“So, you think that is what happened to…” She nodded toward the body at my feet.
“Yes, and I want to know if there is a way of avoiding that before I deep probe you.”
She nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving her study of the dead man’s face. “Do you suppose he had a family?” she asked.
I looked down at the man then. Now that I studied his face in repose, he looked much younger than my original assessment. He was a young man of twenty, perhaps slightly more. Normally, it would be doubtful he had a wife and children. However, he was part of the Elitists. According to what we knew of them, it was possible he had already married and fathered a child or two. It wasn’t something I was going to explain to Zez though. She didn’t need to know everything.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
She shivered and drew her legs up to her chest. “How do you stand it?” Grief, fear, and a deep sorrow filled her voice. “How can you watch it? He is gone. There is no hope. He entered eternity separate from God and in torment. He no longer has a chance.” Her voice cracked.
Her words pulled at my heart. Faced with the death of a man who intended to kill her, she could only think of his soul. My chest ached with conviction. How callused I have become Lord. Forgive me, Almighty. I have focused on the here and now so long I have forgotten the greater eternity to come.
I sat down next to her. “I haven’t really thought about death that way since the high king’s death, to be honest.”
“He didn’t die peacefully, I heard.”
“As peacefully as I could manage. Still, it wasn’t enough then. I ached for his soul.” I paused, glancing at her. She was pondering it all.
“None of my brothers have chosen the Almighty,” she said after a moment. “I have tried to speak to Renato about Him, but he keeps waving me away. Blan listens, but I don’t know how much he really follows me. His attention span isn’t what it used to be.”
I nodded. Blan would never be the man he used to be. His life, partially stripped from him in his prime, was one of my greatest regrets. Then there was Lorne, and… As my thoughts wandered down my memories of the past two years, my heart grew leaden, and my shoulders pulled down with the invisible weight. Just as I was ready to cry out to the Almighty about the injustice of all that I had seen, Zez spoke.
“I am so thankful that the Almighty has already counted out my days, just like He counted this man’s.”
Something within me balked that she was counting herself equal with the villain before us. Then I remembered the great grace that had been extended to her and me. If not for the grace of the Almighty, I would lay as this man, dead, without hope, in my sin. Thank you, Father.
Renato returned with a crash. "He says we can probe him safely if he lets us in, but he has to have every defense removed, and we cannot go deeper than the outermost layers. He says we should be able to see the suicide switch from there. Plantonio is going to attempt it if you say the word."
I shook my head. "No. Not yet. I want to speak with the prisoner first. Take him to the food wagon, give him a meal, and then let him sleep. Keep him under constant guard until I am ready for him."
Renato nodded. "I will tell Plantonio your orders and then return."
"No. Go with them. The danger is past, and I want a few moments alone."
"Are you sure?" He studied my face.
"Did you ask the captive if he placed a subconscious command in Zez's mind?"
"No." Renato frowned as he looked at Zez. "You mean he got past your defenses?"
"I am not sure," she replied.
"You will need to deep probe her again."
I held up my hand to stop him there. "Go ask the boy."
"But what would stop him from answering dishonestly? It would be better to just…"
I shook my head. "Renato, trust me. Go ask the boy if he planted anything in Zez's head."
He nodded and left, grimacing his disagreement. A moment later, Renato returned. "He says he didn't plant anything. He seems to be under the impression that he attacked you and not her."
I waved him off. "Go get some food and rest. I will find you."
"But…"
"Renato," I said, changing my voice to make it clear that I was making this a command. "Go."
He saluted and left, every line proper and controlled, except his eyes. I knew he was going to demand an answer later. That was fine with me. I would fill him in then. I just wasn't going to do it now.
* * *
Zezilia
The weariness was back. Exhaustion, bone-aching fatigue, emanated from Hadrian’s body. He lowered his face to his hands, drew up his knees, and struggled to center himself again. I prayed for strength for him.
"I am going to have to deep probe you again. I am sorry in advance for any discomfort it is going to cause you." He lifted his face and turned to study me. "I know I wasn't in the best mental state last time. After what has just happened, I am not sure I am any better prepared than I was then."
I nodded. "I understand. I can handle it." I didn't voice my concerns about my own mental state.
He smiled slowly in a way that tugged on something in my middle. "I am sure you will do beautifully. Are you ready?"
"Aren't you going to have Renato come and defend us like last time?"
He shook his head. "I trust you. I am only doing this as a precaution to reassure myself that you are all right. Also, it is a good way to prove our captive's honesty." He turned so that he was facing me. "Take my hands."
I lay my hands in his, and they engulfed mine.
"Close your eyes, and lower your defenses." He had already lowered his chin to his chest as he had done last time.
I could feel his presence, a heady, rich taste, lingering on the edges of my senses. I carefully removed every defense and then tried to calm my thudding heart. It will be just like last time, I told myself.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yes."
His consciousness flooded my senses. I could feel his pain like before, but the sensations were stronger. My head throbbed with his. I could sense each breath, each beat of his heart, and his thoughts were only a flicker next to mine, separated by a gauzy curtain. I don't know which, but one of us gasped before I was abruptly alone again, sitting in silence, experiencing debilitating isolation. A part of myself that I had never known existed was suddenly gone, and tears welled up in its place. I struggled to control the spasms, but I couldn’t.
"It can't be." Hadrian’s voice rasped raggedly across my senses. I lifted my head and opened my eyes to find him looking like I felt. His features ashen, confusion warred with emotion in his dark eyes, and his hands trembled where they lay. I couldn’t recall when he had released my hands, but he had. They lay on my own lap, listless and lost. Oddly, they didn’t feel like my own any more. That piece of my being that had suddenly gone missing was more mine than my hands.
Dropping his head, Hadrian took a deep breath. “There has to be another explanation,” he declared determinedly before suddenly rising to his feet. Pacing the small open space between crates, he muttered to himself. I couldn’t catch any of the words, but a whirlwind of emotions whipped around him. It was so thick, I was afraid to interrupt. Finally, he was still. With eyes closed, he towered above me. I could only guess that he was praying or perhaps thinking.
Meanwhile, my head filled with imagined horrors. Chief of them was the fear that the Elitist really had planted something in my mind that I could not see. I scoured my memory, what little there was of the encounter, to see if he could have done something. In the end, I was certain he had not.
The other option was that he had done something while I was ConPropped, but that was impossible. At least, from all I knew about ConPropping, it was impossible. However, Talents could touch and interact with non-Talent’s thoughts, so perhaps it was possible.
I was about to ask Hadrian about it when a sending came from somewhere nearby. I didn’t catch the taste, but Hadrian�
�s head whipped around. He seemed about to send in reply, but then hesitated and glanced at me.
“Go gather your things,” he commanded as he grabbed the packets of orders. “Pack lightly. We leave in an hour.”
Then, before I could even open my mouth, he was gone, the wagon door swinging in his wake. His presence swiftly retreated from my sphere of detection. As he reached the fringes, he started to send. I couldn’t catch words, but the sending was laced with anger, fear, and an unfamiliar emotion I had no name for.
I suddenly wanted to cry. The desire to weep made no sense. I told myself so. It didn’t stop the tears from filling my eyes. I blinked them back and reached for the scattered supplies from our night’s work. I don’t have time for tears. I have too much to do. Standing up, I straightened my back and determinedly moved to obey Hadrian’s orders. The rest would have to wait.
* * *
Chapter IX
Zezilia
It made no sense. I struggled to keep my eyes open as I stared at Renato’s back roughly twenty feet in front of me. No one was telling me what was happening, and Hadrian was avoiding me as though I had something he could catch by simply looking at me.
Dawn painted the sky a pale gray. The rain had ceased for the moment, but its smell remained, clogging our noses and mouths with moldy moisture. At least we were moving. After a week of sitting in the mud, even riding horses single-file and slapping bugs through a swamp felt good.
Hadrian and Plantonio were in the lead, Renato on their tail, and I on his. Korneli brought up the rear. My head throbbed with the gait of my stallion. Despite all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, I could think of nothing but sleep and how much I needed it. I closed my eyes for a moment only to half fall off my horse. Sleep crept in the cracks between my thoughts, filling the spaces, pressing on my senses, crowding out all other needs, even those as basic as sitting up. If we didn’t stop soon, I would be too exhausted to care if I slipped off the saddle.
“Whoa,” Renato’s voice broke through my hazy thoughts. I jerked upright and blinked down into his face for a long time before it finally came into focus. “Time to make camp.”
“Camp?” I mumbled stupidly. The word rolled around my brain, not catching.
“Where did you pack your bedding?” Renato demanded.
“She is too tired to tell you,” Plantonio replied, appearing at Renato’s side. “Lift her down and put her to bed in my bedroll. I will take care of the horse.”
I was vaguely aware of Renato’s hands, lifting me down. I tried to walk, but he impatiently picked me up and carried me to Plantonio’s bedding. The moment I was laying down, I gave myself over to the oblivion of sleep.
* * *
Hadrian
“How is Zez?” I asked Renato.
"Sleeping. I don't think it would be wise to give her a watch."
"Who said anything about giving her a watch?" Plantonio commented as he joined us. "She has been wearing herself as ragged as the rest of us. In some ways, she has been working harder." He shot a look my way. "Those exercises you have been giving her have been cutting into her sleep time."
"What are you? Her mother?" Renato shoved a stick into the mud at his feet. "I am her brother. I should know what is good for her."
"But you don't," Plantonio replied. "Between the two of you." He gestured at me. "You keep her running from morning until night: ferrum practice, mental exercises, and lessons. Then you…" he pointed at Renato. "…Start on her about helping you out with your duties. She isn't a slave that you can run into the ground, let rest a few hours, and then run into the ground again. She is a girl barely grown. Let up." He swiped the stick from Renato's hand and hurled it into the trees behind us. "You better listen or one of these days she is going to just collapse on you, and then what are you going to do?" Having said his piece, he stalked off to check on the horses.
Renato and I sat in silence. There wasn't even a fire to stare at and pretend to study. Renato picked up a fresh stick and resumed boring a hole in the mud at his feet. "He has a point."
I nodded. I hadn't known that Renato had been making her help with some of his tasks as well. I had seen her working with the Aegypti, participating in the daily tasks of camp life. As I considered my past few assignments, the dictation she took, and all the myriad of things I required of her, I admitted it was too much.
"I will cut down on her studies. What is this about having her help you with tasks?" I leveled an even gaze at my assistant. Renato squirmed slightly. "Am I asking too much of you as well?"
Shaking his head, Renato grimaced. "No more than you require of yourself. I wouldn't ask for less."
"Then why ask Zez?"
He shrugged. "Old habit, I guess. She has always assisted me before. Of course, she has never had her own responsibilities before. It never occurred to me to do otherwise." He glanced at me before returning to his fidgeting. "She is a different girl from the one I grew up with."
"How so?" I was curious. The transition from the timid child of three years ago into the calm, confident young woman I interacted with daily was miraculous to me. Of course, I knew part of the reason for the change, the Almighty's work in her life. However, Renato would not see that as a factor. How would he account for the change?
"Growing up, she was always eager to please. Too eager. As though, if she didn't, we would abandon her." He grimaced. "Perhaps that was because of Father."
"Why?"
"She wasn't a male, the seventh son, the restoration of the family honor. I don't remember it, but Jan told me of the change. With each male birth, father's hope and bragging grew. When mother became pregnant with a seventh child, father began to boast that this one would be a seventh son. No one knew about you then so he was confident this son would be the perfect age to take over the position from Sept Son Neleck. It was a tremendous blow to his pride when the midwife announced the child was a girl. I believe he never forgave Zez for not being a male."
Renato yanked the stick to the side, breaking it off even with the ground. Studying it, he sighed. "Something happened when she left home. She no longer looks like a dejected waif, lost and terrified of being abused."
"The Almighty happened." I watched his face as I said it. My heart reached out. Father, let him hear, listen, and understand.
Renato didn't meet my eyes. Nodding, he reached down and began working the stick back out of the mud. "She mentioned something like that when I asked her about it. I find it hard to believe that simply discovering that there is another god was enough to make her so different."
"But it isn't just that there is another god, Renato. You know that. It is realizing that He is the only God. There are no others. Discovering that He is holy and demands the same of every man and woman alone is daunting."
"Hardly encouraging," he muttered. "No one can live up to that."
"True, but that isn't all. He knows we are not perfect on our own, so He made a way for us to become perfect in his sight. His Son died and rose from the dead to pay for our sins. Once a person accepts that he is imperfect, that he needs the atonement that the Almighty offers, and that the Almighty has every right to his life, he can accept the Son's gift. From that moment on, he becomes the Almighty's."
Renato was silent as he worked at the stick. Without the leverage of the long length, it was easier putting it into the ground than getting it out. "Sounds like a bigger commitment than giving oneself to the goddess."
I nodded. "It is, but it is worth it."
"Maybe for you." The branch came free. Renato flung it out into the darkness. After a short pause, he asked, "So, what time do we move forward?"
"Evening, when the light fades."
He grunted and rose to his feet. "Tell Plantonio that I will take the last watch if it is alright with you two. I am going to bed."
"Sleep well," I replied.
Renato lumbered away into the shadows in the direction of the horses.
I planted the seed, Father. Please see
fit to make it grow. Even as the words crossed my thoughts, another more pressing matter shoved itself forward. I had been avoiding it since my last probe into Zez's thoughts. There were other more pressing matters, I reminded myself, but the excuse fell flat.
"Hey, where did the others go?" Korneli asked as he dropped to the ground beside me. "I ran into Plantonio, and he gave me the first watch and then grumbled off toward the horses. I haven't seen the others."
"Renato just headed to bed, and Zez was asleep before she left her horse."
"Speaking of the girl, have you noticed that she is looking a bit ragged…"
I cut him off with a bat of my hand. "Don't you start, too."
He grunted. "Plantonio?"
"Yes. An earful."
He nodded, his outline barely visible in the growing light. "He was muttering something about Zez."
"It seems that she has found the soft spot in his heart."
"She reminds him of his sister."
I nodded. As the silence stretched between us, I could feel Korneli's gaze on my face, asking a question I didn't want to answer. My bones ached, and something in my middle was strung as tight as a bow string. Now was not the time to discuss anything serious. I rubbed my eyes and stifled a yawn, hoping Korneli would take a hint.
“What is going on between you and Zez?”
I groaned. “Now is not the time.”
“No,” he replied firmly. “I need to know now. There is some connection between you. I can sense it. That and you have been acting strange ever since that last attempt on your life. You can’t carry everything alone, and I know you don’t trust that assistant of yours with your inner struggles. So, you either tell me or I am going to pester you until you do.”
The Defender Page 10
