by Lucian Bane
Dante didn’t miss the way she hadn’t looked at him yet. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking in regards to him and really kind of wasn’t comfortable not knowing. He wanted to feel her out so he could put any of her fears to rest.
He held his hand out to her and she eyed it. I can manage,” she whispered.
He slowly lowered his hand, not wanting to upset her. “I had to take your clothes off to ”
“I know,” she whispered, slowly standing. Dante watched her, ready to catch her. “I got it,” she said, looking up but not past his chest.
He backed away, not comfortable leaving her to walk on her own. Once in the bathroom, he hurried and set the water then turned to find her leaning against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and sweating.
Again he tried to help her and she shook her head. “I got it. Thank you.”
He turned and put the towel where she could reach it easy. “I’m leaving the door open in case you need help,” he said, keeping his voice firm.
She barely nodded and pushed off the door jamb. Dante moved aside, giving her room while staying close enough to catch her any second. She reached a trembling hand toward the towel bar and Dante watched her, worry biting his muscles. If she fell, she’d reinjure a lot of fucking shit. He resisted the need to insist she let him help. Wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her before. But he didn’t want to mention anything about that now. Not without knowing where her head was. His psychological studies in trauma said rape had a way of fucking with a person’s mind. And spiritual abuse combined with that was one nasty fucking combo.
He needed to move extra carefully until he had an inkling where her mind had ended up after that shit-storm.
“I’m staying right outside the door,” he said, ready to insist.
“That’s fine.”
Dante pulled out of the bathroom, not happy with the cold edge in her tone. He stood, listening for any sounds of trouble. Fifteen minutes of hearing her painful breaths and stifled cries had him rigid with fury.
Finally the water shut off and Dante sagged in relief. “Fucking stupid,” he mumbled to himself. She had no business showering so soon.
“I’m … I’m getting out,” she said, her words rasped and shaky.
“Good,” he said, biting back angry words. “Don’t wrap your back. I’ll stay turned while you go to the bed. Tell me when you’re covered.”
He moved to the far wall and waited for an eternity through her gasps and grunts and whimpers before getting the all clear. “I need to check your back,” he said hurrying to the bed.
“H-how do you—”
“Just turn on your side.”
At her gasp he shook his head and put out his hand. “Take it. Hold it.”
“I got it.”
“Take it, Rin,” he said. “I’m not going to watch you torture yourself when I’m standing right here to help.”
Her breaths shook as she eyed his hand.
“It’s a hand Rin,” he said, when she stared at it. “Just a hand, here to help you.”
She eyed him then his hand and finally pulled her own out from under the covers and put it in his. “We need to talk now that you’re awake,” he mumbled, helping her turn on her side. “After I put medicine on your back.”
“I’m hungry,” she said.
“I’ll feed you and give you more medicine. How’s the pain?” He sat on the bed slowly and moved the blanket down, his stomach clenching like it always did at the sight of her back. Fifteen gashes. He’d counted them.
“Much better,” she whispered.
“Doesn’t sound much better,” he muttered, grabbing the container of ointment next to the bed. He began applying it to her back, eyeing the tremble in her shoulder. “Are you cold?”
“No,” she said, her voice tired sounding.
It was all too soon. Too soon for anything. Talking included.
“I have a cousin in Virginia.”
He paused, eyeing her. “And?”
“I can go stay with her.”
He stared at her, narrowing his gaze. “When the coast is clear you can go wherever you want.”
“I can go there in a few days.”
“No,” he said. “That’s too soon.”
“Why?” she asked. “He won’t know.”
He shook his head, not liking the direction this was going. “What’s your hurry, Rin?”
“Nothing, I just. I want to spend time with family.”
Fuck. Was she … “Rin.” She didn’t answer him and Dante closed his eyes. “Rin, what the fuck is going on?”
“What do you mean?” she whispered.
“Why are you acting like I’m your enemy?”
“I’m not.”
“Why are you lying?” he whispered, confused.
“I’m … I’m just—”
“Lying, you’re just lying,” he helped. “Why? You’re acting like I’m the fucking enemy and I want to know why?”
“I’m … scared.”
“Of what Rin? Me?”
He listened to her breaths turn shallow. “I don’t know,” she finally whispered.
He got up and walked to the other side of the bed, needing to see her face. “Why aren’t you looking at me?” he asked when she still avoided his gaze.
“I’ve got no reason to look at you, Dante,” she whispered.
He sat, staring at her crimped brow. “Rin, listen. We need to talk about some things.”
She shook her head a little. “No need to talk,” she whispered.
He stared at her for many seconds before he disagreed, “Yes. There is.” He turned a little and faced her fully. “I know what happened was bad.”
“Do you,” she said.
“What …” he shook his head. “What does that mean, do I? Rin, tell me what’s on your mind.”
“How about you tell me?”
She finally looked at him and the direct, hard connection made him pause. “Rin? What’s going on?”
She held his gaze and the only indication of the storm inside her were the tears that had filled her eyes making them glow. “It’s all too late,” she said.
“What’s too late?” he whispered, wanting to erase what bothered her.
“Everything,” she said, the tears spilling.
“Rin,” Dante said, angling his head at her. “You’ll have to tell me what everything is.”
“There’s no undoing this,” she gasped, more tears coming as she shook her head.
“Rin,” Dante hurried. “God can heal this.”
She shook her head quickly. “God can’t heal what you can’t repent of,” she whispered.
“What are you talking about? What can’t you repent of?”
Her face slowly crimped before she squeaked out the words, “Of what I’ve done.”
Dante laid by her and stroked her face. “Rin, you’ve done nothing wrong,” he whispered.
She shoved his hand away, gasping. “Don’t touch me.”
His hand remained frozen in the air as he finally realized what was going on. “Rin?” She closed her eyes and clenched them. “That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
Chapter Three
She opened her eyes, looking at him. “What?” she asked, sounding suspicious.
Dante slowly sat up, debating on how to tackle this. “I need to explain to you … why I did what I did with you.”
Her brows drew together and she closed her eyes. “You don’t have to.”
“I do,” he said. “You need to understand that everything I did, the orgasms? The kiss? Every touch, every word? I had a reason.”
“Stop,” she whispered.
“I have to tell you, Rin.”
“Stop, I already know.”
“No, you don’t know.”
“I do know, I know, I know,” she strained, several sobs escaping.
“Rin!” Dante said firmer. “I did all of that so you would realize the truth. So you would feel it and see it.”
“The truth?” she wailed. “I know the truth, I know it. I know you touched me and I liked it, no I loved it!” she gasped. “And I’m married! I’m married!”
“No you’re not,” Dante said, disgusted to hear it.
She let out a huge breath and opened her eyes, shaking her head at him like he were so wrong.
“You’re not married, Rin.”
“I’m …” she shook her head, her face crimped with confusion. “I am married!”
“Not according to the word of God you’re not.”
Her mouth opened in disbelief and maybe disgust. “You’re wrong! According to the word of God I am! What are you doing, Dante? Don’t you think you’ve done enough twisting of God’s word for your-your pleasure?”
Dante let out a dry laugh, shaking his head at her. “If I had done anything for my pleasure, I would have done a lot more. A lot more, no, what I did was show you the truth.”
“Show me the truth? With orgasms?” she hissed, ashamed.
“With things you should have experienced if you were married.”
“Marriage isn’t about pleasure and orgasms!”
“What is it about, Rin? Adultery and beating your wife?” he growled the words right at her, wanting them to sting her as much as it did him.
“Don’t be stupid,” she said.
“Me stupid? Me?” he shot out a half laugh. “I have a lot of respect for you Rin. Your commitment and love for God? I find that so precious but it has nothing to do with this.”
“How can you say that?” she strained, fighting to sit up.
“Don’t move, Rin, you’re not healed.”
“I am healed,” she gasped, still trying to sit up.
“You’re not fucking healed! You’re broken, he broke the fuck out of you Rin, don’t you see that? He broke your body and he broke your mind and he broke your heart. He’s been killing you from the day he signed a piece of paper, a piece of shit paper that has you thinking you’re married, but you’re not! According to God, he divorced you when he hurt you, when he fucked another woman, don’t you see that? I mean you know the scriptures, Rin, why are you pretending that this dumb motherfucker can break the commandments of God and not be required to answer for it? But you have to?”
She turned her head away. “The woman was the first to sin,” she finally whispered.
“And the man sinned with her,” Dante said. “Did she make him sin? Did she Rin?”
She shook her head. “But God punished her.”
“And he punished him,” Dante, said, dumbfounded.
“But because she was the cause for man to sin, she got her just punishment.”
“Right,” Dante said. “What did she get? She got multiplied pain in child bearing and what else, Rin?”
“And her desire would be for her husband and he would rule over her.”
He paused, trying to hear that how she did. “So you think …”
“She gets no desire, Dante. It’s for the husband. And he rules over her.”
Wow. Dante gasped, stunned. “So you think he gets the desire and nothing for her? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“That’s what God’s word says, not me.”
“Tell me something Rin. Did Christ redeem us from the curse?”
“Yes, the spiritual curse, but the flesh will still bear the punishment of sin.”
“Rin …” Dante whispered, his heart hurting for her. That she didn’t know something so simple. “Do you know that you can now receive forgiveness for every sin?”
“Not every,” she whispered.
“Minus the sins we don’t repent of,” he clarified.
She swallowed and the tears poured fresh as she stared at him. “Well,” she whispered, her chin quivering as she fought to hold her mouth straight, “I guess I’m eternally lost then.”
“Why?” he gasped. “Why would you ever think that?”
“Because,” she barely strained out, her face slowly crimping more. “I can’t repent of how I feel.” She shook her head. “I’m beyond redemption. I can’t stop wanting …”
“Wanting what?” he begged, moving closer to her.
Her whole body shook as she strained on whatever held her gripped in torment. “You!” she finally gushed.
Her answer shot into his chest and stuck hard. “Me,” he whispered, awestruck at that as he considered what made everything burn so hot inside in that second. Seeing the shame and agony all over her, he drew back. He’d never been more confounded over anything. He stared at her, trying to get inside her mind, see what she saw. He was usually good at that but in that second, his own mind raced alongside other things in his body, an energy, a hunger, a fear, a longing, a burning curiosity to … understand what gripped him.
She wanted him more than she could repent of? This was her torment? This was her great failing? To not be able to repent of craving what God designed her to have? Because he was not her husband?
Dante needed to not be near her while he felt the way he did. He barely escaped to the bathroom before he put his hands on her. Shutting the door, he grabbed the sink and leaned over for more air, seeing Rin in his mind. Under him, naked, in pleasure. He was back to square one with her. Her needing and him in a position to give, only her mind was trapped and would definitely condemn her and him.
And her conscience was too precious to him, he couldn’t put her in a position that would violate it. She’d had every natural, God given gift of pleasure subtly, and very craftily raped from her over the years. Just how the fuck was he supposed to undo that? What if he let her go to family? Start over?
Start a new life of lies?
He turned on the cold water and splashed his face. He finally faced himself in the mirror, staring at the man that looked like a stranger to him. Dante. Claw. Dante. Claw. Who was he? Who was he to make a decision like this? Why should he? Why shouldn’t he?
Dante thought of his sister. And that ended his little discussion. If this had been her, he’d do what it took to help her. Rin had no brother, no family that could help her. She was in a prison on the outside and he had the key to let her out.
He grabbed the hand towel and dried his face, staring at himself hard, knowing what he’d have to do and who would have to do it. What had a hold of Rin was big and very ugly. A very ancient demon clothed in light. Claw had met the force before, but only at a distance in studies. Never face to face like now. Adrenalin pumped through his veins as his mind geared up like it used to in prison, before. Before Claw had learned the art of evasion.
Because evasion wasn’t the tactic he needed to use for this. Rin needed to be snatched from the fire and the tearing in her flesh this force might cause needed careful consideration. Dante needed to crush what he was going up against. And the war needed to be waged not just in her mind, but in her body at the same time.
Evil had raped her mind and flesh with its dark design and Dante needed to do the same, he needed to overwhelm her, come in with a blinding bolt of lightening that scarred her with the truth.
He remembered that one place on his body that he’d left untouched. Tin Tin had made him keep it available for that moment in the real world when he’d need it. Now was that time.
****
Rin wasn’t sure what was worse. The quiet Dante or the talking one. The one that spoke to her was a force she couldn’t begin to reckon with no matter the words he used, no matter the tone, it reduced her to a bundle of trembling nerve endings that remembered his touch. But the silent one … he was suffocating her with a looming something. Something she knew was coming, could feel it. And her body seemed to sense it far more than she did. She was a disgusting sponge for his touch, always craving it when he was near.
It had been two quiet days since their last strange talk and the final word he’d said after coming out of the bathroom was “Two weeks. I want two weeks and then you’re free to go wherever you want.”
She’d sensed anger, but something else. Something that felt like a challe
nge. A challenge that said after two weeks something would have happened to prevent just that—her going wherever she wanted.
What did he plan to do? That’s what she’d been silently waiting for since nodding but hadn’t really agreed to, not inside her head. God, two weeks was like two years with him. When she’d agreed it was to avoid an argument or fight in that second. So much for waiting till the time was right. Two days later, and she still hadn’t found a single opening in his wall of dense silence. No, not silence, he was speaking constantly to her without words. And her stupid body was speaking back, carrying on a lively conversation despite her constant disapproval.
At that moment, he sat on the other bed, watching the news. He did that every day, no doubt looking for details of their current situation. So far, nothing had come up. Not a single thing. Which was surprising to him, but not to Rin.
“They are very private,” Rin informed him, hoping to break the silence.
“Who are?”
“The church. Everything they do is very private. It’s not the world’s business,” she said, explaining why. “They take separation of church and state very seriously.”
He looked at her. “They take separation of church and sanity very seriously too.” She held his hard gaze, hoping to read what he was planning or hiding. He was definitely hiding what he planned from her. She swallowed as the heat and fire in his blue eyes devoured her up. Her lips parted for air and she looked away. One stupid look? Are you really this pathetic?
She thought about what he said. She couldn’t stop her smile because she kind of agreed with that in many respects. She thought they were dramatic on their interpretations of a lot of God’s word. Judgement begins at the house of God. To them, that meant they were expected to walk a very straight and narrow path as outlined by the church.
“Why did they change the name of the church?”
She turned to him. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been looking into your church,” he said carefully and pointedly as though hoping she’d challenge him. “They were once called The Last Day Believers, now they’re The Last Day Brothers. Why the change?”
