by Ada Frost
Ellie jumped on the bed and scrambled to my side, laying her head on my chest above my heart and squeezing her arms around me tightly. I tried not to wince, but I admit, it hurt like hell.
“Ellie, darling, you’re hurting her,” Mum said, trying not to alarm Ellie.
“I'm fine. Honestly,” I croaked.
“I know what’ll make your poorly better, Evie-beevie.”
I smiled at my little sister’s nickname for me. You would have thought Eve was simple enough, but she said she liked how it sounded.
“What’s that?” I asked, smiling at her adorable little face.
She looked at Mum guiltily, and I knew it was going to be something Mum would ordinarily disallow. She crawled further up the bed and cupped her hand to whisper in my ear. “A DVD. We can put our pyjamas on and watch it here.”
“Ellie May, you little sneak.” Mum laughed, shaking her head.
“It’s for Evie –“
“Ellie, you know it’s a school night, and –“
“But Muuuuuum. Eve has a poorly.” She pouted, literally pouted, sticking her plump little lip out.
Mum started to say something as Dad came into the room with two hot mugs of tea. “How’s my baby girl?”
“Daddy, Evie-beevie has a poorly and Mummy won’t let me make it better.”
Oh, here we go – Daddy’s girl was bringing out the big guns.
“Ellie,” Mum warned as Dad looked to Mum and asked, “What?”
“The little monkey here wants to watch a DVD in Eve’s room with her. She says it’ll make Eve’s poorly better, but she also knows it’s a school night,” Mum said, pointing her finger at my little sister, who was currently curled up by my side, seeking refuge.
Dominic sat silently, but not without a huge grin on his face. He took his drink from Dad and started sipping. I knew, by the lift of his shoulders, he was trying to stifle his laughter.
“One late night won’t –“Dad silenced immediately when he caught Mum’s death glare.
“We could just watch half –“Dominic attempted to mediate, but went silent just as quickly as Dad did when Mum’s glare turned his way.
“You’ll watch it too, Doe-Doe?” Ellie jumped up excitedly.
“Oh, for Heaven’s sake. I give up,” Mum said, throwing her arms up in the air and leaving the room in a huff.
I looked up at Dad, then to Dominic and turned to Ellie.
“We won, didn’t we?” she asked, smiling.
We all burst out laughing.
*****
“What’re we watching, little buddy?” Dominic asked, leaning over to look at the DVDs she’d brought from the living room.
“Tangled or –“
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I thought we’d discussed this. I don’t like Rider. He’s not –“ Dominic started. “He’s handsome. Mummy says so,” Ellie argued.
I sighed loudly because this was an argument that happened every single time. Dominic teased Ellie mercilessly about her Disney princes.
“But I’m more handsome...right?” he asked, jutting his chin up and puffing his chest out.
I laughed at his ridiculous pose, and Ellie giggled, shaking her head.
“What do you mean no?” he mock pouted. “I thought I was your favourite prince?”
Ellie shook her head. “Nope. I like Rider bestest!” she stated adamantly. “You are Eve’s prince.” She beamed at him, and I nearly choked on my tongue. Dominic’s smile grew in size.
“Is that so?”
“Yep, you can be Eve’s prince, ‘cause she’s pretty and you both have brown hair.”
I laughed at that. “What has hair colour got to do with it?” I asked, bemused by the logic of a four year old.
She let out a sigh as if my question was utterly ridiculous. I never got an answer as she passed Dominic the DVD case and told him to put that one in. We didn’t watch Tangled; instead we watched Beauty and the Beast. To my utter amusement, Ellie made Dominic sing the Beast parts. Ellie and I snuggled under the quilt on my bed. She curled into my side sucking her thumb, a habit mum was determined to break, while Dominic stayed in the chair. Just as Belle was about to see the Beast for the first time, Ellie jumped up and started waving her arms, beckoning Dominic to come sit on the bed. “Quick Doe-Doe, this bit’s scary. Come sit here.” She patted the bed beside me with both hands.
“I'm okay –“
“Quick,” she squealed, hiding her face behind her hands as the Beast roared onto the screen.
Dominic chuckled. Leaning forward in the chair, he slowly pushed himself up with his hands on the arms. As he straightened, he lifted his hands above his head, stretching and letting out a loud yawn. I didn’t look up. I was transfixed by the exposed flesh above the waistband of his trousers. A dark sprinkling of hair covered his abdomen but down the middle from his belly button a devilishly dark line of hair trailed down as if directing you to his –
“Ahem.” Dominic cleared his throat, and I snapped my gaze up to his. The amused look in his eyes made my cheeks immediately burn with embarrassment.
I shook my head, clearing it of obscene thoughts. “Come on. We don’t want you getting scared.”
Dominic chuckled and slid down onto the bed next to me. He rested his back against the headboard resting his hands on his stomach; his legs went on forever down to the bottom of the bed. I mirrored his position and Ellie nestled in beside me, reaching her little hand across me to tug at Dominic’s shirt sleeve. When he looked her way, she held out her hand. So, he held his up with a befuddled expression. When she took his large hand in hers and pulled it towards her cuddling it to her, he smiled then swallowed hard when he realised she had rested their entwined hands under my breasts. Neither of us moved. He simply stared at his hand, whilst I stared at him. Ellie, bless her heart, was totally unaware of the war she’d just started between my hormones and rationality. I forced my attention back to the film and tried to repress the warm flush of feeling surging through my body at having Dominic’s hands on me, regardless of how innocent.
What must have been hours later, I slowly opened my eyes, realising I had fallen asleep. I was cocooned in a snug tangle of legs and arms. Ellie was curled into my front, her arms tucked into my chest; her chubby little leg was thrown over my thigh which was bent at the hip and knee. Then I noticed the large muscled arm curled around my waist, a hand cupping my breast. My heart started pounding, and I froze, in a state of panic, until I remembered who was behind me.
His hard chest against my back rose and fell with each breath, and his arms wrapped around me held me firmly against him. I could feel his warm breath against the nape of my neck. I inhaled a deep breath and caught his delicious clean scent. We were like one entity, our breathing in perfect sync with one another. The safety I felt in his arms was amazing. I wriggled my bottom and torso, trying to dislodge his hand from my breast, but he rolled his hips against my bottom and nestled his hard thing against me.
Dominic nuzzled his nose against my neck, letting out a low moan as he rolled his hips again. I believe with my whole heart at this point I should have been in orgasmic heaven. I believe this is what women wanted, that it would be normal to want this, but unfortunately I felt a confliction between nausea and a tingling in my belly. I liked him holding me, and I liked that I was affecting him this way, but I knew that this kind of thing led to pain.
“Dominic,” I whispered, turning my head. He simply tightened his hold and kneaded my breast more. I wanted to be normal, I wished in this moment in time I could demolish my past and be clean for him, to not have a broken disgusting body. But a sore twinge between my legs was a stark reminder of what intimacy did.
“Dominic,” I whispered louder. He pressed into my back further, rolling his hips again, and I thought he would never wake. I swallowed, fearing he may take me in his sleep. He tensed, and I knew the exact moment he realised what he’d been doing. He stayed perfectly still, he even held his breath. Slowly, he released me, sliding his arm from a
round my waist. I felt the mattress move as he stood from the bed, his back to me. I watched as he was clearly adjusting himself.
With his back still to me, he whispered, “Sorry about that. I didn’t...I shouldn’t have done that.”
I didn’t say anything. He grabbed his jacket from the back of my door and quietly left the room. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV off and cuddled back up to my little sister, missing the feel of Dominic curled up behind me.
Chapter 4
The next morning, I felt sore, but a happiness radiated through me from my time spent with Ellie and Dominic. The severe contrast between my experiences with Elliott and Dominic was as different as night and day. In the daylight, there were no scary shadows or hidden monsters that was what Dominic did for me. He banished my monsters. He was my light. Elliott was my nightmare, the dark that shadowed me.
This morning, Dominic himself was in a happy mood, but it was laced with nervous tension. He was gearing up for tonight’s Rugby League playoffs. As we walked into the entrance of Ealing Pharmaceuticals, I was laughing at his grumbling over two of the team’s players fighting injury. It was ridiculous how passionate he felt about the sport.
Then I heard a familiar voice calling out to me, and my mood took a nose dive.
“Angel, I’ve been waiting for you. Where’ve you been? God, I’ve been so worried about you. What happened?” He jumped up from his seat and walked toward me with a huge bunch of red roses in his arms. “Mum and Dominic texted me yesterday, but I couldn’t get away from the office. I tried calling, but I couldn’t get through. Then time just slipped away from me.”
I shrugged my shoulders, knowing full well he knew exactly who’d caused my injuries. It always amazed me how he was so ghostly when my ‘accidents’ happened, because he was never present when I was found.
“Hey, little brother!” He called condescendingly.
Dominic grumbled some inaudible reply and walked over to Lucinda to collect any messages from the front desk.
“Are you surprised? I hoped you would be,” Elliott said. He eyed me suspiciously when I looked blankly at him. I took the offered flowers and stared at the roses, a flower I once loved but now held a different meaning for me.
“You always know how to surprise me.” I tried to muster a sweet smile, but my body started shaking. He should have been at his office in Manchester. Although it was only a couple of hours away, it was still enough for me to relax when he was over there.
“You better be happy I’m here,” he snapped.
“Yes! Yes, of course, I am.” Panic sounded in my voice. “I’m just shocked...surprised.” I forced another weak smile; I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. They were coloured with fear.
“I've got a meeting in town this morning, so I thought I’d drop by en route to see my beautiful girl and ask her out to lunch,” he said
I smiled weakly.
“I thought you’d be happy,” he said with concern in his voice.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be ungrateful.” To that, he smiled triumphantly. I decided it was easier to play along, knowing I was less likely to rile Elliott if I did.
He moved quickly, surging forward at me, and before I had time to react, I felt his lips lock roughly onto mine. My teeth hit his as he forced my lips apart with his tongue.
I heard a deep, theatrical cough behind him.
I felt Elliott’s lips form a smile. He lifted his head away from me, looked at Dominic and winked.
“My woman can’t get enough of me,” he said. I felt sick. I quickly glanced at Dominic, not daring to be caught looking at him too long. His face was set like stone. A quick replay of last night and being held in his arms passed through my mind, and I immediately lowered my gaze to Elliott’s tie.
“I have come to ask my girlfriend out to lunch,” Elliott stated in a gloating tone.
“Lucky, Eve. Shame you weren’t there last night when she needed you,” replied Dominic dryly. I felt Elliott’s grip on my hand tighten. I looked down, shocked at the contact. I hadn’t even realised he was holding it.
“Well, I'm here now and providing for all her needs,” he goaded, adding intimate, sickening meaning to his words. My cheeks heated. I was the referee of a cock fight, and I would be the one ending up injured.
I could feel Dominic’s eyes on me, as if sensing my unease. “Remember we have a meeting at 1pm. Please do not be late, Eve.” From the sound of his voice, I could tell he was smiling, and I so wanted to look up at him. We didn’t have a meeting, I was sure of that. There was nothing in the diary today.
“My meeting doesn’t finish until 12.40pm. That gives us less than 20 minutes,” Elliott protested petulantly.
“You better get going to your meeting then, bro,” Dominic said mockingly and looked at the papers in his hand, then at his watch. “Tick-tock, tick-tock, Elliott.” He chuckled and walked away. As he reached the stairs, he called across the foyer, “There’s a good sandwich shop across the road.”
“Knob head!” Elliott muttered through clenched teeth. I withheld a smile as I knew that would only cause an argument later. The urge to smile faded, replaced by a clenching fear in my stomach.
*****
Elliott practically threw a sandwich at me then placed a steaming coffee in front of me. I pulled the onion and cucumber out and placed it on the napkin at the side of my plate. We were at the same cafe where I’d walked out on Dominic. It seemed to me like this meeting wouldn’t go any better. For one, Elliott hadn’t even asked what I wanted he simply strode in, ordered me to grab a table and stormed off to the counter. I had left my roses with Lucinda at the front desk. She had gushed about how beautiful they were, but I couldn’t muster any enthusiasm for the repentant gift. I would just forget to collect them later.
“You are so fussy,” Elliott said with a mouthful of sandwich. My heart sank, I simply shook my head.
“Shall we go out tonight? What would you like to do?” He looked at me waiting for an answer, but I didn’t have a clue what he expected me to say.
“Erm...I’m not sure. Whatever. I don’t mind,” I answered honestly. Truth was, after yesterday, I just wanted to go home and lose myself in a book, forget the real world for a while.
“Sweetheart.” He pulled at my hand, holding me tightly. “I want to make up for all the arguing we’ve been doing lately, but I feel nothing I do is right. I’m trying, Eve, but you have to make some effort too.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” The hurt on his face hit me like a blow to the gut. He always turned it round to me, and the sickening thing was he succeeded in making me feel guilty for just being me.
“I’m trying to sort my head out; I want to make you happy. It’s all for you, I get so wound up because I love you so much,” he said, his voice low and pitiable.
“I know. I haven’t been trying as hard to make it work as I should, but I swear, I will.” I attempted a smile, but even I knew it was a weak effort.
“What about a movie and munchies night? We haven’t been on a date since I got back from Scotland. We can make the most of my overnight stay at my Mum’s. You choose the film, I’ll grab the treats. Do you want to get a take out too?” A genuine smile spread across his face.
“Yeah...okay. That would be good.” I forced enthusiasm into my voice. I hated how it trembled. “Where –“
“Mum is out tonight with a friend from work, and I believe Dominic has a hot date with the lovely Vanessa.” He smiled, wiggling his brows at me. I now felt sick at the thought of an evening entirely alone with him. I no longer wanted any lunch, so I pushed my food away and grabbed my coffee. I stared out of the window, watching people rushing to and from their destination, wondering what was going through their minds as they dashed across the street or entered a different building –
“I do love you, you know that? I know I'm I royal shit sometimes, but I love you.”
I turned to look at the man before me. His dark blonde hair combed back into a
neat formal style, his dark blue eyes pleading for my understanding and begging to be believed. Elliott had slightly darker skin than Dominic; he looked perpetually sun kissed like he lived his life on a hot sunny beach. Apparently, Elliott was his father’s double. Jill often said sometimes it took her breath away at the similarities between them. Where Elliott had blond hair, blue eyes and golden skin, like his dad, Dominic had darker hair, the bluest eyes, and creamy skin like his mum.
“I know...it will work out.” I offered him a weak smile. I really wanted to believe my own words but the truth was, I lost any hope or trust in his words when the man who professed to love me had violated me beyond nightmarish extremes. The only thing I felt was loathing, and not just for him. I felt it for myself, for being so weak. I never thought I would be an abused partner.
When I returned to work, I closed myself in my office and buried my head in data analysis.
****
The evening was surprisingly uneventful, we sat curled up together on his sofa. It took me a while to relax into his side. I hated being alone with him. He allowed me to choose the movie, so I had picked his favourite film, Terminator 2,but he insisted we watch my favourite, and surprisingly he knew what that was, the classicMy Fair Lady. I adored Audrey Hepburn in this film, and I always felt a warm glow when it finished.
“I must love you to sit and watch this, you know,” Elliott said as Rex Harrison started to sing‘I’ve grown accustomed to her face’.
I smiled at the song blocking out the man beside me. I relished the warm and fuzzy emotions I always got from this film. It was an oasis of silly fun away from my hell of reality. I felt him looking at me, so I lifted my head and looked up at him. He lifted my chin with his index, running the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. I shivered from his touch, but not in the way he interpreted it. The warm and fuzzy feeling turned to a frigid block of ice.
“I love you, you know that, don’t you?” His eyes had changed from a dark intense blue, to a clear almost light blue. I used to love looking into his eyes, I once believed they were the prettiest, kindest eyes I had ever seen. How foolish was that notion?
