The wind demon turned to study Henry, who was wagging his tongue obliviously. “I believe our dear blue Henry here is the baby in question.”
Bailey was so angry he could barely speak. “You’re lying, just like my father warned me. I don’t believe you…”
“Of course you don’t, Bailey,” he said softly. “Your instincts tell you to believe your father, not me. I only hope he doesn’t make any more selfish decisions that will cause him to lose you. We may be able to prevent such a horrible eventuality at this very moment because I would like to make you another offer. How about two million dollars for your large friend?”
Savannah put her hands on her head. “Two million dollars? Are you serious?”
The wind demon stood up straight and adjusted his eye patch with a snarl. “Quite serious.”
No amount of money could impress Bailey now. He was sure that this demon was a liar and probably didn’t even have that much in his possession anyway.
“No,” Bailey said, a Frisbee spinning slowly on his thumb. “I don’t know why you want Henry so badly, but I’m sure it’s for a reason I wouldn’t like.”
The cynocephaly looked out to the ocean where the Farallon Islands rose in the distance. “Then I will have to proceed to making the purchase indirectly.”
“Indirectly?”
“You won’t sell Henry to me, but he must be mine so that I may help the Eighteenth Goblin Order of Star Guardians put the stars back in the sky. The baby sea giant is a key element to our plans.”
Bailey couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “The goblins think that man-made lights are fallen stars. You and I both know that’s ridiculous.”
Axel bark-laughed. “Of course it’s ridiculous! Stars are giant orbs of burning hydrogen and helium. But I am to be paid in gold to assist them, so who am I to question their science? Anyway, I’ve convinced them that your blue friend Henry is essential to their task. Your father won’t conduct business with a cynocephaly ever again, so I must pay a human to make the transaction for me. In fact,” he said, looking at his waterproof watch, “my hired human is most likely outlining the terms of the purchase to your father at this very moment. I suggest you bring Henry back to your shop so that the sale can be promptly concluded.”
Then he leaned in close to Savannah’s face. “Unless we act sensibly, avoid all possible bloodshed, and I just take him right now.”
Savannah put her nose to his. “I’d like to see you try.” Then she bopped him in his eye patch with her fist.
The cynocephaly howled in pain. “How dare you! You’ll pay for that someday, little girl!”
Axel turned back to the goblins, who had been creeping toward Bailey and Savannah. He kicked sand at them. “Get back in the ocean, you disobedient whelps! You need to be certified dive masters by Thursday!”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
PUNKS
“WE SHOULD ASK him what he’s gonna do with those little green guys,” Savannah said.
Bailey shook his head. “They’re the Eighteenth Goblin Order of Star Guardians. We need to get home and tell my dad right away. He warned me cynocephali were dangerous liars, and now I think he’s right. I don’t know what he means by ‘indirect purchase,’ but it sounds like a trick.”
They ran faster, with Henry gallomping excitedly behind them, hoping for a Frisbee to catch. He couldn’t know Bailey felt an urgent need to inform his father that Henry’s sweet life of chicken in ice water and walks on the beach was in dire jeopardy. But just as they reached the store, the four delinquent sophomores slid out from behind a eucalyptus tree like panthers on the prowl.
“Well, well, well. It’s little Bailey Buckleby and his female bodyguard. But you forgot your sword this time, didn’t you, girl?” Fuzzy hissed, and he was right. She had left her trombone case in the back room of the shop.
“We have something better than a sword,” Savannah yelled. “Fear the wrath of Big Blue!”
Savannah pulled off Henry’s trench coat, a move that wasn’t as graceful as she might have liked, and pointed to the boys. “Get ’em, Henry!”
Henry sat down on his back haunches and panted.
“Henry’s not the aggressive type,” Bailey said calmly, unclipping a yellow Frisbee from his belt.
“We know your stupid pet isn’t dangerous. In fact, we know just what he likes,” Fuzzy whined like a tenth grader without a girlfriend. Then Bailey saw what Burper was carrying with both hands—a bucket of ice water in which bobbed several whole raw chickens.
Henry had a belly full of seawater, which he liked very much, but his breakfast had long since been digested. His eyes bulged, and the sight of the chicken pulled him like gravity. Bailey tugged on Henry’s leash, but that slowed him down no more than the ocean breeze. Luckily, the back door of the shop opened, and his father came out with his left hand behind his back and a lit stick of dynamite in his right.
“The fuse is burning, boys. Off with ya.”
“You’re bluffing,” Caveman sneered, but all four of them took one step back.
Bailey’s father looked them each up and down. His size was intimidating, let alone the stick of dynamite in his hand.
“How could I be bluffing? There’s no stopping a gunpowder fuse. This dynamite is going to explode somewhere. Now, boys, consider your dilemma. I can only throw this dynamite so far. I’m not going to let it explode behind me—that would be foolish. So this stick is going to explode in front of me, somewhere within a forty-foot radius because that’s as far as I can throw. Within this forty-foot radius, in which you are standing presently, there’s going to be a big explosion. Now, do yourselves a favor and consider a simple question—what happens to the human body when it is within forty feet of a dynamite blast?”
Now even Savannah was scared. She stepped behind Bailey’s father into the back room.
Each of the four sophomores shuffled their feet, not wanting to be the first to calculate the distance required to escape certain death. Bailey’s father waved the stick in his right hand and barked, “GO!” which was enough to make them sprint as fast as their legs could carry them, even into oncoming traffic on Oceanview Boulevard, which luckily was only the snow-cone guy on his tricycle. The snow-cone guy toppled over, his box of flavored ice spilled into the street, and he yelled, “PUNKS!”
Bailey’s father pulled his left hand from behind his back. He was holding a green-bellied Amazonian faery by the neck and squeezed it so the faery coughed and grabbed the fuse with its miniature fist, snuffing the fuse right out.
“Dumb little deviants,” Bailey’s father spat. “Get inside, Bailey. We need to fortify.”
“What do you mean? You just scared them off.”
“They’re just thugs on the payroll, son.”
“Dad, seriously. Not one of those goons even passed pre-algebra.”
His father shut the door behind them, locked it, and then swung the iron latch bar down to block it.
“Call your girlfriend’s parents. She needs to get home as quickly as possible.” He started lifting boxes from beneath the stainless steel counters to free the space below.
“Also, I need you to get on your hands and knees and find the valve that raises the wall.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?”
“Just get down and look for it. It’s blue with a label that says NOT WATER.”
“Is this all about Axel Pazuzu? Is that who you’re afraid of?”
His father paused and sat on the damp cement floor. He was sweating already.
“I’m not afraid of anyone, Bailey. I’m a Whalefatian and, what’s more, I’m a Buckleby, and Bucklebys are always prepared for their enemies. Those boys must be working for him, and he must be working for Pazuzu, because only a wind demon would care this much about Henry.”
“Who’s him? Who’s working for Pazuzu?”
His father wiped the sweat away from his forehead. “Candycane Boom, son. He left his calling card.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
>
THIS WRONG MUST BE RIGHTED
BAILEY FOUND THE candy cane sitting by itself on the store counter. The bubble gum, the mints, the Whalefat Beach playing cards, and the miniature whales made of soapstone had all been shoved off the counter and onto the floor in one violent sweep. The front door was shut, locked, and barred with an iron rod just like the back door. The sign in the window had been flipped to CLOSED. Bailey returned to the back room, locking the thick oak door and wrought iron gate behind him.
His father was on his hands and knees, pushing away boxes and electrical cords, looking for the mysterious valve. Savannah looked out between the slats of the blinds while Henry sat on his haunches near her and licked her face.
His father handed him a piece of stationery that was decorated with fine calligraphy that read From the Desk of Mr. Candycane Boom. Mr. Boom’s handwriting was elegant and in cursive, which Bailey could read even though John Muir Middle School had elected last year not to teach cursive writing in their classrooms anymore.
To the honorable Mr. Dougie Buckleby,
As your friend and customer, I hope you will understand that if I am forced to make any physical threat against you, it is only because I anticipate that you will fail to comply with the following:
I do hereby request that you deliver dear Henry to me this afternoon in exchange for one candy cane. It has come to my attention that you keep Henry from his parents and you imprison him in a walk-in freezer. My friend, even I find this act incredibly inhumane. This wrong must be righted. Also, as a hired consultant of a mutual associate, it is only my duty to inform you that the physical threat I hereby make will be bloody and painful. You have stolen a son and broken two hearts. Please do not force me to break yours. I will be waiting outside with my staff.
Most sincerely,
Candycane Boom
Bailey had always known Mr. Boom used the threat of violence to make a living. He should have guessed that he and his father weren’t immune to the danger he posed.
As if reading his thoughts, his father said, “Candycane has always been just a loan shark and a thug. When a shark is hungry, it turns on you.”
Bailey was starting to feel a horrible, sickening, nauseating feeling—doubt in his father. “Is it true? Are we keeping Henry from his parents?”
Dougie looked rattled as he searched for the wall valve, as if the very question made him angry.
“It’s a wind demon lie. This is what they do. They feed us lies and turn us against each other.”
Bailey unleashed Henry as he thought about what he was about to say very carefully.
“Dad, I think you and I both know that Henry isn’t a troll. Henry has blue eyes, square teeth, and not a single hair on his body. And I don’t think Axel Pazuzu would be so determined to get Henry if he was just a troll. So tell me—what is he?” Bailey suspected he already knew the right answer, but to make this horrible feeling go away, he needed his father to say it.
As if curious himself, Henry jumped up and down on his haunches and barked roump!
His father sighed. “Bailey, you are your mother’s son in so many ways. But I will tell you what I told her—the truth—and that is that Henry is a long-armed, blue-skinned, seven-foot-tall baby Swiss troll who we have tamed quite well and is now a member of our little family. Trust me, Bailey, when I say that all I’ve ever wanted was to give Henry the same two things I give you—safety and love. Aha! I found the wall valve!”
Bailey shook his head, determined not to let his father avoid the question. “Dad—”
“There are angry people outside,” Savannah whispered, peering through the blinds.
“Young lady, it is time for you to go home. I’m sure your parents are worried about you.”
Savannah’s voice became sad and distant. “My parents aren’t home. They’re getting remarried.”
Bailey’s father looked up in shock. “Remarried? To each other?”
“They divorced last year, but then they went to couples counseling. Now they’re getting married again in Cabo San Lucas. They told me it would be good for me to learn how to live alone.”
“But you’re just a kid!”
“I’m fully capable of taking care of myself!” Savannah exclaimed. “I’m twelve years old, you know, and what’s more, I’m a descendant of the Bullhead Brigade. I’m certainly strong enough to live alone for a week!” But even she knew it wasn’t right, and she was glad to be with the Bucklebys, even if they were quickly being surrounded by enemies.
“Where have all the responsible parents gone?” Bailey’s father groaned. “It seems, orphan girl, that perhaps you should stay here after all.”
“I think so,” Savannah agreed, more from excitement than fear. “The mob out there is growing. I’m going to get my sword out. I’ve been waiting for just the right time to use it!”
Bailey looked for himself. On the opposite side of Oceanview Boulevard, Cheri’s Chocolates had guests, but not the usual assortment of tourists. The four bullies hovered there like rabid raccoons. Fuzzy took a few practice swings against one of the supporting porch beams with his baseball bat. Burper slouched on the bench, sharpening his tree branch into a deadly point. Caveman counted off push-ups while Chinless threatened to sit on Caveman’s head—bare butt. In the middle of the porch stood Candycane Boom in his puffy winter coat, big glasses, and smooth, hard head. He held a bag of gourmet chocolates, which he ate by the fistful. From inside, frightened store-owner Cheri looked out the window at her unwanted customers. Bailey doubted Candycane had paid for those chocolates.
When Boom saw Bailey and Savannah looking out the window, he pointed at them, and the four sophomores followed the direction of his finger. With a mouthful of chocolates, he yelled, “GO!”
The four sophomores got in position to charge. Fuzzy twirled his baseball bat above his head, Burper waved his sharpened tree branch, and Caveman and Chinless made fists and put their heads down like angry bulls.
Bailey couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “I think those idiots plan to break through this window.”
“I’d like to see them try,” his father cried, cranking the wall valve with both hands. The valve had tightened from rust and years without use and took all his father’s gorilla strength to budge it even a millimeter. But when it finally began to give, he started turning it faster, and soon they all heard something beneath the floor squeak as it scraped against metal. Then the sound of rushing water let loose beneath them. Clank . . . . . . . clank . . . . . . clank … clank, clank, clank. The water pushed open metal doors underneath the floorboards and a rushing sound filled the walls, travelling vertically, as the water moved upward.
“Seawater.” His father smiled. “Piped in directly from the ocean. It’s going up the pipes and turning the water wheels on the roof that pull the pulleys.”
“What pulleys?” But Bailey already knew the answer. He used to play up on the roof when he was younger, though his father never knew, and sometimes he’d walk as close as he’d dared to the edge of the roof with his eyes closed to test his own bravery and instincts. He had found the eight large metal rusted wheels connected by copper cable—two wheels at each corner—and had guessed they had been put there by someone who had owned their shop long ago. Now he heard the big rusted wheels creaking into use for the first time in years. The pulleys pulled and the copper cables began to move.
“Raise the blinds, orphan girl!”
Savannah did so and cried, “Ah!” She raised her 1765 Boston-crafted hanger sword and gripped the hilt with both hands as the boys sprinted toward the window at full speed with weapons and fists raised.
Bailey reached for a Frisbee on the counter, but it wasn’t needed. His father continued to crank the valve as steel planks connected by iron chains unfolded neatly and quickly, raised by the copper cables to form a wall around the entire building. Clank, clank, clank! The water wheels turned and the pulleys pulled and Dougie Buckleby giggled like a kid. Then they heard four loud thuds as
the boys piled into one another and hit the steel plank wall. Chinless muttered a disappointed “Aw, man.” In just seconds, Buckleby and Son’s Very Strange Souvenirs had become an impenetrable fortress.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THE MACHETES
“GET UP, YOU RUNTS! Hit ’em again! Flying Florence, what am I paying you for?”
Candycane Boom paced in front of Cheri’s Chocolates as he yelled at the four sophomores through his megaphone. But the four boys looked at one another dumbfounded. Even if they had paid attention in school, they wouldn’t know how to penetrate a steel fortress.
Bailey’s father opened the window and yelled through the thin crack between the protective steel planks. “You’re dealing with the Bucklebys now, Boom. We are the real Whalefatians, prepared for all forms of wickedness and devilry!”
He turned to Bailey and Savannah in excitement, his eyes wild, like he was enjoying this.
“Okay, kids. Buckleby’s is fortified on all four sides, but not the roof. So we will climb up there and make our stand.”
“On the roof? For how long, Dad?”
“As long as it takes,” his father said firmly. “If Earl and Myrtle Buckleby could live in a whale for over a year, then we can certainly make camp on a roof for at least as long.”
The Monster Catchers--A Bailey Buckleby Story Page 8
