“So take the damned test.” His anger hit her like a wall of ice. He was furious with himself, for the care he should have taken, but Violet didn’t distinguish the target of his rage. She felt it aimed at her and her heart sunk. She spun away, test in hand, and almost ran to the bathroom.
Her fingers were shaking so much she could hardly read the instructions but she’d watched enough movies to work it out. Basically, she needed to pee on a stick and wait.
Great.
She did just as instructed and stared at the piece of white plastic, conscious the entire time that Zahir was on the other side of the bathroom door, perhaps even bargaining with the possibility of pushing it inwards.
The line appeared almost instantly. A bright blue, it stained the test square beside its stalwart mate, showing, quite clearly, that she was in fact pregnant.
“Oh, crap.” She sunk onto the closed toilet lid, her head in her hands. “Oh, crap.”
But shock quickly shifted into something else entirely. Pleasure. Surprise – the best kind. Excitement. Confusion, too.
She placed the test on the counter and washed her hands then stared at herself for a moment in the reflection. Slowly, she reached for her still-flat stomach, running her hands over it with wonderment.
“Qalil?”
She startled and moved quickly to the door, pulling it inwards. Zahir didn’t wait for an invitation. He strode past her towards the counter and stared at the test. She watched as he stood, his hands on his hips, his profile taut.
Finally, after what seemed like an age, he pierced her with the sharpness of his glare. “You truly did not know?”
“No. Of course I didn’t. It never even occurred to me.”
A long look, as though he could intuit from studying her if that was the truth or not. “It is my fault.”
“It’s no one’s ‘fault’,” she murmured, walking out of the bathroom and taking a seat in the lounge. He followed, but his expression showed distraction.
“It will have to be dealt with,” he said decisively. “The physician will be able to guide you as to how this is best done.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Dealt with? Best done? It’s a baby. We simply wait nine months – or eight, I suppose – and then I give birth.”
His head jerked towards hers. There was a vile rage in his eyes that made her stomach flop. “You cannot seriously wish to have this child.”
Her heart, already wounded so frequently in the past, began to shatter. “You can’t be suggesting I terminate it.”
“I am not only suggesting that; I am insisting upon it.”
Appalled, she shook her head. “Absolutely not, Zahir.”
“I will not allow this pregnancy to continue.”
She rolled her eyes, an unusual gesture for a woman who was generally poised and mature. “Yes, you will, because there’s not a damned lot you can do about it.” She narrowed her eyes. “What is it? Are you worried that it’s going to tie us together for life? Do you think a baby will make it harder for me to leave Kalastan when the time comes for us to divorce?”
A muscle jerked in his cheek as he absorbed her question. “It has nothing to do with the future of our marriage.”
“Because I’m prepared to raise it on my own. I’ll take it back to England when our marriage dissolves,” bitterness made the word crackle; a loathing of the future they’d agreed on in the seemingly distant past filled her with an ache. “I’m not trying to trap you into a lifetime with me.”
He sliced a hand through the air. “I will not let you do this.”
“I am doing it, and it’s not your place to allow or forbid me. I’m pregnant. With your baby. I plan on having it.”
He spun around and stormed to the window overlooking the city beyond. People’s lives were being played out just as always, with no idea their Sheikh’s was falling wildly apart.
“This is a disaster,” he said coldly. “A stupid mistake. I should have known better.”
Violet winced and wrapped her arms around her chest. “I disagree. It’s an accident. We obviously didn’t plan for it. But how can you think our child will be anything but wonderful?”
“I will not watch another woman grow fat with my baby and lose her life to it.”
Understanding and realisation wrapped her heart back together, determinedly stitching it in place. This was not about Violet. It was about Anna. She moved to him quietly, then put a hand on his shoulder.
“What happened to Anna was a terrible, terrible tragedy. There is no reason to think it’s going to happen again.”
He looked down at her, his expression one of implacable rage. “There is every reason. And I am not prepared to risk your life.”
“It’s not yours to risk,” she responded sharply. “And what do you mean? Why do you say there’s ‘every reason’?”
“Pregnancy is dangerous. My baby killed my first wife. Anna had been so confident to the end, so in love with the idea of motherhood.” He swore softly, his eyes tormented. “And I was arrogant. I was careless. She looked so healthy. Just as you do. How was I to know my child was pushing its way through her body, killing her with its activity?”
“No one could have known.” She frowned. “And it has more to do with Anna’s body than it does your baby. We’ll be careful. I’ll submit to whatever monitoring the doctor thinks is necessary. I’ll stay in bed for the rest of the pregnancy if that’s going to help.” She smiled up at him, desperately trying to shift the mood back to one of positivity. “Of course, you might have to keep me company,” she murmured.
He stepped back as though she had slapped him. “No. I will not touch you again. I knew I would break you, and I have.”
“Break me?” Sadness for him continued to swell her heart. “On the contrary, you’ve given me something special.”
He spoke as though she hadn’t. “I will not force you to abort this … disaster. But I will not go near you again while it grows in your body.”
She shivered as the coldness of his words spread over her. The idea of being estranged from her husband was a swirling gulf of sadness. “I want to do this with you.”
“I do not wish to do it at all. I will not play the role of the happy father when I want no part of this child.”
Crash. Her heart shattered once more, like a fine crystal glass being dropped onto tiles. She could visualise the pieces spreading wide across the room, tiny fragments of her pain that would forever reside in this room.
“That’s your choice,” she said finally, her breath burning. “Excuse me.”
He watched her go, walking through his lounge with head bent in thought. It was only as she reached the door that he saw a tear running down her cheek.
* * *
The month leading up to the discovery of her pregnancy had been glorious. Violet had known herself to be in love with Zahir, and she had been spending almost all of her time in his wing of the palace.
Now, alone in her own suite for the first night in a long time, she was chilled to the core. Chilled and unable to revel in the happiness she knew she should be feeling, she sat quietly and sipped her tea, her eyes fixed on the stunning cityscape beyond her balcony. The lights glistened as reflections might against a dark ocean, and the sky overhead seemed to sparkle with glitter.
A baby.
Their baby.
And he had wanted her to abort it. She squeezed her eyes shut against the very idea, her breath shallow, her eyes stinging.
She wasn’t prepared for the knock at her door, but she should have been. She’d stormed out on Zahir earlier that day and he was not a man to be left mid-way through an argument.
The sight of him was like being slapped across the face. So gloriously handsome, but so cold. The face that she’d woken up beside only that day, laughed with in the morning, was now hollowed of all expression.
“May I come in?”
How desperately she wanted that! Only she wanted him to be himself again – to be the man she
’d fallen head over heels in love with. “I… yes. I guess so.”
He followed her into the suite and pushed the door closed. “You are ready for bed?”
She nodded, taking a seat in an armchair and curling her legs beneath her.
He stared at her long and hard and expelled an angry sigh. “You look so young.”
“Stop that,” she snapped. “We’ve dealt with your issues about my age. And they’re completely unfounded.”
He reached for the teapot on the coffee table and topped her cup up before handing it to her.
“Thank you.”
He took the seat opposite and stared at her for a long moment. “I owe you an explanation.”
“I think you owe me more than that,” she said stiffly, gripping the cup with both hands.
His smile was tight. “Yes. An apology also,” he murmured. “We should never have been together that night. Not until I knew you were on birth control. I should have used protection. I failed you, qalil.”
“Please don’t call me that. I can’t bear it.”
“I failed you, Violet,” he amended. “It was my job to protect you. To ensure there were no consequences of this marriage. I should have taken care of this.”
“Stop it. You’re doing it again. You’re infantilising me as though I have no mind of my own. I know how biology works. I knew what could happen. I didn’t care. I was in the moment. As were you. That was one of the best nights of my life,” she whispered seriously. “This isn’t anyone’s fault and it isn’t even something you should be beating yourself up about.” Her voice cracked. “I found out I’m pregnant today. There’s a baby inside of me. Our baby. I want you to be a part of this with me.”
He stood jerkily and walked across the room, staring out at the peach striped sky as the sun dipped behind the high-rises. “I can’t.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke. Violet stared at his back, ramrod straight, wide shoulders, and felt fresh pain wring her soul. “I wish you well, Violet, but this is a marriage and a baby that I did not want.”
She would have buckled over if pride hadn’t held her still.
“I have never wanted it,” he said angrily. “And for this very reason.”
“Because you thought I would fall pregnant?” She prompted, the words smarting.
“Because I didn’t trust myself to care for you as you deserve.”
She dipped her head forward. Her eyes were stinging. “Then start caring for me,” she said simply. “Become a part of this with me. We are married. We are having a baby. You only have to be with me, to stand by me …”
“You forget, Violet, I have done this all before. I have stared at the ultrasound images, imagined the child growing within my wife’s belly. I have imagined my life with a baby, the things I would teach, the sound of laughter as the baby grew to a child and then an adult. I have felt all of this before.”
“But I haven’t,” she said quietly.
“Anna was excited, also. And because I had not yet learned the risks of pregnancy, I joined her in this. We planned our baby’s future each night. When they died, I almost died with them. The loss was impossible to recover from. I haven’t. I won’t. I can’t.”
She felt a sob bubble inside of her. The situation was so impossible. How could she possibly ask him to change his mind? “And if the baby is born healthy?” She prompted. “What then? Will the baby and I live here, separate from you? Or will you then decide it’s safe to admit us into your life? Or will a new fear spring up? Perhaps you will worry then about whether our baby will get sick and die? Or fall and hurt its head? There are no guarantees in life, Zahir. Life is risk.”
He nodded. “You are right, of course.” He spun to face her and there was a hint of challenge in his face; one she didn’t immediately understand. He changed subjects quickly, moving past her arguments as to the risks of life. “In any event, wanted or not, we are married, and you are pregnant. I have failed you to this point, but I will not fail you further.”
A frown pulled at her lips. “What does that mean?”
“I am your husband, and I will not waver from my duty. Your safety is my only priority now, until this baby is born.”
Violet’s eyes feathered shut. “Zahir,” a murmur – a plea.
“No.” The desperation in his voice forced her to open her eyes and look at him. She saw so much emotion in him that she had to swallow a sob. “No,” again, a dark interruption. “I will not make the mistakes I made with Anna. Until this child is freed from your body, you will barely move if the doctor has not allowed it.”
“My goodness,” Violet said with an attempt at lightness in her tone. “Are you turning me into your prisoner now?”
His eyes sparkled. “If that’s what it takes.”
Surprised showed in all of Violet’s features. There was a strength in him that she had always known he possessed, yet he’d treated her so gently, it was hard to comprehend it now. Emotions flying wildly through her body, Violet surprised herself by speaking calmly and with the appearance of logic. “What mistakes did you make with Anna that you want to avoid with me?”
He reeled back infinitesimally but the involuntary gesture spoke volumes. “I was arrogant,” he said finally. “I believed nothing could go wrong. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“You can’t live like that,” she said slowly. “I won’t have the shadow of your past hang over me, and my baby …”
“How can it not?” He demanded with an attempt to control his temper. “You don’t think it’s the first thing everyone will think of when this becomes public? Our servants, my family, the people of Kalastan? Anna and that baby will be all anyone thinks of.”
She shuddered and shook her head, though she imagined he was right. Tears sparkled on her eyelids and she tried to remember that she was strong, that she had a say in her own destiny. “You came here to apologise but all you’re doing is arguing with me.”
It wasn’t what he’d expected. He nodded, his eyes locking to hers. “This is no longer your room. You are to move in with me permanently.”
“I will do no such thing, especially if you are commanding me in such an arrogant, barbaric, rude, intolerable …”
“You will either walk with me, or I will carry you. This choice is yours.”
“Oh, great, so I get a choice,” she snapped, lifting her tear moistened eyes heavenward.
“I want you to have a healthy baby, Violet,” he said quietly. “I am not asking you to do anything that will jeopardise your pregnancy. I am saying … asking … you to let me look after you.” And he paused, because it cost him to beg. “Please.”
She was so tired. The day seemed impossibly long. She thought back to her earlier feelings of happiness as she’d played chess with Adin and reflected on how much she’d adapted to life in Kalastan. And now she was bereft; estranged from that feeling of contentment – undoubtedly forever.
“You can’t watch over me forever. You’re a busy man.”
“As I say, nothing matters now beyond my duty to keep you safe. Understood?”
She didn’t. She couldn’t. But nor did she want to argue with him. Not in that moment, anyway. Violet nodded slowly, her mind working quickly to make sense of the tangle of feelings that were pulling at them. He had lost his wife – a woman he’d loved – and because of a complication with her pregnancy. If Violet’s pregnancy was healthy and she was well, perhaps he would relax? The discovery had surprised them both. Time might cool his arrogant determination to protect her – might quell his belief that only he could keep her safe.
“Okay. I’ll come back to your rooms.” Why did she feel like she’d just agreed to something more significant than it was?
They walked in silence – a silence that spoke volumes. Violet was numb.
When they entered his familiar wing, he continued walking, past the elegant lounge area and into a long, dimly lit corridor. “This will be your room,” he murmured, nodding towards a door.
A frown pulled
at Violet’s lips but she moved towards him without responding. The room was beautiful. As enormous as his own, with a creamy décor and a view of the city that matched the one from Adin’s sick bed. He didn’t want her to share his bed? It was a mortifying realisation, and she was too shy, too embarrassed, to ask the question that was at the front of her mind.
Again, she told herself to be patient. To sleep this day away, and deal with these issues in the morning, when her mind was fresh.
“It’s lovely. Thank you.” Her voice was a husk.
“Did you eat dinner?” He asked, taking a step backwards as she turned to face him.
She noticed the gesture and it seemed to underscore to Violet that her own husband wanted to keep as much physical distance between them as possible. She hadn’t. The tray of curries had looked beautiful but her stomach had been in knots. “I’m not hungry,” she said with an attempt at a smile.
He nodded. “I shall have a light supper sent to your room. Just in case.” He moved deeper into the hallway. “Tomorrow morning, we shall meet with my chief surgeon.”
“Zahir,” she whispered quietly, knowing she needed to say something, to wrest control back into her lap. “It’s still so early. Why don’t we just let a few weeks pass?”
His eyes narrowed. “A meeting with a doctor is hardly unusual. Do not forget that you carry the heir to Kalastan, Violet. This is no ordinary pregnancy.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
There was nothing understated about the earrings. Then again, they went with the gown. And the crown. And the elaborate hairstyle that had taken her attendants hours to arrange. Violet stared at herself with a sense of wonderment. She was a princess.
If she’d had reason to doubt it, then her appearance now absolutely proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
She ran a hand down the front of the dress with its elegant beading, and paused as her fingertips grazed her stomach. It was still flat, but she was only seven weeks along. It would be several weeks at least before physical proof of her pregnancy became apparent.
The Sheikh's Contract Bride: Theirs was an ancient debt, and the time had come to settle it... (The Sheikhs' Brides Book 1) Page 10
