by Jenna Stone
“Will there be anything else ye need?” Milly asked, reaching forward to smooth the satin skirt one final time.
“No. No thank you. I’d like to be left alone for a few minutes if you wouldn’t mind?”
“As ye wish lass. I ken the nerves that a lassie feels on her wedding day.” Milly turned and left the room, pulling the chamber door closed behind her.
I walked to the small window that looked out over the chapel garden and leaned my cheek against the cold stone wall. I closed my eyes and focused on the coolness of the stone, focusing my thoughts inward. My breath was steady and I felt the warmth of each breath as I slowly exhaled. I calmed my racing thoughts with the rhythmic nature of my breath. In and out, chest rising and falling. I would need every ounce of my composure to get myself through today. Every fiber in my body was screaming for me to run, to find a way out of this situation. I willed my body to be calm, to accept this situation, and to think rationally. I am strong. I can get through this. This wedding was the best chance that I would have at securing safety for myself. Devon would bring me safety. He had promised to give his life in order to keep me safe.
I felt as though my life was dangling by a string. A string which bound me fragilely to my old life. I was like a droplet of water at the end of this string that was stretching from the pull of gravity, the pull of this world that I was about to plunge irrevocably into. The more I tried to pull at the string, to grasp the shreds of the life that I had before, the stronger I was pulled into my present life. Every cell in my body was tense with the understanding that I was about to step boldly, albeit unwillingly into this new world when I had agreed to take Devon McClain as my husband.
There was a quiet, hesitant knock on the door. I jumped, startled from my thoughts and did my best to compose myself for the trial that I was about to face. I let out a final, calming breath and turned as Milly opened the door to the small chamber.
“They’re ready for ye, lass,” she whispered, smiling with encouragement.
I walked towards her, standing strong and proud. I refused to give Collin the satisfaction of dragging me to the alter. Unfortunately, my body was not totally in agreement, and I was unnerved by the shakiness of my legs. I clasped my hands together to calm their shaking. With my chin held high, I walked out the chamber door to meet my groom.
Collin was the first to see me in the doorway of the chapel and he announced my presence by clearing his throat to draw the attention of the others. There were three men standing at the alter of the church. The rest of the chapel was silent and empty. I was disappointed not to see Leti, having assumed that she would be here today. Milly stood beside me in the doorway, silent and firm, her hand resting lightly on the small of my back, ready to propel me forward if the necessity arose.
As I stepped forward into the chapel, Devon turned around and his eyes locked with mine. A nervous smile spread across his face as he held my gaze. He was resplendent, fully decked out in Highland regalia. His presence took my breath away, causing a hitch in my step. This man was beautiful, a real life warrior. I focused on him as I continued forward. His hair was loose about his shoulders and he was cleanly shaven. His outfit was no doubt his formal best. A white billowing shirt was underneath his crimson kilt, which was gathered about his shoulder and secured by a massive broach. His green eyes held my gaze and although the smile had faded from his lips, I felt as though he was focusing on me in the same way that I was focusing on him. Both of us clinging to each other to remain composed in this precarious situation.
I walked mechanically down the aisle of the small chapel, feeling Milly’s hand ever present on my back. When we reached the alter, the pressure applied to my spine became more firm, insistent. Milly almost pushed me forward, causing me to crash back to reality and realize that indeed, my legs had been locked in place in a final effort of refusal to this unbelievable turn of events. Devon reached out a hand to steady me, as if sensing that I was about to bolt for the door. His touch calmed me and I held on to his hand for dear life. He gathered me up next to him and we moved as one body forward to stand in front of the priest.
The priest was a small man, round about the middle, clothed in a black robe. There was a small leather bound bible in his hands. He was middle aged, but his small stature made him look like a child next to Devon and Collin despite the fact that he was almost completely bald. His eyes darted between Devon and me nervously, giving me the impression that he was aware that the bride and groom were reluctant participants in this ceremony. He smiled warmly and opened the small Bible.
Despite my best intentions to remain stoic, my knees felt weak and I thought I might pass out. My mind tried to stray from my present circumstances, reaching towards the solace of the blackness. I willed myself to breathe and continued to focus on the rhythmic movements of my chest as the breath moved in and out of my body. Devon sensed my unease and I felt his grip on my hand strengthen, and I was supported by his other large hand against the small of my back. The words of the priest became a haze, as my mind ran for refuge from this nightmare.
“Do ye have a ring, lad?” the priest questioned.
“Och, aye, let me find it,” Devon said, as color flushed his face. He dug frantically in his sporran, pulling out bits of string and coins until he came across what he was looking for. “Here is it!” he exclaimed, smiling sheepishly at me. “Sorry, I thought I’d lost it for a second.”
He reached for my left hand nervously, stroking his thumb across the back of my hand in assurance as he slid the silver band onto my ring finger. Devon’s eyes met mine as he held the ring in place at the base of my finger. I began to panic as he slid the ring into place, feeling a cool sweat break out across my body.
“Yer fingers are smaller than I’d thought, lass. We can trade it for one that fits,” he said as he closed my hand into a fist so that the ring wouldn’t fall off. He wrapped my fist in his own hand and raised it gently to his lips, planting a light kiss on top of the ring. I felt the warmth of his lips in contrast to the coolness of the ring, both felt new against my skin. He whispered something very quietly in Gaelic as he drew his lips away from my hand. I had no idea what he had whispered and made a mental note to ask him later. Nonetheless, I was touched by the sincerity of his gesture and I was able to regain my façade of control.
“Ye may kiss the bride,” the Priest said, closing the bible and starting at us expectantly.
Now it was Devon who fought to remain in control. He wasn’t sure if I would pass out or run for the door. Still holding my hand in his own, he moved towards me slightly, unsure of how to proceed. I met him halfway, looked into his eyes and reached my right hand up behind his neck. I summoned all of my courage and pulled his head towards me, capturing his lips into a kiss. He let out a small sound of surprise, I had caught him off guard. His hand squeezed mine as he returned the kiss passionately, not dissuaded by the clearing of his brother’s throat in clear disapproval. There was an ever so slight growl of satisfaction deep in Devon’s throat as he broke the kiss and looked into my eyes.
“My wife,” he whispered, the corner of his mouth turning up into a slight smile. He kissed me again chastely on the lips and then I felt the pressure of his hand increase on the small of my back. “Let’s go,” he whispered, supporting me as we walked silently from the chapel, leaving his brother and the priest without a word.
We were still holding hands as we exited the chapel and walked into the late afternoon sunlight. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the bright light, realizing how dark it had been in the small chapel. The late autumn air was cool against my skin. It was a welcome change to the stuffy interior of the chapel. The cool air hit my skin in a rush, refreshing my senses.
Devon let go of my hand and began untying Stanley’s reins, which had been secured to the low hanging branch of a nearby tree. He deftly swung himself up into the saddle and reached his hand down towards me in invitation. I took his hand and before I knew it, he had me gathered up and settled acros
s his lap. I slid one arm behind his back and slid my other arm around his waist.
“Doona be worrit, lass. I won’t let ye fall off,” Devon said, sensing my unease. “Yer as tense as a board.”
I tried to relax, finding it difficult to release the tension from my muscles and settle against Devon’s firm thighs and chest. I was married to the man, but still found the necessity of our immediate bodily contact a bit unnerving.
Devon clicked his tongue and Stanley spurred into motion. The great horse was ready for some exercise after being tethered to a tree all afternoon. I felt Devon pull back on the reins, slowing the stallion to a comfortable walk, which was much better for my frazzled nerves. The last thing that I needed today was to be thrown from a horse.
“I’m not sure what tae say now, Kate,” Devon started. “I’d wondered what today would feel like, how we would both react and what I would say tae ye after. Funny thing is that I canna think of anything tae say,” he chuckled. “It’s a rare day when I’m dumbstruck, but I must admit I’m at a loss.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around it too,” I replied.
“When I was getting ready this morning, I wondered if I would feel differently, ye ken, feel differently after we were wed.”
“So, do you?”
“This morning, I didna think that I would. But now, I must admit that surprisingly, I do feel differently. I can’t really describe it, but I feel like ...” he trailed off in thought, trying to put his feelings into words for my sake. “Remember when I was trying tae explain how it is that I feel about Leti, how I ken that it’s my job tae protect her?”
“Yeah, I remember,” I said, remembering our conversation on the picnic blanket.
“It’s sort of like that but more intense. I’ve never had someone that’s been completely mine, ken? Besides the odd horse or dog, mind ye.”
“So you’re comparing having a wife to owning a horse or a dog?” I said, confused.
“Och, no, lass! That’s no what I meant!” he said, embarrassed. “It’s more that I have this overwhelming desire tae keep ye safe. Tae wrap ye up in my arms and hide ye away from anything that might bring ye harm,” he explained, holding me close against his chest.
“That’s sweet,” I said, resting my cheek against his shoulder.
He wants to protect me.
“You have no idea how much that means to me. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt safe,” I confessed, feeling the sense of security that Devon provided wrapping around me like a warm blanket.
“I’ll protect ye with my life, Kate,” he vowed, kissing the top of my head.
I closed my eyes in response to the thrill of his touch and his words.
Finally, I’m safe.
I nestled up against his chest, enjoying the warmth that emanated from his body, and continued trying to express my emotions. “I feel differently too, Devon. I thought about how being married might feel this morning too. Growing up, I had always wondered what it would feel like, to be someone’s wife.” The words felt strange immediately as they left my mouth. “I just feel better knowing that I’m not alone now. There’s the two of us, together,” I said, feeling vulnerable, admitting my true emotions to this man that I hardly knew.
“I like that. You’re right. There’s the two of us now. Ye ken that this is my home, my Clan, but I know what it feels like to be alone,” Devon confessed. “I don’t have much tae offer ye, but if there’s one thing that I can give ye, it’s protection. Protection is what I do. It is what I have been trained tae do my whole life. Believe me, that if there is anything that I have ever fought for, anything that I have ever protected in my life, it will be you, Kate. Nae, protection is something that ye shall never be worrit about again.”
I believed his vow, and allowed my body to melt against his, enjoying the support of his arm around my back, no longer afraid of falling off his gigantic horse. His body surrounded me like a warm blanket and I relished the alluring scent that always accompanied Devon. Exhaustion hit my like a ton of bricks and my eyes refused to stay open. The stress and emotion of the day had finally caught up with me, my body screamed for sleep. I gave up fighting and allowed my eyes to close, enjoying the rhythmic movement of the horse and the safety that I felt encircled in my husband’s arms.
***
“Wake up, sleepyhead,” Devon whispered, his breath warm against my ear, his lips so close as to almost touch my skin. My eyes fluttered and focused on the now familiar walls of the keep looming overhead in the fading evening light.
“I don’t want to wake up,” I said, snuggling against his warm chest, ready to return to the warm oblivion of sleep.
His chest shook slightly as he silently laughed at my protest. “Ye’ll no escape my sister sae easily. If Leti hasna told ye already, she lives for weddings. I told her this morning that we didna want a party, but of course she won out. My Mam taught me that ye canna win a fight with a woman.”
I smiled against his chest, enjoying the thick Scottish brogue in his voice. I loved it when he said words like “verra” and “canna,” the rolling “r’s” particularly got to me.
“A party?” I questioned, hoping that he wouldn’t be too put off by the fact that my question had come out as a groan. I was exhausted, and the idea of a party was more than I could fathom.
Devon dismounted the horse, still holding me in his arms, and set my feet firmly on the ground. A young boy came and took Stanley’s reins, leading him away to the stables.
“Are ye ready, Mrs. McClain?” Devon asked encouragingly, taking my hand.
“No,” I said honestly, brushing my hair back out of my face, still having trouble freeing myself from the grips of slumber. What I really wanted to do was be alone. The thought of a party was horrid.
“We canna disappoint Leti. She’ll kill me if we dinna show up, and then ye’d be a widow and a whole mess would ensue for sure. Better go in,” Devon prodded, pulling me along behind him as he flashed a teasing, rakish grin. He was so handsome.
He’s mine! This beautiful man is mine.
“Can’t we just go to bed?” I asked, immediately embarrassed by my request.
Devon stopped in his tracks. “I didna ken that ye were sae anxious tae get in bed with me, but if that’s what ye want tae do, well then, I’ll no deny my bride,” he smiled down at me in jest.
I was glad that it was getting dark outside, because I knew that my face must have turned a rather unattractive shade of red. “On second thought, let’s go to the party. I’d rather keep you waiting.”
“Are ye sure?” he asked, patting me on the bum in invitation.
“Yep. Absolutely sure. Let’s go,” I said, removing his hand from my bottom and pulling my over eager groom behind me towards the great hall.
Devon captured my hand and pulled me into his embrace, surprising me. He nuzzled my neck and caused me to giggle as his stubble brushed my sensitive skin. I loved playful Devon and my giggles spurred him on further. Completely lost in his embrace, I ran my fingers over his back and through his hair, oblivious to who might be watching us. He playfully bit my earlobe, an act which sent fire coursing through my veins.
“I havena told ye just how happy ye made me today,” he whispered huskily into my ear.
Oh how his words could make me melt.
“You’ve made me happy today too,” I said suppressing giggles as he toyed with my earlobe, alternating his tongue with small nibbles.
I felt like the luckiest girl on Earth. How could it be that this wonderful, beautiful man had been given to me? I certainly did not deserve him.
I relished the attention from my playful husband and before long, his kisses and nuzzling had stirred something deep within me.
How does he do this to me?
“I’m sae happy that yer mine now,” he said pulling away as his expression became serious and his eyes smoldered.
I smiled in response, unable to find words to respond beca
use his touch had driven me beyond rational thought.
He stroked my jaw line with the back of his hand and tenderly lowered his lips to mine.
“We’d better head inside,” he whispered against my lips. “They’ll be waiting for us.”
We entered the great hall hand in hand to the booming shouts of our well wishers. Devon was clapped on the back and congratulated by an endless stream of kilt clad kinsmen, and I was whisked away by the women folk as soon as we entered the hall.
I could hear the bawdy shouts of the men from across the hall as they gave Devon bits of advice and encouragement for his wedding night. They were not trying to be quiet, and in fact, I was sure that they wanted me to hear their remarks as they advised Devon and imparted wisdom for his wedding night.
The women operated in the same manner, except that they were more hushed in the way that they offered their advice. Within a matter of mere minutes, I had been instructed on what exactly my responsibilities would be in regards to pleasing my husband and all that I could expect from my impending wedding night.
“Just get it over with, be still and let him do what he will tae ye,” Milly advised, in a hushed voice. “It’ll be over before ye know it, Kate. It’s none sae bad if ye lie still,” she added, rubbing my back in condolence.
My eyes met Devon’s across the room and he smiled, then shrugged showing that he was helpless to rescue me from the women. Oh how I wanted to be alone with him, to touch him again. I drew my eyes reluctantly away from my new husband and back to the conversation.
“It won’t hurt sae bad the second time,” Constance, one of Leti’s married friends added. “Hurt something fierce the first time, when he took my maidenhead, ye ken, but afterwards, it was better.”
Milly shook her head, clucking over me as if I was a lamb headed off to the slaughterhouse. “Devon’s a big man, but I ken that he’ll be kind tae ye. He’ll give ye time tae adjust tae be sure.”
