to flutter.
They really needed to talk.
“I really need a drink,” Andee muttered, as Tiffany came striding back, a wide, cheesy grin spread over her face.
“Yeah, so do I,” said Jill, shaking her head and sighing out as the four women continued down the sidewalk. “Okay, so I may totally go back on my earlier declaration. I don’t think I’m really in the mood to, uh, take a lady back to ‘my place.’”
“Sure?” said Robin, looking concerned. “You were totally excited about it.”
“Jill, it’ll make you feel a lot better,” said Tiffany, nodding her head as she put her hands at the small of Jill’s back and practically shoved her toward the distant glowing light of Sally’s.
“I mean, I want to,” said Jill, her voice almost shaking. This wasn’t at all the confident Jill that Andee knew. “I’m just nervous. I mean, I was with Leila for a long time. And then I got completely rejected, you know? Out of the blue. What if I get rejected again?”
“We’re going to have women lined up to the door, just dying to have a conversation with you, let alone a chance to be with you,” promised Robin, looping an arm around Jill’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, okay? It’s not going to be scary at all.”
Jill drew in a deep breath as they reached their destination.
Sally’s was a small and squat blue building, and inside, the music was blaring. Andee squinted as her eyes adjusted to the interior darkness. There was a wide dance floor, and a song with a deep bass was making the wine bottles tinkle. There were butches and femmes and everyone in between at t
he bar, seated on stools, standing and talking and laughing and drinking together. The place was packed.
Out on the dance floor, couples gyrated as multicolored lights washed over their bodies. There was a deejay in the corner, a desperately attractive woman with black spiked hair and a tightly fitting white tank top showing off her many tattoos. Large headphones were looped around her neck. As she bent her head to stare down at her equipment, Andee glanced from the deejay to Robin, and her heart twisted.
Sure, the deejay was gorgeous.
But only Robin made Andee’s heart flutter.
“Okay,” said Robin, in a conspiratorial stage whisper as she leaned down a little, bringing Andee and Jill into a huddle. “We’re going to get a lady for Jill, all right? Tiffany, you and me are going to chat up some people—”
“Oh, no,” said Tiffany, shaking her head, red curls bouncing. “Emily made me promise that I wouldn’t talk to any other ladies, and I don’t want to, anyway. I can’t help you.”
“Really?” sighed Robin, but the little redhead’s green eyes were narrowed.
“Really,” she said.
“Okay, okay…” Robin glanced to Andee and shook her head only once. What did that mean? “I’ll help you, Jill,” she said then, looping an arm around her waist and dragging her up to the bar. Robin had put on her most disconcertingly charming smile, and she was currently flashing it at every woman who didn’t have her arm draped around another.
Andee felt an uncontrollable ripple of jealousy move through her.
“Vodka on the rocks,” she managed as she waded up to the bar. “Please,” she said, and it came out like a growl. The bartender chuckled a little and held out her drink as Andee paid for it, handing over the money and taking the glass in shaking hands. She didn’t even sip it, just gulped it down, the alcohol burning the whole way.
It hit her empty stomach, and suddenly everything became a whole lot brighter. Especially after several drinks in a row.
“Andee, let’s get something to eat,” said Tiff, tugging at Andee’s sleeve and trying to detach her from the bar. But Andee didn’t really want to move. She was having a good time tossing back a few more drinks, and she was certainly having a good time people watching. There were a lot of very attractive ladies in this bar. Club. Whatever it was. She gazed blearily down at Tiffany, who was now glancing up at her with concern.
“What the hell? Are you drunk already?” said the tiny redhead. Andee began to laugh a little.
On the other side of the bar, Robin and Jill were both talking to different women, their heads bowed together. Robin had on one of her smirks, the mischievous one that, if she flashed it in Andee’s direction, would cause Andee’s knees to weaken, would convince Andee to go on whatever crazy adventure Robin had concocted on the spur of the moment. But Robin wasn’t flashing that smile in Andee’s direction. She was flashing it at this pretty blonde who kept stirring her drink with a swizzle stick, batting her heavily made-up eyelashes at Robin.
Andee suddenly didn’t feel so great.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized that Robin was only doing this to chat up women for Jill. And to think anything else would make her ridiculous. But when Robin looked at that pretty blonde, all Andee could think of was Monica, in Robin’s bed, naked with the sheet held to her chest. Monica, who actually had looked a lot like the woman Robin was now talking to…
“Andee, seriously, you’re drunk. You need to eat something, drink more water…” Tiffany kept talking, but Andee wasn’t exactly paying attention. Her heart hurt too much for that, as the blonde woman lifted up her head and laughed, her flowy hair falling over her shoulders and brushing against Robin’s hand while Robin reached for her own drink.
Across the bar, Robin met her gaze.
Electricity seemed to crackle in the air, but Andee knew it was probably just her imagination. Or maybe she was just really, really drunk.
She breathed out, shoved off from the bar. She broke that glance and stepped backward, right onto the dance floor.
Where she promptly ran into someone.
It was too packed not to—and the woman didn’t seem to mind. “Hey,” she said, with a wide grin. She was butch, leather jacket clinging in all the right places, her hair teased up into a faux mohawk. She flashed a bright smile at Andee, head to the side, questioning, and Andee didn’t think about it: she made the decision as if it wasn’t even a decision to make. She nodded, stepped forward, and then the woman’s hands were on Andee’s hips, snaking around her and holding her close, bringing her even closer as Andee leaned forward, inhaling the scent of the beer on the woman’s breath, the tangy smell of an unfamiliar perfume and hair gel. The woman grinned widely at her, one brow up, eyes roving over Andee as the blood surged through her body.
Across the bar, Andee could see Robin’s head lean closer to the blonde woman. Anger roared up through her, and when the woman dancing with her leaned in for a kiss, Andee responded, putting her arms around the woman’s neck, drawing her closer, tightly holding on. And the kiss was good, fierce, and it should have done something to Andee.
But it did nothing.
Instead, Andee felt a pain in her middle, a hollow feeling. She stepped back, the woman’s gaze now quizzical as Andee shook her head, ran her fingers through her hair. Everything was too bright, too loud, too much. “I’m sorry,” she muttered to the woman, and then she was moving off the dance floor, past the bar, and out onto the busy sidewalk of Provincetown.
Mercifully, there was a little bench outside of Sally’s that was currently vacant. Andee slumped down onto it, her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward, putting her head in her hands. The entire world was spinning, but that’s not what made her so woozy. It was that she’d kissed that woman, and she really shouldn’t have. She knew that now.
“Andee?”
Andee glanced up slowly, her breathing coming out ragged. There, standing before her, her hands in the pockets of her jeans, her leather jacket off and slung over her shoulder, stood Robin. Robin, with her bright blue eyes conveying nothing but concern; Robin, with her wide, beautiful lips in a downward curl of a frown as she knelt down, looking worried. “Andee, are you okay?” she murmured, and she placed a very gentle hand, long fingers warm, solid, real, on Andee’s thigh.
Andee reached out. She took hold of Robin’s tank top, hooking her fingers around the cloth, and then she drew her forward. Robin didn’t protest, but came, came so close that their mouths almost met, Andee drawing in a deep breath as she gazed into the depths of Robin’s blue eyes, the eyes she’d dreamed of, the eyes that captivated and bewitched her.
“I haven’t really been honest with you,” said Andee then, slurring out the words. She let the truth pour out of her, then, because there were no barriers. She knew she was drunk—she knew she was really drunk—but there were things that needed to be said. And there, on the bench in the middle of the night in Provincetown, Andee took a deep breath and just let herself speak: “And I need to be honest,” she muttered, taking Robin’s hands in her own and squeezing them. “So, over these past few days, I’ve kind of realized something,” she said, the words blurring together as she struggled to pronounce them clearly. “You? Yeah, I still have feelings for you.” It had sounded much more eloquent in her head, but she was glad she’d said it.
Robin’s eyes widened.
Andee sat very still for a long moment, her breath rapid and shallow as Robin kneeled in front of her. Andee wrapped her fingers tightly in Robin’s tank top again, their mouths close enough to kiss. There was no silence here, in the din of downtown Provincetown, and no privacy, but what other opportunity would Andee ever get? Right now, they were focused on each other. And that’s what mattered.
Andee took another deep breath. Robin hadn’t spoken yet, was still just searching Andee’s eyes, her face, and Andee’s heart began to turn nervously. “I just… I just needed you to know,” she slurred, and shook her head. “You’re the one I’ve always wanted.
After it…happened, I waited for you, and I didn’t even know I was waiting for you. Because you’re funny and smart and really gorgeous, okay? So totally hot.” She inhaled deeply, the world starting to spin around her, but Andee somehow, miraculously, kept talking. “Saying I still have feelings for you doesn’t really begin to cover it, but I’m not being honest if I don’t tell you all of this. I don’t know what this morning was all about…” She waved her hand vaguely, then went back to clasping Robin’s hands together between her palms. “I don’t know anything, really. Did you cheat? Didn’t you cheat? I have to trust you. Because I still love you, and I don’t think I’m ever going to stop loving you, Robin. Okay. Great. Now you know.” She took a deep breath. “I think I’m really sick,” said Andee, and she stood, wobbling.
And she began to fall forward.
Robin stood, too, catching Andee effortlessly, her arms wrapping around Andee’s form as if they belonged there, holding her up as Andee’s head spun, as the entire earth seemed to spin. Andee pressed against Robin, feeling every part of her, and it didn’t seem to matter so much, in that moment, that she couldn’t really stand by herself.
What mattered was that Robin was holding her. Holding her tightly, as if she was never going to let go. Which, Andee realized in that moment, she’d be perfectly okay with.
“Let’s get you back,” muttered Robin, voice soft and low, but Andee gulped down more air, shook her head.
“You’ve gotta say something back after all that,” she said, half-closing her eyes as she leaned her head on Robin’s shoulder. But Robin didn’t say anything at all. She lifted Andee up, as if Andee weighed absolutely nothing (which Andee knew was not true), carrying her in her arms down the street.
The lights blurred and flashed beyond Andee’s eyelids, but she breathed out, resting against Robin, listened to the calming rhythm of the woman’s heartbeat. It seemed as if it was the only sound in the universe.
The Thousand Mile Love Story Page 18
