by Sj Hooks
“I’d like that,” she said.
“I really do want to be more adventurous,” I assured her. “And I did like being in control. I think it was just all too much at once, and when I couldn’t do what I’d set out to do, I got angry. I’m sorry I yelled.”
“That’s OK. Just promise me you’ll talk to me next time?”
“I promise.”
Falling back on the bed, I blew a raspberry.
“This isn’t how I thought the night would turn out.”
“It doesn’t have to be over yet,” Julia said, turning toward me.
She started unbuttoning my shirt and soon I was as naked as she was. Everything that followed was as easy as breathing now that I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t. Julia accepted me for who I was—even when I did stupid things like fall off the bed during sex and make a complete fool of myself, which was pretty much my worst nightmare come true. Making love with her, I could be myself, and that was more than enough for both of us.
Chapter 8
I sighed contentedly as Julia stirred next to me.
"Mmm, just give me fifteen more minutes, sweetheart," I mumbled. "Then I'll make love to you again."
She chuckled and I cracked one eye open to look at her. She was smiling lazily and her hair was in wild disarray.
"I need a break," she said, grinning. "Don't you?"
I laughed and nodded. I was actually a little relieved that she didn't want sex right at this very moment because, honestly, I was pretty worn out.
Julia’s exams were finally over and, just as she promised, she had pretty much kept me in bed for the last two days. We had made love, eaten lots of takeout, slept in each other's arms, talked for hours, and watched movies. All while completely naked. The whole experience was obviously a first for me, but I was thrilled to learn that it was also new for her.
“C’mere,” I said, pulling her back into my arms. “You’re too far away.”
“Mmm. This is so nice,” she sighed. “I never knew it could be like this.”
“Like what?”
“Just…being, you know. Being here together and being happy. No fighting or anything.”
“Why would we fight?” I asked, stroking her naked back. “That one time was enough.”
“What time?”
“When I tried organizing your stuff,” I reminded her.
“Oh. You think of that as a fight?”
“Our first couple’s fight,” I said.
She laughed. “You almost sound proud.”
I nodded. "I've never had a girlfriend before and…I don't know. Even the thought of having a lover's spat makes me happy," I admitted.
"I'll go harder on you next time, then," she teased. “I don’t think that qualifies as a fight. But then again my frame of reference is probably different from yours."
I rolled over on my side to face her. "What do you mean?"
"Well, seeing how the last fight I was in with a boyfriend consisted of me screaming at him to get off some skanky French girl while throwing stuff at both of them, it takes more than a little disagreement or misunderstanding for me to think of it as a fight."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah," she mumbled, purposely avoiding my eyes.
"That's awful," I whispered. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. That you had to see that."
I couldn't fathom what that must have been like. I tried to imagine myself walking in on Julia and another man but pushed the thought away immediately. It would never happen—Julia hated infidelity, and now I understood why. I hated it as well, but in a much more abstract way since it had never happened to me. At least the women I had dated in the past had decided to stop seeing me once they realized that I was bad in bed.
No, that's not true.
Julia made me believe differently. I was a good lover; I just needed the right partner. I’d been a late bloomer and all the sexual experience that most men gained in their teens and twenties I was just beginning to obtain now. It was as if it was always meant to be Julia who would awaken my desires.
"I'm so sorry," I repeated. "I will never do that to you. You know that, right?"
She nodded and smiled.
"I know you wouldn't. You’re nothing like him—you’re a good person.”
“So are you.”
“I’m not so sure,” she told me. “I feel sort of guilty. I mean, I just lost Pop. I shouldn’t be this happy so soon, should I?”
“It’s what he’d want for you, isn’t it?” I asked carefully.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I guess you’re right.” She looked up at me. “I’m scared this will all go away. I’m scared I’ll screw this up somehow.”
“You couldn’t possibly,” I assured her.
“You don’t know that,” she whispered, pressing her lips together.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Please.” I leaned in, giving her a kiss. And then two more. “You know how I feel about you.”
She nodded.
“I know this is considered hubris,” I continued. “But nothing bad is going to happen. We’re together now, really together, and that means something to me. It means everything to me. And I know we can handle anything, as long as we’re together.”
“I do too. I’m sorry I’m spoiling it. I’m not used to things being this good.”
“Well, get used to it,” I said, kissing her again.
She draped her arms around me, pressing herself against me.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I smiled, closing my eyes, holding her as she slowly relaxed in my embrace and fell asleep. She’d been killing herself preparing for exams, and it was no wonder she was still tired and also emotional. She had hardly mentioned her grandfather’s passing since her first day here and I was glad she was finally talking about him again.
I drifted a little, too alert to join her in slumber just yet but too content to consider getting up. I had no idea what time it was and both of us had silenced our phones. For the last couple of days, it had just been us and I had loved every second of it. Of course, I knew that eventually we would need to return to the world outside, but I was in no hurry.
Everything we did together seemed like magic. Even when we disagreed on something it didn't take away the euphoria I felt. The only gray cloud in our otherwise blue sky was the fact that we hadn't discussed what would happen when our hiatus from the real world was over. We had only agreed that Julia should stay with me while taking her finals, and now they were done. I didn't want her to leave, but I was avoiding the conversation for fear that she would tell me she was returning to her own apartment. Logically, I knew that it was probably too soon for her to move in with me. We hadn't been together very long and we still hadn't even taken our relationship public.
I held her tighter to me. The thought of only seeing her a few nights a week made my heart ache. I wanted her here all the time. I was being greedy and I didn't even care. I had waited my whole life to find her and now that I had, I didn't want to let her go again. I had no idea what Julia was thinking, because I was too cowardly to ask her. A completely irrational part of me was hoping that if I didn't mention anything, she would just stay and that would be it.
Irrational? Delusional is more like it.
I moved us slightly, rolling her over onto her back to look at her as she slept.
“I love you, sweetheart,” I whispered, brushing her hair back so that I could kiss her. “Do you know?”
Julia stirred, scrunching her nose before smiling in her sleep.
“I hope you do,” I continued, outlining the contours of her face with the tips of my fingers. “I hope you know how much you’ve changed my life. I never thought I could be this happy.”
I knew I should let her sleep a bit more, but I couldn’t help kissing her again. First her lips, then her neck, then lower still. Using my lips and tongue, I teased her nipples into hard peaks and moved my hand down, surprised to find her wet already. She didn’t need much
of a break, after all, and neither did I.
I looked up, but her eyes were still closed. Slowly, I descended, parting her legs and putting my mouth on her, moaning softly as the taste of her hit my tongue. A few months ago, I never would have imagined finding myself in this position, let alone being good at it, but now it came easily to me. I worshipped her with slow kisses and teasing little flicks of my tongue until I felt her fingers in my hair pulling me even closer, and I stayed there until she came, gasping and trembling, holding me captive between her strong thighs.
The moment she released me, I pounced, claiming her with a powerful thrust, taking charge the way she liked it. The way I liked it, too, if I were being completely honest. I still had a ways to go before I’d be able to use those toys underneath the bed, but considering how far I’d come already, I felt confident I would get there some day. And even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t change a thing between us. Julia wanted me and it was exactly that knowledge that made me secure enough to try out different things.
“You like this?” I panted, pinning her wrists above her head using one hand.
Julia moaned, nodding. I moved faster. Harder.
“And this?” I demanded, grabbing her hair to pull her head back. “You like being fucked like this?”
“Oh, oh, God!”
Yes.
I didn’t stop until she came again, wailing out in ecstasy. We collapsed on the bed, both of us sweating and heaving for air.
“Wow,” she finally said, laughing.
“Good?”
“I think you already know the answer to that.”
I smiled, lifting my head to give her a kiss.
* * *
The hours drifted away on a sea of love and lust until reality came knocking, rather loudly, the following morning.
"We know she's in there!" Megan yelled through the door. "Just let Jules out and no one gets hurt!"
"I guess the break's over," Julia said with a grin as she started pulling on some clothes.
We had been sleeping peacefully just five minutes before her friends descended upon us, determined to yank Julia out of my arms. I wanted to be selfish and ask them to leave but I knew I couldn't do that. We had been holed up for days, and it was only natural that her friends would be missing her. I sighed and quickly put on a pair of pants before going out to answer the door. I didn't want my neighbors to think that I was keeping Julia here against her will and it could certainly be interpreted that way from what Megan was yelling.
"I'm coming, I’m coming. Calm down," I grumbled, opening the door.
The girls grinned as they brushed past me.
"Well, hello, abs," Sophia laughed, patting my stomach.
I blushed when I realized that I hadn't bothered putting on a shirt. After spending the last few days completely naked except when I answered the door to get takeout, my clothes suddenly seemed restrictive and uncomfortable.
Julia and I should definitely be naked more of the time.
"All right, where is she?" Megan demanded.
"She's getting dressed," I sighed despondently. "She'll be out in a minute."
"Oh, relax already. You look like we're going to steal her away from you forever."
I knew that I was acting petulantly, but I just couldn't find the will to care. They were taking my Julia away, damn it!
Jesus, I sound like a kid who’s had his favorite toy confiscated.
Well, in truth I really wasn't done "playing" with her. I'll never get enough. God, I wish I had the courage to ask her to move in with me.
But my mind was still functioning well enough for me to realize just how risky something like that would be. There was no telling how Julia would react to such an offer, and the last thing I wanted was to inadvertently push her away. Things had never been better between us and maybe she needed a little time with her friends, just as they needed her.
"Hey girls, where's the fire?" Julia asked as she walked out of the bedroom, fully dressed.
"In your pants, apparently," Megan quipped. "This place reeks of sex."
Julia laughed, wrapping her arms around my waist. I could certainly understand why Megan would say something like that. Julia and I had made love on every available surface and we hadn't exactly bothered to let any fresh air in. In fact, the entire apartment bore witness to our lazy days—it was an utter mess. I looked around at the dirty dishes on the table, takeout boxes, and empty ice cream containers, which would normally send me into a cleaning frenzy. Then I gazed at the beautiful girl by my side smiling up at me and thought about the last four days we had spent together. There was no doubt in my mind.
It was worth it. Completely worth it.
I returned the smile and Julia stood up on her toes, reaching for me. Our lips met and soon we were sharing a passionate kiss.
"Oh, Christ!" Megan groaned. "Haven't you had enough?"
Never.
I ignored our guests and kissed my girl until we were breathless.
"I miss Shawn," Sophia pouted after we finally broke apart. "Maybe we should just let them be and then we can go back to the guys?"
Excellent idea! I knew I liked you for a reason, Sophia. You just mosey on out of here and I'll take good care of Julia. We'll see you in September. Buh-bye!
"No!" Megan growled. "When the hell did you turn into one of those girls? The ones who can’t go one day without seeing their boyfriends? We used to make fun of girls like that, remember?"
"Sorry," Sophia muttered.
"Yeah. Sorry, Meg," Julia mumbled, letting go of me.
"That's better," Megan said with a smile. "Besides, don't you need to go shopping for a certain important event on Saturday, Jules?"
What event?
"God, you're right! How could I forget the garden party? Yeah, shopping. Definitely."
Oh my God!
They were referring to my parents' Fourth of July party this weekend, which would also be our "coming-out" party, so to speak. Immediately, I felt nervous. It had completely slipped my mind as well.
"I just need to swing by my place first for a shower and some clean clothes," Julia said as she started gathering her things. My heart sank. She was really leaving now.
"Um, we'll wait outside," Sophia said. "It was nice seeing you again, Stephen."
I gave her a watery smile and Megan a quick wave good-bye before they walked out the door. A few minutes later, Julia had finished packing. She glanced at me, shifting her weight.
"So…I guess I should get going."
"Yeah, I guess so," I replied. All of a sudden, things felt incredibly awkward between us and I didn't like it one bit.
"Thank you so much for letting me stay here," she said. "I hope I didn't make too much of a mess."
"Of course not. I loved every second of it," I whispered, feeling my chest tighten.
"I did too.”
I couldn't take the distance between us anymore and pulled her into my arms before crashing my lips against hers in a searing kiss. I groaned when she sucked on my tongue and picked her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist. Unlike the other times I had done this, I didn't push her up against the wall and grind against her. This wasn't about sex. It was about the fact that I simply couldn't get close enough to her. I held her tighter and kissed her as if my life depended on it—and in some ways it did.
I didn't want everything to change when Julia left my apartment. I wanted us to continue what we had started when she came here to stay with me, and I was worried what might happen once she left. Would she still be my girlfriend or would she change her mind once she remembered how many other choices were out there?
No, don't think that way. Julia loves you. She told you, remember?
It was the truth, but I was still scared. I had finally found love and happiness, and I was deathly afraid that it would somehow slip through my fingers if I didn't have her with me all of the time.
"Please," I whispered against her lips. I set her down but kept her body pressed against
mine as I cupped her face in my hands and made her look up at me.
"Please," I begged her again, unable to voice my emotions.
Please love me forever, Julia. I can't imagine my life without you. No, that's not true. I can imagine it because it was the same lifeless existence I had before I met you, and I never want to go back.
She took one of my hands and placed it over her rapidly beating heart.
"Stephen, I—" She struggled with herself for a few seconds, her gaze holding mine. I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes and silenced her with a gentle kiss. Julia wasn't ready to say the words and that was fine with me. The fact that she wanted to was plenty.
"I'm sorry," she said in a defeated voice.
"Don't be," I said immediately, placing her hand over my heart as well.
She looked up at me.
"I know how you feel about me," I whispered. "I feel it too."
She nodded and threw her arms around my neck. We held each other until we were broken apart by a car horn honking outside. Julia laughed and shook her head.
"I guess they're impatient," she said. "In all fairness, I’ve never gone this long without seeing them."
This time it was my turn to nod. I refused to say good-bye to her. I couldn't get myself to say the actual words. She picked up her bags and I reached out to help carry them to the car.
"No," she protested softly. "Can we say good-bye here?"
"Not good-bye," I implored her.
"You're right. Not good-bye," she said seriously. "See you later?"
I nodded again. That worked much better.
"See you later," I whispered.
“I'll miss you."
"Me too," I mumbled.
And then she left. I sighed and leaned up against the closed door, wishing that I had asked her to stay with me for at least a little while longer. After taking a few seconds to compose myself, I started to clean up. When the apartment was spotless once more, I searched the couch cushions and found my phone. I was happy to see that I had a missed call from my brother and a recent text asking me if I wanted to work out now that I was a free man again. Obviously he knew about Megan and Sophia's plan to collect Julia, and I was glad for the distraction. I messaged him that I was up for the gym and whatever else he wanted. The last thing I needed today was to hang around my empty apartment.
